Said Phaeton would likely fit somewhere between the Audi A6 and Audi A8, as opposed to a cheaper and cooler alternative to the A8. And a date for said return? Motor Authority says 2010 and we hope they're right. This actually reminds us that, in William Gibson's Spook Country, a lot of people drive the Phaeton because of its stealth luxury:

"The agency has Phaetons," he said. "Good sealth cars. Mistake them for Jettas, at a distance."

Oh, and they eventually get past all the rich people bait and onto driving the cars. They found the Bentley very similar to the Phaeton, its platform twin, in terms of driving characteristics. The article is hilarious and worth reading until the end for a little payoff. [Dubspeed Driven]

"Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide." – John Adams

Related:
And Then There Were Nine: Vote a Car Out of the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage | Jalopnik Fantasy Garage: Volkswagen Phaeton W12 [Internal]

Yes, the Phaeton. Like everyone else, when I first heard Volkswagen would be producing a $100,000 car, I was aghast. Was this the same Volkswagen that built my friend Tristy's Scirocco? Aside from constantly belching black smoke, that car's passenger seat would snap off its runners on every left turn. Six figures for a fat Passat? I'll pass, thanks. But then, details started trickling in. The Phaeton would share an all-wheel-drive, air-suspended platform with both the Bentley Continental GT and the Audi A8L, including the mega-compact 6.0-liter W12. That's some Brucetastic DNA. Snob-wise, the Phaeton would be at the correct end of a one-way street. While some jokers might climb into a Bentley and cringe at the Volkswagen-sourced gear selector, ain't nobody's getting into a Phaeton and bemoaning, "Hey, that's the knob-a-roo from the Continental GT – gross!" Sure, the biggest-ever VW would come from a fine family. But then again, so do the Hilton sisters.

Think of these three VeeDubs as the Brothers Karamazov. The Bentley is Dimitri, physically mighty, a bit debased but most of all a sensualist. Champagne? Women? Bring it on. The A8L is Ivan, a strict rationalist and logical to a fault. The Phaeton is Alexei, Dostoevsky's hero and spiritual center. Like in the novel, the Bentley and the Audi are both trying to kill their father. They both love his (R&D) money but find the old man a bit of an embarrassment. But the Phaeton, like Alexei, is out to redeem the patriarch. And if you recall Volkswagen's father (let's say the Bug, not Hitler), this is quite a tall order. Like the murder trial that unfolds, it's not the result in question, but the intent. Five years ago, VW's archduke Ferdinand Pi ch was in sole possession of the cash, boffins and cojones to attempt not only yanking Volkswagen up by its own lederhosen, but building the very best car in the world. He succeeded by half.

There are those who call the Phaeton a mistake. Some refer to it as "Pi ch's Folly." Worse, there are those who say Volkswagen had no business building a car that competes with the likes of BMW, Lexus and Mercedes-Benz. This type of "know your place" thinking is reactionary, wrongheaded conservatism at its worst. What if Chevrolet had never bothered with the Corvette? What if Ford never greenlit the Mustang? What if Carroll Shelby had kept on farming chickens and not taken on Enzo Ferrari? Naysayers are always quick to chastise a carmaker for overstepping their brand, to which I answer, "Buick GNX." Even Farago, who's issued such pronouncements as, "Volvo should only make safe cars," was so impressed by the Phaeton that he defied his own mantra and declared it a hit. To reiterate, that type of can't-do thinking would have BMW still popping out inexpensive bubble cars while poor Volkswagen lumbered along with nothing but the Beetle.

The Phaeton W12's stats are humbling: 444 horsepower squeezed from one of the world's oddest and most complex engines. (All pistonheads would be well served by reading the technical mumbo jumbo behind the VR6 and W engines.) For comparison's sake, the Rolls Royce Phantom produces just nine more horsepower from a larger 12-cylinder. Inverse to last week's Corvette ZR-1, the Phaeton's engine is the least interesting thing about the car. According to a tall, blustery Brit named Jeremy, if one were to remove the Germanic 155 mph limiter, the Phaeton will top out at 201 mph, which would be faster than a contemporary Z06. Is this totally true, or more fibbing from Clarkson? Who knows. Still, have a look at these German hoons doing 174 mph without a speck of trouble. That's remarkable for any 5,100-pound car, let alone a VW. But an engine is just an engine.

