Interior space, ambiance, amenities, and a certain je ne sais quoi are all necessary when choosing an automotive boudoir. If we're honest, it's often a matter of any port in a storm, but if it's possible to avoid any of these, you should certainly do so.

Car: Toyota Prius

Why it's bad for sex: Let's just get this right out of the way and acknowledge that no one wants to have sex in a Prius. First of all, it's tough to get your swerve on in such an uninspiring object, something that's more consumer good than car. Second, you risk bringing a new life into the world, which will certainly be a waste of precious resources. Third, if you're a Prius owner, the idea of a car being fun is completely alien to you so you have your 20 minutes of lights-off missionary-position relations in the futon like a proper citizen anyway.

Photo: Flickr

Car: Chevrolet Aveo

Why it's bad for sex: Sex is just one of many things you should never attempt with the poor, misbegotten Aveo, including driving it, walking up to it or getting in it. But especially not sex. There's enough room, barely, if you're young, short, and athletic, but men have paid good money for drugs that give them the same hardness as the interior surfaces of this car. The resulting conjugal bruises will get you the wrong kind of reputation .

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Mazda Miata

Why it's bad for sex: While we love this car unreservedly, we are-like 98% of people-not exhibitionists, and to have any sort of workable sex in this car the top would have to be down. Also, much like 100% of people, we don't like our coitus to get interruptus by a power hardtop suddenly coming down on us because a flailing knee or elbow hit the switch.

Photo: Picasa

Car: Scion TC

Why it's bad for sex: While this cheap coupe is, or will be, the first car of a lot of eager young folks in an exploratory phase of their lives, we urge them to bring a blanket and find a wooded area. The TC is not so much a car as a platform for interior accessorizing, and getting into youthful carnal hijinks in this thing means you run a risk of getting something stuck in your illuminated cupholder. Buying a faux-billet LED-lit shift knob is one sort of loss of dignity; having a gloved proctologist hand it back to you in front of the entire ER is another.

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Chevrolet Camaro

Why it's bad for sex: Traditionally, the two of you jump into the back seat of your two-door muscle coupe and proceed to put some sneaker prints on the headliner. However, just sitting in the back of the current Camaro will imprint the top of your head into the current headliner. And the front seats just don't recline enough or give enough leg room for advanced physical-intimacy contingencies. This is probably the only category of the contemporary muscle-car wars the Challenger wins going do- er, away.

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Maybach 62

Why it's bad for sex: Because one's sex life is none of one's chauffer's business. Why, the very idea.

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Mini (any)

Why it's bad for sex: Owners report that repeated heavy jolts can damage the rear shock mounts, resulting in reduced handling performance and a dramatic drop in ride quality, especially in early models. Also, even in a Clubman, there's no damn room in the thing.

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Ariel Atom

Why it's bad for sex: Although a certain type of person might look at the Atom and notice the abundance of tie-down points, the multiple partner-handcuffing options, and the overall masochistic glory of this incredibly capable track car, it is in fact $65,000. For that price, you could afford any number of studded-leather bedsteads with enough left over for chains and whips.

Photo: candidcarcritic.com

Car: Smart ForTwo

Why it's bad for sex: Seriously, AskMen actually recommended this car, albeit in cabrio form. If you're more into achievement than enjoyment this could work, but in that case you'll probably have sex anywhere and everywhere anyway and don't need any sort of list to tell you. I mean, we're into bragging rights as much as the next person, but not bragging for bragging's sake, and sexually speaking the Smart hardly has enough room ForOne.

Photo: Wikipedia

Car: Dodge Caliber

Why it's bad for sex: Because it's just plain bad. The Caliber may, in fact, be the worst all-around car made today, and the idea of having sex in one has the same emotional resonance as having sex in a FEMA trailer or a Goodwill dumpster. Getting past the fact it's uncomfortable and it's not as roomy as it should be for a wagon/crossover/compromise-mobile, the Caliber is just kind of depressing. And if word gets out, you'll always be "the person who had sex with [other loser] in a Dodge Caliber," meaning you probably won't ever have sex again.

