We all thought it was a pretty good score when Seatbelt123 picked up two Alfa Romeo Milanos for his 24 Hours Of LeMons team for just $299. No doubt many an Alfa lover started eyeballing that empty spot in the garage and began a search for similar deals. Guess what? We've found what (at first glance appears to be) an even better Alfa deal, and it will not only fill up your garage but the driveway and maybe front yard as well! Would you believe an '87 Milano, a '78 Alfetta, and a '69 Duetto (go here if the ad disappears) for the incredible price of $750? No, and we didn't, either; of course it's really a classic Craigslist bait-and-switch arrangement hiding a $9,850 price tag. But still, with the economy melting down and the value of project Alfas melting like reserves in a bank run, we're pretty sure the actual selling price will be much, much lower. There is no information about running condition or any problems these cars might have (other than the ominous statement "Needs a little attention" applied to the Alfetta), but you can count on decades months of Alfa torture fun when you take on these projects! Thanks to Narf, BZR, and UDMan for the tip.

You like those Alfa Romeos but the scam-esque nature of the phony price has you refusing to do business with the seller for ethical reasons? We understand. Besides, Italian cars are so obvious, what with all their histrionics and castor-oil-down-the-throat machismo. French cars! That's what you need! In fact, forget about those Renaults and Peugeots and even Simcas and go straight for the clear-quill, 200-proof goods: Citroën. Normally, even a pretty rough, hasn't-run-in-years Citroën goes for at least two grand, but magical things happen to project-car prices during a Financiapocalypse- how about four 1960-66 Citroën ID19s (go here if the ad disappears) for just one thin grand? The seller doesn't bother to provide any real description, other than "Between the 4 there are 3 engines. You could probably make 2 complete cars or make 1 with lots of spare parts," but who cares? You could make one quasi-nice runner with all this stuff and the first-ever 24 Hours Of LeMons Citroën with whatever's left over! Please, one of you Oregon readers needs to buy these cars!

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You know that cash-strapped police departments aren't going to have any money to replace their old Crown Vics with faster machinery once the Financiapocalypse really gets rolling, and budget money for helicopters? Forget it! In order to catch moonshine runners, they're going to have to do so at speeds of 130 MPH or less, which means a powerful, sophisticated German car should be able to stay safely ahead of John Law. Remember, though, that you need something big enough for substantial tanks of "whiskey" or "vodka" or whatever label the cartel wants to slap on their bottles, and the suspension must be able to cope with the added weight of all that highly flammable fluid sloshing around. That's why you need the might of a V12 and the heft of an 8 Series chassis, but how to get one without spending too much of your stash of gold ingots? Hey, bust out $5,750 of your soon-to-be-toilet-paper fiat currency, before The Fed gets all the printing presses rolling at full tilt, because this 1991 BMW 850i- conveniently located in moonshine-friendly Tennessee- is ready to go! It's "a serious car that needs just a little attention," so you figure a few turns of the wrench, the addition of a stainless steel (or rusty steel, to add healthy iron and nice "aged in oak" coloring) tank, and you'll be rollin' like Bob Mitchum!

You really think the revenoors ain't gonna upgrade their fleets with confiscated cars the minute chaos envelops the cities and the bread lines turn into something out of the Battle Of Hue? Brother, you know John Law is going to be 200 MPH-capable when that day comes; those that aren't running down moonshiners in ZR1s and R8s are going to be stuffing supercharged 5.4 engines in their Police Interceptors, and then where will your fancy-schmancy BMW be? We can't say what will happen to your car when they catch you, but you'll be sucking down lead fumes in the Tough On Crime Penitentiary™ Battery Recycling Plant, and you don't want that. That's why what you need is stealth- a car that blends right in, yet still has the speed to make the occasional high-speed dash to the finish line. Say, something like this 2003 Mercury Marauder, which is essentially a warmed-up Crown Victoria Police Interceptor and can be had, in this case, for just $5,500. Don't worry about the seller's statement "MADE A MECHANICAL REPAIR TO THE VEHICLE AND THE OWNER DITCHED IT," because the post-Financiapocalypse world will be full of easy and cheap ways to get totally realistic-looking registration documents. Of course, you'll need to do something about the engine, but F150 Lightning drivetrains ought to be getting pretty cheap by now. There's room aplenty for the requisite white-liquor tank, and a suspension built to withstand endless impacts with curbs and speed bumps should be able to take the pounding administered by logging roads and potholed post-collapse city streets better than anything out of Bavaria!

