Jalopnik: Naked

Drunk, High, Naked Driver Crashes Into Parked Car While Masturbating... But Wait, There's More!

Ben Wojdyla — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:40:00 EDT

Canadian James Boppre, former owner of a successful landscaping business, was on parole with house arrest on condition of sobriety after drunk driving and weapons convictions. On the evening of July 30th, Boppre fell off the wagon in a serious way. It started out with booze and ended with Boppre crashing into a parked car, speeding, drunk, high on crack, and masturbating naked with a similarly nude hooker, who was also masturbating. Yeah, Brendon Alan Erhardt has nothing on this guy...except a video camera. Sordid details below the jump.

Boppre elected to celebrate Wednesday by getting drunk, and in an obviously solid cognitive state, decided to hop into his truck and go find a prostitute. Lady of the night found, Boppre decided smoking some crack with his new friend was a smashing idea, as was taking off their clothes and masturbating. And driving around. Speeding. Somewhere during the execution of this plan, Boppre misjudged a corner and crashed into a parked car at high speed. Car disabled, Boppre then grabbed his clothes and ran off like a streak in the night. His cunning plan was ruined when eye-witnesses followed him to a hiding spot and pointed the cops in his direction.

So what's next for Mr. James Boppre? Well, the judge in the case wanted to reward what he considered Boppre's good behavio, at least up to that point. He had managed to stay out of trouble up until his... you know... his booze, crack, hooker and car crashing binge — so the judge levied the minimum four-month jail sentence, prohibited him from driving for five years, added three years of probation and recommended counseling. We recommend sending this guy into the Yukon Territory with a shotgun, a fifth of Wild Turkey and a rubber chicken, just to see what happens. [TheRecord]

Bugatti EB110 SS In Naked Carbon Fiber Laughs At Your Veyron

Mark Arnold — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

While the current hypercar mega-star, the Bugatti Veyron, may be a very impressive piece of machinery, the kids today often forget all about its predecessor. Yes, we're talking about the good ol' EB110, from the decade that brought us the Ferrari F50, Porsche 911 GT1, and McLaren F1. Since then, we've moved onwards and upwards— or have we? While a modern hypercar wafts along with a cozy cabin and an excess reserve of power, the definitive essence of the '90s was that of an unforgiving hardcore attitude. Case in point, this naked Bugatti EB110 Super Sport.

You can forget all about those silly Sang Noir, Pur Sang, or Hermes editon Veyrons. You want a special edition? Have your EB110 GT turned into a Super Sport by Dauer, and you'll up the power of that 3.5-liter V12 from 560 HP up to 650 HP. Sure, you may get 1001 HP from that W16 in a Veyron, but at nearly 4200 pounds, a light car it is not. By comparison, the EB110 SS weighs about 1000 pounds less than that, partially thanks to 330 pounds of weight shed from the GT model. Yet, this still has all the mechanical whiz-bang components like quad-turbos and all-wheel-drive. So while this may be the only unpainted example in existence, if you're lucky enough to get your hands on one of the 30 other units you'll likely be in for an experience much more raw and involving than anything the cocoon of a Veyron can offer.
[via supercars.net]

Naked Man Causes Accident on I-95, We Find His MySpace Page

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:00:00 EST

In what must be the most interesting thing to happen in Delaware since the Revolutionary War, Ardonas Gilbert was arrested for running around naked and drunk on Interstate-95. Passing motorists tried to stop him, but he attacked them and ran cursing back onto the Interstate, causing three separate accidents. Who is this fine fellow? We grabbed his MySpace Page to find out.

According his MySpace Page, Ardonas is a single and straight Black Muslim, which makes this latest foray into drunken, naked depravity especially sinful. A graduate of Chester High School, he now makes a pretty decent living as a barber/landscaper. His MySpace page also asks you to please "Fuck Off." Not today Ardonas! (Hat tip to Richard!)[NY Times]

Par Excellence! Suicide Facel Vega

Davey G. Johnson — Tue, 29 May 2007 14:45:00 EDT

Given of today's nomination for the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, the ridiculously-fab Citroën SM, as well as the exhortations of commenter Teds, we thought we'd go ahead and drop one on the Facel Vega Excellence, which was kind of the Gallic, Hemi-powered version of the Lincoln Continental that inspired the Misfits' "Bullet." Because, well, it was. Ride, Jacque O. – Davey G. Johnson

Facel Vega [Motorbase]

Excuse Me Coach, Your Balls Are Showing: Detroit Lions Asst Coach Joe Cullen Ticketed For DUI And "Driving Without Clothes"

Ray Wert — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 20:16:41 EDT

The cowardly Detroit Lions are the only NFL team we know of with more law enforcement problems from the coaches than the players this season. And it's all because defensive line coach Joe Cullen, hired away from the Illini by first-year head coach Rod Marinelli, has been cited twice in the last two weeks by Dearborn police for — in the first instance, "driving on public street without any clothes on. (NUDE)" and according to Lions officials involved (obvs) alcohol — and in the second instance, Cullen was apparently more restrained, and only ticketed for a DUI (we're assuming he was wearing clothing this time). Cullen's scheduled to appear in 19th District Court in Dearborn next week, and we're totally thinking of showing up — maybe even wearing "Fire Millen!" shirts. (allenparkpete, that was for you) [Hat tip to Shane on this one!]

Lions assistant arrested for nude driving and drunken driving [Freep]