In a straight line on the highway, though, it was just fine. It was cheap to fix.

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I mean really, what's left? The Mercury Escape? The Mercury Explorer? The Mercury Fusion? The Mercury Crown Victoria (that old fossil must be due for retirement soon!)?

Oh my bad, all the names actually start with M..must be why the Sable got chopped...its name starts with the letter S, which really doesn't go well with Milan (like this car really makes you think of Italy), Mariner (probably can't even tow a good sized boat), Mountaineer (name the last time you saw one in the mountains?) and Marquis (de Sade?). Four cars does not a brand make...especially 4 that you can get at another dealer for less money. If you figure that the Explorer is due for a redesign and that the Crown Vic is not long for this world (even the cops could find a better car over at Chrysler), that leaves 2.

Why even market a 2 car brand to secretaries?

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Which leads me to a question I've been pondering about Pontiac leaving too. Is there a significant difference in the sales by brand between the US and Canada? Both the Chevette and Lumina (Acadian and Tempest) were offered under the Pontiac brand here.

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Yep, the Sable was a turdmobile, through and through. I was so happy to get back to my Honda Accord, I thought I was driving a sports car. The people at Ford should go get themselves a Honda and see what people are rejecting their cars for.

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Ah the Topaz. Like the Sable, only more lightweight and better looking. I almost got myself a Topaz last week. A beautiful 1994 Topaz GS Sedan in Cabaret Red over a deep red interior. Fully loaded she was, with the 3spd. ATX w/ FLC and 3.0L Vulcan V6 and every option available to the GS trim level. Including air conditioning, Ford Premium Sound, Sport Gauge Cluster, Power Group, Light Group.. Then she was gone. Sold of to some other lucky guy (or gal).

Topaz > Sable.

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It's an extension of you.

You love your car so much, you want to share your most intimate moments with it.

Well, now you can.

Introducing the Mercury Mistress, the world's first car that you can actually have sex with.

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This man has owned two Sables that I'm aware of. Both fourth-gen wagons; a white stripper '01 with grey cloth bench seat, column shift, and the Vulcan (its only option was the seven-spoke alloy wheels), and a fully loaded cranberry '03 over tan-ish leather.

I never drove the first car, but his current Sable, with probably 110k on the clock, is in good shape and running smoothly. He just had a bit of rust repair done, and I replaced the original grille, which had a couple slats broken out. With the Duratec, I refer to it as his "jet-powered bouncy castle", doing all of what the W-body Impala does, and doing it better, and with twice the cargo space.

I understand the current generation, with its Volvo-sourced underpinnings, is even better. Well, I can't imagine the steering could be any more vague, so I believe it. But the Castle is a great car in its own right: a highway cruiser with the best of them.

We'll look back and smile on these cars, having forgotten their wheezy base engines and marshmallowy handling. Someday.

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Obviously the base paintjob will have racing stripes...

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