Q: My Ole hound dog Buck Shot saw this and wants to come see it himself.he doesn't have any money but he can hunt critters for you to pay it off.What should I tell the boy?
A: Tell him you are going into stand up comedy.

There are many more sausage-related jokes to make, but the writer of the story milks most of the humor out of this situation. In the end, it's good art but falls short of our favorite Wienermobile story. [Star-Gazette via AutoBlog]
(photo: Star-Gazette)

Foreign Tire Sales, Inc. of Weird Union, NJ is suing Hangzhou Zhongce Rubber Company of China due to tires supplied without an additional rubber layer over the steel belt, thus leading to Firestone-style tread-separation issues, one example of which contributed to a fatal wreck in Pennsylvania. FTS apparently doesn't have the clout to get a Federal recall initated, so they're instead muscling the Chinese company for compensation. Meanwhile, while you contemplate that, check the Young Ones on University Challenge. – Davey G. Johnson

China-Made Tires Are Subject Of Lawsuit After Fatal Accident (sub. req.) [WSJ via Autoblog]

Related:
Brilliant! Chinese Brilliance BS6 Sedan Crumples Like A Coke Can In German Crash Test [Internal]

I used to think Spinelli, Wert, and company had the best jobs ever because they got to drive concept mules, travel to exotic places sponsored by Bruce, and cover car shows for a living. Well, having visited the recent Carlisle Import/Kit/Replicar Nationals show with an eye toward writing something worth guest posting, I can tell you that it is not the easiest way to make a living. First of all, try walking miles in the midday sun for a few hours. Resisting the temptation to stop at every funnel cake vendor you see. All the while keeping an eye out for the diamonds among the rough...and at Carlisle, there was plenty of rough. I am still amazed at the lengths people will go to ruin a perfectly good Fiero. Then you've got to take photos that add enough visual interest to keep the commenters off your back. Which may or may not include shooing people out of your frame. Mike Bumbeck, you are my hero.

But I tried my best. And here are the highlights of my day at Carlisle.

The Se7ens
If you didn't already know, now's a good time to make it perfectly clear that I attend the church of Colin Chapman with some regularity. I'm the acting president of the USA7s club and a co-organizer of the upcoming Se7ens meet down at Deals Gap. That's not some stock photo in my avatar, either. So it should come as no surprise that I came to Carlisle looking for Lotus Seven-inspired Sportscars (LSiS). And I found a handful, including one in a very unexpected place.

Westfield and Brunton Automotive were located in the same open sided building. I'd never seen either variant on the LSiS theme in person before, so it was nice to have Justin Sims of Brunton (http://www.bruntonauto.com) on hand to give me a tour of the Stalker kit makes with his stepfather, Dennis Brunton. The Stalker uses a GM V6 drivetrain and the pretty silver and black customer car they had on hand featured a supercharger.

The Westfield booth featured the triumvirate of Doug Beckett, Tom McClintock, and Julian Turner. Doug's the relatively new East Coast dealer/builder who brought the Miata-engined Westfield 1600 on display; Tom runs Manik, LLC, the Texas-based US distributor; and Julian Turner is the Managing Director of Westfield Sportscars over in the UK. I think they were all moderately amused that I was fawning over their cars while wearing a Caterham hat.

The 1600 is an LSiS that uses a Miata donor car. From the engine to the gauge pod to the wheels. The Orange 1600 they had on display was well turned out, with excellent padded seats that I'd trade my Kevlar Tilletts for in heartbeat. When I sat in one of these perches, I noticed that I could barely see over the scuttle (I'm trying to use as many Se7en-centric terms as possible in this paragraph). The guys told me that this particular car had the lowered floor option — which gives tall guys a little more room. While the all fiberglass body may not be every one's cup of tea (original Loti had aluminum body panels and fenders), Doug says turnkey cars are available for under $30k, which is a lot less than I paid for my Superlight a few years back. So I think they'll sell lots of these.

In addition to a few other LSiS-related vendors displaying their wares, I found a Caterham Twin Cam, a Dax Rush with nitrous Hayabusa power (this thing runs low three second 0-60 times) — both being shown by their respective owners, as well as a Locost built around Volvo P1800 mechanicals. It was the first Se7en I saw in the open car show parking area, and I thought it was a mistake because it was sitting in the Volvo area.

