This was the story according to the Galveston Daily News:

The man, who refused to give his name, was looking at real estate in Galveston.
About 3 p.m. a low-flying pelican distracted him as he traveled north on Interstate 45 just south of the hurricane levee near Omega Bay.
The man jerked the wheel, dropped his cell phone, and the car's front tire left the frontage road and entered a muddy patch, which foiled his attempt to maneuver away from the lagoon.

Yeah, that's not what happened at all according to this video.

This was recorded by a Facebook user who appears to be taping it with a phone or digital camera just at the right moment. Warning, they do swear appropriately at the event. Incredible.

UPDATE: Thanks to some great follow up reporting by the Galveston Daily News and their sister paper, we now know the man is Andy House of Performance Auto Sales in Lufkin, Texas. The shop, ironically, specializes in repairing wrecked exotics. We contacted House for a comment and here's what he said:

I had dropped my phone, people dont know what happened, the arnold story was made up to by the wrecker driver. What it appeared to been was a reflection.

We'll continue to cover this interesting story as it unfolds.

UPDATE 2: Follow up story from the Galveston Daily News

UPDATE #3: We've finally put one and one together. Andy House not only crashed his Bugatti Veyron into a lake, he also owns the now-repaired Eddie Griffin-crashed Ferrari Enzo!

UPDATE#4: Here's the full post-Lake Crash Bugatti Veyron mega gallery showing the aftermath.

(H/T to Houston_AG!)

Having been forced to watch the original Twilight movie I can relate the plot to you very quickly: A high school girl with greasy hair falls in love with a 100-year-old, but still young looking vampire whose main powers are looking moody and sparkling. Ignoring the pedophilia and concentrating instead on the fact that the two don't have sex, Christians the world over have seized on the movie as a wonderful example of abstinence (Should I have sex with a sparkle vampire? What would Jesus do?) and encouraged their pubescent daughters to obsess over the movie's star, the dreamy Robert Pattinson.

At some point during all the ridiculousness and sparkling, there's some brief message about protecting the people you love. Volvo's seized on this, pushing its products heavily in the movies and now running an ad campaign to tie in with the sequel, New Moon, which opens next week.

Ignoring for a second the bizarre Christian thing that's going to insure that a generation of girls grow up with an incredibly fucked up idea of sex, the target demographic for this teen marketing campaign movie is 12-year-old girls. Is that really the market for Volvo XC60s? We mean, they can't even drive yet!

Then there's the direct parallel Volvo's drawing between the website it's using to promote its product placement and that creepy Christian thing the movies have going on. The website's name? What Drives Edward? Would Jesus be that creepy?

I'm not a huge energy drink imbiber, so when the giant NOS box with a canister-like blue bottle and ugly t-shirt showed up I turned to the one place I was sure to find numerous caffeine addicts: a political field office. The job of a field organizer on a political campaign is to identify every potential voter within a given geography and then turn them out on election day.

It involves long days of knocking down doors/making calls and longer nights of entering the information into database. Therefore, it involves drinking a shit ton of caffeine at every turn. I selected Cameron as my victim tester because he exclaimed "Oh, I've never tried that one."

Because it wouldn't be a real review unless I actually tried it, I warmed up with my palette with an appropriate amuse bouche (a Shipley's Bulls Eye Do Nut, which is a yeast donut filled with creme, topped with chocolate, and then topped with whipped creme). Pouring the NOS into a white cup you get to see what you're drinking and it's pretty clear why they've done all they can to disguise it with an opaque bottle.

It looks like radioactive piss.

Fortunately, it tastes better than I can remember radioactive piss tasting (ahh... college). It's clearly citrus-based, sort of a Fresca meets Mountain Dew with an undeniable hint of Flintstone's chewable vitamin you get in any drink that's got a high Taurine content. Cameron rates it a 7/10 but I could really give a shit what he thinks about how it tastes. He's here for one reason: to see how long before he can enter data before the crash.

