Michel Foucault's Discipline & Punishment focuses on the transition into the modern system of punishment, away from public embarrassment into a gentler and more measured approach. We Americans welcome Canada into the league of nations going the other direction. Speeders in Oshawa, Ontario are now being given the choice between getting a speeding ticket or having to sit through a poorly-written essay on speeding from a teenager. One driver broke down crying after having a teenager exclaim she was now dead because the driver chose to speed, though we're not sure if the crying was due to the emotional impact of the text or the labored rhetorical strategies most teens employ. Nevertheless, we think this is a great strategy as there's no one more self righteous than a teenage girl on a power trip.

Seriously, what's a better deterrent than that? Though we joke, the stern talking to happens at an intersection with numerous collisions within a kilometer of about 3,500 school children. Their best quarry so far has been an embarrassed and horrified vice-principal from another school. Finally, someone has managed to harness the awesome power that is a teenager's inability to shut up for more than four seconds. (h/t PhkMark) [Toronto Star]

If you were stuck in L.A. rush hour last Friday, there's a chance you encountered the folks from Crimanimal Mass, who took to the freeway, on bicycles (and in-line skates), as part of some sort of demonstration. One of the organizers said the purpose was to raise questions of transportation infrastructure. Aren't there better ways to protest than pissing off the already unruly L.A. commuters? We generally try to treat everyone equally around these parts, but cyclists on the roads need to GTFO. Sidewalks, son, sidewalks. [LAist]

Parking a junk car on the side of the road in front of your house is a time honored grease monkey tradition. Ian Taylor was simply maintaining that tradition with his junk Ford Fiesta at his Tredworth, UK home when the Clampers tried to get one over on him. Though the Fiesta was parked only an inch on the pavement, a clamp was placed on the unlicensed car. Not one to let someone take advantage of him, Mr. Taylor took things into his own hands.

After the clamping service refused to take the clamp off, and Ian refused to pay out of principle, the next step would be for the car to be seized for non-payment. Since it was about to be scrapped anyway, this was essentially and empty threat. So instead of letting them have a car they could sell, Ian did what any hard-headed guy would, chopped the car in half. Take that clampers. Congratulations Ian, you're today's real British hero. [BBC News Video and BBC News Story]

Continuing our Monday morning Ferrari smash-up meme, check out this Ferrari 575M spotted in L.A. looking like it was taken for a Ferris Bueller-style valet joyride. Unlike the mileage run-up in the movie, this 575M seems to have come back in a noticeably more Cameron Frye-like state of wellness. We'd hoped that Audi A8 from Brooklyn was a mere isolated instance of parking valet hoonage, but perhaps this incident demonstrates it can happen no matter the 'merican coast. Oh, and by the way, although we've got absolutely no proof parking attendants were the cause of this catastrophic waste of good Italian metal, we've also got absolutely no proof they weren't the cause. Take that, journalistic standards! [Hat tip to Anthony!]

Japan's Shizuoka province has a brand new way to spider your Ferrari F355. Leave your Sawzall at home, folks. Instead, slide it sideways under a highway restraining barrier. Just don't forget to duck. Seriously — how did the driver and passenger escape this wreck with their heads, shoulders, knees and toes all still attached? (Hat tip to Mark and Rahat!) [JapanToday]

The tornado that touched down in Leighton, Alabama yesterday over a year ago (Ed: Bad Internet, way to fib to us) was captured on this security footage and shows cars being tossed like toys from a parking lot. This looks to be a relatively small twister and only a glancing blow to the cars, so imagine if it had been a big one and a direct hit, those cars would be gone. Remember kids, if you see an approaching funnel cloud, find a ditch or culvert to hide in (assuming you can't find a building or a shelter), because you might be accompanying your car to another part of the county. [Youtube]

A pit bull gets stuck in an engine. How the hell does that happen? Do pit bulls have magical teleportation powers? In any case, since the 60 lb Pit managed to find an elder F150 with the straight six, the challenge to get in there would be less than a new one, but getting out rather than in was the problem. Since the dog was stuck and bored, he did what dogs do — chew on stuff. As a result the trucks unfortunate, but comically gifted Walter Witthoeft, now has a truck which needs a good deal of rewiring. [CNN.com]

Two senior FIA officials have suggested that television cameras refrain from showing close-ups of four-time World Rally Champion Sebastien Loeb until he cleans-up his "scruffy" look. "Of course these persons are an insult to real males," wrote WRC Commission President Morrie Chandler, kicking off a hilarious email exchange.

