Here's what Xerxes5 wrote me about his project:

I picked up the car in San Jose, it hadn't been run in 20 years. the car had ZERO rust anywhere. totally straight body too. I went though, upgraded the shocks to Spax Adjustable, Put in poly bushings, had master cylinders resleeved, had the brake calipers re-sleeved, Pulled the engine, rebuilt the bottom end, had the valve guides and seats replaced with lead-free variety, oh... got it ported and polished while I was at it. Put on triple Webers (a la Sebring), Tossed the distributor for a new electronic 123 distributor with programmable curves, new alternator, new front wiring harness, recovered dash, upgraded to H4 halogen headlights, replaced the tired stock seats with some full leather corbeau vintage style racing seats. I also have a matching leather cover for the rear, wilton wool carpeting and a complete new panel collection for the interior. What remains is to have the Webers jetted on a dyno, and to repaint and put the interior in.


Let's continue the tradition of making PCH Demotivators, shall we? But first, we vote!

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Thing is, while a not-very-rusty '67 Ford wagon is indeed cool enough, is it hell enough for PCH? These things are built pretty well and parts aren't impossible to find.


Perhaps you'll need the Project Car Hell Song playing to provide inspiration while you contemplate this momentous decision.


Before you vote, be sure to check out Mad_Science's collection of photos here: [Flickr]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Saw your DOTS post today and I thought you'd get a kick out of seeing this resident of my PCH garage. Officially, it's a 1977 Leata Cabalero (correct spelling), built by Stinebaugh Manufacturing. I like to say that it is, by far, the finest and most beautiful car ever built in Post Falls, Idaho. Stinebaugh bought running Chevette chassis from GM and added their unique body panels. For some inexplicable reason, they didn't really catch on and fewer than 100 were ever built. This one was with the original owner in Spokane until about three years ago and is all original with 80k miles. I'm sure the Pebble Beach invitation is coming any day...

Yes, it's a Volvo! An '84 244 (aka DL), to be exact. How can you turn down a running $100 car that's already equipped with four-wheel discs, rack-and-pinion steering, plenty of room for a cage... and a spacious engine compartment?


Over the weekend, I met up with team member Dave (a fixture in the East Bay street-rod scene and builder of numerous Altamont-racing enduro cars) and we took his car trailer over to Milpitas to pick up our new powder-blue Swedish bomber.


Brendan showed up later in his '70 Holden Ute, to help with the carnage careful dismantling of the Volvo.


But before we picked up the prybars and sledgehammers, we all had to ogle some of Dave's projects, including this legendary machine: the Mark Mist '36 Ford show car. Dave is restoring this beauty to its early-60s glory (and, yes, I'll do a feature on this car later on- stay tuned).


Then it was out to the Volvo, to begin the radical weight-loss program. The factory shipping weight on the 4-door '84 DL was under 3,000 pounds, but that's still too heavy.


All the aluminum and steel we remove is going to be sold as scrap to a metal-recycling yard- hey, it won't be much, but every dime we can recoup from selling unnecessary stuff off the car can be added to the $500 ceiling (it says so right in the rule book).


The interior is in pretty good shape, so we'll sell what we can on Craigslist; all the switches, instruments, mirrrors, etc., are going up on eBay.


Even change from under the carpets gets added to the $500 limit; the car ultimately yielded $1.23 in coins (plus one Canadian penny and a Malibu Grand Prix video-game token).


Lots of stuff goes right in the trash, of course.


But how about the other team members? Well, there's the San Pedro Mt. Washington-based Loverman, of course; he'll be heading up to NorCal to shred his knuckles on some Göteborg tin during the next few months.


And, just because you can't have too many journalists on the team, we've suckered persuaded Jack Baruth (aka ViergangFuchs) into coming out to Californy to drive for us. Jack drives pretty good, in addition to being a Doctor of Automotive Journalism.


I didn't manage to get a good photo of team member Wayne, but since he owns a building-demolition company I figured a shot of the Sands imploding would establish the appropriate air of hoonage. Wayne has been building and racing dirt-track cars for quite a while, and we nearly had to physically restrain him from grabbing the cutting torch before the Volvo was even off the trailer.


Oh yes, one last detail: You know how the Volvo DL is underpowered? Welcome to Dave's Island of Misfit Engines, including a loose-but-serviceable Ford 302. Hey, anyone want to buy a Volvo engine and transmission?

You see, Franzouse owns a 1981 Citroën Méhari, which appears to be France's answer to the Volkswagen Type 181 (aka Thing).


He writes:
I was home for the holidays, which allowed me to open grandma's garage where i store my summer drive, which is also my very own PCH, a citroen mehari. As promised here are the pics, wiith the uber awesome Tshirt. Warning,my dad took these pictures after a 3 hour family dinner and the pictures are, slightly blurry.
Basically it's a 2CV citroen with a plastic shell on top, and it's a thrilling ride only the Jalops would understand.
Mine is an 81' with a larger 980cc (sic) engine developping like 50 bhp. I replaced the tranny (where i'm from, old 2CV transmissions are easy to find) but I didn't document it.