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Remember the Lancia Zagato? Of course not, and you Europeans are probably totally confused about that name slapped on what's obviously some kind of Americanized Beta, but enough of them were sold on these shores that it's now possible to obtain two of them (go here if the ad disappears) for just $1,500. One of them doesn't run, due to a "sticky" clutch arm, while the other one runs just fine, other than a slight problem with the fuel pump ("Sometimes you have to jiggle the fuel pump fuse to get it going"), which shouldn't raise even the tiniest red flag among those with experience working on Italian cars. You got lots of extra parts- in fact, sufficient parts to completely fill the bed of a full-sized pickup truck- and that means you should have enough stuff to get at least one of these fine Italian thoroughbreds back into tip-top shape. Right?

Just because a Citroën SM has never lost a PCH Superpower Challenge, does that make this matchup unfair to Italy? What if the Romans had had that sort of defeatist attitude? Why, they would have allowed those barbarians from the north to conquer them in that case... oh, wait. Anyway, we figure two Lancias might have a hope against a car built by a shotgun marriage of Maserati and Citroën, under the administration of two of the best-organized and efficient organizations the world has ever seen: the French and Italian governments! So here we go! My fellow LeMons judge, Herr Lieberman, has found this 1973 Citroën SM for us, and check out that price! Pick your jaw up off the floor, because we're talking about an SM priced well below four figures, and the auction ends in just a few hours. Unless the reserve is set at some absurd height, this might be the cheapest SM in the country! It doesn't quite run, but it's really, really close; once you deal with the engine- which "may be stuck"- and find a new transmission- which is missing- and then hunt down some new hydropneumatic suspension spheres and some other parts, and then deal with all the stuff that goes wrong when an insanely complicated car sits for close to two decades (a car built by the French and Italian governments, remember), and then fix the rusted-through body panels… well, at that point you'll find that you're only capable of composing really unwieldy run-on sentences full of digressions and tangents and you'll need a good stiff shot of absinthe just to drag yourself out to the garage and face your future, each day, until the warm embrace of eagerly anticipated death enfolds you. OK, fine, we know the SM is going to crush the Zagatos, but vote anyway.

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When you want to drive a car that was once owned by a famous actor, you can expect to pay big bucks, and when the car is a vintage Italian machine with suicide doors? Forget it! Hold on, though, because we work miracles here at Project Car Hell… and we can put you behind the wheel of this 1960 Lancia Appia (sorry, the ad got pulled from Craigslist, so we have to use a screenshot), which was once owned by Fabio! You think some of Mr. Bodice Ripper's charismatic glow will rub off on you from this car? Sure thing! Of course, before that can happen, you'll need to get it running. The seller doesn't mention the running condition (or lack thereof) in the description, but "needs restoration" is generally accepted as Craigslist-ese for "nothing works." Don't worry about finding parts for your new Lancia, however, because the seller claims "Car is complete and no missing parts." Easy!

Maybe Fabio is a little too wholesome for you, what with his romance-novel faux-bad-boy image and all, and you want your famous car to be something notorious. You ain't getting Bonnie and Clyde's Ford V8, but how about a car that figured as the centerpiece in a squalid B-list divorce nightmare, culminating in allegations of abduction and rape and- naturally- leading to the publication of a documentary, a book, and a reality TV show? That's what you get with the Star Crazy Volvo 244, which figured prominently in Pauley Perrette's legal battles with- we ain't making this up- Coyote Shivers. You'll need to go to this site to get Mr. Shivers' side of the story, or you could just watch his statement below:



It's pretty much a run-of-the-mill '84 Volvo 244, with no mention of running condition or anything else, but it's priced at just 400 bucks with no reserve. Are you thinking 24 Hours Of LeMons V8 Volvo? You should be!

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Why did Bhagwan Rajneesh have a fleet of 93 Rolls-Royces? I'll tell you why- the Rolls-Royce is the cult leader car! Look at David Koresh; much as we approve of the idea of a '69 Camaro sporting gold-plated valve covers embossed with "GO GO GOD 427," we all know things didn't work out so well for Mr. Koresh; anyway, you'd find rival cult leaders siphoning away your followers if you rolled in a lowly Chevy. Yes, when the rocks are melting and the hordes of hunger-maddened refugees flee the burning cities in search of canned goods and possum innards, you'll need unquestioning obedience from your holy warriors if you expect to live in luxury with your harem and treasure room… and that means you'd better get that Rolls now, while you can still find parts! We suggest this 1964 Rolls-Royce limousine, which is already located in a desert region suitable for your Holy Fortress and comes with a price tag of just $3,500. It needs an engine, which gives you the opportunity to install a big diesel powerplant. Why diesel? Well, that way you'll be able to fuel it on the fat rendered from the corpses of your rivals, which makes an impressive statement in addition to being an eco-friendly solution to cadaver disposal.

