Thanks to Gottsmack for the tip! [Freerevs.com]

We're assuming powertrain choices will be pretty similar to those offered for the Opel Insignia, except probably sticking with gas engines over the oil-burning options. Expect to see the re-born Buick Regal see an official reveal at the Guangzhou Auto Show in November. Unfortunately, despite our excitement over Buick's new hotness, we won't be there in person. [via China Car Times]

Usually we're not advocates of badge-engineering, but these spy photos of what absolutely appears to be a new Insignia (check out that cut-line on the side of the car) rebadged as a Buick Regal for the Chinese market somehow make sense to us. Buick is a hugely popular brand in China for GM and although Opels are sold there, it probably will sell better under the Buick lineup. Kind of like over here with the Chevy Malibu, the car you can't ignore and the Saturn Aura, the car everyone did. Could this possibly mean the US will get a Buick-branded Insignia rather than one badged as the new 2010 Saturn Aura like we'd expected? Probably not. But now we're even more jealous of those spiffy Chinese Buicks. Who knew a Buick could look hot? Well, your grandparents, for starters. Us, we're only hoping we can get our hands on a "Grand National" version — but we're not holding our breath. [via ChinaCarTimes]

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Not sure if a student could afford 24s, but how many teachers would slap sparkly "24" emblems on the pillars? The '69 Continental that parks just down the block could well be a student car, though it's summer vacation now and the Lincoln is still there.


As we know, most Jalopniks prefer a dekotora to a donk, but there's no need to get all riled up over a '76 Regal 4-door with 24s if you don't groove on the donk thing; wheels can be replaced.


In '76, the Regal came standard with a 140-horse 350 engine. Since 1976 cars are not smog-exempt in California (1975 and earlier cars are exempt from emissions tests), that's most likely the engine that's hauling this car's vast bulk these days (though a 455 could probably be swapped in, as long as it looks like a 350 to the smog techs and passes the tailpipe gas test).

The alligator turned out to be an awful lookout as state troopers managed to find the would-be thief fairly easily, hauling one off to jail and the other off to a preserve. To make things more interesting, they also found Johnson with a nearly five-foot water moccasin. Though he had a snakebite, it didn't seem to bother him. This story makes us a little homesick. [KTRK-TV]

We've never seen this show before and we don't know if the mimicry explains why there's a creepy mannequin in the back window, but we do know the original recently sold at auction for an outrageous £44,227. This further solidifies our suspicion that we'll never really understand the British sense of humor. [Liftruck.co.uk and BBCNews]]

Everyone knows about the screamin' turbo Buicks of the mid-80s, with the GNX reigning supreme. But Buick sold force-fed V6 A/G-bodies well before the GNX did a big smoky burnout on our hearts, and this '79 Turbo Regal is the proof! For an entry fee of just $1500, you could enter a world in which your Buick can always go faster, just by adding more boost! The cool thing about this car is that a non-turbo hood is all that stands between it and utter Malaise Era sleeperosity... but, of course, there are a few minor obstacles in your path. First of all, the car has been stored for 13 years, so it will be an extravaganza of brittle brake hoses, bad transmission seals, and varnish in the fuel system. And, while the oxidized body is fine for a sleeper, the interior looks like an unpleasant place to spend any time. Then there's the matter of the engine; while it does run, you'll need to make a ton of upgrades to get any real power out of it, starting with a bigger turbocharger and continuing with a potlatch of $100 bills that will seem to keep burning forever.

The thing about the Regal is that a lot of folks are wise to the whole turbo Buick deal, undercutting the Sleeper Effect. If you want to really humiliate drivers of fast-n-flashy cars, you can't beat the turbocharged Mopar minivan. This 12-second Caravan Woody ought to make that point perfectly clear. The problem is that they're hard to find, but we've spotted this '89 Turbo Caravan for the same price as the Regal. Not only that, it's got a 5-speed! Imagine the fun of banging through the gears in a ludicrously overpowered Caravan, spinning the front tires for 50 feet on every shift... and probably torque-steering into a telephone pole, but so what? Of course, for this price you can't just expect everything to be perfect, and the sound of the 2.5's rod a-knockin' means the van won't be rockin' right away. Its ugliness shines right through in the blurry photos (what is it with the inability of Craigslist sellers to take a good photograph?), but that won't matter for a sleeper project. Then there's a no-doubt-long list of problems the seller doesn't mention... but just keep thinking about those full-boost shifts as you bust your knuckles on this thing for week after week!

