Jalopnik
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buckle up
Girls In Seat Belts Fetish: Equal Parts Creepy, Hot
As far as fetishes go, girls in seat belts makes sense to us, it's also probably one of the safest. All we know is, we bet you'll never look at a seat belt the same way after this NSFW mega-gallery. More » -
dragons
My Car Is My Lover: Dragons Get Documentary
Ever needed the whole Dragons thing explained in an hour-long documentary? Yeah, us neither, but England's Channel 5 has done just that with "My Car Is My Lover." NSFW More »
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By Wes SilerComment by .357: I hope I'm not the FIRST one to comment on how weird this is. 23 Responses | Other threads
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LOLCars
UPDATE: Michigan Car Wash Vacuum Molester Gets 90 Days In Jail
Remember when a Michigan man was arrested after police caught him making sexy time with a car wash vacuum cleaner? Well his name is Jason LeRoy Savage and he just got 90 days in jail. More »
5,131
By Ben WojdylaComment by Daniel Horney: I used to work with a guy whose sister worked in an emergency room. I guess they have all sorts... 10 Responses | Other threads
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dragons
Have You Ever Wondered Where SUVs Come From?
If you were one of the 12 people who watched "Southland Tales" then you know what's coming: a pair of SUVs. Literally. And yes, it's NSFW. More »
17,328
By Wes SilerComment by Ellomdian: The movie was fantastic. You just have to watch it 2-3 times. 5 Responses | Other threads
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offbeat news
Police Arrest Michigan Man For Car Wash Vacuum Sexy-Time
On October 18th, Police apprehended an unnamed Michigan man in the act of coitus with his chosen mistress of the night, a car wash vacuum cleaner. Police were alerted to the unnatural activities by eye witnesses and approached on foot around 6:45 AM finding the man in the act, disturbing as that thought might be. When commenting on the situation, Sgt. Gary Breidinger said "I've seen some strange things, but this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard." We're wondering how many quarters that kind of thing costs. [AP]
4,460
By Ben WojdylaComment by Ash78: J. Edgar the Hoover is on the case! /he's the one on the left in the pic 4 Responses | Other threads
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novelties
Drunk Man Arrested For Having Sex With Chevy Blazer
We've seen a lot of deviance associated with the sexualization of the automobile, whether it be dragons getting busy with cars to their own theme song, or British mechanics shagging tail pipes while dressed in ladies frillies. We've even told you how to make an SIU (Sexual Interface Unit). But until now, we've never actually seen anyone having sex with a car. Well, mark that one off the list, as this incredibly drunk bloke goes to town on the front end of a Chevy Blazer. We're not even sure what the heck he's doing up there, but he sure seems to enjoy it. So do the cops. Thankfully grainy but NSFW video after the jump — have an eyewash station nearby. [Youtube]
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By Ben WojdylaComment by layabout returns: The guy's an idiot!,he wasted his time on that when there was an orgy around the corner..... 5 Responses | Other threads
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how to have sex in a car
How To Have Sex In A Car: A Video Guide
Our new favorite website, Howcast, takes on a how-to every parent dreads and every teenager delights in — how to have sex in a car. While we like to think nature taking its course would tend to work out most of the mechanics of the situation, there are some useful tips for the novice and pro alike. We especially like the tongue-in-cheek background images they managed to sneak into the cleverly produced short. Remember kids, don't do anything we wouldn't do. Not safe for work if your coworkers look down on the showing of a little leg, the word "sex" or you're a practicing Catholic who goes into convulsions at the sight of condoms spilling from a glove box. More »
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By Ben WojdylaComment by scoobie: @civicdrivr: I see both of you and raise you an '89 CRX. Fold? 1 Responses | Other threads
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7,823
By Ben WojdylaComment by tek_nic: Im a bit lisdexic from time to time. Before I read even one word of this post's body I saw... more » | Other threads
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offbeat news
Sex With Cars All The Rage In Scotland
It must be car sex day around these parts because now another dragon has surfaced in Scotland. An 18-year-old is being accused of running around his Crannog Way, Kilwinning neighborhood naked and humping every vehicle in sight. Callum Ainsworth, the dragon in question, has denied the accusations and will face a trial this summer on charges of public indecency. Let's just hope he went for the tailpipe like any professional car-humper, rather than compromising the integrity of the car's body work. (Thanks, Vanessa) [Irvine Times via BB] (Image via Getty)
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Comment by LandofMinos, I took the O out of Cuntry: Dracovehiculicoitus: The act of Dragons who fuck cars Dracovehiculiphile: Our Scotch friend if he was a dragon more » | Other threads
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novelties
Car Fuckers Documented by Channel 5, Horseman Number 4 Also Spotted
There's not enough time in the world for the image of British mechanic Chris Donald with his hoo hoo in a cars tailpipe to fade, there are just some things you can't unsee. After the car sex aficionado scarred out fragile little minds, we assumed it was the last we'd see of that little proclivity, turns out Channel 5 isn't going to let that dead dog lie. Nope, instead they're making a documentary set to air on Channel 5 detailing the lives of two-self proclaimed "mechaphiles." Jesus, they've named it. The end of the world is nigh. (Thanks (?) for the tip Larry) [Read more at TVThrong, video from Youtube]