Photo: Wikipedia

Click "next" to go through our list of ten cars potentially deserving of capital punishment. We've also included ways that they can maybe secure a pardon from the governor. Of course, one of these cars is just unpardonable.

Car: Chevy Impala
Suggested By: MaxForrest32
Why It's On Death Row: In trim levels lower than "SS", the Chevy Impala is but a shadow of its previous self, fit only for duty as a municipal service vehicle. It's one of GM's most revered nameplates on one of GM's most out-of-date cars.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: We've always loved the idea of the Impala and it would be a shame to waste all the positive energy around the name. Perhaps our dreams of a G8-based Impala will not come to life, but in the next round of platforms we hope something is waiting to underpin a truly awesome, RWD Impala.

Car: PT Cruiser
Suggested By: vwminispeedster
Why It's On Death Row: The PT Cruiser has been around for almost a full decade with only minor changes. As cool as the idea of a retro American car was at the turn of the millennium, it's no longer that cool. It was a hit, and now it just wont go away. It reminds us of the time we heard the band Wang Chung at an Earth Day concert. They were a one-hit-wonder and, rather than trying to expand, they just played various versions of "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight." It was sad.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Retro isn't always bad. If only there were a small Italian car Chrysler could somehow bring over to fill the cool-cute-compact hole in their lineup...

Car: Chevy HHR
Suggested By: Dosdelon
Why It's On Death Row: Much like the PT Cruiser, the HHR was an idea that was probably only going to work once. The high belt-line, aggressive flares and tiny windows scream old GM.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Ford Transit Connect has filled an empty niche in the U.S. commercial market and, we believe, there will be some non-commercial sales soon enough. Take the awesome little Ecotec engine and small platform and try making a truly American high-roof wagon.

Car: Toyota Venza
Suggested By: Cgarison
Why It's On Death Row: The only thing the new Toyota Venza has truly succeeded in doing is forcing Honda to make an even uglier competitor. There are numerous vehicles in the Toyota lineup offering similar utility, size, and power. Why another one?
How It Could Get A Reprieve: People love their Toyotas and, it's somehow some people out there seem to love the Camry-wagon Venza. But rather than make a more aggressive, larger Camry, why not make a lighter and sleeker version? What a statement that would make.

Car: Mitsubishi Galant
Suggested By: SubcompactCulture
Why It's On Death Row: We once enjoyed the Galant, especially in VR-4 trim, a delightfully buzzy and sporty sedan to counteract less enticing alternatives. The Galant does none of that now. It's not particularly fast, sporty, or attractive. The interior is awful and the options are laughable.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: The Mitsubishi PS platform is no longer competitive, especially underpinning a sedan. But hey, a new platform with a bit of the edge back and a Raillart version could go along way.

Car: Lexus ES
Suggested By: Cardesignmike
Why It's On Death Row: You may wonder what a successful car like the Lexus ES is doing on this list, but hear us out. Toyota's CEO has recently said the company has stopped making exciting cars and it's something he would like to change. Most of the Lexus lineup is as good or better than most of its competitors. The ES is merely a rebadged Camry put there to bring in buyers that wouldn't be able to afford a Lexus otherwise.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not build something exciting, with value to bring more buyers into the lineup? Less AARP more RPM? The HS was a start and the next generation ES could end up more like the LF-Ch concept? It's probably too profitable to ever happen, but we can hope.

Car: Mitsubishi Raider
Suggested By: OldeEnglishD
Why It's On Death Row: Take a drink for every Mitsubishi Raider you've seen on the road. Congrats, you're still sober. Mitsubishi has never been the best choice for a small truck in the U.S. and the Raider, which shares its platform with Dodge, is no exception.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: Why not a Lancer-based El Camino sport truck? Just because Pontiac backed out doesn't mean you can't. You had the balls to build a sporty wagon, show us up again and build a sport truck!