In the post-postmodern post-apocalyptic world, don't you think that the old rules for cult leaders might be irrelevant? The irony-steeped young men and women who will form your warrior brigades might well snort in derision at a Rolls-Royce, and then you'd have a big discipline problem just as the Kalashnikov-toting legions from the Beelzebub's Bastards gang roll up to your compound and start catapulting the corpses of cholera victims over the walls. You don't need that hassle, do you? But, as the all-powerful Top Honcho For Life, you still need British luxury, which is why this '56 Bentley S-1 is the car for you. As with the Rolls, its engine is trouble-free- in fact, the car is engine-free- so you'll have that much less work to do when it comes time to install that human-flesh-burning diesel. The car's description includes the cryptic statement "It is indoors so weather and darkness will not be an issue," which could form the basis of your soon-to-be-legendary "Weather And Darkness Will Not Be An Issue" speech, the one that inspires your army to bring you back a record-breaking number of trophy heads, a few dozen of which you'll be able to display on the cast-iron spikes you can mount on this car's bodywork for just that purpose.

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First, let's hear what Tricky Dick had to say to those communists in the media who wanted nothing less than total emasculation of the Executive Branch of the United States government. You see, he canned Cox for selfless reasons, yet once again the press was out to get him!


It would have taken a miracle for Nixon to survive impeachment, which is the reason he resigned. Unlike Nixon, however, you won't have the option of resigning from your Pantera project, not when you've managed to buy the car for the once-in-a-lifetime low price of just $2,500. Got your attention now? That's right, this 1973 'Lamborghini' Pantera (go here if the ad disappears), complete with genuine "Clevlander" 351 engine, is sitting there in North Jersey with a 25-Benjamin price tag! The seller states that it's in "Good Shape just rusted," which is much like saying that the reputation of the United States Presidency is in good shape, other than some Watergate damage. The buyer hardly needs to mention that it doesn't run, but he wants to make that fact perfectly clear. The interior is "in tact," though, which makes the project a bit easier, and Ford Cleveland parts are no sweat to find. If you're thinking of just making it run and then enjoying the glory of driving the meanest-looking rustmobile in your town, think again: the Pantera's monocoque construction means that rust anywhere on the body will probably lead to catastrophic structural failure at high speed. But so what? 2,500 bucks!

Panteras are cool, and there's no denying that they're pretty quick, but the Vince Neil stigma is pretty tough to scrub away. And what if you'd prefer a precise, road-gripping machine to a fire-and-brimstone pushrod V8-powered testosterone monster? Well, also available in 1973 was the Lotus Elite, which- thanks to fiberglass monocoque construction and Lotus' famed suspension engineering- weighed about 17 pounds and grabbed the pavement the way the goddamned Ho Chi Minh-loving press sank its fangs into Richard Milhous Nixon and wouldn't let go! That's right, you'll go all Woodward and Bernstein on your favorite twisty mountain road once you get this '73 Lotus Elite (go here if the ad disappears) back into running condition. Actually, it might already be in running condition, but the seller was too busy slamming a huge fist onto the CAPS LOCK key to type out that inconsequential tidbit, though he or she does state that it "NEEDS RESTORATION." All the photographs are from similar angles, so we can't tell you much about the condition other than the obvious missing front body components, and we also can't tell you how many miles are on the clock; if it really has racked up "5000 K" miles, we're looking at a five million mile British car here, which could mean it's the highest-mileage car in the world (though to achieve that figure it would need to have maintained an average speed of a just under 17 MPH the entire time since it was built). Hey, maybe it's really a super-cherry 5,000-mile car, and all for just $3,400. You can't lose!

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Motorhomes are great, as we've seen before, and when you own one you'll be able to live in comfort as you travel to such events as the Superfund Site Cook-Off™ and the Artillery-R-Us Unexploded Munitions Scavenger Hunt™. But why drive some boring ol' Winnebago or haul a jackknifey trailer, listening to the gurgling sound of your cash being swilled by that great big engine's insatiable thirst? What you need is a camper with vintage style and a modern fuel-efficient powerplant- something along the lines of this '40 Ford with integrated Bolar trailer and Pontiac 4-cylinder engine! Yes, that's a front-wheel-drive Pontiac engine/transaxle, which we're assuming came out of an early-80s Phoenix, and that setup gives this travelin' machine a claimed 27 miles per gallon! Sure, you might have a tough time climbing up hills or even driving into the wind, given that the first iterations of the ol' Iron Duke put out 86 horsepower, but this vehicle sleeps four and boasts a full kitchen. The bodywork looks to have been performed with a minimum of duct tape and/or pop rivets, so perhaps there will be no nasty surprises as you prepare to fix the paint job. The description is a bit vague about the running condition, especially the part about the "friend that has a pretty low mileage engine in a car 2 years newer that has full injection with all the extras he stored this for me so when i came back from china i was going to fix it," but you'll sort that out after the purchase. Thanks to 42FordTrucks for the tip!

