Mercury's always sort of been a lost brand. Adrift in what was once Ford's seemingly ever-changing product strategy, Mercury's always lacked the same level of brand identity found at Lincoln or Ford. Maybe the best way to look at Mercury is to think of it as Diet Ford — a brand supposedly just like Ford, except with no calories and only the slightest hint of anything resembling taste. As was the standard operating procedure, anything in the Ford brand got itself an afterbirth at Mercury. Enter the Sable.

When the 1986 Ford Taurus debuted to wide acclaim, Mercury was around to create the ever-so-slightly more feminine version, with slight hints that it might contain more luxury. The first generation of the Sable offered a reasonable visual difference, namely a clear plastic grille-insert. Like the Taurus itself, sales were strong as people flocked to the modern-looking sedan.

As successful as the original Sable was, the dramatically redesigned second generation vehicle from 1992 was one of the most popular Mercury vehicles in the brand's history. The clear, back-lit grille was maintained from the gen-1 model but with the added benefit of swooping fenders (by early 1990s standards) and a remodeled greenhouse. Unfortunately, it was to be the last Sable to stir the emotions of the middle-class professional woman as the next generation was to end what was once a strong legacy of well-built mid-size sedans for Ford.

When Ford tried to strike gold again by creating an even newer, fresher look for the third generation Ford Taurus and Mercury Sable they struck out instead. The egg-like Sable lost the signature grille-insert and, with it, the spirit of the badge. The fourth-generation was somewhat more conservative, like the Taurus, but it was too late to save it. The stumbling Sable was replaced with the Mercury Montego and Milan, thus ending the badge. Until...

After Ford abandoned its silly "every car starts with F" alliteration debacle that led to the thankfully aborted "Five Hundred", incoming CEO Alan Mulally made the smart decision to bring back the Sable and Taurus nameplates, attaching them to the full-size Montego and 500, respectively. Unfortunately, while the Taurus sold fairly well, the Sable didn't. Now Ford's decided not to resurrect the less-famous Sable alongside the Taurus.

In honor of its death, we've decided to leave you with this — the most famous popular culture exchange ever about the Mercury Sable from the SNL-inspired film Coneheads starring Dan Akroyd:

Beldar Conehead: An owner's manual to a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable.
Highmaster: Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable?
Beldar Conehead: A personal conveyance named after its inventor, an assassinated ruler, a character from Greco-Roman myth and a small furry mammal.
Highmaster: Ah.

Schirmer said,

"Basically, it's the last call at the bar.”

Which is his nice way of saying - No one wants to go home with the Duff. Too bad.

Originally launched in 2004 as the Freestyle and Montego, the Taurus X and Sable were both renamed in 2007. Ford CEO Alan Mulally supported the name change with hopes that it would help ignite sales in the two vehicle lines, but that hasn’t been the case. The decision to kill both vehicle lines is in direct connection with the restructuring plans at Ford ever since the Ford Flex first hit the auto show floor and will pave the way for the new 2010 Ford Taurus set to debut at the Detroit Auto Show in January.

[via: Automotive News]

We'd argue the Confederate battle flag should actually go on the roof, but it's probably more difficult to paint something when you lack opposable thumbs. (props to Pat for the great shot)

Imagine if the Revolting Cocks had become Mercury's official spokesband! Why, they'd have released the Beers, Steers, and Queers Edition Mercury Mountaineer by now, propelling Mercury to sales figures previously thought impossible!

No more Five Hundred, sayonara Freestyle. Ford unveiled its new, three-row Taurus, Taurus X (nee Freestyle) and Mercury Sable models in Chicago. Master of ceremonies was none other thanFord's Cisco "Systems" Codina, group vice president North America sales and service ampersand spong whapcaplet looseliver vendetta and prang (brush up on your Monty Python, children). The new models will hit dealerships this summer, ahead of several more years of snide comments from automotive enthusiasts. – Mike Spinelli

FORD TAURUS, TAURUS X, MERCURY SABLE RETURN AS UPGRADED 2008-MODELS DEBUT THIS SUMMER

CHICAGO, Feb. 7, 2007 - Ford Motor Company today announced it is bringing back the well-known Ford Taurus name, introducing a new name - Taurus X - for its three-row crossover and returning the Mercury Sable to the lineup as upgraded 2008-model versions of all three vehicles go on sale this summer.

"Taurus has been an icon for Ford's family sedan for more than two decades, and it's time to return this powerful name to where it belongs," said Mark Fields, Ford's President of The Americas, at the Chicago Auto Show. "Consumer awareness of the Taurus name is double the Five Hundred that it's replacing, and awareness of Sable is triple that of Montego.

"By giving these vehicles the names that consumers recognize at the same time we're making significant upgrades, we're confident that even more people are going to be attracted to these great products in the future," Fields added.