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By Ben WojdylaComment by Edwardlion: We stayed one night. It was a wonderful experience for Vanilla and I. Then we headed south to Highway One at... more » | Other threads
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novelties
Google Streetview, Now Mapping Boobs
While Google Streetview is a clever step towards total information awareness, actually doing the driving for the project has got to be mind numbingly boring. Our eyes tend to start glazing over after about 15 minutes of suburban driving, so thousands of miles through Homewood, Illinois could qualify as a ring of hell. Unless, that is, lithe young ladies start flashing skin at you. While our heroine isn't captured in all her glory, we're hoping the Googlestooge at the helm managed to get an eyeful, making it his best day at the office ever. (A tip o' the hat to Charlie) [Google Streeview via Gawker]
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By Ben WojdylaComment by Novaload Misses Murilee: So it's "May Street" -- she may...or she may not. more » | Other threads
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max mosley
F1 Teams Plan To Avoid Mosley In Monaco
Drivers, team bosses and senior executives from major sponsors are making elaborate plans to avoid meeting or being photographed with Max Mosley during the Monaco Grand Prix. The May 25th race will be the first Mosley will attend since the Max Mosley Sex Video leaked. According to The Times, some teams are even going as far as employing scouts to keep them informed of Mosley's location and movements. More »
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By Wes SilerComment by joneez is wearing green for FOTA: @petersterncan: My issue is not about the hookers, I'm all for that, I've visited a few myself. My problem is... more » | Other threads
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max mosley
McLaren Boss Ron Dennis Denies Setting Up Max Mosley
Ron Dennis has denied allegations that he was responsible for setting up the Max Mosley sex video scandal. It has been suggested that McLaren may have facilitated the News of the World investigation in response to the $100 million fine they received from FIA last year. More » -
advertising
Aston Martin Turns Mom To MILF, Who Knew?
Aston Martin decided to take a classy route with its latest print advertising campaign for the V8 Vantage. I've been known to be a connoisseur of all things mom, MILF and cougar-like, so I naturally give this advertisement a bold thumbs-up. But I have a feeling those parent-y types out there may have a problem with little Timmy being exposed to advertisements that so blatantly throw around the MILF acronym. Click below to see the advertisement in its full size. More »
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Comment by J-2-da-B: great ad... i always loved astons, & now i have a new reason to do so! oh, & i also love... more » | Other threads
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gadgets
Callme Prism Displays Your Phone Number In The Window
What only can be assumed is a device to pick up ladies on the interstate, the Callme Prism is a small LCD display that can attach to a windshield and display up to 10 different phone numbers. This is great for those times that you want to snag some highway lovin'. But if youj're on the receiving end of that amorous messaging, do you really want to be dating someone who owns a device that's sole purpose is to display a phone number to the world? More »
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Comment by Turboner: @TurboBrick: Q: Can you drive a 16p nail through a 2x4 with your penis? A: Not right now. more » | Other threads
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novelties
Penis Car Is Something To Get Excited About
Excited? Get it? It's because it's an erect penis! This moderately NSFW clip involves a young chap, two ladies and one hell of an unfortunately sub-compact penis car capable of becoming aroused. I'll have to admit, I was mildly surprised by the uncircumcised nature of the penis car. When modifying a car to look like a penis is the religious or cultural nature of the family taken into consideration? [Via]
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Comment by TKWarrior: What's with all the penis jokes? All I saw was a guy driving a vette..... more » | Other threads
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gadgets
NUDAR Turns Your GPS Into A Boobie Finder
GPS Navigation has been around for quite a few years and it's a damn shame that it has taken this long for a NUDAR to come around. NUDAR is a company compiling a GPS point-of-interest file capable of directing an individual to any establishment that would provide nudity, such as (and most popularly) strip clubs, but also including nude beaches, resorts, festivals,dragons, events and more. More »
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Comment by Deartháir - Now with more Unemployment™!: GEEZ, those are nice! ... Oh come on, you were all thinking it, somebody had to say it. more » | Other threads
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gadgets
Auto Suck, The 12V DC Electric Blowjob Machine
I need to calm down for a second. The potential for this post is mind boggling—snow dicks, dragons and more! I'll just get right to the facts—this 12V-powered device runs off a car's cigarette lighter (or 12V outlet, if you don't happen to be driving around in a old Lincoln), looks like a pair of lips, fits around your willy, and sucks, period. It's available for $38 and would make a great Valentine's Day gift, to yourself, of course. Still doubting its ability? Check out the review. More » -
novelties
What's a Snowdickfor?