He downs the drink at around 8:00 pm and we're making bets on just how far he can make it while entering voter IDs into the voter database — a job about as interesting as watching flies fuck. My guess was the witch's brew of taurine, inositol, ginseng, B vitamins, and L-Carnitine (whatever that is) would keep him juiced for a couple of hours before the inevitable crash.

Having ingested only donuts but also involved in boring labor, I worked as the lame control group and decided to check in every 30 minutes. Through the first couple of hours there was no discernible crash and he continued on with an extra bit of zest. Unfortunately, having not ingested an energy drink I wasn't able to stay up long enough to track just how long Cameron went before passing out — but he claims 2 AM, which isn't bad.

Overall, it's not the worst tasting energy drink. it's certainly better than Monster but not quite as refreshing as Bawls. In terms of energy it does the trick, providing about four hours before a crash. The t-shirt I got with it wasn't great, but Cameron was happy to take it off my hands as a reward for his work. And the packaging works if you're mostly an idiot, and I'm guessing mostly-an-idiot is going to be the demo buying this.

Face it: I'm a doofus when it comes to taking care of the modern car. The replacement of mechanics with electronics has shifted the power of tinkering squarely into the domain of geeks. But there still exist a few simple car maintenance tasks we should be able to perform without expensive shop time.

The blatant frenchsploitation displayed above is the work of Tim Street, a Disney World engineer turned television writer, who began producing French Maid TV in 2006. Street’s videos teach you how to do simple things, employing women with huge breasts and fake French accents to hold your attention and your jacques and jacques stands.

How To Change Your Oil is one of those videos you’ll watch over and over again, amazed and that a professional production has actually drawn the parallels between oil spillage and mammary intercourse in the most explicit way.

Even more amazing is that the video is actually useful. Useful for learning how to change your oil, that is. Especially if you drive a US-spec Citroën SM, that is.

Also remarkable as an exercise in absolutely not fucking around at all. Then again, the same could be said of Duesenberg cars themselves, both in prices and qualities of build.

And sheer noise!

Hat tip to Marton Bede.

The seat of the "Pleasuring Pony" is designed to allow you to mount a flanged base dildo to the thrusting slide, sit down in a seating position on the stable padded seat and rock your lower body back and forth, and ride it like there's no tomorrow.

Unlike a car, there's no motor to maintain, control, or breakdown. We're even told

"the adjustable thrust depth control allows you to hit the spot every time, and if you orgasm to quick or want more, there's no refractory time required."

How exciting.

The Pleasuring Pony folks continue:

"The design of the Pleasuring Pony is functional yet modern and the appearance and finish is of fine furniture, each Pleasuring Pony is hand built to order in Brighton, Michigan. Components are produced in the good old USA, and made of high quality materials and finished with 2 coats of durable high gloss black epoxy paint. The cross members are made from hard Maple and coated with a polyurethane finish. The fasteners are zinc plated for corrosion protection. The seats are vinyl covered with foam padding and available in red or black or other patterns on request."

Order one today for just $598.50 at Royal Oak, MI's Noir Leather or at PleasuringPony.com.

Human beings aren't strictly rational animals. Car enthusiasts, for all their emphasis on numbers and measurements, are roughly equal parts rational and rationalizing, and there's no end to the myths that have grown around car culture. We believe that many of those myths, while perhaps not strictly true, are beneficial and help make car culture a fun place to be. We therefore choose to live as if these myths are pure truth, and we fully support all those who do. Click Next to see some of our most cherished.

MYTH: Cars were just plain better in the old days.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Cars are safer, more reliable, more efficient, and perform better today than they were in any version of "the old days."

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because there are different versions of "better," and one definition has to include some sort of subjective measure of soul. As many have said, the rear end on that '59 Bel Air has enough soul for a Motown collection. And we believe that almost any older car, from AMCs to old Volvos, can have more soul, charisma, personality, or what have you have you than something modern designed to do nothing more than hold four sets of golf clubs and then crash. Plus, owning an older car almost invariably means you're working on it, and working on your own car makes your car more yours as well as making you a smarter and more capable person.

