Jalopnik 
Enter your username and password.
Detroit, 2:55 PM
Sat Nov 21
29 posts in the last 24 hours
Tip your editors:
tips@jalopnik.com
Editor-in-Chief:
Ray Wert | Email | AIM
Road Test Editor:
Wes Siler | Email
Weekend Editor:
Murilee Martin | Email
Associate Editor - Houston:
Matt Hardigree
Associate Editor - Detroit:
Ben Wojdyla
Editor-at-Large:
Mike Spinelli
Contributors:
Mark Arnold
John Krewson | Email
Andy Didorosi
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
08/13/09
Late entry but I believe worthy... in so many ways...
08/12/09
COLEMAN: "Fuckin'-A-Skippy! I get do to something else besides say: 'Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?'"
HASSELHOFF: "I've just ingested fifteen grams of Peruvian Flake, and BOYYYY am I fucked-up! Who's this f*cking Toys'R'Us mannequin standing next to me?"
FIDDYCENT: "BeeyAAATCH, Ho, muthafacka-muthafucka... n*gggAAAAA please! Oh, and PEACE!"
TRAVOLTA: "Check it, Mista Kottah - I can make a noise like a motahcycle... 'Waaaahhhh, WAAwwwuuuuuhhh", Wauuunnnnnh".'
M.LAWRENCE: "Wat the f*ck are you doin', bitch? And who the f*ck is this Mr. Kotter?"
T.ALLEN: "I think he's channelling a character from a previous acting life... or maybe Xenu."
M.JOHNSON: "I am WAY too cool for this shot... and definitely too cool for the Armani linen jacket they wanted me to wear... WTF do they think this is, Miami f*ckin' Vice or some shit like that?"
M.KUNIS: "I have no ass... see? Really, no ass whatsoever. No kidding - this is really me... me with no ass. Ass-less people can be considered handicapped, can't they?"
PHELPS: "See this thing I'm doing with my hand? It's a surfer thing - originated in Hawaii... no, I don't surf, it's just to make me look cool, just like the pot-smoking thing - I mean I don't know what cool is, since I've spent my entire life in a swimming pool since I was four with no social interaction whatsoever, so I saw this surfer hand-thing in a magazine one day & just decided to try it... is it working? Does it make you want to buy a Mazda? Gee, I hope so... if it doesn't, you wanna just hang out & smoke some weed?"
AGASSI: "Hi I'm Andre... I'm bald now - well, not really bald, but just one of those guys that just shaves his head to LOOK bald because it's better than the receding hairline thing for someone who used to have a veritable lion's mane of hair. You like that I know the word 'veritable', huh? Yeah, and you thought I was just a dumb tennis player - well I scored a hot German chick, and a bunch of cool trophies to go above my fireplace - what have YOU done? That's right, uh-huh."
PHOTOG: "OK, Danica, give me 'SEXY'! "
DANICA: "What's that?"P
HOTOG: "Ummm... you know - HOT... SEDUCTIVE!"
DANICA: "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
PHOTOG: "Ummm.... ok.... "
DANICA: "I can stand like this if you want."
PHOTOG: "Ummm, ok, yeah, that's good."
DANICA: "Is that sexy?"
PHOTOG: "Oh, yeah, definitely that'll work great."
DANICA: "OK, thanks, I have to go do a porn shoot next - thanks for all the tips."
WEST: "OK, so I understand you just had a shoot with Danica Patrick - how did that go?"
PHOTOG: "Ahhh, it was ok."
WEST: "Alrighty then, so I'll just stand right here then, yes?" ***ZING! POW! BLAM!***
PHOTOG: "WTF was that???"
WEST: "That was me, punching you in the face, just like this... ...how'd THAT feel? ***ZING! POW! BLAM!***
PHOTOG: "Well, not too good, actually... I think you bloodied my nose that time."
WEST: "Still got it, don't I? Ha-HAAAA! . ***ZING! BLANG! PHWAMMM!***
PHOTOG: "OK, f*cker, KNOCK THAT OFF!"
WEST: ***ZING! BLAM! KAPLOWEE!***PHOTOG: "F*ck this... I'm outta here."
O'BRIEN: "In the year two thousaaaaaaaand...."
FORD EXEC: "That's not really what we're going for with this sequence."
O'BRIEN: "OK, how about we go with the mastubating bear? You know... could show how EXCITED he is about the car! Heh. Heh. Heh.
FORD EXEC: "Ummm... why don't you just pose by the car in this racing suit for a few minutes & I hand you a check, ok?
STING: "PRIIIIIIIIIuuusss... you don't have to wear that red paint job tonight... PRIIIIIIuuuuss... you don't have to sell your bat'ry to the night..."
TOYOTAGUY: "Sting, we don't really need a jingle, just a pic is fine"
STING: "Wait, lemme try again... how about: 'We-are Hybrids... in-the-material-world/are Hybrids... in-the-material-wooooooorrrrld...', like it?"
TOYOTAGUY: "No, really - it's not necessary."
STING: "A sleep trance, a dream dance... A shaped romance - Prionicity...?"
TOYOTAGUY: Thanks - here's your check.
SCHUMI: "Twelve cylinders in this van, right?"
SHOW PRODUCER: "I don't even know what that means."
SCHUMI: "Well, this is going to be competitive, right? I mean we need to get there faster than every other Gardener, right?
SHOW PRODUCER: "Ummm... I think that's just kind of an 'idiom', as it were.
SCHUMI: "An 'idiom', like a theme, or an 'idiom', like a 'melieu'?
SHOW PRODUCER: "OK, you got me there."
SCHUMI: "Then f*ck it... I'm calling in my neck injury."
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/11/09
Also it doesn't look cool. He's just scuffing the clearcoat!
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
I can feel my hair growing back!
No. No, wait. I can't. IT'S MY HEAD EXPLODING FROM THE AWESOME.
08/11/09
Still just my second favorite Gary Coleman photo.
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
I think I saw his bean bag...
08/11/09
why, yes that was a Canadian Joke in regards to what the old beer bottles back in the day were called, looks like he was a export fan to boot!
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
Click on it: It's worth it.
08/11/09
Okay...how did you do that? New tutorial, Mr. Flick....PLEEZE! I want that....PUHLEEZ!
08/11/09
08/11/09
@skaycog misses lost friends: I wish I could claim that one. It's been around for a while though. The only way I know how to do gif animations is by creating each frame in Photoshop and stitching them together in ImageReady. You can dictate how long each frame is displayed, and in what order. The only one I have done is this one which I use as my signature on the BMW forums (which I rarely visit...)
08/11/09
BMW flashing lights is clever, Mr. Flick. 1000 thanks, friend, but that is over my head and expertise.
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/12/09
08/12/09
08/11/09
My choice of ridiculous is Burt Reynolds sitting on roof of Trans Am. Now the roof has a big butt dent in it.
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/12/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09
08/11/09