Yesterday we saw a car straight out of a science fiction movie. And like a red shirt in a Star Trek Episode, the ETV went DOA with 81% of you Crack Piping its fifty grand asking price.

Only six grand will buy you today's contender, and while the ETV would have trouble traversing a phalanx of migratory Scolecophidia, this Suzuki could hurdle moose without getting antler on its skidplates.

Meaning those who serve, the name samurai denoted the protectors of the classical Japanese nobility. Selfless and brave, the warriors dedicated their lives to their protectorates, accepting death before defeat.

What might end in your death, or your ending up walking home on your feet is this modded Suzuki, for which the seller is asking $6,000 for his efforts.

For the unfamiliar, the Suzuki Samurai was condemned by Consumer Reports for having the non-traditional driving dynamics of a vehicle designed to be driven off-road. Tall, with a high ground clearance and requisite center of gravity, trucklettes like the Samurai tend to flip over when you get up to speed and then saw at the wheel as though you suddenly remembered you left the stove on back home.

This 1988 example has had these tendencies, not quelled, but celebrated, with a 6" lift and 35" tires, putting the passengers firmly into nosebleed altitudes. Lots of other mods have been made, including a heart transplant from a 1.6 litre Geo Tracker to help get those inevitable spills over more quickly.

So, there's lots of fun of the hold my beer nature to be had with this little Suzuki, and, as the seller lists a bushido of parts that have gone into it, there at least exists some rationale for the asking price. But, is that asking price a kimono full of of Nice Price? Or, is that the Ginzu of Crack Pipe?

You decide!


Two Pickets to Tittsburgh Craigslist or go here if the ad disappears. Hat tip to rebeldevil!

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a tip, and remember to include your commenter handle.

In his typical "Rally Leviathan" style, Travis Pastrana nabbed his third win this season with almost a minute lead between him and second place finisher Tanner Foust. Andrew "Antilag Alarm Clock" Comrie-Picard picked up a third place finish — especially interesting considering Comrie-Picard ate tree during the practice stage. Pastrana's Subaru Factory teammate Ken Block was dramatically removed from the standings on Day Two after an 80 MPH flat tire did him in and left Block with a fractured control arm. Dave Mirra scored a first place finish in the Super Production class; walking away from the event with both his first rally win and a drop-forged cast iron grin.

We're betting on an underdog upset at one of these upcoming rallies; a real David Vs. Goliath moment. Even though he was taken out of this weekend's event due to a very blown engine, our chips are on racing wunderkind and Jalop-You-Never-Knew-Existed Matthew Johnson in his hyper-chromatic technicolor Subaru WRX at a post-X Games rally. You heard it here first.

Sit tight and follow our RallyAmerica tag for the upcoming gonzo coverage of the 2009 Oregon Trail Rally including our mega-gallery plus a smattering of tasty bonus features.

Photog Credit: Alex C. Conley

In a 100-mile, tight, technical rally in the southern Catskills Mountains of New York, Ken slid towards a top finish with nearly a three minute margin between him and second place. Not a part of the RallyAmerica circuit, the rally was cited as being notoriously wet this year. Not to worry, as Block performed flawlessly and was noted to have been "unchallenged." Block raced his 2007 Open Class Subaru STi as his 2009 car is on its way west for the upcoming Olympus rally.

Photo Credit: Neil McDaid and Lars Gange

With enough speed to seal Ken's fourth win at the 100 Acre Wood in Salem, MO, the resulting footage is nothing short of breathtaking. New to our in-car game is a spiffy set of live data gauges telling the viewer exactly what's going on with those pedals.

Up next, we've got video interviews with Block and Pastrana, Behind the Scenes with Subaru Rally Team USA, and, of course, our 100 Acre Wood mega-gallery. Can you contain your excitement? We can't. Keep your browsers locked on our RallyAmerica tag for all this upcoming dirty fun. And as always, Press On Regardless!

Update: As it turns out, the video was just too friggin' awesome to be contained by our hamsters. We've moved it to Vimeo and all should be well. Sorry for those of you who's browsers we've imploded. It'll grow back, promise.

