After kicking the collective asses of Felipe Massa, Rubens Barrichello, Nelson Piquet and a bunch of other famous drivers, Schumacher was asked about his rumored return to F1 as Nico Rossberg's teammate at Mercedes. Refusing to refute the story, Schumi said, "Who knows? Anything can happen....I don't have any problems with my neck. It's 100 per cent."

Worried that the 40-year-old might not have what it takes to deliver the goods in F1? Check out this video for proof of his driving chops.
[via 0-60]

The event was held at the Red Gate Gallery in Beijing and was attended by Ferrari owners and collectors (already sounds pretty obnoxious). The 599 China, which was created by artist Lu Hao, was won by an anonymous bidder from Shanghai with the proceeds going to Tsinghua University's Department of Automotive Engineering school with the intent to sponsor student and professor studies in Italy's Politecnico di Milano University or allow internships at Ferrari. At least they didn't get NIGO to paint it.

Celebrity: David Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman
Car: K.I.T.T.
Why So Embarrassing: It's the creepy thumbs up that makes this picture awesome to everyone not in it.
Suggested By: F1Morgan, Scandanavian Flick

Celebrity: 50 Cent
Car: Pontiac G8 GXP
Why So Embarrassing: Though we love the car, it doesn't particularly do it any good to get tarted up by 50 Cent on what seems to be the down-slope of his career. We bet Kanye could have sold more G8s.
Suggested By: BuickBoy92

Celebrity: Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta, William H. Macy
Car: Harley Davidson Bikes
Why So Embarrassing: The four of them look like a gay biker gang, but not in the good way. We do give them props for their realistic portrayal of the typical lame Harley owner in this shot from the film Wild Hogs.
Suggested By: Golferal

Celebrity: Michael Johnson
Car: C4 Corvette
Why So Embarrassing: Oh so 1990s. You may be fast, but you'll never outrun this Glamour Shot.
Photo Credit: Mike Powell /Allsport

Celebrity: Mila Kunis
Car: Lexus SC430
Why So Embarrassing: We're not big fans of the Lexus SC430, but it's not particularly embarrassing. Parking it in a handicapped spot to grab a coffee is.

Celebrity: Michael Phelps
Car: Mazda6/Atenza
Why So Embarrassing: Immediately following his pot bust/gold medal marathon Phelps was tasked with pushing the Mazda brand in China. We'd probably start using drugs as well.

Celebrity: Andre Agassi
Car: Vector W8
Why So Embarrassing: Posing near a Vector W8 is only cool in a semi-ironic sort of way. In this case, Agassi is trying to show off all he has: big hair, awkward car, soon-to-be-ex girlfriend.

Photo Credit: John Russell/Getty Images

Celebrity: Danica Patrick
Car: Chevrolet Bel Air
Why So Embarrassing: Danica Patrick is talented, but she also understands the connection between her sex appeal and her ability to get sponsors. Unfortunately, this photo is just awkward. It's supposed to be enticing and seductive but the strange outfit and uncomfortable look makes us wish we'd never seen this photo.
Suggested By: PowerMatic

Photo Credit: FHM/George Holz/JEGPhoto

Celebrity: Adam West
Car: Chrysler 300C
Why So Embarrassing: Adam West, Batman, drives an old man car. Whatever, he's hilarious. He gets away with it. What he doesn't get away with is the "NBR1BAT" license plate. Holy Vanity Plate Batman!
Suggested By: 57sweptside

Celebrity: Conan O'Brien
Car: Ford Taurus SHO
Why So Embarrassing: Yes, Conan O'Brien is trying to look ridiculous. Yes, we love the Ford Taurus SHO. This is embarrassing for Conan because his attempts at appearing silly fail. You look awesome Conan.
Suggested By: Nerdwa

Celebrity: Sting
Car: Toyota Prius
Why So Embarrassing: Really, the guy who wrote Outlandos d'Amour is suddenly out cruising town in a Prius. We thought tantric sex was about extending the pleasure. Hybrids cut it way short, Gordy.
Suggested By: JamesMarino

Celebrity: Michael Schumacher
Car: Fiat Work Van
Why So Embarrassing: Schumacher looks the part too well. Also, "the quick gardner" sounds like a bad German translation of a man who fires quickly in bed.
Suggested By: Mr_Sives_Remotoc.

