We've got babes eating flowers, elephants climbing onto flatbed trucks, Patsy Cline singing, and James Garner!
When you're done here, you might enjoy our favorite Datsun ads, then continue with our top Toyota, Renault, General Motors, British Leyland, Ford/Lincoln/Mercury, Honda, Citroën, AMC/Jeep, Mercedes-Benz/Porsche/BMW, and Chevrolet ads.

1978 GLC	1983 Cosmo Big Run	1988 929
Bongo Multivan	Titan	1989 RX-7
1980 RX-7	1980 Cosmo	1967 Cosmo Sport

Yes, everything was going just fine for this veteran LeMons team… until those pesky wheel studs decided they'd had enough. Fortunately, the driver walked away from the wreck, and the team was kind enough to donate their car as a substitute for the last-second-pardoned People's Curse winner. This is why LeMons racing requires those "overkill" roll cages and Snell SA2000 helmets.


And here's what it looked like from outside the car:

Yes, the White Lightning Mazda RX-7 took the overall win by two laps over the Lightning McQueen Volkswagen Jetta, just hours after being spared the People's Curse. We're busy packing up the LeMons circus right now, but I'll try to get some more posts done once things calm down. Congratulations, White Lightning!

Not only that, the second-place Lightning McQueen Jetta got the second-most Curse votes. Now, the People's Curse really is a democracy, so the Mazda was going to get destroyed... unless the people could be persuaded to issue a pardon to the super-clean-driving, not-very-cheaty (and perhaps even totally legit) RX-7.

So, LeMons Chief Perp Jay Lamm appealed to the crowd for mercy on the wrongly accused White Lightning car, and the thumbs-up votes overwhelmed the highly vocal thumbs-down faction. Of course, some car needs to get crushed, and we had three volunteers: the Torqueless Rotards RX-7 (which flipped over yesterday), a head-gasket-challenged BMW E30, and a bedless Ford Ranger.

So White Lightning is back out on the track, and the Lightning McQueen Jetta is a couple laps back. When will the VW make its move? Will the Molde Carlo Chevy get past both? We'll find out!

Yes, the White Lightning Sawzall-convertible 1986 Mazda RX-7 (that's a photograph from the LeMons South Spring '09 race, since I haven't had time to shoot many photos today) is the current race leader. The team captain owns a rotary Mazda shop, and we've always been real suspicious of this car... but it's either totally legit or we're dealing with a South Carolinian Smokey Yunick here. Probably the latter, but ya never know, ya know?

The Torqueless Rotards RX-7 was doing pretty well... until it became a three-wheeler. The driver was fine, thanks to the magic of roll cage bars and seat harnesses, but the car is pretty much through. The driver thought that another car must have hit him, since the impact was so hard and unexpected, but the in-car video camera on the Our Lady Of Perpetual Downforce Civic let Chief Perp Lamm know that he'd need to invoke the "Why Am I On My Roof" penalty this time.

Mazda's continued development of the rotary engine will likely spawn a larger displacement version that could provide an RX-7 driver with something not synonymous with the rotary engine and something completely lacking in the 4-door RX-8 — torque. Best Car provided us with their rendition of the new RX-7, betting on Mazda continuing with their current 'Nagare' design theme that's most recently made its way onto the new Mazda3.

Are these rumors any more substantial than any of the other rumors we've seen? We'll put it this way — we'll believe it when we see it.

[via 7tune]

I'm providing each car's best lap time (which should confirm once again that having a fast car isn't the most important thing for a LeMons team), as well as the number of BS Inspection penalty laps (if any), plus awards earned by the team. You racers in need of all my original, full-resolution shots of your car in action should email me and I'll get them to you. When you're done here, be sure to check out LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman's coverage over on Speed:Sport:Life.

Thanks to Nick Pon and Ashley Freed for many of these photos. Here they are in finishing order, the Top Lemons Of The 24 Hours Of LeMons South Spring 2009:

SF '07	Arse Freeze '07	SF '08
Detroit '08	New England '08	South '08
Texas '08	Arse Freeze '08	Texas '09

We're not quite sure what to make of this list. A Saab leading? An Audi in the top ten? A Fiero? Two Jettas? There's no telling what will happen tomorrow, but we're guessing that this herd will be thinned somewhat by mechanical problems... or maybe not! Check in tomorrow for more LeMons action right here!