MYTH: Ferraris are the ultimate automobiles.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The overwhelming Ferrari mystique obscures the fact that these things are overpriced, overstyled, breakdown-prone pose-mobiles.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: So who gives a damn? Frankly, the question of Ferrari ownership is probably never going to be one of our problems, and it's good to have someone at the epicenter of automotive lust. Even if you're not a Ferrari person, you probably have some equivalent ultra-car marque as the angel on top of your imaginary lottery-winning Christmas tree, and the same logic applies-someone has to be the ultimate, and the ideal of the ultimate will always be more important than the reality. At least this ideal comes with its own F1 team.

MYTH: The Indy 500 is one of the greatest races in the world.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: It's been trading on its storied history as it slowly becomes a boring and expensive spec race.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because we believe there's still a chance that it could return to its innovative, anything-goes, world's-best-drivers glory days. Exactly how this may happen is unclear to us, and it won't happen by next year if ever, but we hold out hope. And it's still much more fun and interesting to watch than the other Greatest Race traditionally held on the same day, the glitzier but far more past-its-prime Grand Prix of Monaco.

MYTH: Car dealers can't be trusted.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: With contemporary consumer protection and access to information, you can probably trust them now more than ever before.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because consumer skepticism, at least educated consumer skepticism, is a good thing, especially on major purchases. Trust must be earned, right? Now, this doesn't mean prospective car buyers should walk into dealerships and say "Prove to me you're not a crook!" because for one thing, you can't prove a negative. What it means is to do your research, don't let car lust carry you away, and always, always, always take a Jalopnik reader with you when buying a car.

MYTH: The Prius sucks.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The Prius is a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy and has thousands of satisfied owners.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: In its quest to save precious energy resources it's created a shortage of material resources. It's hideous. For the first successful hybrid, it's remarkably uninteresting from a tech point of view-when our sister site Gizmodo featured one at their gallery and ran its 12-volt battery down showing off its flashy dashboard, we were a bit miffed to find that it couldn't jump-start itself. And seriously, we'd rather be taken out and shot out behind the storage shed than spend $28,000 on a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy.

MYTH: LeMans is a great movie.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: LeMans is a collection of racing footage inside of a really terrible movie.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because that's a really, really stupendous collection of racing footage in that terrible movie. Also, the terrible movie includes Steve McQueen, which softens the blow somewhat. It really seems like making LeMans was an excuse for the director, cast, and crew to hang around the Circuit De La Sarthe with race cars for a few days, and that's something we can all understand.

MYTH: Manual transmissions are better than automatic transmissions.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Automatics are catching up; the dual-clutch units can outperform manual boxes in many cases, and even their fuel-economy advantage may be disappearing.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Again, there's better and there's better. In this case, being in total control of your car is fun and interesting, and more fun and interest are better. To many, learning stick is still an achievement-although maybe it shouldn't be, heck, it isn't all THAT hard, but no matter-and being more capable is better than having everything done for you. We could really give a damn if the Porsche PDK systems are a tenth faster to sixty or whatever the numbers are; we didn't bother to look them up because we don't care. We would rather drive to
sixty a bit slower than ride there.

MYTH: Gaze upon my works, ye not worthy, and despair; for I am Bob motherfucking Lutz.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: What, Bob Lutz? So-called Father of the Viper? He's just a marketing guy.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Listen, we need colorful figures in this world, and Bob Lutz is the most colorful person we have in the American car business. Perhaps in any business. His is a tradition going back as far as Barnum, or at least Don King. Are auto writers worried that Fritz Henderson will land a helicopter in their backyard, walk into their house, and yell at them? Is Alan Mulally or Scott Monty going to challenge us to a duel anytime soon? Nope. And seriously, without Lutz, we wouldn't have so much of modern car culture, from the phrase "The Ultimate Driving Machine" to the aforementioned Viper. Yes, there's way too much marketing in the world today, but that's not the problem. The problem is that Lutz isn't doing all of it.