The 2008-model Taurus sedan will go on sale this summer, replacing the Ford Five Hundred. The new Taurus features a Ford Fusion-inspired exterior design, a new powertrain with 60 more horsepower, a new all-wheel-drive system, more standard safety features - including standard electronic stability control - and other refinements to make it more distinctive, quieter, faster and safer.

The 2008-model Taurus X crossover will go on sale late this summer - replacing the Ford Freestyle - with the same design, powertrain and safety upgrades, as well as three row of seats, one-touch flip-and-fold second-row seating and an available power rear liftgate.

The 2008-model Mercury Sable also goes on sale this summer - replacing the Mercury Montego - with extensive design, powertrain and safety upgrades, as well as unique touches that make it a Mercury. They include Mercury's signature satin aluminum waterfall grille, jeweled projector beam headlamps, distinctive LED tail lamps and a two-tone interior trim with unique accents. Customers preferring a technical appearance can opt for Cyber Carbon - a deep, high-gloss accent resembling carbon fiber. More traditional sophistication is available from two modern wood grain accents - Guitar Maple and San Macassar.

Ford Taurus: An Automotive Icon

The Ford Taurus was a milestone in automotive design when it was introduced in 1985. It was the best-selling car in America for five straight years, starting in 1992. At its peak, Taurus posted annual sales of more than 400,000 units. When production of the original Taurus ended after 21 years on Oct. 27, 2006, nearly 7 million cars had been sold - and an estimated 3.5 million Taurus models remain on the road today

The Taurus name remains powerful today. In fact, it is one of top three most recognized Ford nameplates, behind only the F-Series and Mustang. Consumer awareness of the Taurus nameplate remains at an impressive 80 percent.

"The Ford Five Hundred has been a solid product, and it has one of the highest satisfaction rates in our lineup," said Cisco Codina, Ford's group vice president of North America Marketing, Sales and Service. "Once people discover the vehicle, nearly 60 percent end up buying a one.

"The Taurus will be even better thanks to significant upgrades - and, now, a name that people know. Going forward, we're going to cherish this iconic name with the same clarity, confidence and intensity as we do with F-Series and Mustang," Codina added.

The new Taurus X crossover builds on the strength of its namesake, while underscoring Ford's commitment to leadership in crossover vehicles. Crossovers already have surpassed SUVs in annual vehicle sales, and Ford predicts they will become the largest or second largest segment in the U.S. by the end of the decade - with sales of 3 million units.

The three-row, seven-passenger Taurus X will complement the sporty and popular two-row, five-passenger Ford Edge in the lineup. The two crossovers will be joined by yet another large Ford crossover - based on the Ford Fairlane concept vehicle - which will debut later this year and go on sale in 2008.

"The Taurus and Taurus X draw design cues from the Fusion sedan and Edge crossover. This family relationship will be a huge asset. The Fusion is an unqualified success, and the Edge is off to an even faster start than we saw for the Fusion," Codina said.

Sable Returns to Mercury

The Sable name today maintains an impressive 60 percent consumer awareness level. With the new 2008-model, Sable will offer the same differentiation that already is proving to be a success in the marketplace with the Mercury Mariner and Mercury Milan.

"Our newest Mercurys are attracting new customers and doing a great job at appealing to women," Codina said.

"The Mercury Mariner attracts more new customers today to Ford and Lincoln Mercury than any other nameplate, except the Ford Mustang. And about half of Mercury Milan customers are women, which is a higher rate than for the Honda Accord, Toyota Camry or Volkswagen Passat," Codina added.

Mercury's signature design cues - including satin aluminum accents, high contrast interiors and upscale trim and detailing - will differentiate the new Sable from the Taurus in the same way as the Mariner and Milan.

Related:
It's Sort Of Official: Introducing The Ford Taurus, Taurus X And Mercury Sable [internal]

Yup folks, it's now official. We sent our intrepid young Chi-town connection, Matt Hardigree down to snap some pictures of Mark Fields dropping a load of bull on the crowd. And hey, this time it's actually appropriate to say that — go, us! That gallery's below. There's nothing much more to say other than what the headline on the press release says, so here it is — digest at your own risk. – Ray Wert

FORD TAURUS, TAURUS X, MERCURY SABLE RETURN AS UPGRADED 2008-MODELS DEBUT THIS SUMMER

CHICAGO, Feb. 7, 2007 - Ford Motor Company today announced it is bringing back the well-known Ford Taurus name, introducing a new name - Taurus X - for its three-row crossover and returning the Mercury Sable to the lineup as upgraded 2008-model versions of all three vehicles go on sale this summer.

