muhammet dirlik - Jalopnik

posts about #muhammetdirlik more →
Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Elhigh
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
I was tooling along one of our secondary roads when I noticed a golden retriever ambling along the side of the road. Something about him made me back way off the gas and start edging toward the middle of the road.

Sure enough, just as I drew even with him, he darted out in front of me. I tromped the brakes and even though I'd slowed to only 25mph, I got him. BONK! It sounded just like that. But I didn't actually run him over.

Since I was going so slow and was able to slow even further, he got clunked good and hard. Goldie went flopping about three or four turns, got up and sprinted off the road, looking back at me with a "what the hell was THAT for?" sort of look. It made me want to go catch him and kick him for being so damned stupid.

He was bruised for sure, and probably pretty darned stiff for a day or two. But aside from a grand total of two extraordinarily indecisive/suicidal squirrels, I haven't run over any other animals.
Reply

Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred

Flathead Smith
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
One time when I was in high school, my good buddy and I were tooling along in my car and out of the right ditch runs this German Sheppard and a little poodle/shitzzoo type dog. I didn't have much time to react but I missed the German Sheppard, but ran right over it over the little dog. When I stopped the car and looked in the rearview mirror I could see that it was trying to get up, but it back was clearly broken and its friend the German Sheppard was standing there sniffing him. I told my buddy I needed to put the thing out of its misery, but didn't have a gun, so I put the old Cutlass in reverse and aimed my wheels over the little dog and backed over it. When I stopped the damn thing was still alive. So I drove forward and aimed right for its head. This time when I looked it was dead.

My buddy then said, "hey look over there." There was old woman standing with the German Sheppard beside her on a porch looking at me in total shock. Well being the man I am I threw that Oldsmobile in drive and floored it. To this day I don't know if that was her dog, but I like to think it was.
Reply

Flathead Smith was starred Flathead Smith was unstarred

Leeeeena the Jalopchick
06/24/09

@Flathead Smith: I was kind of sort of okay with that story until the last line. Remind me to never meet you in person.
Reply

The-Simpsons-Rule!!
06/24/09

@Flathead Smith: BEST.STORY.EVER!!
I just couldn't stop laughing.
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@Ambivalently Ambitious Leeeeena: If you think that's bad...
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

brehas
11/16/09

@Flathead Smith: You are an ass, have you ever heard of a vet?

#pedestriansafety
Reply

Flathead Smith promoted this comment brehas was starred brehas was unstarred

Flathead Smith
11/16/09

@brehas: So you believe it would have been more humane to pick the broken dog up, load it in a cardboard box and thirty minutes to an hour later have it put to sleep. The car was quicker, and the fact is most folks would have left it there to die.

I was in high school, and most high schoolers don’t’ make the best decisions, but I do believe to this day, putting the dog out of its misery was the right one. #muhammetdirlik
Reply

Flathead Smith was starred Flathead Smith was unstarred

pauljones
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
He swerved to avoid a puppy. Oh really.

That is the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Hell, I usually swerve to hit small animals. Especially pigeons. And gulls. And raccoons. I stay away from skunks, though, as running those over will stink up your car for weeks.
Reply

pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@pauljones: I go for bears.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

Alphamazing
06/24/09

@pauljones: The smell of death is worse than the smell of skunk, I can guarantee you that.

The Texas A&M Forensic Science Lab has an old CVCC they use to store roadkill. It's hard for me to walk within 20 feet of that thing.
Reply

Alphamazing was starred Alphamazing was unstarred

pauljones
06/24/09

@Alphamazing: Well, yeah, you're supposed to throw them on the radiator right away and cook them up for the next fifty miles, that way you not only avoid the smell of death, but also have yourself a convenient meal.

And you're fifty miles away from where you started!

It's a win-win-win!
Reply

pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred

Leeeeena the Jalopchick
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: One of my friends actually hit a bear when driving home in rural Pennsylvania. I don't remember which of his cars he was driving at the time, but it was either an SL600 or a 750iL. Said there was bear blood all over the front of his car, but it lumbered off after the accident, so he didn't kill it (at least not right away).
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@Ambivalently Ambitious Leeeeena: I kill em all the time. =10 if they die.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: Er.. +10.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

Elhigh
06/24/09

@pauljones:My wife was on a long car trip once in the waybackwhen. She swerved to miss a skunk that was wandering in the road, addled from already being hit by another car.

Well, my wife hit the skunk, but didn't realize that the impact had flipped it up and made it stick in the wheelwell of the truck. She drove along for the next several miles, wondering vaguely where that awful smell was, while the dogs in the seat next to her slavered and drooled and avidly snorfled the air vents trying to get a better whiff.

Up she comes to one of the many little towns of west North Carolina. This little town is apparently owned and operated by Shriners, since they are stationed at each corner of the crossroads and are armed with a button to change the color of the traffic light.

The Shriners see my wife approach. One pushes the button, and her light turns red.