In addition to being fairly unoriginal, Marty McFly owns the manure shtick, we can't help but notice that they're against global warming and yet dropped a bunch of methane-producing material on his front step. Might as well have tried to spray old CFC hairspray in his face. [Gaurdian]

György’s cars-and-babes exposé was shot at the Budapest Tuningshow, Hungary’s answer to SEMA.

It stars The Fuel Girls, by their own definition a “kick-ass, ultra-sexy, fire breathing rock and roll, dance and stunt show” from the UK. If you watch the video, you will see that the part about breathing fire is to be taken quite literally.

As you would expect from a car styling event held in the porn capital of the world, the video is somewhat heavy on skin, so please watch with care if you happen to be at a typical American office.

Machine shops and European offices are exempt from such warnings.

And if you can’t get enough, there’s always the behind-the-scenes gallery:

Photo Credit: György Szeljak

[via GlamourVanity]

You have commenter Tossed Accord to thank for this.

Click "next" to go through our list of ten cars potentially deserving of capital punishment. We've also included ways that they can maybe secure a pardon from the governor. Of course, one of these cars is just unpardonable.

Car: Chevy Impala
Suggested By: MaxForrest32
Why It's On Death Row: In trim levels lower than "SS", the Chevy Impala is but a shadow of its previous self, fit only for duty as a municipal service vehicle. It's one of GM's most revered nameplates on one of GM's most out-of-date cars.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: We've always loved the idea of the Impala and it would be a shame to waste all the positive energy around the name. Perhaps our dreams of a G8-based Impala will not come to life, but in the next round of platforms we hope something is waiting to underpin a truly awesome, RWD Impala.

Car: PT Cruiser
Suggested By: vwminispeedster
Why It's On Death Row: The PT Cruiser has been around for almost a full decade with only minor changes. As cool as the idea of a retro American car was at the turn of the millennium, it's no longer that cool. It was a hit, and now it just wont go away. It reminds us of the time we heard the band Wang Chung at an Earth Day concert. They were a one-hit-wonder and, rather than trying to expand, they just played various versions of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight." It was sad.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Retro isn't always bad. If only there were a small Italian car Chrysler could somehow bring over to fill the cool-cute-compact hole in their lineup...

Car: Chevy HHR
Suggested By: Dosdelon
Why It's On Death Row: Much like the PT Cruiser, the HHR was an idea that was probably only going to work once. The high belt-line, aggressive flares and tiny windows scream old GM.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Ford Transit Connect has filled an empty niche in the U.S. commercial market and, we believe, there will be some non-commercial sales soon enough. Take the awesome little Ecotec engine and small platform and try making a truly American high-roof wagon.

Car: Toyota Venza
Suggested By: Cgarison
Why It's On Death Row: The only thing the new Toyota Venza has truly succeeded in doing is forcing Honda to make an even uglier competitor. There are numerous vehicles in the Toyota lineup offering similar utility, size, and power. Why another one?
How It Could Get A Reprieve: People love their Toyotas and, it's somehow some people out there seem to love the Camry-wagon Venza. But rather than make a more aggressive, larger Camry, why not make a lighter and sleeker version? What a statement that would make.

Car: Mitsubishi Galant
Suggested By: SubcompactCulture
Why It's On Death Row: We once enjoyed the Galant, especially in VR-4 trim, a delightfully buzzy and sporty sedan to counteract less enticing alternatives. The Galant does none of that now. It's not particularly fast, sporty, or attractive. The interior is awful and the options are laughable.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Mitsubishi PS platform is no longer competitive, especially underpinning a sedan. But hey, a new platform with a bit of the edge back and a Raillart version could go along way.