Car: Chevy Aveo
Suggested By: FlyingStitch
Why It's On Death Row: When Americans looked for small cars as gas prices rose America stepped up with what it had: a Korean car. It's small, crappy, and there are bigger cars that return better mileage. It's the best argument Chevy has for being used.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: We're not sure there are a lot of people waiting for the next-generation Aveo, but GM seems to have a few ideas for a small compact car. We sort of doubt it'll carry the same name.

Car: Maybach 57 and 62
Suggested By: Tonyola
Why It's On Death Row: This is a car we'd typically like but the Maybach is maybe the most expensive parts-binner ever. The 57 and 62 is just old Mercedes with lots of hype. It was cool for about two minutes and then everyone realized how much Bentley they could have for the money and moved on. It costs more than $358K to get into the door and the price jumps by leaps and bounds for all the status symbols you're going to want with it (goatcheese dispenser, anyone?). It's also very dated in terms of styling. Give us a BRABUS S-Class over this any day.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: If you're going to continue to charge insane rates upgrade the appearance, up the power so it'll go 200 MPH and get Jay Z to buy one.

Car: Chrysler Sebring
Suggested By: Everyone
Why It's On Death Row: The American car you'd swear was built in China. It's as if Chrysler had some sort of Major League strategy to destroy the company and move it to Italy and they needed a truly bad car to cause them to go bankrupt. There's nothing we like about it. There are no redeeming qualities in how it drives, looks, sounds, feels, or sells.
How It Could Get A Reprieve: No reprieve. No mercy. The best we can offer is a quick death. Which is better than the pain Chrysler caused us in bringing this horseshit abortion of a mid-size sedan to market.

Rather than invest in an entirely new platform, the Zeppelin is an even more exclusive version of their 57 and 62 ranges. These 100-unit limited edition vehicles will take the already over-the-top Maybach offerings and add even more luxurious ridiculousness. Power comes from the 6.0-Liter V12 twin-turbo offered across the Maybach range, but receives a boost of 28 HP to 640 HP total. But that's just the appetizer.

The Zeppelin also comes with a tasty set of upgrades including "stromboli black" stitching, "California beige" leather and delicious "Rocky Road Mountain brown" headlamps. Upgraded side mirrors and new, 20-inch black chrome wheels round out the obvious options.

The not so obvious option is the "fragrance distributor" which literally sprays a scent out onto the car at the push of a button. It comes standard with either "woody" or "light and fresh" scents, but for a few grand you can get your own custom scent. Can you say Mint Chocolate Chip Lavender Spicy Chili?

For just $524,000 for the 57 Zeppelin or $610,000 for the 62 Zeppelin, plus $5,100 for the personal scent, you can more than say it. You can live it.

The new Maybach Zeppelin: The reincarnation of an automotive legend

The Maybach brand is bringing out the new Maybach Zeppelin to spearhead its luxury saloon model range. The new model, which is receiving its premiere at the Geneva Motor Show, represents the absolute zenith in the high-end luxury saloon segment. This makes it a worthy successor to the legendary Maybach Zeppelin, which was revered worldwide as the ultimate in high-class automotive engineering in the 1930s. The hallmark features of the new Maybach flagship's unique sense of style include a stunning paint finish, featuring a shoulderline in a contrasting colour, as well as the exquisite, meticulously crafted materials in the interior, whose long list of optional extras includes a world first – a highly sophisticated perfume atomiser. The new model's performance even outclasses the rest of the Maybach range, making it the most powerful Maybach ever. In a nutshell: the Maybach Zeppelin epitomises stylish elegance and the art of vehicle manufacture at its most refined as no car has ever done before. The new Maybach Zeppelin is being built in a limited edition of just 100 worldwide.

Even today, the name "Zeppelin" has an incomparable ring to it in the realm of high-end luxury cars. As in bygone times, Maybach is once again building the Maybach Zeppelin for drivers who are seeking something extra special, even in this most luxurious of automotive segments. Not only do the Maybach 57 Zeppelin and Maybach 62 Zeppelin stand out for their exquisite elegance, inventive ideas and phenomenal performance, only one hundred of these special model versions of the high-end luxury saloons will be made worldwide.