She pulls to a stop. Center of gravity shifts, air blast goes away, something - whatever it is, the skunk becomes unstuck, and falls to the pavement with a splat and a stink.

Shriners hurry back to their corners, and push the button. Repeatedly. God only knows what might drop off the truck next.

Wife drives away. Dogs stop snuffling the air vents.
Reply

Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred

Das ASHloch (achtundsiebzig)
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
OK, but what if the puppy was dinner for a starving family, and the boy was actually a mass murderer?
Reply

pauljones
06/24/09

@Ash78: Given the context of the contemporary global zeitgeist, if that were truly the case, then I would say that all is right in the world.

Kind of like yesterday, when I was driving to a vendor's office. I got caught at a light and stopped underneath the five freeway, and, lo and behold, on the sidewalk beneath the underpass, was a homeless guy wearing ragged clothes, looking as though he hadn't bathed or had a square meal in weeks, fiddling around with a Sony VAIO laptop and a Zune.

Only in America.
Reply

pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@pauljones: Don't you feel bad for him? He had a Zune!
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

benrobNU
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: It was definitely a brown one.
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@benrobNU: I don't really want to picture that.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
You should all applaud the man. He saved a puppy! An innocent animal. The kid should have known better. He was being stupid. He deserved to die, while the puppy didn't. We have decicded to give this man $50,000 and a t-shirt.

Sincerely, PETA.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

PowerTryp, Starless wonder.
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: You're a member of People Eating Tasty Animals too?
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@PowerTryp: No, I hate Pussies for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: @benrobNU: After that, I heard they're hanging out with Mosley.
Reply

benrobNU
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: This leads me to one of my favorite animal rights stories of all time. I was in Cambridge (massachusetts, student hippy haven of the world) having a business lunch. I was wearing a fur-lined trench coat when some patchouli smelling, whole foods shopping, fair trading, self-righteous PETA activist interrupted my conversation to tell me that my fur lining could be from dogs and cats in china. I informed her that it was a very upscale brand name and besides that I didn't ask for her opinion on my fashion sense. She then added, fur is still murder. I looked her directly in the face and said, "I would skin live babies and wear them if it was fashionable. Now leave me the hell alone". Point taken
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: They protested by my work last year. Two girls in string bikinis, in a cage. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but when I drove by the local strip club later on, the parking lot was packed.
Reply

benrobNU
06/24/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: Let me guess, you didn't leave your desk all day long.
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@benrobNU: You're a pimp too-
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@benrobNU: That's fucking awesome. I hate hippies.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: You should have asked them if they wanted to go to a steakhouse for some dinner.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

pauljones
06/24/09

@benrobNU: Don't ever find yourself on such a business lunch in Berkeley.
Reply

pauljones was starred pauljones was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@pauljones: Would you really need a fur lined anything there?
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: That Mosley comment didn't belong in this thread.
Reply

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@benrobNU: No, I went outside and protested against them. I threw steaksauce on them. And it was hot out, so I bought them a little wading pool.
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: It sorta fits... Kinda...
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

Elhigh
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
New song from Rod Stewart:
"Young Turks
get creamed
tonight!
Luck is on
your side!"

Further proof that turkeys can't drive.
Reply

Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
Reminds me of when I was a boy. I was about six years old. I was sitting in the park, smoking a cigarette, and drinking my breakfast scotch when some guy came up to me and told me that smoking, and drinking, isn't good for me. I told him my grandfather lived to be ninety years old. He said, "By drinking and smoking?"
I said, "No, by minding his own f*cking business."
Reply

.357
06/24/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: I shot heroin by that age.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

benrobNU
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: I'm so bad ass I drank prenatally. Which explains a lot of things...
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@benrobNU: I was so badass, when I was a sperm, I snorted cocaine.
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

benrobNU
06/24/09

@Ambiguously Unfunny Serial Killer: Would that be considered a performance enhancing drug? If so I approve because it explains how you beat out all those slow straight-edge loser sperms.
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

.357
06/24/09

@benrobNU: Yeah, I nearly died of a heart attack, but I pulled through and won the "race."
Reply

.357 was starred .357 was unstarred

The-Simpsons-Rule!!
06/24/09

@leavethegun-takethecannoli: MAn, that was just hilarious!
I applaud your ability to make me laugh(?)
Reply

benrobNU
06/24/09

In reply to Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed
When asked what he would do with his new found lease on life, Muhammet replied "Well I got a little dirty from the accident and I'm kinda hungry so I'm gonna make some brown cinnamon and sugar poptarts while I take a bath. Then I'm gonna go play golf with my dad in a lightning storm and then were renting a Murcielago for the drive home."
Reply

benrobNU was starred benrobNU was unstarred

leavethegun-takethecannoli
06/24/09

@benrobNU: I heard they're hanging out with Mosley after that.

I don't know why, I must have made a mistake, but this comment ended up in another thread.
Reply

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#muhammetdirlik

Jalopnik

SUBSCRIBE TO Jalopnik

Turkish Boy Hit By Careening Car Escapes Unscathed

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment