Hung is all about former high school sports legend Ray Drecker's become a middle-aged high school basketball coach in metro Detroit and his finding a way to benefit from his biggest asset — his penis. Doesn't sound like the story of Jalopnik to you? Bear with us. It'll all make sense.

1.) The name of Hung's main character is Ray and he grew up in metro Detroit. The name of Jalopnik's editor is Ray and he grew up in metro Detroit.

2.) Hung's story is set in Detroit. Many of Jalopnik's stories are set in Detroit.

3.) Hung uses the Packard plant and the old Michigan Central train station to set the scene of Detroit's economic decline. Jalopnik uses the Packard plant and the old Michigan Central train station to set the scene of Detroit's economic decline. Well, until it caught fire last week.

4.) Hung's Ray gets admiring looks outside of Hamtramck's Burk's Igloo ice cream shop because of his equipment. Jalopnik's Ray gets admiring looks outside of Hamtramck's Burk's Igloo ice cream shop because of his equipment.

5.) Hung uses Detroit's Renaissance Center as a visual phallus jutting from the groin of the Detroit River. Jalopnik uses Detroit's Renaissance Center as a verbal phallus jutting from the groin of the Detroit River.

6.) Hung's Ray gives love to various ladies for a fee. Jalopnik's Ray gives love to various cars for free.

7.) Hung's Ray is...well...hung like a horse. Jalopnik's Ray is...well..hung up on horsepower.

See — it makes perfect sense to us. Hey HBO, where's our royalties?

FROM: Danielle Maccione
TO: Tips
SUBJECT: Ray Wert

Can't believe you fell off the Segway…it's the easiest thing to ride. It's self-balancing, so I'm not quite sure how you managed that one. I would say after reading your article, you harbor a lot of ill will toward the Segway(an inanimate object, I might remind you). It's a brilliant cross of physics and engineering that, until you are able to produce a machine as comparable if not better, I would reserve comment/opinion if I were you. You sounded foolish. That's just my 2 cents worth.

Now, the Jalopnik response:

FROM: Jalopnik
TO: Danielle Maccione
SUBJECT: RE: Ray Wert

Actually, I'm not sure we'd pay more than one cent for your e-mail, because for starters you're not giving us any kind of sign-post for what you're writing us about. We write like 30 stories per day and over almost five years of publishing, we've got a lot of stories to weed through. So next time, give us a link or something more to go on than the name of our Editor-in-Chief as a subject line. Nonetheless, we'll assume you're talking about Wert's feature on the seven reasons the Segway still sucks due to your mentioning someone falling off a Segway and your unabashed fan-girl love of one of the silliest methods of transportation science and engineering has yet to invent.

Now that we've figured out how to read your mind, let's get down to the root issue you have with the story — you want to sleep with either Dean Kamen or a Segway and be the mother of either Dean's or, in a Cylon-like mecha-human cross-pollination, the Segway's, children. This blind love of Dean/Segway/Cylons obviously caused you to miss that this story was a humorous take on the subject. Therefore, you missed the joke.

We mean really, if it's so brilliant, how come GM wants to make one?

Thank you for your e-mail.

Regards,

Jalopnik

A: It's an Audi R8 4.2L FSI.

Photo Credit: Scott Burgess

Ray claims the reason he shouted out Kudlow's last name in the segment was to subtly remind Larry of his first name. All we know is we'd like to note Wert is the chillest person on CNBC today — and he even made two strong points:

1.) At sub-$2 per share, the market's already priced in the news.

2.) The Obama Administration needs to decide whether having a homegrown auto industry is important and if it is, they're going to need to pay through the nose to have it.

Well, whatever, the video's below:

[via CNBC]

Time to enjoy the Official Car Pundit Drinking Game.