The area in which Tomsk shot these cars is an old stomping ground of mine, from back in my college days. Yes, when my hobbies included siphoning gas from a '68 Mercury whilst clad in a Dark Angel shirt and generally lowering UC Irvine's property values. In fact, this yellow Corolla sure looks like the one my freshman-year girlfriend had Earl Scheib shoot in "Sun Yellow" for $59.95 (seatbelts, tires, tailpipe, and all), if you assume that 20 years of Southern California sunshine might take a fearsome toll on a cheap paint job. We've also got a first-gen RX-7, of the sort that's getting seriously rare on the street these days. Tomsk describes them thus:

This early first-gen RX-7 looks to be a genuine survivor, from the jewel-like wheels to the badge one the rear proudly proclaiming the powerplant as 100% piston-free. Sure, the right front fender has seen a little action, but on the whole, you'd be pretty hard pressed to find a nicer example that doesn't live in a climate-controlled garage.

Aside from a full-tilt-boogie AE86, this Malaise Era Toyota Corolla 2-door is about as far removed from today's Maytag-esque Corolla as a car with the same name can get. Evidence: P*ssy magnet yellow paint, abundance of surfing-related stickers in the windows, and badges that proudly read "Deluxe" and "5 speed."

Thanks to Myke Toman, Nick Pon, Zerin Dube and Speed:Sport:Life, Anna C of Bikini Racer, the Norwegian Slaabs, Saabs Gone Wild, Prison Break Racing, Team Beermer, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, Jackson Williams, and others for their fine photographs.

We saw plenty of the usual LeMons suspects at MSR in Houston last weekend, with 10 Mustangs, 6 RX-7s, 6 E30s, 4 CRXs, 4 Neons, and 4 Miatas showing up, but we also had our first-ever Infiniti Q45, a pair of Toyota pickups, an Opel GT, and an MGB-GT (which managed to get around the track startlingly quickly, in between lengthy jail sentences in the Penalty Box). In addition to Mustangs coming in first and second, we saw some other world-turned-topsy-turvy events. How about a LeMons race in which four Saabs enter… and all four are still running at the end? Sure, all the Saabs earned the new-for-Houston punishment for hitting tire walls and/or cones (old tires bolted to the car's roof), but they didn't throw rods or send major suspension components skittering off into the weeds in the first 30 minutes of the race! A four-banger Mustang finished second, a Saturn came in third, an 80s Dodge Daytona managed to contend, and the majority of BMW E30s raced for two solid days without exhibiting the usual maddeningly undiagnosable electrical woes (blown head gaskets and axle failures, certainly, but we didn't see the all-too-common cruel drama of E30 crew members weeping over multimeters and wiring diagrams).

This time I'm going to include each team's best lap time, so y'all can see for yourselves how "fast" does not equal "win" in the 24 Hours Of LeMons. Those of you contemplating horsepower-enhancing cheats would do well to note that the four-cylinder Mustangs performed just as well as their V8 siblings, and you Miata and E30 guys can go ahead and keep thumping your chests about those absurdly quick lap times… but remember, your favorite cars got stomped by a Saturn! Those of you wanting obsessively complete lap info can go here; keep in mind that a few cars may be showing too-low best lap times due to having taken what the corner workers dubbed the "Neon Bypass" (in honor of the oft-penalized Blueballs Neons) off-road shortcut around the chicanes.

Before you go check out our 95 Texas racin' machines, I've got a video that true 24 Hours Of LeMons fans ought to find quite entertaining. First, we've got one of the hairiest Integra-jumps-BMW-wheel bits ever caught on film, courtesy of the Unintended Acceleration Audi's in-car camera:


Zerin Dube, editor of Speed:Sport:Life volunteered for judging duties at the race, and he also did a good job covering the goings-on at his site. You'll enjoy the Penalty Box Punishments and the rest of the SSL race coverage.