"I watched the WRC Mexico highlights last night and I have to voice my opinion on the poor appearance of Sebastien Loeb on WRC-TV," wrote Surinder Thatti, Chairman of the Confederation Of African Countries in Motorsport. ""He was unshaven, scruffy looking and with unkempt hair!! It is wrong...when the FIA gives him global TV coverage to millions of viewers and to many children worldwide he is a hero and role model...I know there is a level of personal freedom one is allowed but I feel he is taking this too far and someone should talk to him or his team about this."

"Yes I watched the same as you did...Unfortunately it is not a problem that is unique to our sport as the same happens in football and other "male" sports," Chandler wrote in response. "My only solution is that we suggest to ISC that the camera does not cover them close up."

We're just glad FIA can't see us in our bedrooms office. (h/t Placebo, who is scruffy in a good way) [via AutoSport]

Three guys from Utah have set out to drive through the contiguous 48 states in record time. Starting out Sunday in Vermont, they're already in Wyoming on the way to North Dakota with the goal of getting home to Utah, via nine more states, by Friday. The time to beat is 5 days, 7 hours and 15 minutes. Joey Stocking, Adam Gatherum and Josh Keeler think they can do it in three hours less.

We were tempted to mock these guys with a headline something along the lines of "Utahns Meet World," but it turns out this is actually pretty cool. Their route was originally drawn up by Josh's dad 15 years ago, who was forced to abandon his dream due to a death in the family. The three friends have since updated it with the help of Google Earth. To make the record time they're driving straight through, alternating naps in the back seat of their Scion xB with turns driving and navigating. The Guinness World Record committee wouldn't sanction their attempt for fear of sanctioning dangerous driving, so if Josh, Adam and Joey are successful, all they'll get is the satisfaction of having done it. [The Great American Road Trip via NPR]

Thanks to Nate for the tip.

It's no mystery that buying a new pious Hybrid to save money on gas is a bit counter-productive. Yeah, you'll spare pennies at the pump and score points with the eco-snob crowd, but the cost of that new car is likely to still end up costing you more than what you'll be saving on gas. But what if you could save gas with a car that's hardly costs anything to buy? That's what these gearheads are trying to do. They've parked their full-size trucks and bought old beaters for daily driver duties. Proving it can be done in style, one guy even went for a vintage Subaru Brat complete with rear-facing jump-seats! You hear that truck guys? Now you've got "gas prices" as the perfect excuse to indulge in that secret little Japanese fantasy you've always had.
[CNN]
Hat Tip to Sugi!

How much proof is actually necessary to conclude cats are the spawn of Satan and tolerate humans only to keep a reserve of flesh around in case times get tough? Not much for some of us, but it's a constant struggle to get the truth across. A case-in-point here comes from Folsom, California were an elderly driver was attacked about the face by her cat while driving her Toyota Solara, lost control, and crashed into an area diner. Nobody was seriously injured, but we would pay good money to watch that hidden camera footage. No kitty — no! That's a bad kitty! [SacBee]

Eventually, auto enthusiasts of the Australian persuasion will rise up with pitchforks and torches and rebel against their fun-hating government. On Sunday, police in New South Wales descended upon a gathering of motorheads and proceeded to search 72 vehicles, issue 39 tickets and impound 18 vehicle — one of which was a rare $200,000 Ford Falcon GT. This wouldn't be such a huge deal except for that part about the impounding being permanent, and the vehicles being sent to auction, and the proceeds going to government coffers. Adding insult to injury for that Falcon driver, what was the offense? A second burnout ticket.

Look, we have no issue with a government confiscating cars used in the utility of a felony, but when you make driving felonious and profitable for the government, abuse is inevitable. Confiscating private property under weak pretense doesn't sound like the protection of citizens, it seems like a business model. There's a fine line between policing and harassing, and we're not the lawyer types, but this stinks to high heaven. [TheNewspaper]

It's happened time and time again, and it will continue to happen until the end of days. A jumpy teenager has a crazy idea, perhaps induced by peer-pressure, to sneak the old man's car out for a late night joyride. As Jalops, we've likely all put ourselves in such a situation. In retrospect, we're able to look back at it as a right of passage into manhoonhood, but for this Aussie boy, it may be a while before he will fully appreciate the accomplishment of crashing his dad's Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale, though never being able to see daylight may accelerate that process.
[via AOL] Hat Tip to Andy and Matt!

Representative Michael R. McNulty pays $816 for a 2007 Mercury Mariner Hybrid, which he chose for its utility. Representative Redolphus Towns pays $715 a month for his Lincoln MKX, he bought it to save money on fuel. Representative Louise M. Slaughter needed a car that handled safely in the snow, so she picked a Buick Lucerne, for which the US Taxpayer pays $808 a month. All have chosen to take advantage of the benefit on offer to any member of the US House of Representatives: any car of their choice leased for them with no price limit and all expenses, including gas, paid for.