As with any publication, when we put together a product review, the editorial staff collaborates to develop parts of the overall opinion of the car in question. The staff person driving the car takes an initial stab at the driving experience. Then I, as road test editor, take the lead in helping to refine their position into something resembling English. Often, when I'm driving the car, I'm deciding a lot of what Jalopnik's opinions are. As the head honcho, Ray gets to stick his head in when he feels I’m drastically wrong. To be fair, he’s actually pretty good about this, deferring to my far greater expertise in nearly every instance. This morning he didn’t.

I thought the Fit was a suitable car for both working stiffs and technogeeks; Ray disagreed, saying, “I don't think working stiffs will work with the Fit. And technogeeks? Also a "no" — is the ipod connector digital or just an aux-in jack? Frankly, a full-fledged iPod connector attachment should be the base level for almost any car these days.”

We define “working stiff” as an individual, typically a male, who uses his car for work. These are typically plumbers, construction worker or similar, so a vehicle like the Ford F-150 would be a good example of something suitable for a working stiff.

We define “technogeek” as Brian Lam.

While I’d agree that iPod integration should be included in all cars and isn’t a qualification for becoming a technogeek car, I think it’s the Fit’s lack of gadgets that makes it the perfect car for nerds. You see, the Fit doesn’t feature many gadgets because it doesn’t need them, it is a gadget.

My dictionary defines “gadget” as, “a small mechanical device or tool, especially an ingenious or novel one.” I think that also sums up the Fit. Its flexible interior is so incredibly useful and is wrapped up in a tiny, good-looking package that’s a pleasure to use. Driving the Fit, I get the same feeling that I get from using my SOG PowerAssist multi-tool or my iPod. It’s an ingeniously useful, fun product that defies categorization as just another subcompact.

But Ray doesn’t think so. Why? Bias. Both his own and the bias he assumes exists in the mind of mainstream Americans.

Historically, Americans struggle to perceive utility in small cars, assuming anything smaller than an Escalade is unsuitable for carrying any more than a single resident of San Francisco and possibly, in a pinch, his poodle. But, as the era of cheap gas and universal American affluence comes to an end while simultaneously most of us become city-dwellers, that perception is rapidly disappearing.

As the most progressive auto publication on the planet we need to anticipate changes like that and work to include them in our editorial. We should be telling people that they would probably be happier in a Fit than in a mid-size sedan. Its utility and efficiency also makes it appropriate for working stiffs that don’t have enormous pieces of material to cart around. For that and many other reasons, I felt the Fit deserved five stars. Ray didn’t. He’s wrong.

Wert Is Wrong is a new weekly feature designed to help Jalopnik editorial staff deal better with Der Werter's oppressive OCD control on content, and will rotate between Jalopnik’s editorial staff. Ray will have an opportunity to respond to the criticism in the comments below, just like you have an opportunity to expound on just how wrong he is. He will keep his editing of this feature to a minimum. Mostly just looking for spelling errors that make us look silly.

Coming just a day after we used it ourselves on the air at CNBC, our little turn-o-phrase is making itself known in other media outlets. Our little term-of-the-day made it's way into an article on the front page of the 'ol gray lady, in addition to a quick quip-of-a-quote from yours truly in Micki Maynard's piece today discussing Chrysler's leaked future product plans.

But we're not the only outlets. It seems our friends at Slate have given us a hat tip as well. Just remember where you read it first, faithful readers. In the meantime, head over to the NYT and Slate to see it in the bright and glitzy lights. Pretty soon everyone'll be using it and then it'll be on American Apparel t-shirts and SNL sketches. Oh well, that's the price of celebrity, ain't it?

All we know is, we're pleased as punch to see the word "carpocalypse" written anywhere.

Where it wasn't written was over on Motor Trend, but that's a piece of a different sort. As usual, Todd Lassa hits the nail on the head. Well, except for that whole "looking" irreverent. We're totally irreverent. We swear. [NYT, Slate, Motor Trend]

Here's a hint: we don't think they'll be taking private jets. Funkmaster Wert will also talk about $1 CEO salaries, an idea we really hope he doesn't embrace for bloggers. Tune in and drink up, the Official Car Pundit Drinking Game starts soon.