What makes the Phaeton so well suited to the JFG is everything else. As Jezzo said, "the attention to detail is staggering." Name something the Phaeton does better than your car. You have comfy seats? No, really, according to the Phaeton you don't. Its chairs are covered in Italian cows, adjust in 18 ways, heat and cool your bum, massage your lower back and support your lumbar. The front seats in the Phaeton are nearly as plush as the rear seats in the Rolls-Royce Phantom. And the back isn't too shabby either, what with an acre of knee room. However, the killer app is the world's first four-zone climate control system.

You know how, when it's hot out and the AC is blasting cold air cold air across your frozen knuckles even thought the rest of the car is still in the triple digits? Well, the Phaeton has regular vents to quickly heat or cool the cabin. But once the desired temperature is achieved, covers deploy over those vents and act as radiators, sparing your poor, icy hands. This feature, which came standard on the Phaeton in 2004, should be showing up on the big German and Japanese saloons, oh around 2010.

Then there's the exterior. True, I'm not the world's biggest fan of the face, which shares too many lines with its contemporary Jettas and Passats. But once you get past the A-pillars, the Phaeton is sensational. The stance, the proportions, the hulking C-pillars, the rear end; it's all perfect (especially in black). Best of all, the leviathan is stealth personified. To the layman, you're driving nothing more than a rather large Volkswagen. But to the car freak in the know, you're into something special. But special enough to park in one of the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage's 50 berths?

I enlisted some expert advice in the form of the LA Times's Dan Neil, who graciously shared his thoughts with me for the low, low price of one beer and two cigarettes.

"The Phaeton represented somebody's idea of the perfect car, and how many cars can you say that about? So it was unusually free of compromise. It was also a monument to Pi ch's willfulness, which you could say also about the Veyron — so it has a kind of kinship with that monster. The Phaeton was subversive, too. It demanded you respect it in spite of its badge."

"It's also kind of a time-and-place car. Like the old Mercedes 500E, the Datsun 240Z, the Viper, cars that say something about the state of the industry."

Sadly for us, Phaetons don't exist anymore.

Before voting, read and view the following:
Dan Neil's Requiem for a Heavyweight | Robert Farago's Phaeton review | Watch the video below for Jeremy Clarkson's take

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

[The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage appears every Tuesday. Readers vote the cars in or out. The idea is that we'll have 50 cars in our fantasy garage, the world's greatest mechanic and endless wads of cash. If you would like to nominate a car for our Fantasy Garage, email tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "fantasy garage."]

Related:
The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage; More: Volkswagen AG: No Scirocco for US! [Internal]

Of course, we're suspicious of the timing of Autoweek.nl's reveal of the alleged Volkswagen "Cross Phaeton." The shots indicate a new Phaeton with a body kit and higher ground clearance, along with a 220-hp 2.0-liter TDI. They say it'll be revealed at the New York auto show this week. We say they should have added a periscope and a bust of Ferdinand Pi ch as a hood ornament. Then again, they could be using it to announce the return of the Phaeton in the US. That would be sheer madness. – Mike Spinelli

VW CrossPhaeton: boodschappenauto voor sjeiks [Autoweek.nl via Carscoop]

Related:
Ad Watch: Hands Off the VW Phaeton [internal]

Once, when we were just a junior Jalopnik, chilling in our dorm room at 2:00 am with only a flashlight and 17 bags of mushrooms (just kidding, mom), we decided to stage "Beowulf" in shadow puppetry. Unfortunately, a semi-serious retnal injury — via an errant forefinger during Grendel's entrance scene — doomed the show to an early closing. We're reminded of that sad night by this German ad for Volkswagen's Phaeton, created by Hamburg agency Grabarz & Partner Werbeagentur. Bravo, VW, for fulfilling our artistic aspirations so deftly. – Mike Spinelli

Volkswagen Phaeton: Galanty Show [Ads of the World]

Related:
Ad Watch: "Happy Together" with Toyota's RAV4 [internal]

We wannabe upper crusty anglophile types are already busy drooling over the allure from the double-decadent Havana coupe. Now Bentley springs this on us? As the revitalized German British marquee nears the brand-imploding 9,000 cars a year threshold, they are going to need new steel to maintain their momentum. Wait, not steel — as was dictated by sharing a chassis with brother Phaeton — Al-you-min-e-um. The new Continentals will use Audi's lightweight MLB platform, probably shedding half a ton in the process. Much more interesting (says me), is the likelihood of low volume offshoots, including a four-door drop-top, a sedanca and most wonderful of all, a shooting brake! And if Davey G. calls the latter a "hatch back," I'm sicking Daniel Craig on his ass. – Jonny Lieberman