The 2009 Yamaha FX Nytro RTX SE is bad. Not bad like spoiled milk or bad like Nissan's horrible attempt at stealing away our xB-lovin' hearts. Bad like the way you feel while tearing down a ski slalom in a fresh Audi S4 or hauling hard on an impromptu dragway riding the back of a 400-some-odd horsepower unicycle with nothing more than a torn Skynyrd tee to save your hide. Hot, naughty, evil.

The RTX SE is a rough and tumble war sled. It's classified "rough trail," which is a generalized way of saying you can take it off of huge jumps and it won't bat a single muscular eyelash. The technology used to design the 2009 model is derived directly from Yamaha's snow racing team. The 121" long track, which is the shortest of the three lengths available on Yamaha sleds, lends itself to wicked turn-in at the slightest twitch of the bar, whereas the longer 136" and 144" tracks on the poof-grade sleds are designed to bridge bumps and float on deep powder. Being a racer replica and not a true race sled, you've got the convenience of grip heaters, squishy seat and wide running boards. This all adds up to a fast, nimble machine that tries to kill you every turn in sweet, warm comfort.

With the RTX SE being totally geared towards big jumps, sharp turns and other Snocross-flavored bits, we promptly took it through the extremely deep powder offered only by northern Michigan's outback fields in the dead middle of January.

A quick aside regarding traction: Among knowledgeable car aficionados, it's widely agreed that tires are the most important feature on a race car. A simple change between tread patterns or compounds can make the difference between a winning effort and a hot trip to Armco Town, USA. Much of the same goes for the rubber track situated underneath all snowmobiles. Yamaha decided to name their new multi-use tread pattern, co-developed with Canadian plastics company Camoplast, the "Camoplast® Rip Saw™." We think it sounds more like how you'd describe a naked, bloodied Christian Bale running full tilt down an apartment building corridor wielding a screaming chainsaw while chasing after his rented lover just after she discovered his collection of fractured bodies, but it's not a bad name for a tread, either. What we'll now call the Christian Bale® Death Tread™ enables you to do is tackle far more diverse snow types than previously thought possible. This marketing hype actually plays out true, for once, as the RTX SE doesn't bog once through the insurmountably deep powder, even after multiple stops and reversals. This is generally impossible for a 121" tracked sled as they usually sink far quicker than they can propel themselves forward.

The ergonomics of the RTX SE are purposefully designed to keep the rider in a standing position over the engine during all aggressive riding. This perfectly balanced arrangement leads to unparalleled rotation and control in exactly the direction of your lean. Control doesn't mean invincibility, as an improper shift towards the outside of the turn will flip your entire show over with rabid efficiency.

The 130HP three-cylinder four-stroke engine promptly shuts up any two-stroking fanboys stuck in the smelly past. We actually witnessed a couple of supposed gas-oil mixing die-hards converted on the spot once they played with the gobs of torque provided by the new fuel injected mill. With the proper lean and a willful twist of the throttle, one can pull a full drift from barely a crawl. Added bonus: When you flip a fuel injected sled, it doesn't piss gas all over itself, unlike those rocking a carbuerator. Ask us how we know. Better yet, ask Kyle and Alex down below in the photo credits about their personal inverted experiences.

At a hefty $11,599, we find it hard to justify any new snowmobile when the window of usable winter is so short. The money would be better spent on a 2009 Zero X that you can enjoy all year. For those in the far north (We're looking at you, Canada) that enjoy snowmobiles as necessary transportation for most of the year, the fresh line of Yamaha four-strokes simply can't be beat. The RTX SE, while still commute-ready, offers a raucous and ripping ride on just about any surface.

Photo Credit: Alex "Cat Lady" Conley and Kyle "Dangerzone" Conner

This year's Sno*Drift Rally, held in Atlana, MI, brought a frothy mixture of high horsepower and tasty hydrocarbons to a quaint, rural town. Did you catch those friggin' sweet AfterEffects titles? Expect more of the same.

Right now, we're deep in the heart of Missouri to cover the 100 Acre Wood Rally here in Salem. We've upped our camera count from two to five to bring you exactly what you crave: dirty, naughty racing obscenity. If you catch us in our megaphone-equipped gunmetal-brown Saab 9-7x, stop and say hi. Press on regardless!

Photo Credit: Alex C. Conley
Video Credit: Kyle "Dangerzone" Conner and Brian "Nannerpuss" Shepanek

Certain flavors of guys always tend to purchase certain varieties of cars. Find out who you are from what you drive.