A custom motorhome would be fun, but what if you need something that will really turn heads at Spirochete Spiro's Strip Club? The Spirochete dancers probably won't want to climb into that '40, no matter how many Hawaiian Punch-and-Everclear Sno-Cones you buy for them. No, you need a limo for that, and we don't mean your everyday boring Town Car. We mean a limo more like this stretched 1980 VW Rabbit! This is no backyard conversion; the seller swears it was"Professionally stretched when new," and some of the rusty body panels have been replaced. A metal shop made the floors, and a "roof panel from an 84 Jetta GLI welded in with a sunroof" is more or less firmly affixed on top. There's no fuel tank and thus no way to drive it, but the seller states "It did run and drive great prior," though worrywarts might wring their hands over the lack of any mention of how long it's been since it ran. With an automatic transmission, it might be on the pokey side, but limos aren't about going fast! Thanks to YotaLoLux for the tip.

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When we think about NSU Hell, we usually think about the NSU Wankel Spider, the first production vehicle to boast a kinda-functional Wankel engine. However, NSU made piston-engined machines as well, and you could be the first in your city, state, and maybe time zone to have one! Where on earth could you possibly find one for your next project, you ask? On eBay, of course, where a '67 NSU Type 110 awaits you! The seller claims there's not much rust, though you will find "a number of dents." The engine doesn't work, but you get a whole bunch of parts- hey, with 15 pistons to choose from, you should be able to find one good set, right? No title, car rolls "with some friction." Easy!

That NSU would be a hoot, but say you're looking for something with more dangerous spirited performance? It wouldn't be right to swap out the NSU's original engine, but what if you had a British sports car with the not-at-all-rare Ford Cologne V6? Nobody would shed any tears if you ditched that engine for something with way too much a bit more power, we're pretty sure. So here's whatcha do: Buy this 1985 TVR 280i for $2,500, then whip out the tape measure and get the biggest V8 you can almost fit under the hood. The interior is "original and complete," but others might choose different words (such as "rough" or "beat") to describe it. The windshield is cracked, but a few phone calls to Britain and a few bucks for international oversized fragile shipping will solve that problem.

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Putting a Detroit pushrod V8 into a Mazda RX-7 is a pretty common swap, and there are some really nice ones out there. Sure, the new engine weighs about 16 tons more than the original rotary did, but it also makes approximately 16,000 times as much torque. The Ford small-block is the preferred engine for such swaps, since it's smaller and lighter than its Chevy and Chrysler counterparts, but sometimes you see such a great deal on a used engine that you have no choice but to buy it. We're pretty sure that's what happened with this '87 Mazda RX-7 (go here if the ad disappears), which has a Chevy L98 engine and 700R4 already installed. All you need to do is get a radiator and driveshaft and, you know, a few other minor details. Should be easy! You get a Painless wiring harness (though we see what looks like painful clusters of sliced wires a-dangling) and an "ECU for 350," and the whole deal is a mere two grand!Thanks to Radiohound for the tip.

An L98 RX-7 would be pretty quick, but wouldn't you prefer to go vintage if you're going to drive an engine-upgraded Japanese car? We couldn't find a Toyopet with Cadillac 500 engine, but how about a late-60s Corona with a lightweight, high-revving Nissan V6? Not only that, how about one for less than half the price of the V8 RX-7? It seems hard to believe, but this 1968 Toyota Corona with Nissan 3.0 V6 engine (go here if the ad disappears) is priced at only $900. Not even four figures! We don't want to hear any complaints about the seller neglecting to identify what kind of 3.0 liter Nissan V6 engine got dropped into this car, not at that bargain-basement price! You get a harness (which may be from the donor car) and some "JDM headers," and the seller- apparently not believing that the car's photographs tell the whole story- adds "Project Car needs to be finished." Is there a transmission or driveshaft? We don't know. Was the engine known to be running before it was torn out by the roots and wedged into the Corona's engine compartment? Maybe. Come on, it's cheap! Thanks to LTDScott for the tip.