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One of the most tired cliches in all of autojournodom is "Darth Vader's Ride." You've read it one million times, I've used the phrase several hundred dozen times and we think of it every time a pitch-black Corvette Z06 passes by. It's old, it's worn and until further notice, the Maybach Excelero owns that appellation forever. Nonetheless, we're old enough to remember the first time an all-black coupe was mentioned in the same sentence as the Dark Lord of the Sith. Twenty years ago, it was good old Car & Driver that (as we recall) created the trope when they subtitled a piece on the special-edition Buick GNX, "Darth Vader, Your Car Is Ready." For a 12-year-old car nut with Empire Strikes Back bedsheets and two or three shoe boxes filled with Star Wars trading cards, that was enough to peg the GNX as the coolest car ever. Even better, my father's childhood friend Joe Silverman showed up to my Bar Mitzvah in a pitch-black GNX and took me on a joyride. Obviously, that was the highlight of my passage into manhood. Two decades later, very little has changed.

The first thing you need to understand about the two-door GNX — dubbed the "fastest production sedan in the world" (more on that later) — is that it's not just a hopped up G-body. Of course it is exactly that, but it is also a last gasp, a closing argument, a punch before dying. The GNX is Ali rope-a-doping Foreman in the jungle. No, check that – the last great Buick was the equivalent of George Foreman beating Michael Moorer to regain the heavyweight championship at the age of 45, two decades years after he lost the title to Ali. The GNX is the legitimate heir to the legendary GSX. You see, GM's RWD G platform was set to be replaced by the FWD A-body chassis in 1981. But due to high sales (hint, hint) the General decided to keep the Gs around for a few more years. The GNX then, was the final chance for Buick's engineers to show the world their unholy yet good stuff. And boy did they.

In 1982 Buick introduced the Nascar-inspired Grand National package for the aging Regal. For a small sum you could get an optional turbocharged (but not intercooled) 3.8-liter V6 good for 180 hp. Not bad for the early '80s. The car disappeared for a year and then popped back up in 1984 with fuel injection and an intercooler. Power continued climbing year by year and by the time 1987 showed up – the final year for the G-bodies – GM's juiced 3800 was cranking out a very respectable 245 horsepower. But that wasn't nearly enough. So, 547 fully optioned (though no t-tops or sunroofs) Grand Nationals were handed over to ASC/McLaren for a bit of polishing.

Remarkably, ASC/McLaren didn't alter a single bolt on the engine. But everything else was tweaked to within an inch of its life. Out went the factory turbo and in came a fast-spooling, ceramic-impellered Garrett turbocharger. The intercooler was beefed up and cold air was fed from it to the turbo via a ceramic-coated pipe. A Performance chip was added. The transmission was reprogrammed (though, still mechanically stout enough to handle the extra twist), a special torque-converter was added and a transmission-fluid cooler was bolted in place. A custom, low-restriction exhaust was fitted. The GNX was the only Regal ever offered with 16" wheels. These were machined from a lightweight alloy and were wider in the back than the front (P255/50VR16 vs. P245/50VR16). Wider arches, functional heat-sapping fender vents, a strengthened aluminum pumpkin and gallon after gallon of black paint were all part of the kit.

Results? The official numbers were blood-pumping. 276 hp, 360 lb-ft of torque, zero-to-60 in 5.7 seconds and the 1/4 mile in just over 14. Let's put this in perspective. The Corvette in 1987 was capable of hitting 60 mph in 5.9 seconds and turning a 14.5-second quarter mile. A Porsche 928 S4 of the same vintage was good for 5.5 seconds and 13.9. Those numbers are basically identical to a 1987 911 Club Sport's. Ferrari's wild-looking 12-cylinder boxer-engined Testarossa, a real live supercar, managed 60 mph in 5.3 seconds and the quarter mile in 13.6. Only the Lamborghini Countach LP500 QV was significantly faster, hitting 60 mph in 5.2 and breaking the 13 second barrier with a time of 12.9. Still, as the GNX only cost $29,900 (the GNX package was jaw-dropping $10,995 option over the Grand National's $19,000-ish sticker). The Countach? How about $100,000, more than three times as much.

