Paris Hilton Pays $5,603 A Month For Her Lexus

First of all, there's no way to leave this story feeling good, really. Sorry about that. So, apparently a whole cache of Paris Hilton's personal financial information was leaked online, and one of the voyeuristic treats in there was information about her car loan, through Toyota. I know you're probably thinking… » 3/12/13 2:00pm 3/12/13 2:00pm

Paris Hilton Responds To John McCain's Anti-Celebrity Ad With…

Noted car washing and star SLR-egressing celebutard Paris Hilton aired a web video lampooning a negative campaign ad by Sen. John McCain (R-Colonel's Chicken) trying to pin Sen. Barack Obama (D-Paparazzi) as a "bigger celebrity" than Paris or Britney Spears. The tongue-in-cheek video lampoons John "old dude" McCain… » 8/06/08 8:30am 8/06/08 8:30am

Paris Checks In To Jail, We Lose Easy Jokes For Three Weeks

As you can see from the TMZ video above, Paris surrendered herself to the authorities out in Cali last night to serve her sentence for violation of parole after her DUI. That means for the next 45 days (23 as long as Paris is on good behavior), we'll be totally Paris-free. That's three long weeks without glimpses of… » 6/04/07 10:15am 6/04/07 10:15am

Bullrun 2007: Paris Hilton's A No-Show In Montreal!

We didn't see her last night at the pre-party, and now we're hearing TMZ's reporting that Paris won't be here for the kick-off of the 2007 Bullrun. Apparently that doesn't exclude her from the rest of the stops in the rally, but she won't be here in Montreal today. While we're somewhat ambivalent, we know all of you… » 5/12/07 9:00am 5/12/07 9:00am

Our God is an Unfair God: Paris Hilton to Drive a Spyker C8 Spyder in…

Anybody out there got any new ways to make fun of Paris? We're running low. Though if you watch the video taken by the lovable scamps at TMZ you will notice she employs a 300-pound man to make sure she doesn't spill her latte on her Bentley's soft top. Twit. Anyhow, the good folks at the Bullrun have apparently… » 4/27/07 2:23pm 4/27/07 2:23pm

We're Laughing At You: Paris Hilton Might Face 90 Days In The Hoosegow

Here's a tip - if you are a mutli-gazillionaire-ess, pay someone to drive you around. Seriously, hire Colin McRae or any of the three Los Jalops that live in LA to hoon you about in your drophead Bentley GTC. So what if Bumbeck fills the rear seats with mid-eighties rising sun spare parts? At least you won't go to… » 3/31/07 1:26pm 3/31/07 1:26pm

Paris Hilton Violates Probation, Gets Bentley Continental GTC Hauled…

According to TMZ, everyone's favorite celbrawhore, Paris Hilton, saw her $170,000-plus Bentley Continental GTC hauled away on a flatbed (which Bentley folks tell us is the correct way to have your vehicle towed so as not to void your warranty) yesterday in front of the West Hollywood Virgin megastore. According to TMZ: » 2/28/07 3:47pm 2/28/07 3:47pm

Paris Hilton: Still Dumber Than Shit

Man, we were all set to look at porn go to bed when the all-knowing, all-glowing Jalopnik brain alerted us to this piece of pseudo-news. Apparently, she ran out of gas in her new Bentley Continental GTC after leaving a hair salon. That's the new convertible Bentley for those who hate alpha-numeric names. What we hate… » 1/10/07 4:30am 1/10/07 4:30am

How'd She Get The SLR Back? The Paris Hilton And Friends Post-DUI Video

We were always under the impression that if you get a DUI, your car gets impounded — even if you're Paris Hilton. We dunno if there's a clause in the law for celebs like Paris — or maybe the law is if you're found guilty — regardless, we don't remember what happened last time. We kid. Either way, we didn't think you… » 9/07/06 11:53am 9/07/06 11:53am

The Benz Is The Problem: More On The Paris Hilton DUI

The New York Times/AP are reporting Paris Hilton was driving her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren torque monster when she was pulled over by LAPD last night for "erratic driving." We're surprised the spokes-whore of Hollywood's hawtest celeb-whore, Elliot Mintz, hasn't yet implicated the car in the DUI yet — because if you… » 9/07/06 10:15am 9/07/06 10:15am

That's Not Hawt: Paris Hilton Arrested For DUI, Claims "Fatigue"


Late last night, Paris Hilton was pulled over and arrested by LAPD while "driving erratically" in Hollywood. An LAPD spokesperson claimed she "exhibited the symptoms of intoxication" and Hilton performed a field sobriety test, which she failed, leading to her arrest and subsequent charge with a DUI. Hilton's… » 9/07/06 9:18am 9/07/06 9:18am

Paris Hilton Sued In Non-Hit-And-Run Car Crash


One of us remembers that time when our parents were out of town on vacation and we decided to cut loose. It was all going fine until we made the mistake of taking Dad's Porsche out for a ride and accidentally drove it into the river. Wait a second...maybe that was 'Risky Business' — we can't remember...all of the… » 6/13/06 9:35am 6/13/06 9:35am