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Before there was the Geo Metro, there was the Chevrolet Sprint, the original rebadged Suzuki Swift. In the mid-80s, The General figured some pinko subversive types weren't getting the news about cheap gas, preferring small turbocharged engines to great big pushrod V8s. When Plan A (having such traitors shipped off to work extracting neptunium from heaps of uranium ore tailings in the Aleutian Islands) didn't pan out, GM figured they'd sacrifice their principles and go with Plan B: Turbo Sprint! Yes, a 1.0 liter 3-cylinder engine with intercooled turbocharger setup. 73 horsepower didn't sound like much, but we're talking about a car that weighed just 1,488 pounds here. Sadly, just about all the Turbo Sprints were crashed or blown up, and they're just about impossible to find these days. But hold on- we've managed to scare up this 1987 Chevy Sprint Turbo for you, priced below a thousand bucks! Does it run? Well, it almost runs; the seller states "thing a rod bearing broke, which was causeing the car to barely run," though there's also the chance that "the clutch may have took a dump." Either way, the seller has already made progress on the repairs, by taking a bunch of stuff apart and obtaining a (non-turbo) junkyard engine; not only that, he or she has added some kickass performance mods, ensuring that this Sprint will never pass a smog test again blow the doors off everything else on the street.

Three cylinders? That just seems… wrong. You're even willing to pay more for that extra piston, but you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that you can get yourself a turbocharged, four-cylinder, badge-engineered Japanese subcompact for even cheaper than the Sprint. Really! Head on out to Reno, shoot a man just to watch him die, then proceed a few more klicks to Sparks, where you'll find this 1984 Dodge Colt GTS Turbo (go here if the ad disappears) for only 750 bucks. It's got the Twin Stick overdrive transmission, giving you eight forward gears to play with (well, if you can get it unstuck from Sport Mode) and 102 horses to haul its 1,880 pounds (the seller says those numbers are really 110 horses and 1700 pounds, so maybe I'm looking in the wrong reference books here). The clutch is dying, the tires are bad, the CV joints are hosed, and the list goes on and on… but who cares? This thing has the potential to make you King (or Queen) Of The Hoons! Add more boost, fix all the broken stuff, then add some more boost, and watch the Turbo Sprints disappear from your rearview!

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The Mercedes-Benz 600 may well be the ultimate vintage German land yacht; the list of 600 owners includes such luminaries as Idi Amin, Pol Pot, Leonid Brezhnev, and John Lennon. In 1972, the four-door Pullman 600 listed at $37,928, or about $199,000 in 2008 dollars… but why limit yourself to a proletarian four doors? You're a high roller! A whale! Your entourage is so big (and so heavily armed) that only six doors will do, and we've found just what you need: this 1972 Mercedes-Benz 600 Pullman six-door limousine, priced so low that you'll still have enough cash left to stock it with champagne and Eastern European prostitutes. We may not even be justified in calling an easy restoration like this a project- after all, the seller claims it's 100% complete (though those parts that are "off the car" may have wandered off during its 15 years of storage). Whoa, did we say "15 years of storage?" Sure, sure, you might have to fiddle with the hydraulic system for decades a day or two, since everything on the car is hydraulically operated- including the windows and doors- and the seals have definitely could have gone bad while the car sat waiting for you to come rescue it. The engine is a smaller version of the famous 6.9 V8, which means you'll have the opportunity to turn large amounts of cash into engine parts from Germany… but hey, there's no way in hell maybe the engine will fire right up!

While the 600 is pretty fast- in the same way that a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier is "pretty fast"- it's not quite what you'd call a sporty car. Let's say you want a project that will be lots of fun on twisty roads after you by some miracle get it fixed up? Something with a high-strung small-displacement V8 and that legendary Italian shoddy build quality passion we all love so much? That's right- we're talking about this 1975 Lamborghini Urraco, which is priced at a very un-Lambo-esque $26,500. We know, there are some who say the Urraco isn't a "real" Lamborghini, but they're the same ones who say herpes isn't a "real" STD," so pay 'em no mind! Now, this here Urraco seems pretty solid; the owner claims it's "WITHOUT ANY RUST, MOTOR SOUNDS EXCELLENT," and the only problem seems to be a bad clutch. You think anything else might be wrong? We don't! Put in a new clutch and get ready for years of trouble-free daily driving, we say!