Fer putting in the back of your truck of course. We didn't really know how to handle this suggestively shaped 7 foot tall snow sculpture in the back of this GM pickup. We went for tact and made sure it was pseudo-worksafe above the fold, but below we have it flopped out being displayed in all its glory. How far are we willing to go to bring you the offbeat and the weird? Truck nuts indeed. More »
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By Ben WojdylaComment by groovyipo: Little girl: Mom, is that a rocket? Mom: yes it is. But unlike a rocket, this one lasts only 10 seconds. more » | Other threads
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novelties
"Carma Sutra" Helps Do The Uncanny: Sex In A Car (Sans Dragons)
Valentine's Day is coming up, and if you are anything like me, you've found yourself in peculiar situations where getting a room simply isn't an option. Carma Sutra (yuk, yuk) looks to solve that problem, or at least attempt to. We've seen a similar guide with the Haynes Sex Manual, but if you're looking to get truly adventurous in the confines of your vehicle, Carma Sutra is the only way to go. More »
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Comment by Agata: YEAH! I've bought this one in the nearest sex toys shop...And what? This guide is useful for those of... more » | Other threads
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offbeat news
Couple Busted in Car While "Testing 58 Erection Pills"
Everybody is guilty of the occasional in-car hanky panky, but a couple in The Hague, Netherlands has raised the bar. When confronted by officers suspicious of the fogged up windows (and rocking motion) the nude occupants offered a surprising excuse for their state - they claimed to be merely researching the effects of 58 erection pills. What?! Simultaneously? Sequentially? In one sitting? The 53 year old fellow and his 19 year old test volunteer almost got away with it, but the fuzz found some marijuana on the guy and summarily arrested him (out of jealousy). [Expatica.com]
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By Ben WojdylaComment by ecobore: Why on earth would they get arrested for marijuana in HOLLAND!? more » | Other threads
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novelties
Haynes Now Offers Shop Manual For Sex!
As some of you may remember from all the talk about the Driveshaft Through The Skull warning symbol, I'm a technical writer by trade. That means that I'm sort of a snob when it comes to automotive repair books; if I'm going to use a book to tell me that how to fix a car, by God, it's going to be the factory-issued shop manual (pounds fist on table) or nothing! None of these Chilton or Haynes or other quasi-generic guides will receive my greasy thumbprints on their pages! But UK-based Haynes now has a shop manual that leaves the car manufacturers' books in the dust: The Haynes Sex Manual! Not only does it provide step-by-step how-tos (including, we hope, the guide to the best positions to use when steaming up the windows of a Reliant Robin), but you even get handy troubleshooting flowcharts! Thanks to LTDScott for the tip! [Haynes] -
ewww
Dragons Having Sex with Cars
We've seen some pretty strange fetishes online, but this one takes the cake. It also wins points for doing exactly what it says on the tin, in very graphic detail. You really don't want to open this link at work, home or anywhere else, so don't say we didn't warn you. Dragon Heart will never be the same to us again. Don't click here
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By Wes SilerComment by pjsammy: thats messed up. There was a SNL skit probably 8-9 years ago like this. Chris Parnell makes love... 1 Responses | Other threads
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here, in my van...
Strippers! Hobos! Vans! Hobo Stripper!