So who'll replace Schumi, who in turn was set to replace the injured Felipe Massa, at Valencia? We're told veteran Ferrari test driver Luca Badoer has been handed the chance to compete in next week's European Grand Prix.

Badoer, the Maranello main test driver since 1998, hasn't competed in an F1 race since the 1999 Japanese Grand Prix for Minardi, but the team says he has been given the Valencia drive as reward for his work at the team. (Hat tip to Nathaniel!)

[via CNN]

Photo Credit: AFP

Why not in Ferrari’s current F60, the car he is temporarily taking over from the injured Felipe Massa? Because of the inter-race testing ban introduced for the 2009 season: teams cannot test cars between races at all. Even demonstration runs count as testing, which is why—contrary to tradition—the running season’s Formula One cars were completely absent from this year’s Goodwood Festival of Speed.

“A great feeling to be back in an F1 car," he said as quoted by the BBC. “After a few laps, I was able to drive constant times and I am quite happy with the time I did. Now, we will have to see how my body and my muscles will react to that day in the next (few) days.”

Raikkönen’s car is on loan to Schumacher from its private owner. Meanwhile, Ferrari is petitioning the FIA and the Formula One Teams Association to allow for a day’s test in the KERS-equipped F60 before Schumacher returns to race on August 23 for the European Grand Prix at the Valencia Street Circuit.

Photo Credit: BBC

Together, these three men have become world champions eleven times: Senna in 1988, 1990 and 1991, Juan Manuel Fangio in 1951, 1954, 1955, 1956 and 1957 with Sir Jack Brabham in 1959, 1960 and 1966.

Senna’s manner of taking the 1990 title is why Alain Prost refused to be on the picture. After complaints of his pole position being on the dirty side of the track, Senna rammed Prost’s Ferrari—and his McLaren with it—off the road in the first corner, as seen here from Nigel Mansell’s point of view:

To appreciate the sheer title density of the photograph, consider that it took until Michael Schumacher’s decision on Wednesday to fill in for the injured Felipe Massa for the entire current grid to have as many world titles as the three gentlemen pictured. Schumacher’s seven add to Alonso’s two and Hamilton’s and Räikkönen’s one each to bring the total to eleven.

Photo Credit: DAVID CALLOW/AFP/Getty Images

Two major controversies hang over Schumacher's record-breaking career as a driver. Both involve collisions, in one case arguably intentional and in another, officially intentional. Both ultimately decided championships. Assuming that both were intentional, as this Damon Hill fan does, they represent a level of violent aggression that's unprecedented in modern racing.

1994 Australian Grand Prix

Going into the 1994 Australian Grand Prix, the last race of the season, Schumacher led Damon Hill in the Driver's Championship by just one point. Leading the race on lap 35, Schumi crashed into a wall. The extent of the damage this impact caused to his Benetton is unknown. At the next corner, as Hill went to pass, the two collided and Schumacher's car flew into the air on two wheels, immediately disabling it. Hill pitted, where it was discovered that his Williams had suffered irreparable damage.

FIA ruled the incident a "racing incident" and brought no sanction against Schumacher, gifting him his first championship.

Many spectators and participants were enraged by the incident, most notably former Motorcycle World Champion Barry Sheene who attacked Schumacher during a live interview later in the race.

Jerez, 1997

Even more controversial was the incident at Jerez in 1997. The circumstances are so similar it's eerie. Again, Schumacher led another racer by one point in the Driver's Championship going into the last race of the season. On lap 48, as Jacques Villeneuve passed him in the Dry Sac corner, Schumacher deliberately rammed his Ferrari into the side of Villeneuve's Williams. Schumacher misjudged the impact, disabling his own vehicle immediately and only causing minor damage to the Williams. Villeneuve would go on to limp home to third place, winning the championship.

Two weeks later, FIA revoked Schumi's 2nd place championship ranking, disqualifying him from the season and saying, "the manoeuvre was an instinctive reaction and although deliberate not made with malice or premeditation. It was a serious error."

Schumacher is the only driver in the history of the sport to be disqualified from a World Championship. Replacing Felippe Massa, who is recovering from severe injuries sustained last weekend, Schumacher will return to F1 racing on 23 August. We'd give him a wide berth.