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You like the Ferrari 360, but you say it's just not extreme enough for you? Well, then you're an obvious candidate for the 360 Challenge, the stripped-down, race-only version of the 360 Modena, and we think you have what it takes to convince the bureaucrats in your state that it deserves street-legal status. Before you can do that, however, you need to find one that you can afford (hey, all those lawyers ain't gonna be cheap), so we've found you this one for a paltry $40,000. No doubt you're having a hard time accepting that a genuine Ferrari 360 Challenge can be purchased for that kind of small-time cash, but it's for real. You see, it needs some work. Tell the truth, it's been in a bit of a fender-bender… or maybe a more accurate term would be chassis-bender. You know how most Ferraris come with an exhaustively documented history? How boring! Not so in this case, though; the seller states "I really can not tell you alot about this car,I do not know how it was wrecked,I do not know how many miles or hours are on this car." It appears that the engine was spared during the crash- though perhaps it was one of those throw-rod-then-hit-wall incidents- and the seller adds that he or she "was told engine was recently overhauled by ferrari of new england but i do not have the paperwork at this time." So there ya go- blurry photos, information-free description, no title, all on a hideously mangled somewhat battered factory race car. We like it!

Ferrari, Italy, Pininfarina… blah, blah, blah. Don't your eyes sort of glaze over when Italian-car geeks go droning on about "soul" and "passion" and all that noise? You want precision in your factory race car. Science! Naturally, that means you must start shopping for a BMW… but where could you possibly find one with a description as maddeningly vague as the Ferrari Challenge we just contemplated? Impossible! The bar has been set too high! Put your monocle back on, Helmut, because we've managed to find this BMW E46 M3 (go here if the ad disappears) for the steal-it-today price of 36 grand. The listing for this car- that is, if "car" is the right word in this case- is a genuine Craigslist masterpiece; we can't even figure out quite what's being sold here. The "factory built roll cage is up for sale," but there's also the "rolling chassis is as is in photos shown below." The photographs muddle more than they enlighten; we've got two blurred shots of what appear to be shipping labels, one shot of a car that appears to be a chassis that rolls only on pallet jack wheels, and one shot of a vehicle- perhaps the same one- surrounded by packing materials. Do you get a suspension? Does the cage come with the deal? How about ownership paperwork? We're pretty sure there's no engine involved, so you can go ahead and start building up a wild Bavarian six-banger now; we know you'll leap all the other hurdles as they come.

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We've seen the Porsche 928 in the Hell Garage before; in fact, we've had more 928s here than any other car! Why is that, you ask? They were insanely expensive, insanely hard to fix, and insanely (for their time) fast, and non-perfect ones are available for the same insanely low price as a 15-year-old Corolla, that's why! It goes without saying that everyone associated with the 24 Hours of LeMons race is praying for a 928 to show up, because it may well be the perfect car for that race: looks like a great race car on paper, glowing with cocaine-dealer aura, and 99.999% likely to disintegrate on the track. Now, we've never seen a running one for 500 bucks, but any 928 should contain sufficient eBay-able components to make cars in the $1000-$1500 price range fit the LeMons budget. We've found this '78 928 (go here if the ad disappears) located in Southern California- just in time for the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza race in December! The seller says he "was told by my mechanic that all it need to start running was a new fuel pump," so there ya go! It should fire right up once you rig up a junkyard pump out of a 280ZX (we're pretty sure a Porsche pump sells for $11,987 and requires 26 weeks ship time). And look at how nice it is- you're sure to find a gold mine of parts to sell!

Why don't racers ever run big rear-drive Japanese luxury cars at the 24 Hours of LeMons? Japanese cars are reliable, right? Forget about those head-gasket-popping Integras and CRXs, those breadstick-strength control arms of the RX-7s, and the beercan-grade construction of the FX16 Corollas! Instead, slide behind the wheel of an early-90s Mazda 929, Infiniti Q45, or Lexus LS400 and enjoy repeated breakdowns certain victory at Thunderhill while showing your sense of style and class. Can you really get such a fine automobile for a LeMons-appropriate price? That's like asking "Do Yakuza hit men have tattoos?" Of course you can! Why, I was able to find this '91 Lexus LS400 (go here if the ad disappears) after just a couple of minutes searching California Craigslist ads. The seller wants 800 bucks, but that ain't gonna happen, not with that crumpled sheetmetal and 190K miles on the clock; between the $600 you'll pay for it and the $400 worth of stuff you'll sell on eBay, this car might as well have "THUNDERHILL EXPRESS" painted on it right now. You'll get a 256-horse V8 (more than the Crown Vics that did so well in Toledo) and a weight you'll be able to get below 3,000 pounds once you rip out all the luxury crap, giving you the kind of performance that will have racers in lesser cars loaning you tools in the pits pounding their steering wheels with rage as you roar past. Oh sure, so-called veteran racers might point out that non-Detroit automatic transmissions- particularly those with nearly 200,000 miles on them- usually blow up in endurance races, and maybe you'll cut a crucial engine-control wire or two as you gut the interior, and the LS400's vast bulk might win it a date with the People's Curse excavator after you punt a few subcompacts into the tire barriers, but winners don't dwell on the negative!