Our original Ten Cars And The Type Of Women They Attract article was so popular, especially with the ladies, that we're all but required to demonstrate the way things are from the other side. Follow us through a wide array of dudes and their choice of noble steed.

10.) Luxury Euro

9.) Mini SUV

8.) Italian Exotic

7.) Windowless Child Molestation Van

6.) Minivan

5.) Overpriced Ecomobile

4.) Sensible Japanese Import

3.) Rocket Racer

2.) Jacked-Up Offroader

1.) Mazda Miata

Michigan is home to both the start and end of the yearly RallyAmerica racing circuit. The 2008 season came to an end in Houghton, Michigan last October at the Lake Superior Pro Rally. The fresh 2009 season begins anew here in Atlanta, Michigan during the dead of winter.

Snowmobiles and 4x4 trucks aren't just a convenience in Atlanta - they're a necessary facet of life. Good thing we were locked, stocked and two smoking cameras while rolling in our Roush Propane-powered F-150. This time we were pushing giant steamroller tires on chrome wheels as the factory hides met a smokey demise at an earlier date.

The rally went down as a classic snow rally with plenty of snowbank-Plinko and lots of off-course sliding. Spectators were quick to jump in and assist when drivers chose to jam their cars firmly into the stout, powdered walls. Our rookie favorite of last year Kyle Sarasin was stuck in an old front wheels-driven Mitsubishi Eclipse after his previous yellow Subaru-wielding team was disbanded. The title of Most Jalopnik Rally Car of this event was taken by Greg and Tom Woodside in their turbo 1987 Dodge Shadow.

After a short battle with Travis for the lead, Ken Block was knocked out in the first day with a mechanical failure as a result of a minor crash. Travis Pastrana and Christian Edstrom secured the first place finish while Tanner Foust and Co-driver Chrissie Beavis locked in the second rank in their Hyundai Tiburon. Andrew "ACP" Comrie-Picard and Marc Goldfarb snuck into third place after fighting against some handling problems in their Mistu Evolution IX. BMX baddie Dave Mirra pulled in a strong 6th-place finish.

Keep an eye on our RallyAmerica tag as we'll soon be following up with an exclusive behind the scenes look at Subaru's Rally Team, a full HD video of Sno*Drift and Travis and Ken's In-Car video. We're stuffing our hatchbacks in preparation of the 100 Acre Wood rally in a few weeks time located in Salem, MO. Press on regardless!

Partial Photo Credit: Alex "Tater Salad" Conley

The scene is northern Michigan. Very north. We're headed for the Houghton area, which is so far north it can't be properly represented by the usual "Michigan=Hand" model. We're in a convoy with amateur rally driver Billy Elliot and his tired but trusty VW GTI Group 2 racer. We're hauling fast to make it on time for the Parc Expose, the opening portion of the rally where the drivers must display their cars for viewing by the public. After all, it's the least they could do as a torrent of horsepower, oversteer and raucous noise is about to befall their tiny town.

With Travis Pastrana the far and away points leader coming into this race, this one is simply run for bragging rights and the second place position. Being the last race on the RallyAmerica circuit for the year, with also being the toughest and roughest, all of the cars are truly going for broke with the dire hopes of clinching a win. The regional guys push extra hard as this is their turf; they've got the home team advantage. The surface is hard packed dirt with a short stage over the Brockway Skyway, which is medium-quality tarmac that connects the Copper Harbor mountaintops. Brockway is the only stage on the entire RallyAmerica circuit to be run on true tarmac at race speeds, including its harrowing jumps and sheer cliff faces.

Heading up the Michigan regional racers and winning the award for Most Jalopnik Rally Car Ever is a bloke by the name of Mark Utecht in his Foxbody Mustang powered by a stroked 383 Windsor. Nothing can speak for the badassery of such a ride more than having it kick a half ton of fine silt into your lens from 20 feet away before speeding off into the sunset, back tires desperately fighting and losing a battle between a low traction surface and a high horsepower engine.

Ken Block eventually cinched the overall win, cementing himself in second place just below Travis and right above upcoming superstar Kyle Sarasin. Our pivot Billy Elliot walked away with no awards but was ultimately satisfied to leave his first performance rally alive and with a mostly functioning car.