Photo by Andy Hone/Getty Images

Michael Schumacher drove his last race for Ferrari in October 2006 at the Brazilian Grand Prix, a heroic drive for fourth place after an early puncture which capped a remarkable and record-busting career. His sixteen years in Formula One saw him win 91 of the 248 races—a full 37%—he started, with seven world championships, 76 fastest laps, 68 poles and 154 podiums to his name as well.

Felipe Massa, the young Ferrari driver who won at Schumacher’s last race, was struck in the head by a 1.5-pound suspension piece during Saturday qualifying at the Hungarian Grand Prix. His life was saved by his carbon fiber helmet and a Hungarian surgical team at the ÁEK military hospital in Budapest, where he is currently recuperating with possible permanent damage to his left eye.

While the next grand prix in Valencia will take place after an unusual gap of four weeks on August 23, it is increasingly becoming clear that Massa will not be there to race. As Ferrari has retained a still very fit Michael Schumacher in an advisory role, the rumors have immediately picked up after Massa’s accident as to whether the seven-time world champion will return to F1, however temporarily.

“The whole thing will be considered by Ferrari. If they approach Michael, then he will consider it,” his spokeswoman was quoted by the BBC, only to be somewhat contradicted by his manager Willi Weber in the very same report: “Michael will not sit in a car in Valencia, this is out of the question. What would we expect from Schumacher if he stepped into a Formula One car? To win. The expectations from both sides would be too high.”

Make no mistake: a man of Schumacher’s stature cannot come back to F1 to drive around in circles in a car which—while picking up speed in recent races—is still off the pace. For a somewhat imprecise comparison, consider another seven-time champion of similar age, back to the fray after three years off: Lance Armstrong. He had dominated the Tour de France the way Schumacher and Ferrari had Formula One, yet even in spite of his fearsome physique, he was soundly beaten by younger and hungrier racers to finish third in this year's Tour. A result which would be a wonderful achievement for anyone—but not for a seven-time champion, for whom it is a public embarrassment.

Yet don’t discount Schumacher. Juan Manuel Fangio, who is second only to him in number of Formula One world championships won, drove his greatest race to clinch his fifth title on August 4, 1957—at the age of 46. Schumacher turned 40 this January.

Should Schumacher not drive, the shortlist for Massa’s temporarily empty seat includes Ferrari reserve driver and this year’s Le Mans winner Marc Gené, Fernando Alonso—who is widely rumored to sign for Ferrari for 2010 and beyond—and Luca Badoer, Ferrari’s other reserve driver.

Source: BBC. Photo Credit: PETER STEFFEN/AFP/Getty Images, PATRICK HERTZOG/AFP/Getty Images, TAMAS KOVACS/AFP/Getty Images

Photography is complicated enough as it is, but when you add a lens that purposely manipulates the plane of focus or meddles with parallel lines, full comprehension will require a trip to the Physics section of your local bookstore to familiarize yourself with the work of Theodor Scheimpflug. The lenses used to take these photos are highly expensive and the output they produce cannot be used for straight news reportage, yet a handful a sports photographers employ them to capture the visuals of Grand Prix weekends in ways impossible with other equipment. And no, not every tilt-shift photo is a a fake miniature.

Click through for a distorted trip of the past three years of Formula One.

2008 Japanese Grand Prix

Here’s the Red Bull team having fun at Fuji Speedway. This is perhaps the most optically complex photo in our gallery and not only because you are probably spectacularly uninterested in the subjects in the plane of focus.

It’s because the girl’s left cheek also appears to be in focus, yet a blurred field separates it from the Red Bull team members. Physics majors, please explain in the comments.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Kimi Räikkönen, 2009 Monaco Grand Prix

This is classic tilted plane fake miniaturization: the chap in the red car is Kimi Räikkönen, on his way to Ferrari’s only podium finish this year.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Jenson Button, 2009 Turkish Grand Prix

A tilted focus is great for portraiture: photographer Mark Thompson can direct our gaze to Jenson Button’s left eye at the exclusion of everything else. Button here is consulting with his teammates at the 2009 Turkish Grand Prix, before his crushing victory on race day.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Jenson Button, 2009 British Grand Prix

If you tilt your plane of focus to a narrow vertical field, you can isolate a race car with sudden clarity. Jenson Button is seen here during free practice at last weekend’s British Grand Prix, where he lost by a wide margin to Red Bull’s flying Sebastian Vettel.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Felipe Massa, 2007 Monaco Grand Prix

Let’s see some Ferraris: Felipe Massa is seen here sharing a plane of focus with a bunch of yachts in Monaco harbor. He is on his way to finish third behind the twin McLarens of Fernando Alonso and Lewis Hamilton.