Generally, when we think of strippers, we tend to think back to fall nights in Las Vegas surrounded by girls "working their way through college." But we've also known some very sharp and interesting women who've plied the trade for a time. Add another to the list. Stripper Hobo is Tara, an itinerant exotic dancer who lives out of a Chevrolet Astro with her dog. As one might expect, she's also somewhat of a hippie. We spent an hour stumbling around her blog this morning, taking in stories on everything from swapping a water pump to Alaskan hippie buses to picking the right club to work at. And don't worry, it's work-safe. Well, except for the ass-cleavage on the lead post. [Hobo Stripper] -
get your motor runnin
Sex With Cars: A Tutorial
Here at Jalopnik, we really love cars. We just don't really love cars, if you get our drift. But, that doesn't make us want to discriminate against those that do. With the aim of increasing public awareness and improving garage safety we're pasting below a guide on 4-wheeled luvin', including the construction of a Sexual Interface Unit. This is seriously not safe for work. More » -
stop means stop
South Dakota Man Arrested for Sex with Street Signs
Sioux Falls police arrested 60-year old Verle Peter Dills on Tuesday after he was caught performing an unnamed sex act in another resident's yard. The Argus Leader reports that while searching his home, police uncovered a "large amount" of video showing Dills masturbating to and having sex with various traffic signs. Dills is charged with burglary, unlawful occupancy and six separate acts of public indecency. More » -
wir fahren mit dem boobs
German Bus Driver Can't Handle Cleavage
Score one for precise, youthful German cleavage in the game to drive men to distraction. Apparently, a twenty-year-old German sales clerk had cleavage so amazingly wonderful that it the driver to stop a Lindau bus and demand that she move, shouting "Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus." Ah, the joys of surly public transit officials. [Reuters]
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Comment by RoninianHoon: @JayP71: My 1st week out with my license I was driving by UC to "joyride"... I noticed that all three... more » | Other threads
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bdsm in oregon
Phallic Traffic Posts Under Scrutiny
An Oregon town is considering fitting its bollards with chains, piercings and prophylactics after residents complained of their phallic nature. The plan was cooked up by Keizer officials in an attempt to save money, replacing the controversial cement posts would cost an additional $20,000. No word yet on whether Tobias "Leather Daddy" Fünke is the town's Traffic Consultant. More »
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By Wes SilerComment by lascauxcaveman: Funny that story is on the KOMO-TV website. When I worked at KOMO-TV back in the 80's those are... more » | Other threads
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a bit of how's your father's oldsmobile
British In-Car Shagging Up Since February
In the words of Samuel Clemens, "There are lies, damned lies and statistics." Last February we learned that — according to an AA Personal Loans poll — 1/3 of Britons have had sex in their motorcars. Now, according to another survey by rental agency Holiday Autos, that number is 58%! Have things changed that much in Blighty in less than six months? Are Brits more likely to be frank about their sex lives with a rent-a-car company than a banking organisation? And where is Durand Durand, anyway? More »
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Comment by flow: I can't believe they made a wagon/estate version of the Kitten. Only 260 pounds more! more » | Other threads
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classic ad watch
Volvo: So Safe You Don't Bother With Coitus Interruptus!
So you're gettin' some in your Volvo wagon, which you've parked in some haunted Ingmar Bergmanesque Swedish woods on a side road off a busy highway, and for some reason you've left the car in neutral with the parking brake off. Here comes this psycho bastid and... well, we don't want to spoil it for you. According to the YouTube description, this is adman Fredrik Bond's first spec commercial. More »
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Comment by RocketScientist loves the edit button!: looks like the inspiration for Crash more » | Other threads
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news: weird
Spanish Bombs: Cops Play 'Hide the Nightstick' in Cars, Public Incensed
Residents of the Spanish burg of Santiago del Teide are in a tizzy over law-enforcement agents making with the sexual action in patrol cars while on duty. Apparently, these officers enjoy the protection of the mayor, while other cops feel left out on the cold; reprimanded and punished for arriving late for work. According to the regional independent police union, there's little chance of change, as the mayor's got plenty of family in town, which means many votes in the upcoming elections. If Tom of Finland were still alive, we're sure he'd be on a plane for Spain right now — even in the rain. More »
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Comment by lascauxcaveman: Ups for getting the Clash and "My Fair Lady" refs into the same post. more » | Other threads
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weird news
Sex With Wheels: British Mechanic Shags Cars