We figure any old French car is going to be hell (even in France), and adding an oddball plastic body and all manner of weird accessories cranks up the garage temperature to something approaching the surface temperature of the planet Venus. But does Franzouse belong in the pantheon of past PCHPC madman honorees, luminaries such as DCulberson, Belvedere Adrian, SeanKHotay, Junkman, or BrendanSF?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Prior to coming into Adrian's possession, this car had had an unfortunate incident involving high speed, drum brakes, and a row of parked cars. The engine mounts were torn out and the right fender was crushed all the way back to the firewall (note the headlight trim located about an inch from the door). Here's a couple of members of Team Belvedere (including Jack Astro of Project Car Hell Song fame) taking a break from their labors.


That Poly 318 engine is quite wide, but it's a bulletproof powerplant, ideally suited to the rigors of a punishing race such as 24 Hours of LeMons.


Naturally, I had to break out the Project Car Hell Tipster T-shirt stencils to help decorate the car.


This car gets the official Murilee Martin Seal of Approval™! Of course, that doesn't mean the mighty Team Jalopnik car won't leave it far, far behind when the race begins... after we utterly humiliate Team Autoblog's '87 Hyundai Excel, that is. You listening, Autoblog? You think that Excel (or is it a Daewoo Lanos?) can take our Cordoba... I mean, Achieva... I mean, whatever we end up building?


Finding a fender that will fit is no big deal- after all, the fender off any similarly-sized car will do fine. However, in order to get the Belvedere in true racing trim, it's going to need some brake and suspension upgrades. As we saw a while back, 1973-76 Valiant or Dart disc brakes bolt onto a Belvedere... but Adrian's having a helluva time finding a donor car in the junkyard. Any readers out there with a line on such brake parts (or fat swaybars) at a reasonable price, please contact me (murilee at jalopnik dot com) and I'll relay your contact info to Adrian.
And now let's hear what a 318 with Cherry Bombs sounds like as it cruises Alameda!

Submitted for your approval, just in time for Halloween: One 1962 Cadillac hearse/ambulance combination. Body by Miller-Meteor of Piqua, OH, model name "Classic Duplex". Color was originally "Dresden Blue", sprayed over in black by a previous owner.
In terms of rarity, there were approximately 2000 commercial chassis platforms built by Cadillac in1962. Miller-Meteor was the second-largest of the coachbuilding firms at the time. This particular model appears to have been released part-way through the year, as it is missing from most of the promotional literature I've encountered. Educated guess would be that this car is one of approximately a hundred.
Coach-built autos are one of the few competitors the British have in the field of accelerated rusting. Despite the massive sheetmetal, the car is holed in dozens of places, and bad sealing has rotted the wood underneath the casket deck. At 246" in length, it is too long for most modern garages.
Being something of a novelty, it has traded hands several times, including "the guy who wanted to use it as a camper", who needed a roof rack AND a trailer hitch to haul all his junk, and of course, "the band guy". Needless to say, the mechanical condition was grim, requiring a transmission, carb, and ground-up brake restoration to get back on the road. The engine is from a '59 hearse, with some accessories, like the power steering pump, that appear to be even older. A '62 Cadillac Fleetwood engine sits in the garage awaiting a rebuild and Eldorado Tri-Power setup.
We've owned this car since 1999, through three homes, and finally have a place to work on it and store it indoors, so there is still hope. Now all I need is a master metal fabricator who works for free.


So, what do you think, dear readers? Has Dave earned the right to stand tall next to our previous Project Car Hell Poster Children? Or is this project too easy/not cool enough?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

The first thing all of you need to do is head over to dculberson's collection of photos and take a look at what he's dealing with here. It's got the siren! It's got the stretcher cart! And, of course, it's got rust! I'll let dculberson tell you the rest in his own quite eloquent words now:

It's my lovely (to me) 1966 Pontiac Superior Consort - a hearse/ambulance combo based on the Bonneville. It has the advantage of being a "standard wheelbase" which means it's only about 19 feet long. It does have the high top and commercial glass, which meant a badly cracked windshield led to a statewide search and a $600 purchase of a used, pitted up replacement.
Condition-wise, well, the pictures will tell most of the story. It's mostly complete, just missing a place for anyone to sit or even put their feet. It runs but tends to overheat, and the transmission leaks like an olestra victim. Every metal surface is rusty, and the more I dig into it, the more rust I find. I keep thinking about how much cheaper and easier it would be to just give it away and find a completed car or have Barris fab up a frame, suspension, body, and glass from scratch.
I cleaned the interior - vinyl is now my favorite material. Can you believe that mildew cleans right off? But c'mon, when was the last time you saw MOSS growing on the outside of a car? It has to have been at least a week. And as bad as the floors look in the pictures, they've turned out to be much, much worse. I spent a few hours tapping and cutting, and there really wasn't much metal left on either side. I've got some patches put in the passenger side and have since been adrift in the sea of helplessness brought on by an attack of "sober realism" which is entirely overrated. Beer should help cure that and get me back in the garage. Well, that and a few hundred dollars worth of tools that I have to try out. I started with a nice set of right and left aviation cutters, a metal seamer, and an air shear. I might have to move on to a roller, planishing hammer, and a set of dollies. Along with one of everything in the Eastwood catalog, that'll make me an auto body expert, right?
There were about 150 of these made, and any Ambulance-specific body parts have to either come off a parts car or be fabbed from scratch. I have spent six years looking for a replacement tail panel extension to no satisfaction. I almost bought another one of these, in worse shape, for $800, just for that part. Why didn't I? Because I forgot to bid before going to bed.
I have about $6k into a car worth about $1k. If that isn't hell, well, what is? But turn the key and it starts. Dream for a little while, then realize you're about to succumb to the carbon monoxide...
So... what do I get if I win, an assisted suicide? That would be awesome.

What do you think, dear readers? Is this a more hellish-yet-painfully-cool medical machine than the Moparbulance?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

First, from rusty Somerville, Massachusetts, we have Ryan and his ambitious BMW plans. Ryan has a '73 2002 (no title but some rust) and a '90 325is with a non-running 215k-mile M20 engine. The plan? Swap the engine, transmission, and differential from the 325 into the 2002. Add turbocharging and other goodies. The interior of the 2002 is missing, except for the remaining parts which have "the consistency of Rice Krispy treats." Still doesn't sound bad enough? In Ryan's words: I miraculously found a place with a driveway, but the real hell part is that all of said work is meant to take place in the single-wide, four-deep driveway that i share with 3 roommates.


Going up against Outdoor BMW Swap Hell is reader SeanKHotay, who at least has a garage (though it's so stuffed full of B20 engines that it's, in his words, a "no-car" garage) to compensate for the Michigan weather. Sean has seven Saabs, including one daily-driver '96 9000, two '78 99 Turbos, a '79 99 road-racer, a '73 99 rally car, a '92 C900T, and a Canadian '88 9000SPG. Then there's the '66 Porsche 912 and the '86 Grand Wagoneer. Of the Saabs, the latter six are Hell Projects; the '73 could be a vintage rallyer someday, one of the '79 Turbos is slated for restoration, and the rest... well, there's sort of an ever-boiling stew of Saab gear around Sean's place, with more Hell than I have space to describe here.

So who's it gonna be? The Great Somerset Driveway BMW Swapstravaganza, or the Michigan Saab Maelstrom? You decide! The winner gets... well, glory! Or shame, depending on your point of view.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

The Deutsch-Bonnet was a great car and all, but that little 2-cylinder Panhard engine just lacked oomph. We can just imagine Junkman looking at the D-B... then looking at the Pontiac 400 sitting on the shop floor... then looking back at the D-B, with light bulb appearing over his head. Speaking of the shop floor, looks like some nice machinery in the background, eh?


The Deutsch-Bonnet has quite a history; one of its descendants was Matra, maker of the beloved Bagheera.

According to Junkman: "As you can see by the smoke from the slicks in the "action photo", all is well mechanically and civil disobedience is alive and well in Ohio." Yes indeed, and we have no choice but to award him our second Project Car Hell Poster Child Award; Junkman joins ute-lovin' BrendanSF in our Pantheon of PCH Poster Children. Could you be next? Send photos of your Hell Projects to murilee at jalopnik dot com!

BrendanSF suggests that he qualifies as a genuine Jalopnik PCH Poster Child, and we're inclined to agree with him. In his own words, here's what he sees demanding his money and time when he looks out his window:

1967 Camaro SS396 - Purchased 21 years ago, for $500.00, as a high school graduation present to myself
1970 Chevelle SS396 - Numbers matching, slowly rotting roof,and in a lot of pieces. Owned by mom. Next on the restore list.
1971 Monaro - Glad I met Russell, car importer/exporter in Australia. Traded two Camaro convertibles that were in sad shape. A much longer story where I thought it finalized my quest for an Australian car in the USA.
1976 Falcon - "Brendan, had extra space in the container. Figured you might be interested." Thanks Russell.
1973 Ute - Same Russell, repo'ed it from the guy who was supposed to buy but never paid. "Brendan, yours for a song." Thanks Russell.
1974 One Tonner Ute - Thrown in with the song deal above. My uncle thought it was cool, so off to his yard it went. Basket case of a vehicle.

So we figure BrendanSF has likely earned this week's PCH Poster Child honors, though we need to formalize it by doing the democracy thing and letting our readers put it to a vote. If you think your own personal Project Car Hell qualifies you for future Poster Child consideration, tell us all about your nightmare projects past or present (in excruciating detail, because it's Friday and you need a break from The Man's cruel salt mine) and we'll see about making this a regular schtick.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.