Photo Credit: Clive Mason/Getty Images

Michael Schumacher, 2008 German Grand Prix

Ferrari personnel in their red getups make for great photos: here’s Michael Schumacher at last year’s German Grand Prix, looking very excited as he’s sandwiched in between two aesthetic crimson blobs as the sole punk in blue jeans.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Kimi Räikkönen, 2009 Turkish Grand Prix

Ferraris may suck this season, but even parked and hooked up to computers, they look gorgeous. 2007 world champion Kimi Räikkönen is about to go for a practice run at a race he would finish outside the points. Notice how the tilted plane renders everything but Räikkönen’s head and the yellow Scuderia Ferrari badge out of focus.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Kimi Räikkönen, 2007 British Grand Prix

Last Ferrari photo, but look at the fancy British clouds, sharp only where they line up with the starting grid of Silverstone, which photographer Clive Mason chose as his plane of focus. Kimi Räikkönen is seen here in happier times: he is about to qualify second in the 2007 British Grand Prix, a race he would win on his way to claim the 2007 championship.

Photo Credit: Clive Mason/Getty Images

Timo Glock, 2009 Bahrain Grand Prix

This photo captures like no other Mercedes-Benz’s renowned racing manager Alfred Neubauer’s observation that the racing driver is the loneliest creature in the universe. Neubauer invented pit signaling to remedy this, taking his Mercedes-Benz team to a hail of victories over three decades, while photographer Fred Dufour used a tilt lens to show Toyota’s Timo Glock practicing for the 2009 Bahrain Grand Prix.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

David Coulthard, 2008 German Grand Prix

It’s Mr. Jawbone right there in his Red Bull, in the waning months of his long career. Wearing a flameproof balaclava, he is a lone white human figure in a scaffolding of wire and carbon fiber suspension parts.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Sebastian Vettel, 2009 Bahrain Grand Prix

Contrary to what you can read on the pit wall, this is David Coulthard’s successor Sebastian Vettel in the Red Bull RB5 car, leaving the pits at the 2009 Bahrain Grand Prix.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Hamilton, Heidfeld, Fisichella and Alonso, 2009 Spanish Grand Prix

You can also use a tilt-shift lens to cut through the clutter of people at a press conference, picking out those that your viewers are probably most interested in: bitter 2007 rivals Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso, shown here at a press conference three days before the 2009 Spanish Grand Prix.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Red Bull’s Guests, 2007 Italian Grand Prix

Like any other photographic technique, a tilted plane of focus can be used to capture gratuitous shots of young women. These blondes are guests of Red Bull at the 2007 Italian Grand Prix and judging solely on appearance, they are hopped up on the team’s signature soft drink.

Photo Credit: Clive Mason/Getty Images

Jenson Button, 2009 British Grand Prix

And we’re back to toy cars. While photographer Fred Dufour probably did not know at the time he took this picture, Jenson Button’s usually dominant Brawn would actually be relegated to toy car status during last weekend’s British Grand Prix, as Red Bull’s upgraded RB5’s stormed the field, taking their second 1–2 victory of the season.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Sebastian Vettel, 2008 German Grand Prix

Black and white? Art! Focusing in a slanted plane on Sebastian Vettel’s face shows just how young Red Bull’s superfast German really is: he was born on July 3, 1987. When this photo was taken, he'd only been old enought to have a beer in America for less than two weeks.

Photo Credit: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Fernando Alonso, 2009 Monaco Grand Prix

For a final tilted image, here’s one for pure aesthetic awesomeness. Fernando Alonso is taking the Grand Hotel Hairpin of the Monaco street circuit in the Renault during free practice at this year’s grand prix.

Photo Credit: FRED DUFOUR/AFP/Getty Images

Despite being the first to tell you that Stig would lift his helmet during last night's episode and it would be none other than Michael Schumacher underneath, we're now going to provide three reminders to everyone that no, the blonde-haired track-meister's not the only Stig.