Bentley plots new models [CAR]

Related:
Spurs Fly in Chicago: Fairmont Adds Bentley to Fleet [Internal]

[Holy, Holy, Holy Is The Car Gallery Of The Pope]

Related:
Habemus Volvo! Pope's New Whip; Safe Happens? Thieves Steal Plans From VW For German Chancellor Merkel's Armored Whip [internal]

Volkswagen's Phaeton may have been the penultimate expression of Ferdinand Pi ch's weapons-grade arrogance (don't forget that little runabout called the Bugatti Veyron), but it sure was (and is somewhere) a sweet luxury car. But as Farago points out in a new column on The Truth About Cars, Volkswagen's ill-phaeted sedan is more than the sum of its clean-room-assembled parts. It's about creating the ultimate customer experience for luxury buyers — and the company's more suitable luxury divisions stand to reap the benefits. Or not. There's a lesson in there for other luxury carmakers' sales networks too.

VW Phaeton: The Car of the Future [The Truth About Cars]

Related:
Touring the VW Phaeton Plant in Dresden [internal]

The globetrotters over at VW Vortex compiled photos from a tour of VW's ultra high-tech Phaeton plant in Dresden, Germany. From the looks of the Phaeton's swank birthing quarters, it's almost a shame VW's pulling the slow-selling luxodub from the US. But we'd imagine if potential buyers got to spend a day at the factory (which appears to be tidier than an Intel clean room) they'd pick one of the luxurious buggers up post haste, despite the badge on the grille. [Thanks to Tim for the tip.]

A photo tour of the Transparent Factory in Dresden [VW Vortex]

Related:
Sneaking into Defunct UK Factories, Volume One: Longbridge, Birmingham [internal]

From the "oil's well that spends well" department, Volkswagen's in-house bling shop, VW individual, showed off a super-stretch Phaeton at the Dubai Motor Show last week. The ultraluxury, W12-powered shiekwagen, dubbed VW Phaeton Lounge, is 1.8 meters longer than a stock Phaeton. It's loaded with accouterments for the discriminating royal, including all-wheel-drive, full leather, AV systems and pop-up minibar.

Drag night in Dubai; Phaeton Limousine by VW Individual @ Dubai IMS [VW Vortex via The German Car Blog]

Related:
Chrysler to Offer 300C Limousine [internal]

When the mainstream auto press zigs, Sweet Peet D. zags. WIth everyone all up in the GM plant closure story today, Peter DeLorenzo takes the time to remind us for the umpteenth time that Archduke Franz Ferdinand Pi ch (don't forget the umlaut, Peet) is a phenomenal engineer (917, 907, etc) and a terrible manager (Phaeton, grandiose pronouncements about VW competing with M-B while Audi competes with BMW). You know, all the standard Sweetness. He even throws in his patented, "answer to a question absolutely nobody was asking" schtick, although we didn't get a "notgonnahappen.com" this time around. We suppose it's good not to blow your entire catchphrase wad all at once. Football! You bet! [UPDATE: Of course, eagle-eyed reader Jules is correct when pointing out that this is dear Peet's rant from last week. So we redact that beginning bit about the zigs and zags. The catchphrase stuff, though, we're stickin' with that.]

Piech's Folly continues to haunt Volkswagen [Autoextremist]

The Autoextremist as Union-Buster [Internal]

The German Car Blog found a report on German website "Speed Heads" indicating V-dub will be pulling its failing Phaeton sedan from the US market beginning in the 2007 model year. The reason is simple — the company wants to focus on the core cars of its struggling US franchise, the Jetta, Passat, Touareg and New Beetle, not on its $70,000 sales and branding mistake. If true, the report confirms rumors that have been swirling about for months. It also takes pressure off dealership sales staff, who can finally give up on all the corporate training films with titles like "How to Make Espresso" and "Kissing High-Net-Worth Ass: Is it Gauche to Use Tongue?"

VW Phaeton: Say goodbye to the US! [The German Car Blog]

Related:
New Volkswagen Coupe Is Official; Will Debut at SEMA '06 [internal]