Thanks to Zerin Dube, TheEastBayKid, Myke Toman, and a whole bunch of race team members for many of the photographs below.
When you're done here, be sure to check out the participants of previous LeMons events, including Arse Freeze '08, Texas '08, Toledo '08, New England '08, South '08, San Francisco '08, Arse Freeze '07, and San Francisco '07. I'll put up some more LeMons stuff when I get back to my normal weekend schedule, too. And now, the racers of the 2009 Gator-O-Rama:

As a member of the new Mega Cheater class, this team started the race beneath the crushing weight of 800 penalty laps. A nice, shiny FC RX-7 for 500 bucks? This lil' orange devil ran a crazy-fast best lap of 1:35.990 and finished 97th… ahead of the other Mega Cheaters.


These guys are serious RX-7 racers who really know what they're doing, and thus it was tough for them to avoid a 20-lap BS penalty. Without it: 8th place; with it: 23rd place.


Here's the 3rd-place car from Arse Freeze '07; this time they got 67th place. Their 1:38.424 best lap speaks for itself, though.


Pitmates to the RotoRevenge and SNOT RAcinG Mazdas, the Old Punks are also Arse Freeze '07 veterans. They finished 8th last year, and 26th this time. 1:36.263 best lap- hey, those old RX-7s are quick!


Everyone loves the bewinged Miata from Altamont, though we suspect it would have been quicker than 1:39.385 without the added weight.


Team Eyesore Racing is a genuine member of LeMons-veteran royalty, with a People's Choice win at LeMons SF '08 and some excellent wheelmen and wheelwomen. The nightmarish-yet-incredibly-cool Ghettocharging setup on their patched-together-from-corpses race car looked like it would blow up for sure on the track, but instead it held together for a 4th-place finish. Not only that, its best lap time of 1:32.692 was second only to the post-Curse Blues Brothers Crown Vic!


Yet another quick RX-7; the Loose Nuts '84 ran a best lap of 1:37.117 and came in 37th place.


Tip for wannabe LeMons racers: when you put a Jackson turbocharging setup on a non-thrashed Miata and don't provide any sort of convincing documentary evidence of how much you paid for that stuff (no, allegedly copy/pasted text from a Craigslist ad doesn't count), you're going to pay big in the BS Inspection. The Dead Smurfs took their punishment like real men, however, and they very kindly let the car-deprived Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys take some laps in their car.


Hey, it's the former Autoblog racer from LeMons Demolition Derby '07 (aka LeMons SF '07)! Mechanical problems limited this team- made up of fellow Alamedans and pitted right next door to the Black Metal V8olvo at Thunderhill- to a 68th-place finish.

An avid Ferrari Chat reader spotted this Lam-Bro-Ghini sitting in an alley in Santa Rosa, CA. The A-pillars have been cut and laid back to give it an ultra-aerodynamic profile to match the new sheet-metal roof. Surely, the polished, glare-inducing sheet metal roof is there to disguise this rocket from flying pigs and potential speed cameras. We’d also guess it’s there to act as a heat conductor since the owner likely removed the heater system in the search for lightness. The monster-motor sitting underneath the hood is cooled by any number of heat extractors; necessary when traveling at the break-neck speeds this Lam-Bro-Ghini is surely capable of.

Since this beast generates so much heat in its quest for top speed supremacy, the rear has been sliced and diced for both heat extraction and aerodynamic aid. Stopping power for the Lam-Bro-Ghini is provided by a sporty set of 10-inch rotors with 4-piston calipers and a permanent airbrake that helps bring this red missile back to boulevard cruising speeds.

We’ve seen some quality Fauxborghinis and Fauxrraris in our day and this Lam-Bro-Ghini is right up there with them. It almost made us believers. Almost. Hat Tip To Kenny!

[via FerrariChat]

Now, yesterday we saw a 69% Booth Numbah Two recommendation on the $8,995 Chevette, and now we're looking at a car from the same era that's priced at six grand more… yet I suspect we're going to see a little more enthusiasm for the price tag on this pristine example of Wankel history. It's for sale by the original owner. It's a California car, and it was always garaged. The odometer hasn't even hit 2,500 miles yet! It's been bid up to nearly 10 grand by now, but anyone willing to fire a big $15,000 Buy It Now cruise missile right this minute can take it home ASAP. Is it worth it? You decide!

[eBay Motors], thanks to TK for the tip.