Car: Lexus ES
Suggested By: Cardesignmike
Why It's On Death Row: You may wonder what a successful car like the Lexus ES is doing on this list, but hear us out. Toyota's CEO has recently said the company has stopped making exciting cars and it's something he would like to change. Most of the Lexus lineup is as good or better than most of its competitors. The ES is merely a rebadged Camry put there to bring in buyers that wouldn't be able to afford a Lexus otherwise.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not build something exciting, with value to bring more buyers into the lineup? Less AARP more RPM? The HS was a start and the next generation ES could end up more like the LF-Ch concept? It's probably too profitable to ever happen, but we can hope.

Car: Mitsubishi Raider
Suggested By: OldeEnglishD
Why It's On Death Row: Take a drink for every Mitsubishi Raider you've seen on the road. Congrats, you're still sober. Mitsubishi has never been the best choice for a small truck in the U.S. and the Raider, which shares its platform with Dodge, is no exception.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not a Lancer-based El Camino sport truck? Just because Pontiac backed out doesn't mean you can't. You had the balls to build a sporty wagon, show us up again and build a sport truck!

Car: Chevy Aveo
Suggested By: FlyingStitch
Why It's On Death Row: When Americans looked for small cars as gas prices rose America stepped up with what it had: a Korean car. It's small, crappy, and there are bigger cars that return better mileage. It's the best argument Chevy has for being used.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: We're not sure there are a lot of people waiting for the next-generation Aveo, but GM seems to have a few ideas for a small compact car. We sort of doubt it'll carry the same name.

Car: Maybach 57 and 62
Suggested By: Tonyola
Why It's On Death Row: This is a car we'd typically like but the Maybach is maybe the most expensive parts-binner ever. The 57 and 62 is just old Mercedes with lots of hype. It was cool for about two minutes and then everyone realized how much Bentley they could have for the money and moved on. It costs more than $358K to get into the door and the price jumps by leaps and bounds for all the status symbols you're going to want with it (goatcheese dispenser, anyone?). It's also very dated in terms of styling. Give us a BRABUS S-Class over this any day.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: If you're going to continue to charge insane rates upgrade the appearance, up the power so it'll go 200 MPH and get Jay Z to buy one.

Car: Chrysler Sebring
Suggested By: Everyone
Why It's On Death Row: The American car you'd swear was built in China. It's as if Chrysler had some sort of Major League strategy to destroy the company and move it to Italy and they needed a truly bad car to cause them to go bankrupt. There's nothing we like about it. There are no redeeming qualities in how it drives, looks, sounds, feels, or sells.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: No reprieve. No mercy. The best we can offer is a quick death. Which is better than the pain Chrysler caused us in bringing this horseshit abortion of a mid-size sedan to market.

August Sales in total units sold:

Chevy Camaro: 8,680
Ford Mustang: 6,289
Dodge Challenger: 1,132

Based on the stock 2009 Ford F-150, the Raptor adds little more than some fancy suspension, fancier electronics and some sporty exterior design. It retains the stock engine, the same 6-speed automatic gearbox (albeit in a less enthusiastic state of tune), the stock frame and a gussied-up stock interior and flared exterior. But oh, what suspension and electronics.

Headlining the changes are the internal triple bypass Fox Racing shocks. Like other off-road suspension packages, they add lots of travel (the total now stands at 11.2" of travel at the front and 12.1" at the rear), but unlike other systems they take radical steps to control that travel with the damping becoming four times stiffer at the end of the shock's travel as it is at the beginning. The initially soft, progressively stiffer damping means the Raptor floats over undulations both off-road and on, but controls that float so there's no bouncing around on the springs.

Drive along at whatever speed, hit a bump and the jolt is absorbed with no further impact on the experience. The suspension compresses to the extent required to clear the obstacle, then extends back to its normal position rather than compressing and extending through a few decreasing cycles like on virtually every other suspension setup.