Now we understand that our Representatives in the House are busy people, what with all the time it takes to investigate the moral fiber of our baseball players and pretending that there's not a war on, but surely they'd benefit from spending just a few minutes picking out better cars or scouring the internet for deals. We're even prepared to help them do so, for free.

Representative McNulty, you might find the Mazda5 has greater utility than your Mariner, it also gets 28mpg on the highway and is available in your area, Albany, for just $249 a month for 24 months. And did you know that the regular 4-cylinder Mariner gets marginally better fuel economy and is available straight from Ford.com for $279/month? It beats riding the boat.

Mr. Towns, if fuel economy is your greatest concern, we'd humbly suggest that an SUV, much less one powered by a 3.5-liter V6, may not be the best car for you. What about a Toyota Prius? Not only will it carry more street-cred with your liberal Brooklyn constituency, but it's available for just $330!

And finally, Mrs. Slaughter. $808 will get you a lot of car, especially if you need one that's safe in the snow. BMW's X5 is amazingly capable in bad conditions and they'll let you have one for only $729/month. That'll save the taxpayers $79 each month and more importantly, might save your life. [via The NY Times]
Photography credit: DBKing

We thoroughly enjoyed Joshua Davis' thrilling tale of the salvage operation of the Cougar Ace — a subject we've covered on these pages more than once. Finally, we've now got the answer to the question of what you do with a boat-wrecked shipment of Mazdas. You take the 4,700 formerly brand-new automobiles and send 'em to the crusher. Although we knew this already, we still think they could have at least sent them out to hoons like us as, after all, it's not like we're the types to really give a damn about a warranty. Or they could have started the "Shipwrecked Mazda Cup." They could've done something epic, but no, they shredded up all those poor little zoom-zoom'ers for scrap. Damn you, Mazda! Damn you and your silly liability insurance concerns and your million-man attorney army. [WSJ via CarDomain]

Underground Garbage truck street racing is apparently the latest threat to civil society in Canada, because cops in Goderich, Ontario have busted a driver for 112 KPH in a 60 KPH zone. The part that has us furrowing our brow is there seems to be no opponent in this race. Which would simply make it speeding, which would mean the Ontario Provincial Police (OPP, yeah you know them) wouldn't be able to impound the truck, suspend his license and levy a minimum $2,000 fine.

Apparently what's going on here is the exercise of a new law on the Canadian books to combat street racing where the speeds exceed 50 KPH above posted limits. Remember the old man in the Olds arrested for racing? Same law. We fail to see how this is racing if there is, you know... no race involved in the situation. Leave it to the OPP to find a way to snag other peoples money. [Canada.com]

A man in rural Kentucky, fed up by the high price for diesel, has decided to trade driving for riding. He'd rather fill up his horse with oats than spend $4.00 a gallon putting fuel in his truck, so he's riding everywhere in protest. This is easier for the gentleman because he's a sign painter and not, you know, an ambulance driver. His argument loses some coherency until he starts to show off that he can multiply by twos. The tired horse was later quoted as saying "I hope to God that the price of beef doesn't suddenly shoot up." [CNN]

When first responders made it to the scene of a flipped truck in St. John's County, Florida, they probably thought the worst. The interstate was covered with blood, gelatinous blood. Oh, the humanity! Wait. Blood isn't usually gelatinous. It's Jello. And not just any Jello, that's a truckload of strawberry snack packs. Oh, the hilarity! Well, maybe not so much hilarity for the driver who flipped the truck. He's in the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and is likely to face charges when he recovers. A semi-driver passing through the area noted that it was a delicious smelling accident. Conveniently, two busloads of elementary students returning from a day spent visiting the oldest wooden schoolhouse were trapped behind the accident and were able to clear the scene. [First Coast News via Motive Forums]

A man from the Canadian city-to-the-south-of-Detroit, Windsor, Ontario, is miffed at Chrysler (or more likely Chrysler Financial Canada) for losing a data tape and potentially making the possibility of identity theft happen sooner rather than later. Seems a tape containing the names, addresses and Social Insurance Numbers of some Canuckian Chrysler lessees was lost in transport by UPS. The carrier informed Chrysler of the loss by March 12th, and in turn, letters to folks with compromised identities were sent by March 27th. This chap from Windsor didn't get his note till April 21st and it's rubbing him the wrong way.