Only thing was, the GNX's factory numbers were bullshit. GM being GM, it didn't want any of its vehicles outperforming the Corvette. So Buick was forced to fib. When the press cars were handed out, journos discovered actual power was closer to 300 horses and an unbelievable 400 lbs. ft of torque. The ASC/McLaren boys also went to work on the chassis, essentially building a dragster for the street. They ditched the rear control arms in favor of a ladder bar/panhard rod setup. The back of the ladder bar attaches to the passenger side of the differential (to prevent left-side up, right-side down twisting during brake stands) and the front attaches to a frame crossmember. For further stability they added a stamped diagonal brace behind the rear seat. All this tuning added up to a shocking zero-to-60 mph time of 4.5 seconds and quarter-mile best of 13.26 at 104 mph. Essentially, those were Countach numbers from a Buick sedan (although the Regal had just two doors, its structure and interior volume made it a sedan, technically – this is still being argued). These numbers are competitive even today; a Shelby's GT500 takes 4.5 to hit 60 mph and covers the 1/4 mile in 12.9.

The GNX also looked the part. All 547 dash-plaque numbered examples were black-on-black with all the badges (save one in the grill) deleted. Few cars have ever looked more bad-ass. Fewer still ever tried. The GNX is just evil, especially from the rear. That makes sense, considering the rear is the vantage point from which you'll most likely observe a GNX. (Look at those taillights!) Darth Vader indeed. Sadly, 1988 was the year Buick decided to "damage" itself and pursue the AARP/golfer set. But no matter how screwed up the Tiger Woods brand is today, none of that sadness can detract from the infamous glory of the GNX. My dream? To one day take a GNX onto a golf course and do some serious donuts. Which is of course, to paraphrase George Carlin, the kind of dream that kept me out of the really good schools. So be it. A final note: we're well aware that the GNX can't turn left or right. It was never supposed to. – Jonny Lieberman

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[The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage appears every Tuesday. Readers vote the cars in or out. The idea is that we'll have 50 cars in our Fantasy Garage, the world's greatest mechanic and endless wads of cash. Would you like to nominate a car for the Fantasy Garage? Write tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "Fantasy."]

The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, So Far:
RUF RT12 | Maserati Quattroporte Executive GT | 1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage | Honda 1300 Coupe 9 | 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe | Ferrari 288 GTO | Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 | 1970 Buick GSX 455 | First Generation BMW M Coupe | Bugatti Veyron 16.4 | Ford GT | Citroen SM | Porsche 928 | Jensen FF | DeTomaso Vallelunga | Audi Quattro S1

Related:
2006 Woodward Dream Pre-Cruise: A Fleet Of Buick Grand Nationals And A GNX Get Their Cruise On; Crowning The King Of 1986: Audi Quattro S1 vs Ford RS200 vs Lancia Delta S4 vs Peugeot 205 TI6 [Internal]

I'd already totally forgotten that Buick went all George Thorogood with their marketing campaign for the 1984 Buick Regal Grand National. And how could I have — it makes total sense for Buick to have chosen Thorogood — although the "Imperial March" could have worked too. You see, with 200 hp of turbo goodness, the '84 was a radical example of US automakers trying to re-spark the interest of the enthusiast class, with the closest thing 'merica had seen to a muscle car since before the oil embargo. Although only 30,500 turbo cars were produced, they ruled the streets from '84 straight through to the last jet-black model year of '87, and as we saw during the Woodward Dream Cruise this year, they're still adored by fans — as these bad to the bone black examples of the best of the '80's should be. – Ray Wert

Related:
2006 Woodward Dream Pre-Cruise: A Fleet Of Buick Grand Nationals And A GNX Get Their Cruise On [internal]

Nick here is going to talk to you today about his Buick Regal Grand National. This guy grabbed us as we were snapping some pictures of the black-as-night muscle cars as they were ready to head out and cruise Woodward Avenue, and urged us to take a look at his intercooled piece of motown metal. And we're glad he did — as he gives us the story of how an intercooler works, and why the Grand National gets attention at the tracks — and why it should be getting more.

Related:
2006 Woodward Dream Pre-Cruise: A Fleet Of Buick Grand Nationals And A GNX Get Their Cruise On [internal]