First, one look at Shumacher's record-setting time around the Top Gear test track in a Ferrari FXX, and you realize he's not the same Stiggie we've seen on the show the last two seasons. Schumi was more balls-to-the-wall around the corners than the previous incarnation of our beloved Stiggie.

Secondly, Ferrari's only going to let an owner drive the Ferrari FXX. Make sense to us then that since they were testing Schumi's FXX, they'd have Schumi be the Stig.

That makes sense given the truth is, as most know, there have been many drivers who've played the Stig. From the original black-nomex racing suit-encased Stig played by Perry McCarthy, former Formula One racer and test driver for the Benetton, Arrows and Williams teams — to "Big Stig" who we're pretty sure was played by Tony Stewart after ingesting a small cow, there is a different Stig for different needs. And we're pretty sure African Stig was not at all Lewis Hamilton. Basically, we've been told by the BBC there's been no less than eight drivers donning the white nomex.

The most high-profile is Heikki Kovalainen, the 27-year-old Finnish Formula One McLaren driver who is Lewis Hamilton's partner. Forty-one-year-old former GT world championship racing driver Chris Goodwin, from London, has also starred as the Stig. As has fellow Londoner Julian Bailey, a 47-year-old former Formula One racing driver who raced for the Tyrell and Lotus teams.

Stunt driver Terry Grant from Bushey in Hertfordshire has also slipped into the white racing leathers to become the Stig. Stunt driver Russ Swift is another who has become the Stig. Then of course there were those Ben Collins rumors.

Finally, Dan Lang, a Swedish snow mobile racing champion played the Stig in a Top Gear stunt where he jumped a snow mobile off a ski jump. So to every Stig there is a purpose and yesterday's Ferrari FXX season belonged to Schumacher. Who will be the next to turn, turn, turn in the white racing duds? We guess we'll have to tune in to find out. Which is really what the BBC wants.

And that brings us to the third reminder. See, this was totally a tongue-in-cheek PR play. And it worked. We went all ga-ga over the Schumi as Stig story and you know what, so did all of you. And that's cool, because frankly, it was entertaining as hell. And when it comes down to it, we don't watch Top Gear to be informed, we watch Top Gear to be entertained.

Incidentally, on an almost entirely unrelated note — there's some serious props that need to go out to the Beeb for figuring out the importance of not only having a clip up on YouTube of last night's unmasking (we've included it again here), but for having it up within moments of the show's completion. Good work by Her Royal Majesty's TV service for understanding there's people outside of the BBC's broadcast network interested in seeing this momentous occasion — and beating out the thousands who'd be dropping pirated clips up and online. Already the clip's got thousands of comments and tens of thousands of views. Bravo, BBC.

That's right, as we told you last week, The Stig is Michael Schumacher.

According to Top Gear's own blog, Clarkson boasts tomorrow night's episode is "going to be the best thing that's ever been on television ever." Clarkson then reportedly paused for a brief moment before completing his sentence with "...in the world." Clarkson goes on to say

"the Stig barges into the studio and in an atmosphere you could cut with a knife, removes his helmet...as a television moment, it's up there with Neil Armstrong walking on… the corpse of JR Ewing."

While Clarkson goes no further in providing details to the identity of the show's tame race driver, it's more evidence we'll see the Italian Stallion-driving German underneath Stig's white helmet when we eventually see the show pour down upon us like a torrent of rain.

Additionally, Top Gear's site's spilled the beans on a few more details from tomorrow night's show in an exclusive photo gallery — including a first drive of the Lotus Evora and a train vs. bike vs. Jaguak XK120 race. We can't wait for tomorrow night — be here with us as we'll have first-hand reports as soon as the show finishes airing — as well as, perhaps, some super-secret video. We already know it's going to be simply magical.

Photo Credit: Hannah Johnston / Getty Images Entertainment

UPDATE: Video of The Stig, unmasked!

We spoke with both PR and production contacts at the BBC, and neither were willing to confirm or deny our report. However, what our production contact was willing to say was if you get the Beeb, you'll want to tune in to the June 21st show to find out. So while we stand by our initial report, we won't know if it's true or not until we get a chance to download hear reports out of the UK as soon as the show airs. But we're more interested in what you think. Is Schumi our beloved Stiggie?