Even greater power for the Maybach Zeppelin
The Maybach 57 S and the long-wheelbase version, the 62 S, serve as the technical basis for the new range-topping model. Supreme performance is assured in both cases by the 6.0 litre V12 biturbo power unit under the bonnet, which now delivers 471 kW/640 hp (+ 28 hp) and a peak torque of 1000 Newton metres.

A two-tone exterior identifies the new Maybach flagship

Whatever angle it is viewed from, the new Maybach Zeppelin radiates character and the sort of style which appeals to all the senses. From the outside, the luxury brand's new top-of-the-range model can be recognised by its two-tone special paint finish. The shoulderline is painted right through to the background of the headlamp assemblies in Rocky Mountains light brown, which forms a stylish and scintillating contrast to the Taiga black finish used for the rest of the vehicle body. Dark red tail light units and a fine vertical partition in the tailpipe add striking visual touches at the rear. Naturally, customers may also specify their Maybach Zeppelin in any other paint finish they wish.
The Maybach Zeppelin's newly designed 20-inch wheels in a Chrome Shadow finish complete the picture. These were first painted with a black undercoat, before having a silver topcoat applied using an elaborate painting process that causes the tone to gradually increase in darkness from the outside in.
The streamlined exterior mirrors, which produce even less wind noise, are new to Maybach. They have a more angular design and are separated from the door frame by a slender arm, giving them a more expressive look. They also feature an enlarged mirror surface together with integral indicators in the shape of a horizontal "V" for even greater perceptual safety.
The curving "ZEPPELIN" lettering that appears below the distinctive double "M" emblem on the radiator grille and on the boot lid instantly gives away the elite status of the new Maybach Zeppelin.
Finest-quality leather and high-gloss piano lacquer trim
The new Maybach Zeppelin is a car for connoisseurs, as is immediately apparent from its interior. Here, the luxurious leather appointments in California beige leather form a delightful contrast with the exclusive leather in deep Stromboli black that gives added impact to the shoulderline on the inside too. At the same time, the lustrous deep black tone of the leather harmonises beautifully with the exquisite piano lacquer finish of the trim elements. The precisely crafted contrasting topstitching in the dashboard and on the doors reinforces the Maybach Zeppelin's sense of dynamism. The unusual diamond quilting pattern on the seat cushions and backrests together with the black piping gives the opulently styled seats a character all of their own. The occupants' feet rest on genuine lambskin carpeting.
The limited-edition special models bear a number of discreet identifying markings in the interior too. The centre console in the front, the partition screen that is available as an option for the Maybach Zeppelin 62, plus the silver champagne flutes included as standard are all marked with the lettering "MAYBACH ZEPPELIN", while the door sill panels as well as the key ring are engraved with the word "ZEPPELIN".
World first – a system for a fine interior fragrance
Customers are also able to opt for an especially refined equipment detail that is exclusive to the Maybach Zeppelin – an imaginatively designed, extremely high-quality perfume atomiser, the only one of its kind in the world. It easily eclipses all previous efforts to produce something similar, both in terms of its visual appeal and its operation. Its sophisticated technology and premium fragrances, which can be individually chosen, create a unique aromatic experience in the Maybach Zeppelin's interior at the push of a button – stimulating the senses of the occupants not with an overpowering perfume but with a soft, delicate scent.
The system's core component is an internally illuminated Plexiglass sphere on the rear centre console, into which Maybach Zeppelin owners can insert a vial of their preferred fragrance. A regulator pump then directs a gentle flow of air into the Plexiglass sphere, fanning the vial's perfume molecules into the vehicle interior.
The ingenious control understands the human sense of smell
The perfume atomiser can be activated either from the driver's seat or by means of a button in the rear centre console, with an additional thumbwheel in the rear for sensitive aroma control. The chosen fragrance gently wafts into the passenger compartment within ten to twelve seconds. On models with a partition screen, only the passengers in the rear are able to activate the atomiser.
The aroma experts took the human sense of smell into consideration when designing the control mechanism. As the nose adjusts to smells in such a way that it no longer perceives them after a short while, the perfume atomiser switches off after about ten minutes. Once the system has switched off, the fragrance – which does not seep into the interior's materials or the occupants' clothes – quickly evaporates. Reactivating the atomiser later allows the experience to be enjoyed all over again.
Artistic, hand-blown vials and specially developed fragrances
The system comes supplied with two select fragrances, which have been
exclusively developed for the Maybach by a renowned perfumer from global specialist Givaudan: one light and refreshing, the other slightly heavier and woodier.
Maybach Zeppelin owners can also use other fragrances, or even have one specially developed and enjoy the luxury of immersing themselves in their very own, personally designed aroma. The fragrance holders are easily interchangeable. The specification includes a total of three valuable vials, which are hand-blown by a well-known glass artist.
The elaborate, silent-running perfume atomiser system is a patented Maybach innovation.
The Maybach 57 Zeppelin costs €406,000, the Maybach 62 Zeppelin has a price tag of €473,200 (German list price, excl. VAT). The perfume atomiser that is exclusive to the Zeppelin can be ordered for an extra €3950 (German list price, excl. VAT).
The new Maybach Zeppelin goes on sale on 3 March 2009, with the first models expected to be delivered to customers in September 2009.

Okay, it is the loaded model, complete with the twin turbo V12 and every option on the list, along with what's an apparently limited black on white color combination. Oh sorry, that's Baltic Black over Aspen White. We're seriously doubting anyone will step up and make a bid anywhere close to the the asking price, if not for the economy then for the fact that the seller can't take a decent picture of the dang car. Yes, it's the most luxurious car in the world right now, but with the look of a gussied up Mercedes S-class, it's a hard sell over something like, say, an actual 1934 Maybach DS 8 Zeppelin Cabriolet. But who are we to judge. [eBay listing]

Yes, folks, this is the most expensive vehicle for sale in the Hemmings Motor News classifieds (speaking of which, do yourselves a favor and check out the stuff at Hemmings Auto Blogs- which is like mainlining the uncut stuff if you're a car junkie- when you're done here). It lives just a few miles from me, over at Fantasy Junction, and the guys selling it are the same ones who ran the not-quite-as-valuable BMW 633CSi at the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 24 Hours Of LeMons. It's one of two Spohn-bodied convertibles made, it's powered by an airplane engine, and it evaded destruction by the RAF, the Eighth Air Force, the Red Army, and- most dangerous of all- the Rust Monster. You can have it… for three-and-a-half mil! Reasonable price, or would you need to fortify yourself over at Booth Number Two to see it that way?
[Hemmings Motor News, Fantasy Junction]

We've got to say that parking it in front of an obvious foreclosure-bait McMansion and then shooting the car's video screens while they're displaying unpleasant images of crime and disability isn't going to help this car move off the lot, but maybe that's just us. [eBay Motors], thanks to Goatrope for the tip.

West observed these chauffeured Rolls Royces, Bentleys and other formerly British-owned brands are unable to find parking, forced to endlessly circle the block until their masters return, robes silkily flowing behind them. West points to one Bentley Continental GT he saw sitting idle for four hours while its rich owners shopped inside the upscale Knightsbridge department store, emitting the same carbon as a Nissan Micra driven 170 miles.

West also saw "more than fifty tycoons — including sheiks" in Maybachs, Rolls Royce Phantoms and Mercedes S500s destroying the environment that rightfully belongs to native Brits and not "filthy rich oil millionaires" outside the store. Although West believes strongly that the environment is UK-only, he appears to have no issues with Harrod's foreign ownership (although we hear Mohamed al Fayed would really like to become British). Perhaps West would be less upset if these super-rich Arab oilmen paid the British government for the rights to the environment? Of course this is the same paper that earlier railed against a "Sheikh" who flew his Lamborghini to England for an oil change. Jeez, we'd think that makes for a helluva commercial on English wrenching skills, but what do we know?