Would you like to see more RallyAmerica coverage? Check back here as we're due to cover the Sno*Drift Rally next week in Atlanta, MI. We'll be on the scene in a Roush Propane F-150 just like this one and on the back of a pair of snowmobiles. If you spot us, feel free to say hi! See everyone out on the stage.

Video and Partial Photo Credit: Clutch Creatography

Many guys hope their new car purchase will allow them to roll up to the line standing in the cold at their corner club on a Saturday night, and have the hottest woman waiting decide the car running its engine is the coziest place on earth for them. We here at Jalopnik know better. We know unless you're driving up in the hottest of hot supercars, the car you drive has less to do with attracting the girl you really want and more to do with attracting — well — other types of women. So instead of snagging Hottest Woman of 2008 Jennifer Connelly (seen to the left), you'll probably be swingin' with the following. Depending on which car you're driving, of course.

10.) 80's Era Muscle Car

9.) Late Model Euro Tuner

8.) Jacked-Up Offroader

7.) Rare Italian Exotic

6.) Clapped-Out Rice Rocket

5.) Classic VW Microbus

4.) Mack Daddy Pimp Cadillac

3.) NASCAR

2.) Old School Hot Rod

1.) Sensible Japanese Import

[via Motive]

[via English Russia]

We'll take three for Jalopnikonia please, just send the bill c/o Ray Wert, Royal Oak, MI 48067. [Tomcar USA]

40th SCORE Tecate Baja 1000 Distance: 1,296.4 miles

TrophyTruck
Winner: Rivera Racing
Drivers: Mark Post (San Juan Capistrano)
Rob MacCachren (Las Vegas)
Carl Renezeder (Laguna Beach)
Time: 25 hours, 21 minutes and 25 seconds
Average speed: 51.13 mph

Buggy
TBD

Motorcycle
Winner: Honda factory team
Riders: Robby Bell (Sun City)
Johnny Campbell (San Clemente)
Steve Hengeveld (Hesperia)
Kendall Norman (Santa Barbara)
Time: 24:15: 50
Average speed: 53.428 mph.
(It was the sixth straight Baja 1000 overall win for Hengeveld and the 10th overall title for Campbell.)

HUMMER H2 SAFARI OFF ROAD

The HUMMER H2 Safari concept brings a unique, open-air experience to those who want to experience as much of the outdoors as possible when taking their H2 to a favorite wilderness location. A unique, safari-inspired matte olive finish allows sportsman to take the H2 Safari on to the trail and blend in with the scenery. A large, folding canvas roof panel opens up the H2 Safari, too, creating an open-air driving experience. Additional modifications are aimed at enhancing the vehicle's capability and comfort, including a dockable GPS unit.

Vehicle highlights:

* H2 Safari Off Road concept
* 6.2L V-8 with 393 horsepower
* Retractable canvas roof panel
* Safari-inspired matte olive exterior color
* 20-inch wheels
* Mickey Thompson 35-inch off-road tires
* Removable rear quarter windows
* Euro-style smoked light lenses with LED lighting
* Black-anodized billet aluminum rear D-rings
* Warn winch - power plant with dual-force in front
* Heavy-duty suspension with two-inch lift kit
* Brushed metal appearance on interior trim
* Weather-resistant premium nylon seating material
* Olive green rubber floor replaces production carpeting
* Custom floor mats
* Magellan 500 eXplorist dockable GPS unit
* Premium outdoor luggage and gun racks

GM Accessories (production and concept)

* Roadside assistance package
* First aid kit
* Hitch receiver cover
* Tail lamp guards
* Rocker protectors
* Fuel door (black)
* Tubular assist steps (black)
* Hood handles (black)

# # #

Going camping on the backside of Black Lake near Reno in a Dodge Ram 4x4 and being shocked to discover a lowly Subaru Impreza had clawed its way up the same rocky path our jacked-up, nearly monster pickup had issues with. Getting our Scout stuck in fresh, El Nino inspired Sonoma County mud and having a 60s Unimog(!) tow us out. Though, our favorite has to be when us and the old man took some friends and our Cherokees up to Mt. Pinos just north of LA (elevation 9,000 or so feet) and hooned it up in the snow. That was the best. You?