The Hartley V8
You know you make a good product when your trade show booth consists of a piece of yellow lined paper, a business card, a wooden folding table, and your product — and there's still a line of people waiting to talk to you.

That's the situation I found John Hartley in when I went looking for the H1-V8. For those of you who haven't heard of the H1, it's a 2.8 liter V8 built around a custom block and crankshaft that uses Suzuki Hayabusa top end bits. I think it redlines up at 11,000 RPM, making 400 horsepower a few hundred revs below that. It's light and small enough that John managed to shoehorn one into his Caterham without modifying the bonnet. John's site has videos of the car on the dyno that are pretty amazing.

According to John, he's sold three of motors so far — although none have made it into fully operational vehicles yet (besides the one in his Seven). I'm sure it's just a matter of time before the $28,000 mills are more common with the add-lightness set. It might sound expensive, but you can't get close to that sort of power in a normally aspirated engine that will fit into a Se7en.

Later in the day, I saw John Hartley at the Westfield booth. He was digging the XI they had brought along — so perhaps we'll see some sort of Westfield-Hartley to follow in the footsteps of original Westfield SEight.

Odds and Ends
The only sorts of car shows I had gone to in the past were either the New York show or a smaller regional marque-specific meet (Porsche, Ferrari, etc.). So you can imagine my surprise when faced with the sprawl of something like Carlisle. By the time I got home, I was beat.

There were a few acres dedicated to a parts and assorted car stuff "swap meet". A few acres given over to kit/replicar manufacturer and dealers. About an acre of "car corral", where vehicles are for sale, cash and carry. A few more acres of show field for cars of all types (including ones that you don't have to build yourself), including at least two acres of Fieros of every imaginable configuration.

Not surprisingly, the Cobra and its various authorized and unauthorized offspring were the most common kit/replicar car at Carlisle this weekend. Cobras at Carlisle were sort of like hot women in Manhattan, there are so many that eventually you just tune them out. My personal favorite vehicle of the meet was this electric blue Renault R5 Turbo in a very deep field of French cars. It had the "hot at the time" asymmetric steering wheel, and an orange interior. – Al Navarro

Related:
First Customer's Phase III Baldwin-Motion Camaro Displayed at Carlisle [internal]

Yes, we know we often wax giddy over the might of Suzuki's 1.3L hellion of a motorcycle engine, but let's face it, the 'Busa ain't a patch on the Offenhauser, which is simply the most badass four-cylinder motor ever conceived. Great looks, great power, (15:1 compression!) DOHC, four valves and a career that spanned decades in top-rank motorsport competition. And that unholy sound! On May 10th, a gaggle of front-engined Indy roadsters will gather at Jennerstown Speedway in Pennsylvania, spanning the ages from the 1930s to 1970. No turbos allowed. – Davey G. Johnson

Historic Offenhauser Indianapolis Racing cars come to Jennerstown Speedway [Daily American]

Related:
Indy Retroness: Offy, Mofos! [Internal]

Wilkes-Barre sells little-used hovercraft [Times Leader]

Related:
A Flying Hovercraft [internal]

A Foster's Lager truck apparently lost its sense of balance and tipsied on up, expelling its cargo of kegs all over South Philly's Schuylkill Expressway. And it apparently wasn't being filmed for a clever ad. But we're still sitting here repeating "Remoawt Controawl" over and over in our best Paul Hogan accent and reminiscing about this really cute Australian girl who went and got knocked up before we were clear for a shot at her. She so hated it when we used to get right in her face and say, "Beeeah!" And then she'd slap us playfully and made us sorta wish we weren't kinda dating the person who introduced us.

What's Australian for "Schuylkill," mate? [Attytood]

Related:
East Bound, Burned Down: Coors Truck Goes Up in Smoke on Bay Bridge [Internal]

Oregon, Rhode Island and Washington are expected to adopt the policies of the CARBies today, following the lead of Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Vermont in adopting California's set of stringent emissions standards, putting the number of states under the California Air Resources Board's authority by 2009. The combined 11 will make up 33% of the United States' automotive market, which gives the Golden State's agency a truly unique power.