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It's always fun to have a Jalopnik Fantasy Garage inhabitant in Project Car Hell, and JFG-meister Loverman himself gets the blame credit for sending in this tip. Would you believe just 1,200 bucks for this '77 Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 (go here if the ad disappears)? No, we haven't been huffing starter fluid again- that's the for-real price. Yes, a car that sold for the equivalent of $143,000 (in 2008 dollars) when new is now available for less than one percent of that amount! Does it run? What kind of question is that? Of course it… well, fine, you got us there; the seller states "Not running at this time but car complete," which we're interpreting as "Something really terrible went wrong 15 years ago but nothing has fallen off the car since then." Does the ungodly complicated hydraulic suspension work? How about that 250-horse SOHC V8- are there rods hanging out the side of the block? We can't tell you, but it can't be that hard to get this car back on the road, right?

What's this liters business? Forget about overhead cams, aluminum blocks, and fuel injection- the American Dream is powered by pushrods, cast iron, and carburetors. Multiple carburetors, like the ones that the Pontiac 421 Super Duty had back in the mid-60s. 6.9 liters is just about exactly the same volume as 421 cubic inches, but the 250 horsepower of the Mercedes-Benz 6.9 was dwarfed by the 405 horses you got with the craziest Super Duty 421; sure, a lot of that difference is gross-versus-net measurements, and the 421 belched out approximately 400,000 times more hydrocarbons, carbon monoxide, and probably Iodine-131 than did the 6.9, but you'll need to make the engine run before you can worry about that stuff. Given how easy it is to find Pontiac V8 parts these days, we figure getting the 421 in this '66 Pontiac Catalina 2+2 going again should be way easier than fixing the cheese-grater like rust minor corrosion on its body. You'll need to ditch the automatic and put in a 4-speed- and you whiners who want to complain about "destroying the originality" of the car can go away now- and then you'll need to get the Tri-Power carburetors, and about a million bucks worth of some interior components, and… well, you get the idea- the big Pontiacs don't have quite the aftermarket support you get with Firebirds and GTOs, but you'll be able to laugh at those dime-a-dozen musclecars as you rumble down the boulevard in your Catalina

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Madman Muntz was a genuine American legend, and he didn't just sell cars, car stereos, and TVs- he manufactured cars, car stereos, and TVs! His car was the Muntz Jet, a Cadillac V8-powered, heavily-modified Kurtis Kraft Sport, and it was quite the performer for its era. Only about 400 Muntz Jets were ever built, so you're probably wiping away a tear at the thought that you'll never own one. Dry your eyes, pal, because Thunder has found this 1953 Muntz Jet… and not just any Muntz Jet- this one bears The Madman's Stereo-Pak sponsorship lettering! It's rusty. Stuff is missing. The engine looks very bad. Replacement parts are made of Unobtanium-237. But someday you'll emerge from the sulfurous haze of your garage behind the wheel of your roaring Muntz Jet, proving all your doubters wrong (well, those who didn't live to age 90, as you'll need to do in order to finish this project).

You know what's wrong with the Muntz Jet as a Hell Project? It's not at all French! There's no hell like French Car Hell, and the best way to get serious about French Car Hell is to horrify your neighbors with the sudden appearance of a bunch of Peugeot basket cases diamonds-in-rough lined up in your driveway, front yard, and all available street parking in the neighborhood. How many Peugeots? We're talking 15 Peugeot 504s and a Peugeot 505 (go here if the ad disappears), and you can take 'em all home for just $4,800! They're all diesels, they all run, and they all have titles. Oh, sure, "the tires are bad and the brakes are mushy on some," but the seller has "alot of spare parts" (which may or may not be included in the deal). Imagine the possibilities here- you could do 16 different crazy engine swaps, starting with a Cadillac 500 and ending with a Cummins M11! Or restore them all and have a fleet of Peugeots that will drag you down serve you faithfully for the rest of your life. Thanks to Jon for the tip!