Our tagline, "Jalopnik loves cars. Secret cars, concept cars, flying cars, vintage cars, tricked-out cars, red cars, black cars, blonde cars — sometimes, cars just because of the curve of a hood," obviously has some measure of sexual connotation to it. In fact, we once attempted to get a photo of one of Los Jalops simulating an auto union of flesh, aluminum und shteel with the car for our wives at the Audi R8 press intro. Sadly, too much pink sparkling wine was involved and the image was unusable. But UK mechanic Chris Donald loves him some man-on-car action. More » -
news
La Dolce Vita in the Backseat of My Car: Third of Britons Shag in Vehicles
According to the United Kingdom's AA Personal Loans' latest survey, 34 percent of UK motorists have have admitted to making the beast with two backs in their mechanized beasts of burden. What's more, the over-50 set seems to have the most experience in such matters, with 31 percent of the demo surveyed owning up to playing hide-the-something-or-other-in-some-place-or-another, while 35 percent of the sample admit to what's presumably a game of "Guess Which Knuckle?" We wonder how much of the action has taken place in custom Ford Transits and/or Bedford Rascals. Happy Valentimes, kids! More »
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Comment by lascauxcaveman: Well, Stick, it was my girlfriend's car, and yeah, 5' 2", 105, she was a pretty small ride now that... more » | Other threads
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news
Study Kicks Men in the Groin: Women Are Better Drivers
Turns out the soccer mom in the 6,000 lbs SUV cutting you off on the way to work is actually the safest driver on the road. Especially on Wednesdays. In February. In Boston. Before you scream, we know the press still thinks "skill" and "safe" are synonyms. But here's the big news; men are 77% more likely to die in an accident than women given the same number of miles driven. Why? According the study's author, "men do stupider things." Which is sort of like announcing that water is wet. Also noteworthy, if you are a 21 to 24-year-old male and a ride a motorcycle between midnight and 4:00 am, you are 45,000 times more likely to die than an average driver. We recommend you start smoking. More »
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Comment by nutbastard: Lets get this over with: The WORST driver is a: 60 year old vietnamese woman who got to the states 3 months... more » | Other threads
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commentary
The Perils of Road Head as Depicted on Celluloid
The words "I'll trade you a blowjob for a ride home," will always ring in our mind as one of the ultimate teenage rites of passage. Add the incongruity of a goth chick and an El Camino, and the source of our passion for all things truckcar and brunettes in interesting stockings becomes rather abundantly clear. The kids over at The Onion's AV Club have come up with a list of filmic reasons why vehicular oral pleasure is inadvisable according to Hollywood, but frankly, well, we're still unbelievers. More »
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Comment by jbmadness: Be careful and keep your eyes on the road boys! People lose their junk most of the time when... more » | Other threads
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news
Danish Bikini Speed Bandits Help Make Copenhagen A Less Fast Place
The movie below via the link, which is NOT SAFE FOR WORK, was made by the Danish Road Safety Council in a misguided attempt to cut down on speeding by drawing attention to speed signs and speed limits. Right, because if this were to actually find its way into real life, instead of 7 out of 10 Danes flogging a whip on a regular basis, you'd have 7 out of 10 Danes speeding and flogging a non-vehicular whip. More » -
sema
SEMA Show: How Can You Sell Tires If You Don't Have Any Booth Babes?
As Jalopnik photographer-of-the-star-cars Curtis Walker was want to tell us — there are rules for booth babes at SEMA. Apparently, this stuff doesn't just happen by chance — and here's his explanation of where you'll find the booth babes, what they'll be wearing and why — and all with a helpful reference gallery below:
More »
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By Ray WertComment by Al Navarro: Just back from an auto pilgrimage. For the record, at the New York "show", the manufacturers of actual autos... more » | Other threads
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news
Women Harder to Please than Men in Cars, Chuh
We once put a ring on the finger of a woman whose career to date had been customer service. And when she got bad service herself, she was more than willing to complain about it. Rather loudly, we might add. We've also been in customer service. Or cotomer sevis, if you will. We understand when peons are hamstrung by corporate policy, and politely ask to speak to a superior. And then, when all devolves into a mess of dumbassery, we get vicious. Lately, we've dropped the AOL cancellation story to get our way. More » -
news
Skip 'John School', Have Your Car Seized, Eh?
Molson-swilling solicitors of prostitutes have something new to worry about in the great province of Alberta. While our neighbors to the north generally don't crack down on johns as hard as many American municipalities, they do who cruise for ladies of the evening to require the men to attend "John School." More »
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Comment by Mike the Dog: Just curious, Davey, but do you think the police should be able to make the laws as well as enforce... more » | Other threads
sex
Detroit, 11:05 AM
Fri Jul 10
27 posts in the last 24 hours
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