While some groups are saying that this will pressure the Feds to adopt more stringent standards, we're not so sure. What it will do is pressure automakers into making cleaner cars across the board by creating a share of the market too large to simply ignore, as well as push speed-parts manufacturers to pursue CARB certification. Listening, Audi? Now if CARB could just do something about the gunk pumped out of the ships and trucks at the Ports of LA and Long Beach, we'd be happy campers.

Related:
If the Kids are United: Oregon and Washington to Follow California Emissions Standards [Internal]

While the Pennsylvania legislature works itself into a foaming snit over the impending adoption of California emissions standards, bearded Central Penna resident Francis Volpe speaks of the merits of adopting CARB's edicts. Notably, he points to the 9% reduction in emissions over Federal Tier II standards, and notes that many of the same arguments were trotted out every time a new legal mandate on emissions has come down. The one real issue here, and we think it's a valid one, is that of states' rights. While we imagine the CARB-stats adoption will go ahead as planned, we're curious to see how it will play out on the East Coast where the states are smaller and less self-sufficient.

A breath of California headed here? [The Sentinel]

Related:
Pennsylvania AAA Comes Out Against CARB-Standard Adoption [Internal]

The Pennsylvania branch of Triple-A slams its fist on the table and thunders, "Thus for the Albagensians!" regarding the state's adoption of Californnia's emissions-control standards. Pointing out that Callifornia's fuel costs are higher due to special formulations and that Federal Tier II standards are pretty stringent in and of themselves, they see no need to place Pennsylvania under the jurisdiction of the California Air Resources Board, and frankly, even though we live in California, we tend to agree.

Calif. cars not answer for clean air in Pa. [CentreDaily]

Related:
Pennsylvanians Fighting Over California Emissions Standards [Internal]

There's a hullabaloo goin' on up at the state house in Penna some legislators aren't backing Governor Ed Rendell's plan to adopt CARB's emissions standards which was actually passed under Tom Ridge's oversight, but isn't due to take effect until next year. Crying everything from "pig in a poke!" to "states' rights!" we admit that we understand that some Pennsylvanians simply don't wanna be subject to the whims of California's Haight-Street hippies, but going so far as to talk about banning emissions testing altogether? C'mon, guys...

Rendell plan may hike car costs [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

Related:
If the Kids are United: Oregon and Washington to Follow California Emissions Standards [Internal]

Jeez Luis, what's with Penna and shooting cars this week? Robert Blackburn, 53, has been charged with ethnic intimidation for pumping .22-caliber rounds into two cars at the North Penn Mosque in suburban Philadelphia. One of the vehicles belonged to a leader at the mosque, while another to a member of the congregation. Blackburn's being held on $50,000 bail at Mongomery County Jail. Thankfully, nobody was injured or killed, and all we really have to say about Blackburn is, "What a maroon!"

Man charged with shooting cars outside suburban Philly mosque [PhillyBurbs]

Related:
A Riot of Our Own: How to Torch a Car [Internal]

Fans at Mountain Speedway in St. John's, PA will get a bit of extra eye candy at the end of the Valley Service 'Mutha of all Enduros' on Sunday, November 20th. The winner of the race will score up to $5,000 (depending on the class) and have his car crushed in front of the crowd. If he refuses the crushing, all will be forfeited and the prize (and destruction) will go to the next-highest finisher. Screw the agony of defeat, this is the soul-rending depression of victory illustrated, right here.

Winner's cars will be crushed in front of the fans at the NEETS Mutha of all Enduros [WhoWon]

Related:
Ending a Marriage via Sanctioned Vehicular Violence [Internal]

A group of bored hoodlums, ostensibly upset about the football loss of Bangor Area High to Pen Argyl, traveled around the greater Bangor, PA area in a white Ford Escort, firing willy-nilly at hapless vehicles until a security camera and a vigilant cop ended the five-hour vandalism spree. Apparently, the rampaging hooligans' potshots damaged at least 150 vehicles, which comes out to roughly one car every two minutes. After shooting out the rear window of Joe and Brenda Detzi's '05 Jag the hoons were caught on video and reported to police who readily apprehended them but only after they caused an estimated $100,000 in damage.

Say Cheese! Teens shooting BBs at cars caught on candid camera [Morning Call]

Related:
Let That Be a Lesson: Revenge [Internal]