Spanish Bombs: Cops Play 'Hide the Nightstick' in Cars, Public Incensed

Residents of the Spanish burg of Santiago del Teide are in a tizzy over law-enforcement agents making with the sexual action in patrol cars while on duty. Apparently, these officers enjoy the protection of the mayor, while other cops feel left out on the cold; reprimanded and punished for arriving late for work.… » 4/09/07 6:00pm 4/09/07 6:00pm

What I Am, What I Want, I'm Only After Death! Psycho Babysitter

From the WTF? File comes this tale from Louisiana of a babysitter who dangled children, ages two and three, in front of oncoming traffic. Apparently, 25-year-old Michelle L. Tyler, charged with the care of the two girls, held the tykes out in front of passing cars; once she realized that no motorist wants a… » 3/05/07 5:30pm 3/05/07 5:30pm

Apparent Spike in Chrysler LH Platform Vehicle Resale Values

POW! He was decapitated. They found his head over by the snowcone concession. A few days after that, I open up the mail and there's a pamphlet in there, from Pueblo, Colorado. And it's addressed to Bill Jr.

» 2/27/07 10:45pm 2/27/07 10:45pm

Apparently, other things are afoot in Pueblo, as well. To wit, Nicole Uribe, Irene Lerma and her husband…

Russian Gang Uses Strippers to Steal Cars

As a public service note to our readers, we offer you the following security tip. If you happen to be driving through Moscow and run across three naked, attractive gamines washing each other on a public, man-made beach, feel free to stop and watch. But make sure you lock your car first, as the scene could well be a… » 9/07/06 3:15pm 9/07/06 3:15pm

A Blind Man Gets Nicked for Being 'Defective' Behind the Wheel

So we can't say that we endorse Omed Aziz' actions. The Iraqi native was busted by British coppers for driving in what the chairman of the bench at Warley Magistrates Court termed "a dangerous, defective state." Why? Well, apparently, Mr. Aziz has no eyes, having lost them in a bomb blast in his homeland. What's… » 9/06/06 5:00pm 9/06/06 5:00pm

Heated Seats May Keep the Boys From Swimming

Tight pants may have come into vogue in rock 'n' roll when musicians realized that by keeping the package well-insulated, they could show off their manhood and then later insert it into groupies with less worry of large child-support bills. However, now a German doctor is saying that heated seats may actually be a… » 9/05/06 9:15pm 9/05/06 9:15pm

D'oh. Fake 'No Parking' Sign Punks Residents and Cops Alike

Pity the Bourgeois. No, really, pity him, for David Bourgeois' Mini Cooper was towed from his Brooklyn street after somebody put up a fake "No Parking" sign. Bourgeois got dinged $205 just to get his car back (Wow! NYC's even more of scam than San Francisco!) and then still has a $60 dollar parking ticket to deal… » 9/05/06 8:45pm 9/05/06 8:45pm

Give the Puppy Some: Canine Drives, Crashes

This dog-obsessiveness has to stop. Look, we've been a dog owner, and some dogs are really, really amazing creatures. However, that does not mean that they are mentally or physically equipped to operate a motor vehicle on public roads. This, however, did not stop a Mongolian woman known only as Ms. Li from attempting… » 8/28/06 2:29pm 8/28/06 2:29pm

Redneck Yellowjackets Practice Urban Renewal In '55 Chevy

Much like dogs love trucks, yellowjackets apparently love cars. We discovered this the hard way a few years back when a mean-spirited stinging insect jabbed us in the back while we were leaving a stoplight, causing us nearly to put our old Legend into a hedge. Nevertheless, we're once again quite stoked that we don't… » 8/23/06 9:15pm 8/23/06 9:15pm

Adventures in Dumb: Woman Tosses 69 Speeding Tickets, Faces Time in Hoosegow

You know, we've of course come out vocally against speed cameras, but Francesca Cisneros of Chandler, AZ simply does not give a fuck about them. Or at least, she didn't used to. After racking up 69 speeding tickets since March, all but five of which were camera-capture citations, Cisneros faces eleven large in fines… » 8/15/06 5:00pm 8/15/06 5:00pm

Romulan Woman Out a Limb, Husband In Custody

This isn't quite as creepy as the severed-head story from a few weeks back but our jibblies are in full effect, y'all. After leaving a bar in Milan, MI, Romulus woman Brenda Humphrey allegedlly needed to relieve herself, so husband Stephen supposedly dropped her at the side of the road and continued driving, only to… » 7/05/06 4:00pm 7/05/06 4:00pm

Boob It Now! UK Woman Selling Honda To Buy Breast Implants

Now here's a woman who truly knows what she wants — and it ain't her Honda Civic 1.6 VTEC. What this woman wants...nay — what this woman, according to her, needs — is a bigger set of breasts. And she's determined to get them — even if it means selling her beloved Honda on eBay. The winner receives not only the… » 7/05/06 12:59pm 7/05/06 12:59pm

Colbert's Worst Nightmare: Bear Cub Eats Dinner In Back Seat Of Vintage Red Buick; Washes It Down With Jack Daniel's And Absolut

We, like Colbert Report host Stephen Colbert, have a fear bordering on terror when it comes to bears. The thought of what happened to the owners of a vintage red 1964 Buick convertible this holiday weekend over in Lake Tahoe gives us the chills. A hungry bear cub decided a little pick-a-nick basket was the way to go,… » 7/05/06 10:00am 7/05/06 10:00am

Po-Po Busted For Poontangin' Around in Squad Car

Whoopsy-daisy! Our tabloidian brother Sploid reports that a police officer in sleepy Hugo, Oklahoma (Hugo! OK! Football! You bet!) got busted by a fellow citizen who shot a photo of a partially-clothed woman leaning in the driver's side door of a police cruiser, presumably performing some sort of sexually-oriented… » 7/03/06 6:00pm 7/03/06 6:00pm