That control isn't just down to the dampers, the Raptor increases the width of the F-150's track by seven inches, necessitating the use of unique "SVT" stamped upper and lower control arms and the wild new bodywork. The result of that is stability, especially noticeable at high speeds.

Connecting that new suspension to the road are bespoke 35-inch BF Goodrich tires on same-size, but unique-looking, 17-inch wheels. They use the same tread pattern as other BF Goodrich off-road tires, but everything else about them is designed to boost on-road refinement while retaining off-road ability. They're dead quiet even while bouncing off the 100 MPH speed limiter on the road, yet grip rocks and loose sand just like their off-road-only brothers and sisters.

Helping all that out is an "Off-Road" mode button that lets the ABS lock the wheels up at low speeds for more effective braking in the dirt, makes the shift programming and throttle response much more aggressive and backs off the traction and stability control.

That we've just spent five paragraphs describing the fancy suspension and electronics should give you some idea just how special they are. In fact, they transform the F-150 from a practical and luxurious utility truck into the most bitchin' multi-purpose vehicle we've driven all year. It's just a shame about the transmission.

That the Raptor is fast, refined and utterly stable up to its limited top speed belies its true nature as an off-roader. We were initially disappointed in the truck because we couldn't imagine a situation where all this roadability couldn't come at the expense of off-road speed. The thing is, we were wrong.

Designed for high-speed desert running, the SVT engineers didn't find it necessary to sacrifice any rock-crawling or mud-plugging ability. The extra ground clearance, improved approach and departure angles, beefed-up half shafts and other assorted upgrades like the huge SVT-branded aluminum skid plate actually make the Raptor more capable in the slow stuff than the stock F-150. All that truck's off-road aids are retained in the form of super slow-motion hill descent control and locking differentials.

And then you get to the go-fast stuff.

There's plenty of trucks, SUVs or whatever that can competently tackle a boulder. There's none available straight from a show room that are designed to run across the desert at 100 MPH. That's exactly what the Raptor does.

Push the "Off-Road" button, turn off the traction control and engage the rear axle locker in two-high and you're in the unofficial sport mode. This sets you up to tackle the loose surfaces, bumps, jumps and corners of your average desert. Point it down a dry creek bed or across the open desert and hit the gas. Add some corrective steering to overcome that slide and you're good to go. It's like driving your average pickup down a dirt road, only, in the Raptor, you'll be going twice as fast and you don't need that dirt road.

The triple bypass dampers absorb any bump small enough for the Raptor to actually make it over or cushion the landing off just about any jump. You'll find yourself going so fast - we bounced off the 100 MPH limiter without a thought - that when it comes time to steer around that boulder or cliff you won't realize how much you need to slow down until you're right on top of that obstacle. That's ok, because the off-road ABS programming has been tuned so perfectly that it can bring the Raptor to a rapid halt even on loose sand. It does that by allowing a controlled amount of wheel lock at low speeds to build up a berm in front of the tires, but keeps the wheels from locking at higher speeds to retain steering control.

Sadly, even with the more aggressive programming in off-road mode, the transmission will put itself in too high a gear, causing the Raptor to occasionally bog down, spoiling your tail out fun through some slow corners.

We first drove the Raptor over a month ago here in New York and walked away from the experience distinctly underwhelmed. Rather than finding the extreme race-focused off-roader we expected, the Raptor, in city traffic at least, turned out to be a better-riding, taller and more refined version of the stock F-150. The gearbox kept trying to put itself in sixth gear, no matter what the speed, and was then reluctant to kick down. That means it was slow. Really slow.

Unfortunately that gearbox didn't get better between that pre-production truck and this final-spec vehicle. Trying to get some maintenance throttle through the hairpin curves between San Diego and Borrego Springs resulted in either nothing or, with a bit more throttle, a two gear downshift and way too much acceleration. I almost had to drive it like an ‘80s turbocharged Saab, hammering the throttle before the apex to ensure that there'd be some acceleration on tap by the time the corner exit appeared.

