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Detroit, 1:19 PM
Thu Dec 10
28 posts in the last 24 hours
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01:15 PM
This was all started on the dream of trying to maintain a seriously long distance relationship with a girl I met while on vacation in Virginia one summer. Hence the said need for incredible ground covering pace. I figured that a couple hours of "super cruise" on the freeways would get me from OH to VA in a nice timely manner for weekends of dating bliss. Pifling details such as, aerodynamics, handling, traffic and refueling, or why I din't just dream of a personal Harrier jet, were of no concern. The fantasy just revolved around the car and getting to the girl. Though as time went on, it just became more about the car and rocketing down empty freeways in the middle of the night.
I never saw the young lady in question ever again (we wrote to each other a couple of times). But the Pratt &Whitney powered F40 still haunts my dreams and memory something fierce.
01:04 PM
12:43 PM
I'd hire some artist type to make it look purdy, would get my southern-French rally racing buddies involved and together we'd design the Franzousemobile. Built around the 6.4L hemi, and getting its design cues from the Pug 504 Coupe, it would get a hydraulic suspension and 4 wheel drive, enabling smooth cruising on any terrain and be equipped with 9 ashtrays, 6 ashtray holders and would have a humidor in the glove box.
Then I'd start the Franzouse Classic, an international race between the world's most depraved party spots. I'm thinking a start in Kaliningrad, then Amsterdam, Barcelona, Marrakesh. Get the cars on boats or wtv to get to Sao Paulo. Race to Manaus, north to Bogotta, up through central America to Mexico, up to Vegas, then , I'd win the race in a thrilling Vancouver finale by narrowly beating the Overfinch Holland & Holland Range Rover.
yeay!
12:27 PM
Why?
1. I don't care about carbon emissions and thanks to climategate, the whole world is waking up to that scam anyway. Even if they don't wake up, the enviro-nuts can leave cars alone for a while after the advent of the super battery.
2. I will be filthy rich.
3. Third world nations can modernize at lower cost, and with this industrialization, living standards will go up and death rates will go down.
4. Sports cars and SUV's will become more acceptable and more will be made.
5. Car repair may become a little bit easier.
6. My country will be more secure, and less wars will be fought over oil.
7. Electric motors make awesome amounts of torque.
12:37 PM
12:41 PM
12:17 PM
12:16 PM
Then I'd buy a big piece of land. Build a bed-and-breakfast, and a working old-school farm. A robotics lab for my younger kid, that might keep him out of trouble. That or he'll vaporize TN, it's a toss-up. But the idea is the place itself is the destination. Tractor and truck museum, working farm, lodge with our family's own eclectic style. Nerds would love it. Froo-froo types, not so much. Charles Addams would come, and stay.
Then I can start my collection. Tractors made by truck builders, and trucks made by tractor builders. Ford trucks and tractors. International trucks and tractors. Case made a bus. Some of the oddly dual-missioned Jeeps with the three point hitch and PTO on the back. White tractors, and the fascinating White Trend truck with the cab only slightly evolved from really big Tupperware. The Minneapolis-Moline UDLX - tractor when it's hitched, but seats, heater and cab make it useful as a car (but the right fender flips up so you can use the belt pulley, too). Allis-Chalmers built freakin huge power stations so I might have to let that one go. Too bad. Google "Big Allis" for some interesting history. No Green tractors - too many people collect them already - well, maybe one, just for the sound. No hulks. Everything runs. Everything gets taken out for a spin once in a while.
One simple rule: nothing newer than me.
12:04 PM
I think I would like to do the same thing but in North Korea with a huge snarling disgusting outrageous muscle car. Something like a Hurst Hairy olds with blowers stick out every where and 2000HP at each end. I would find the busiest street and let that sucker rip. hole shots, wheelies ,burnouts for as long as the road. I will bring the people the most outrageous expression of freedom and their minds will be open they will overturn their oppressive government. Me and a hot babe will drive the Olds in the parade in honor of me and the first day of freedom for North Korea. Tons of confetti.
I will eat lots of delicious food. Many phone calls of congratulations from leaders of the world. I will be invited to return to the U.S. on an aircraft carrier where I will race a jet.
12:13 PM
12:50 PM
12:03 PM
11:57 AM
11:55 AM
Basically it would involve me getting the fastest car I could afford in flat black, taking off all identifying marks including plates, leave it unregistered, buying night vision goggles, and then driving through the hills every night with the lights off as fast as physics will let me.
12:10 PM
Most of my ideas are profoundly illegal yet still seem attainable in my twisted car mind.
Cross country timed runs (a la Mr. Roy)
Pan-continental rallys
And clandestine escape tactics.
12:17 PM
11:54 AM
11:47 AM
Step two - swap engines, to restore balance to the world
Put a Jaguar straight six in a Chevrolet Caprice to make up for too many SBC Jags
Build up a Hyundai Pony so it doesn't suck (since it's a RWD hatch)
Find a Porsche Boxster with an IMS failure, drop in a Subaru flat-four
Mid-engined LS1-powered Cavalier
11:47 AM
11:37 AM
That said, my real Jalopnik fantasy is a Ford Fiesta randomly given away to a random commenter for posting a random comment. So let's say PaulJones makes comment number 6,434,232 of the year- bam! He wins a Ford Fiesta.
Get Ford behind it- c'mon Jalopnik- give away a car!
11:50 AM
01:17 PM
12/09/09
How about a turn-of-the-Millenium Falcon?
12/09/09
12/09/09