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Did you look at the '57 Cadillac down on the Alameda street and think "Man, I'd love to get me one of those... but who's got that kind of cash these days?" You could buy a somewhat rough one, but then the cost of parts will keep you poor for years. Don't give up on those Caddy dreams so easily, we say, because we've found a project '57 that comes with a parts car (go here if the ad disappears). Tune out the squawks of those can't-do-ers and never-happen-ers trying to tell you that both of those Cads barely qualify for parts-car status, because: 600 bucks. Really! Just six Benjamins and 9,000 pounds of rust luxury automobile will be all yours! And hey, you stand to make a profit on this deal, according to the seller: "Enough parts to build a complete car, and sell the remaining Vintage Parts to pay for your project, and then some!" You can't lose! Thanks to Scout_II_4x4 in Iraq for the tip!

A '57 Cadillac is a great car... if you're Vito Genovese, heading to the Apalachin Meeting, that is. If you're not a mob boss, however, you might consider heading to Kenosha for your 1957 project. Nash and Hudson joined to form AMC back in '54, so by purchasing this 1957 Nash/1957 Hudson combo (go here if the ad disappears), you'd be able to laugh at those noob Marlin owners who think they've got old AMCs. The seller doesn't think you need to know what models he's selling, but the cars appear to be a Nash Ambassador and a Hudson Hornet sedan. Since both are based on the same platform, you probably won't should be able to swap parts from one to the other with abandon. Just pick the nicest one and get busy! You get two AMC 327 V8s (one conveniently located in the trunk) and both cars are "pretty straight," with the interiors allegedly in good condition. Did we say you could use one as a parts car? Forget that- fix 'em both!

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AMC already had the AMX in 1969, and a fine car it was. But back then, real musclecars were based on midsize or compact sedans, and they had back seats and proper trunks; the two-seater AMX did fine on the race track, but left something to be desired when it came to real-world usage. But wait- what about the Rambler Rogue? 2,296 pounds and room for a V8 under the hood; just grab a 315 horsepower 390 off the shelf, add 4-speed, "Twin-Grip" differential, and a crazy paint job and you've got the SC/Rambler! They ran low-14-second quarter-miles on crappy 60s street tires, which was damn good back then… but it also means that just about every one of the 1,512 built was blown up, wrecked, or otherwise hooned into nothingness. Hold on to your red-white-and-blue hats, though, because we've found this '69 SC/Rambler, currently bid up to a sub-$7,000 price. We can't say what the reserve might be, but we can tell you for sure that there's rust. Plenty of rust, but check it out: the seller says the floor and trunk pans are good! The seller says it's all original and authentic, though the original owners are still "looking for the original bill of sale" and the engine is described as "correct" rather than "original." Most likely, however, it's for real, since the clone market for these machines has never been anything like what you see for Chrysler E-bodies and GM A-bodies.

That Rambler would be lots of fun at the vintage drag races, no doubt about it, but say you're more into fast mobster cars than you are into 60s quarter-milers? Something with a great big dinosaur-juice-swilling big-block under a hood the size of the stage in your most profitable strip club? Yes, we're talking about the 1970 Chrysler 300 Hurst here. 4,125 pounds, 375 horsepower, a fiberglass hood with a (sadly, nonfunctional) scoop, and a crazy two-tone paint job. The only thing wrong with the 300 Hurst was the appalling lack of a manual transmission, so if I ever get one I'll be willing to brave the wrath of the purists by installing a 4-speed. They only made 485 300 Hursts, and the low-single-digit gas mileage probably sent most of them to The Crusher during the 70s… but it's still possible to buy one! Oh sure, you could shell out 34 grand for C. Van Tune's 300H, but where's the hell there? No, all you need is a mere $4,500- or maybe even less- and you can buy this one! The seller doesn't give much description, other than "440 tnt needs resto," but you can count on quite a long and often tortuous journey to get this thing in proper shape. The good news is that your '70 Chrysler C-body parts are ridiculously easy to find, as are the correct hot-rod 440 engine parts… but the bad news: 485 300 Hursts made, meaning the special 300H-only bits will definitely might have to be fabricated from scratch.

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Yesterday, we heard 24 Hours of LeMons official TheEastBayKid say that what they really want to see in the race is more French cars! That makes total sense, and so of course I started looking for such a car around here. You can often find cheap Peugeot 505s, but they're not crazy enough… but then how could anyone bear to trash this Peugeot 504 (go here if the ad disappears) on the racetrack? This car needs to be turned into a meticulously restored daily driver, we say! It's "rough all over," according to the seller, and the "engine has the head of