Ford plans to add a 400 HP/400 Lb-Ft of torque 6.2-liter V8 to the Raptor lineup near the end of this year, but it's going to be equipped with the same shitty gearbox as this 5.4-liter, meaning the extra 90 HP and 10 Lb-Ft will largely be wasted. Some sort of manual override beyond the ability to select first, second or third and the ineffective overdrive off switch is desperately needed, but sadly not planned.

Of course, bitching about the lack of an appropriately tuned gearbox in a 6,000 Lbs, 78.4-inch tall truck is indicative of how satisfying the rest of the experience is. Throw the Raptor into an on-road corner and it heaves way over to the outside, but settles into that position through the rest of the corner. Nothing about its cornering ability is wayward, imprecise or challenging. In fact, its far more able than the stock F-150 and is capable of pulling .83 G on the skidpad, which is nearly as much grip as the stock 2010 Ford Mustang GT. 0-60 takes 8.2 seconds, well, if the gearbox cooperates.

The way to get around the ridiculously awful gearbox is to floor the Raptor down every straight, then slam on the 13.8-inch front, 13.-7-inch rear (same as the stock truck) brakes just before a corner. The front dives towards the ground alarmingly and the tires go "fizzzzz" in protest, but the brakes never fade. Stay on them to just before the apex to quicken the steering then slam on the throttle so that you stand some slim chance of accelerating at some point on the following straight.

Ford's PR team carefully planned a jump free route for us to avoid the liability of inadvertently jostling the pacemakers of geriatric buff book hacks, but we managed to channel our inner hoon and find a good ramp regardless. We hit the four-foot high berm at 80 MPH and caught what felt like serious air, but even that failed to overcome the natural stability and the Raptor's ability to soak up anything thrown at it. It landed perfectly and carried on as if nothing had happened. Even sliding sideways into ruts and bumps near the limited top speed failed to provoke any roll or any sign at all that we could do anything to upset the Raptor.

With the stability control off, things got a bit looser, but were still impressively controlled given the amount of sideways action taking place, while with four high locked in, the same speeds were attainable, albeit with less fun.

We'll have to wait until we try a Raptor in an unsupervised environment to definitively declare that it's impossible to flip or roll one, but on this initial trial that appears to be the case.

The Raptor's performance potential is so unique that we have to look outside the car and truck world to find any serious parallels for its ability. Off-road it performs like a faster, taller KTM race quad bike with its huge slides and go-anywhere high-speed ability. But we've never gotten a quad up to 100 MPH. On road the nearest equivalent would be a supermoto - a dirt bike converted for road use with sticky track tires - it's long travel suspension actually boosts cornering ability over the stock vehicle. But we've never ridden a supermoto this refined.

To put it plainly, the Raptor is the fastest off-road vehicle we've ever driven, yet remains a refined, capable and fun daily commuter or work truck. It's ability to travel at extremely high speeds over rough terrain is utterly unique among stock vehicles. It does all that while only asking a $2,900 premium over the F-150 FX4. In a world of cars and trucks designed only to compete with peers in specific classes and on boring things like fuel economy, trunk volume and stereo spec and in a society beset with oppressive liability concerns, the Raptor sets itself apart by doing something no one else has ever thought was a good idea, was possible within the legal framework of an automobile company or, hell, even possible at all. The 2010 Ford F-150 SVT Raptor is fucking awesome.

Admittedly, the turnout could have been better for the Noir Leather meetup, but we'll blame Royal Oak's antiquated opinions on signage laws for that. Regardless, we had quite a mix of vehicles show up for the event, everything from a Chevy Avalanche to an absolutely awesome tube-framed and widened VW Beetle with a Dodge Intrepid engine in the back. This was a pretty fun event but next time we're thinking maybe a bit more notice and perhaps a naughty school girl theme.