No, really. First of all, ignore what the announcer says — this guy wasn't going anywhere near 165mph. But, he was moving at a good clip. We'll just go ahead and guess 100-110mph. And oh brother does he eat it. We mean eat it. How does he survive? Only the good die young. Maniac Mustang bonus video after the jump. [We would like to thank the Mayor for the tip] – Jonny Lieberman

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Geiger Cars Tunes Texas Sheriff's Hummer H2; More: Kids of Today Must Defend Themselves Against the Hoons of the 70s [Internal]

Our Schadenfridays are really turning into Zen-type moments of, uh, Zen. We can't help it. Mamma Jalopnik said if we have nothing nice to say, say nothing. What is the sound of one post-punk auto-blogger blogging? – Jonny Lieberman

[Bubble Jiving]

Related:
Isettamino! eBay! Belgium? D'oh; More: It's Still Schadenfriday Somewhere: Donks, Boxes and Bubbles Explained [Internal]

We've just slammed a bottle of Francis Coppola's Diamond Collection Yellow Label 2005 Sauvignon Blanc (in an effort to help poor Jay Shoemaker out) on an empty stomach and you know what we're not thinking? "Hey Oco, you know what would be sweet? We'll take your old Renault, spray paint it black and then paste flames all over it. And dude, a burning lion head would totally make it even extra sweeter. You know what's triple sweet? Home made black rims" – Jonny LIeberman

It's Schadenfriday! A Plethora of Unfortunate Automobiles [Internal]

The FoMoCo lot here in sunny, Southern California is three blocks east of Compton [Frightening side note: there's a Compton trailer park one block off the freeway]. So, whenever we cruise the 710 to pick up the latest metal from Dearborn (or Hermosillo, Mexico) we peep many young bucks cruising one-handed in massively-rimmed rides. And, existing in the form of ignorant honkys as we do, we always referred to the jacked up Regals as "Donks." Not so fast uncle salty.

The stance is the key to making a true hi-riser. Boxes and Bubbles maintain a level stance after all the modifications are complete. The Donks are another story. Donks are essentially the king of this crew of creations. History has supported the fact that kings have a tendency to be, well, at least a little arrogant. Donks hold true to this by setting the suspension slightly lower in the rear to keep the nose in the air to command a little more respect.

So, I guess an '86 Regal on treys is a Box. Everyday, something new. – Jonny Lieberman

Hi-Risers: What's the Big Deal? [cardomain.com]

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You Deserve a Break Today, At McDonkles [Internal]

Look, we here at Jalopnik love Top Gear. By proxy that means we love Jeremy Clarkson. Which means that we take his weirdo "global warming is bollocks" opines and Britannica Over All Others nonsense in stride. Sometimes he's even right (about the latter). Like the time he said Alan Shepard was the first American to ever do anything the Brits hadn't done first (full disclosure — we're British on both sides of the family). But what Jezzo always fails to own up to is that when England goes wrong, they go so fucking far a field it's nauseating. The above Tover is blood pudding proof. Yeah, it's got a 3.5-Liter Rover V8 like 92% of all British cars do, and that's it. The builder claims to have, "Surprised many would be boy races at various traffic light controlled intersections." Um, old chap, in the Tover, even if you win, you don't win. All the Fieros rebodied to look like Countaches in the world do not equal this unforgivable sin. Oh crap, it's from New Zealand? Somehow, that makes sense. A thousand apologies, Mr. Clarkson. – Jonny Lieberman

Dan Flower's Tover [constructorscarclub.org.nz]

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Your Moment of Schadenfriday anti-Zen: What Would Borat Drive? [Internal]

We... just... um... come on. Uh... ahem. OK, the weird part is that the lovely you see above did not come from English Russia. Other than that, our heads and senses of well being are aching. 78 grams of chest hair to whomever can correctly identify the donor car. – Jonny Lieberman

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You Can't Stop Schadenfriday; You Can Only Wish It Were Saturday; More: Jalopnik Late-Night: A Moment of Russian Zen [Internal]

Here's one you won't see on Wrecked Exotics. We should probably just turn this into a photo caption-a-thon, as we have nothing good to add. – Jonny Lieberman

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The Retrun of Schadenfriday! The Bad, The Worst and The Hideous... [Internal]

Red or white? Ford or Chevy? Coke or Pepsi? Blond or Brunette? And of course, Lambo-style scissors or Mercedes-ish gullwings? Why not both? For one very special Jetta owner that difficult decision is no choice at all. And we can't stop laughing. Or is that crying? Though we do dig the massive wheel arches. And the steering wheel in back for the wives is a smart touch. More weepy joy after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

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Try Not to Smirk: The P00 1 [Internal]

"We could do that. But what if instead we got a hearse, jacked it up on swamp tires, gave it a blower scoop, painted it read and blue - with a flame job of course - and plastered tombstones all over it? Tell me that wouldn't rock? The ladies would totally melt in our laps, dude." – Jonny Lieberman

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Hearse Plus Flamethrower [Internal]

We dare you, man. We frigging double-dog dare you to find an uglier... thing. We love Subarus around here as much as the next McRae, but the SVX — despite its maximum hoonage potential — has always put the ugly into fugging ugly. Some Scoobie-coupe owning bozo has apparently grafted the spare tire carrier from a Gel ndewagen onto the rear, affixed dual gas cans to the sides, a cattle guard with hellas up front and we can't even really properly speculate on what those things growing out of the hood might be. Nuke it from space; it's the only way to be sure. More awful after the jump. – Jonny Lieberman

Related:
It's Schadenfriday!: The Trouble With Vintage Racing

Nine miles. Nine freaking miles. That's all a Kansas City man had on his brand-new Ford GT when he decided to get all accelerative with it. The result? Just in time for Schadenfriday, a pole through the front end of his supercar. Eh, meh, that trunk wasn't all that big in the first place. And besides, now we can put the engine in a 2CV and square-off against the Enzo-powered LeCar. May the best bastardized French econocar win! [Thanks to everyone who wrote in on this one.]

Dude, What Happened to Your Car? [Across-the-Board]

Related:
It's Schadenfriday! The Trouble with Vintage Racing [Internal]

High-Dollar Crime Involves Ex-Con, Exotic Cars, Dancers [Click2Houston]

Internal:
Lindsay Lohan's Mercedes Misfortune [Internal]