We're kind of on the fence with this one. Sure the possibility of identity theft is annoying and who hasn't had to deal with a compromised credit card these days, but is this really something to get your panties in a bunch over? First, a data tape was lost. Data, tape. Those with the wherewithal to read them these days probably aren't in the business of trafficking in stolen or lost UPS packages. No, they're too busy running server farms, reading about the latest in iPhone news on Gizmodo and filling out TPS reports in their cubicles. Second, blame Canada blame the Canadian mail system over Chrysler for the slow letter delivery. And if you still want to get in Chrysler's face about something, beat on them about the Sebring. [Windsor Star]

We know this has to be as painful for you to look at as it is for us to write about. Footage has surfaced of James Bond's Aston Martin DBS after the Italian police fished it out of Lake Garda. If you recall, the driver of the car lost control while in transit to the set, sending both he and the car plunging into the murky depths, falling to a depth of 150 ft before our anti-hero was able to rouse himself and make his way, frog-like, to the surface. That sounds like some serious James-Bond-like action, but unfortunately, it won't be relegated to the "bloopers" reel as no one was around to record the action. Well, except for this gruesome post-mortem. Oh Aston Martin DBS, you are beautiful, even in death. [CarDomain Blog]

Tom and Ray Magliozzi are the two knuckleheads from Car Talk, the very entertaining radio show on NPR. Tomorrow they'll be hosting an episode of Nova titled "The Car of the Future." The duo will be bringing their signature self-deprecating humor and no-nonsense style to a show which is not normally known for its comedic value or focus on all things wheels. We're looking forward to seeing what the Tappet Brothers have to say about all the next generation of cars and all the different powertrain madness. Did anyone see if they wanted to host Top Gear America? [Car Talk] [Youtube]

Justin D. Grill, 19, was just minding his own business, taking his '87 Crown Vic out for a little spin in Chippewa Falls. Oh sure, he had a sandwich in one hand and a cellphone in the other (no doubt delivering one of those riveting monologues that goes like "And so I MFFGP SMOFF told that sumbitch GLOOMPH NARF GLRMPH he could kiss my SPLRMPH GRUNCH..." and makes you wonder whether the unseen spirit of Miss Manners had a hand in subsequent events) when he sideswiped an oncoming police car on a bridge, but you really couldn't say that was his fault, right? His reaction? "I'm getting a ticket? For what?" [Chippewa.com]

People will do some pretty stupid things for a TV, or so we're learning today. First, it was the idiot burglar with the alligator in his Buick Regal and now we have the story of a trio of not-so-bright Tennesseans who really wanted to get a television home. But there were three of them and a television, and not all of them could fit in the passenger area of their Toyota Corolla. Their solution? Put the kid in the trunk and the television in the backseat. They'd have gotten away with it, too, but someone called the cops after seeing the kid, who apparently consented, get into the trunk.

Everyone was okay, but the man and woman who were lucky enough to sit inside the car were arrested over what looks like a shitty television anyways. If only these idiots read books. Oh well, at least the sheriff seemed to get a good laugh out of it. Bonnie and Cylde were actually ratted out by a relative who saw the event unfolding. If that may seem cold just remember that most people in Tennessee are related. [WSMV]

Though our love for Texas knows no end, the state certainly has its share of people who have more balls than common sense. Take Mr. William Johnson, the Thomas Crown of Brazoria, Texas. On the way to burgling a house he came across a wild American Alligator and thought it would be a good idea to wrestle it and put it in the back of his Buick Regal. After arriving at the house he found he had trouble moving a big screen television by himself and recruited a neighbor. The neighbor was willing to rob his other neighbor but relented when he saw the gator, saying "Alright, I ain't got nothing to do with it."

The alligator turned out to be an awful lookout as state troopers managed to find the would-be thief fairly easily, hauling one off to jail and the other off to a preserve. To make things more interesting, they also found Johnson with a nearly five-foot water moccasin. Though he had a snakebite, it didn't seem to bother him. This story makes us a little homesick. [KTRK-TV]

With missions to the Moon and eventually Mars in the cards, NASA is in need of a new tire capable of supporting surface exploration. Goodyear has unveiled this tire as a potential solution. Based on the original wire mesh 1960s Lunar Rover tires, they've been updated to fulfill NASA's much increased needs.