[Autofiends]

Putting a Detroit pushrod V8 into a Mazda RX-7 is a pretty common swap, and there are some really nice ones out there. Sure, the new engine weighs about 16 tons more than the original rotary did, but it also makes approximately 16,000 times as much torque. The Ford small-block is the preferred engine for such swaps, since it's smaller and lighter than its Chevy and Chrysler counterparts, but sometimes you see such a great deal on a used engine that you have no choice but to buy it. We're pretty sure that's what happened with this '87 Mazda RX-7 (go here if the ad disappears), which has a Chevy L98 engine and 700R4 already installed. All you need to do is get a radiator and driveshaft and, you know, a few other minor details. Should be easy! You get a Painless wiring harness (though we see what looks like painful clusters of sliced wires a-dangling) and an "ECU for 350," and the whole deal is a mere two grand!Thanks to Radiohound for the tip.

An L98 RX-7 would be pretty quick, but wouldn't you prefer to go vintage if you're going to drive an engine-upgraded Japanese car? We couldn't find a Toyopet with Cadillac 500 engine, but how about a late-60s Corona with a lightweight, high-revving Nissan V6? Not only that, how about one for less than half the price of the V8 RX-7? It seems hard to believe, but this 1968 Toyota Corona with Nissan 3.0 V6 engine (go here if the ad disappears) is priced at only $900. Not even four figures! We don't want to hear any complaints about the seller neglecting to identify what kind of 3.0 liter Nissan V6 engine got dropped into this car, not at that bargain-basement price! You get a harness (which may be from the donor car) and some "JDM headers," and the seller- apparently not believing that the car's photographs tell the whole story- adds "Project Car needs to be finished." Is there a transmission or driveshaft? We don't know. Was the engine known to be running before it was torn out by the roots and wedged into the Corona's engine compartment? Maybe. Come on, it's cheap! Thanks to LTDScott for the tip.

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Sure, it was a nightmare to make the Wankel pass America's ever-toughening smog standards (and let's not even mention the complexity of the later RX-7 Turbo's emissions gear), but the power-to-weight of that little engine was nuts. The '85 GSL weighed a mere 2,345 pounds and went pretty well with 101 horses. However, the following year was the debut of the Honda CRX Si, with 91 horses driving just 1,865 pounds. Sure, the Honda had front-wheel-drive, but the Mazda was suddenly looking a bit heavy.


This car's owner must be treating those apex seals right, because I see it on the move frequently. A 23-year-old daily driver with a Wankel!

With Mazda RX-7s taking the first two places at LeMons South (not to mention three of the top ten at the Arse-Freeze-A-Pa-Looza), you've got to figure you're looking at one of the all-time great budget race cars. Light, simple, and powered by a wailing rotary that's sure to give your competitors a migraine by the time the race is over... and you can get 'em for peanut shells! Say, this '85 RX-7 with an asking price of only $200. Two hundred bucks! Don't worry about that "not running" part, because the Wankel is such a simple engine- how hard can it be? You might even be able to sell off sufficient parts to come out ahead in the deal, leaving more money in your budget for beer and pornography safety equipment. Don't listen to the self-proclaimed experts who tell you that the RX-7's aluminum control arms make it too fragile to be out on a track with a bunch of big Detroit bullies, because you'll win for sure with yours!

Maybe you should listen to those experts who think the RX-7's inability to brush off impacts make it too much of a gamble at the 24 Hours of LeMons. Sure, the Mazdas finished first and second, but they got lucky! What you need is two tons of Detroit iron and a big ol' V8 to torque your way to victory. The Punisher Racing Caprice finished just four laps behind the winner, thanks to LT1 power and cop suspension... and you still have time to put together your own Caprice for the Texas race. Howzabout this '91 Caprice, with an asking price of $750? With five-buck gas looming, we're pretty sure you can negotiate the seller's price down, then sell some parts to get down below the 500 dollar limit. It runs fine (though you might want to be sure it has the LT1 and not the 305) and it only has 85,000 miles on the clock. There's some body damage, caused by a "commercial shoot driven by precision drivers" (that's reassuring, because you can't trust body damage caused by an ordinary driver on the way to the Stop-N-Rob), which is why it's so cheap. Throw some fat tires on it, maybe chop the springs, and you'll be the terror of Houston!

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