"Taurus has been an icon for Ford's family sedan for more than two decades, and it's time to return this powerful name to where it belongs," said Mark Fields, Ford's President of The Americas, at the Chicago Auto Show. "Consumer awareness of the Taurus name is double the Five Hundred that it's replacing, and awareness of Sable is triple that of Montego.

"By giving these vehicles the names that consumers recognize at the same time we're making significant upgrades, we're confident that even more people are going to be attracted to these great products in the future," Fields added.

The 2008-model Taurus sedan will go on sale this summer, replacing the Ford Five Hundred. The new Taurus features a Ford Fusion-inspired exterior design, a new powertrain with 60 more horsepower, a new all-wheel-drive system, more standard safety features - including standard electronic stability control - and other refinements to make it more distinctive, quieter, faster and safer.

The 2008-model Taurus X crossover will go on sale late this summer - replacing the Ford Freestyle - with the same design, powertrain and safety upgrades, as well as three row of seats, one-touch flip-and-fold second-row seating and an available power rear liftgate.

The 2008-model Mercury Sable also goes on sale this summer - replacing the Mercury Montego - with extensive design, powertrain and safety upgrades, as well as unique touches that make it a Mercury. They include Mercury's signature satin aluminum waterfall grille, jeweled projector beam headlamps, distinctive LED tail lamps and a two-tone interior trim with unique accents. Customers preferring a technical appearance can opt for Cyber Carbon - a deep, high-gloss accent resembling carbon fiber. More traditional sophistication is available from two modern wood grain accents - Guitar Maple and San Macassar.

Ford Taurus: An Automotive Icon

The Ford Taurus was a milestone in automotive design when it was introduced in 1985. It was the best-selling car in America for five straight years, starting in 1992. At its peak, Taurus posted annual sales of more than 400,000 units. When production of the original Taurus ended after 21 years on Oct. 27, 2006, nearly 7 million cars had been sold - and an estimated 3.5 million Taurus models remain on the road today

The Taurus name remains powerful today. In fact, it is one of top three most recognized Ford nameplates, behind only the F-Series and Mustang. Consumer awareness of the Taurus nameplate remains at an impressive 80 percent.

"The Ford Five Hundred has been a solid product, and it has one of the highest satisfaction rates in our lineup," said Cisco Codina, Ford's group vice president of North America Marketing, Sales and Service. "Once people discover the vehicle, nearly 60 percent end up buying a one.

"The Taurus will be even better thanks to significant upgrades - and, now, a name that people know. Going forward, we're going to cherish this iconic name with the same clarity, confidence and intensity as we do with F-Series and Mustang," Codina added.

The new Taurus X crossover builds on the strength of its namesake, while underscoring Ford's commitment to leadership in crossover vehicles. Crossovers already have surpassed SUVs in annual vehicle sales, and Ford predicts they will become the largest or second largest segment in the U.S. by the end of the decade - with sales of 3 million units.

The three-row, seven-passenger Taurus X will complement the sporty and popular two-row, five-passenger Ford Edge in the lineup. The two crossovers will be joined by yet another large Ford crossover - based on the Ford Fairlane concept vehicle - which will debut later this year and go on sale in 2008.

"The Taurus and Taurus X draw design cues from the Fusion sedan and Edge crossover. This family relationship will be a huge asset. The Fusion is an unqualified success, and the Edge is off to an even faster start than we saw for the Fusion," Codina said.

Sable Returns to Mercury

The Sable name today maintains an impressive 60 percent consumer awareness level. With the new 2008-model, Sable will offer the same differentiation that already is proving to be a success in the marketplace with the Mercury Mariner and Mercury Milan.

"Our newest Mercurys are attracting new customers and doing a great job at appealing to women," Codina said.

"The Mercury Mariner attracts more new customers today to Ford and Lincoln Mercury than any other nameplate, except the Ford Mustang. And about half of Mercury Milan customers are women, which is a higher rate than for the Honda Accord, Toyota Camry or Volkswagen Passat," Codina added.

Mercury's signature design cues - including satin aluminum accents, high contrast interiors and upscale trim and detailing - will differentiate the new Sable from the Taurus in the same way as the Mariner and Milan.

About Ford Motor Company

Ford Motor Company, a global automotive industry leader based in Dearborn, Mich., manufactures and distributes automobiles in 200 markets across six continents. With about 300,000 employees and more than 100 plants worldwide, the company's core and affiliated automotive brands include Aston Martin, Ford, Jaguar, Land Rover, Lincoln, Mazda, Mercury and Volvo. Its automotive-related services include Ford Motor Credit Company. For more information regarding Ford's products, please visit www.fordvehicles.com.

Related:
It's Sort Of Official: Introducing The Ford Taurus, Taurus X And Mercury Sable [internal]