The original LRV tires were woven out of piano wire and capable of supporting 60lbs for up to 75 miles. These new version adopt a denser weave and more advanced materials, with the goal of being able to support up to 600lbs over 100 miles. These concepts will be one of several designs strenuously tested across the remainder of the year, with a final version scheduled for released next winter. [via Carscoop]

Normal granddads sit on porches in their boxers and yell at little kids to get off their lawn, they don't, as a rule, rob banks in Palo Alto, Calif. Although, this is exactly what happened earlier this week at a Wachovia bank. A man described as between 65 and 70 and bearded rolled into the bank in his electric wheelchair and proceeded to rob the place at gunpoint. He then rolled out the door and got away scot-free. He may have rolled into a wheelchair van for his ultimate getaway, but we like to think gramps managed to succeed in the slowest escape ever. [NBC11]
photo credit to StreerodStuff

Juan Carlos "Chupeta" Ramírez Abadía is a bad man. Arrested last year for crimes including drug trafficking and money laundering, it's estimated that prior to being caught he was worth somewhere in the region of $1.8 billion. Now, in order to recoup some of the cost of making people like this rich the war on drugs the Brazilian government is putting Abadía's belongings up for auction, including this mystery SUV.

The most popular item at the auction isn't hotted up vehicles however; it's Abadía's underwear. You see, the notorious Abadía, a member of the Cali Cartel, was captured last august in only his skivvies, making owning an authentic pair of coke-filled Y-fronts a hot ticket collectors item amongst São Paulo's chattering classes.

The auction was such a hit that the police had to be called in to manage a crowd of 5,000 that tried to squeeze into a bidding space intended for just 200. It's estimated that 80% of Abadía's belongs went in the first three-hours.

But, getting back to this hot green SUV: what the hell is it? Our initial thoughts were modded FJ40 or a replica thereof, but the more we look, the more we're confused. Call us crazy, but the thought of owning an ex-drug lord, tri-fuel mud plugger with maybe, just maybe a hidden stash somewhere in its undercarriage gets our teeth grinding. Bonus points to any Brazilian readers who send in an authentic pair of Abadía's underwear. [Via BBC News]

A victim of car theft in Washington DC is being pestered by a collection agency to pay up on an 18-month-old parking ticket written while the car was on it's leave of absence from its rightful owner. Steve Steinberg has vowed never to pay the $205 fine and is wondering why the car didn't come up as stolen when the ticket was being written — a fair question if you ask us. Of course the local officials are blaming the fine on Steinberg's lack of action on the ticket, but of course that doesn't stand up when the old boy waves a fist full of letters he sent to the DMV on the subject. [WUSA9]

The Pederson family may have taken inspiration from the case of the 8-fingered Skyline thief, and have turned to the web to try to recover a stolen 1959 Corvette once owned by their late uncle. After saving his whole life and finally purchasing the red and white 'Vette, the uncle discovered he had cancer and died in late 2007. Only two months later the car was swiped from its Ronkonkoma, NY garage and hasn't been seen since. A VIN search turns up registration in Florida, but you know how accurate those thing can be these days. So, just in case you're in the market for vintage Corvettes (Junkman, we're looking right at you) keep your eyes peeled for a car with the following description:

1959 Corvette Roadster. Red with White Coves, Red interior and a white hard top. The Corvette is an automatic with spinner wheels and white wall tires. VIN J59S100698.

We'll pass on any leads we get, and hopefully this comes out with a Law & Order-style happy ending. Someone cue Fred Thompson. [Hemmings]

Ever wonder how all the remote openers in the world don't set each other off on a regular basis? It all has to do with the mysterious KeeLoq security system, made by Microchip Technology. The system is used by quite a few automakers in their remote keyfobs and in garage door openers to keep things secure. Well, the rascally Germans at Ruhr University decided to figure out how it works, and along the way they developed a way to duplicate those codes. Whoops. When reached for comment, MT relied on a canned statement saying "These theoretical attacks are not unique to the KeeLoq system and could be applied to virtually any security system." Hopefully you've got backup locks for your stuff. [SundayHerald]

Ha! Take that copper.The "artist" who created the pedal-powered Buick Regal and was ticketed by one of Toronto's finest on the creation's maiden voyage has been vindicated in a Canadian court. Trevor Baldwin thought the charge of "operating an unsafe motor vehicle" was a total crock since everything which made the car a motor vehicle had been stripped out, so he did what any good troublemaker does — challenge the ticket in court. Seems the law was on his side as the prosecutor was literally laughed at when attempting to make the case. The judge then proceeded to toss the case out on its ear. Consider this a win for pedal-powered car building artist hippies everywhere in Canada. [CBC]

After a brief interview period with a rapacious press, Senator David Vitter (R-Prostitutes) attempted to make a speedy exit in his smart white Honda Civic but failed to notice the stop sign behind his car. Because of his lack of (backward) vision and inability to change (direction), the little Honda and the lady-of-the-night-loving Senator from Louisiana both came away slightly bruised, though one being bumper, the other being ego. Of course, that's a lot less embarrassing than the bruised bumper Max Mosley received. [Youtube via TPM]