Anyway, we eagerly await The Sun's next series of investigations into the amount of pollution generated by Ryan Air as it flies lager louts to Ibiza for their holidays, the carbon footprint of Stella distributors in Essex and the toxic runoff from a flag of a St. George novelty memorabilia factory. [The Sun]

Once when I was reporting, Lyndon Johnson's top guy gave me the word they were looking for a successor to J. Edgar Hoover. I wrote it and the day it appeared Johnson called a press conference and appointed Hoover head of the FBI for life... And when he was done, he turned to his top guy and the President said, "Call Ben Bradlee and tell him fuck you."

After seeing the Maybach 62 Landaulet in person at the Detroit Auto Show, we claimed it was one of the five concepts that wouldn't see production. Clearly, Maybach wasn't going to have its product line dictated to it by Jalopnik, so now the ridiculous convertible limo is going to be made. We're still waiting for Dr. Z to tell Bill Moyers to "Call Mike Spinelli and tell him Fuck You."
[AutoBlog via Motor Authority]

5.) Saab 9-4x BioPower: Stainless-steel ski rack. Sure, it looks fine, and having the titanium-carbon-fiber Rossignols on the roof is just too risky these days. But where will the douchebag couple who spends the eight hours to Vermont talking about their trip to St. Bart's sit? Think about it.

4.) Saturn Flextreme: Clamshell trunk. While shellfish and trunk space are both well liked, combining the two is a pipe dream that'll, unfortunately, never be fulfilled. Saturn designers deserve credit for out-of-the-mollusk thinking, though. Hiho!

3.) Lincoln MKT: Those massive gauge tubes were reportedly inspired by Swarovski crystal. While they do add an upmarket, Ice Pirates ambiance to the Lincoln, no corporate lawyer in Scarsdale who's ever had a knock-down-drag-out with his spouse in the living room would risk another crystal decanter to the face, under any circumstances.

2.) Maybach Landaulet: Rear-seat convertible top. When everything shakes out, the 2010s may be known as the decade robber barons returned to lord it over the faltering middle class. But will the new JP Morgans and Vanderbilts really want to be chauffeured al fresco? We're betting not. These days, the proles have guns and laser scopes.

1.) Mazda Furai: Itself.

BONUS: One Feature Missing from a Detroit Concept Car: Hummer HX. Notwithstanding its visual connection to the Halo 3 Warthog fighting vehicle, the Hummer HX concept could be a great success on the dystopian streets of post-revolutionary America. But the kids would demand a turret mount, a glaring omission from the concept. Keeping the Covenant from attacking humanoid refugee shelters would be impossible without it.

Dear Sirs! Before that something to write, it is necessary to think well. Who told you, or wrote, that the President of Azerbaijan seeking for the armored Maybach???? Why for such silly information transferring on the Internet. I am, Rustam Mammadov businessman seeking that car, not are you found and seeking on Google quick search. It is not your deal, what you think, we can take permission from you after ordering car????? The silly information should not be transferred or you have nothing to be engaged. Are you stupied, Order strange or not strange!!!! If ordering Maybach, then in your mind it is strange and from strange peoples, all world buying that car, what is strange ????? I think you are very strange person and thinking very strange!!!! Not to be engaged nonsense, it is not necessary Regards

Dear Sirs! We need buy Armored Maybach 62s black color. If any offers please send to us Regards,

Rustam Mamedov

Flush with cash and hubris BMW purchased Rolls-Royce in 2003 and set about modernizing the moribund brand. Volkswagen had gobbled up Bentley and was planning to stick two turbochargers into a 2-door Phaeton and call it a Continental. Mercedes was busy breathing life back into the Maybach name with an elongated S-Class fitted with... twin-turbos. BMW then had every reason and right to stick a massive grill on their 7-Series, plumb in a couple of turbochargers and pray that the NBA takes a liking to their new Rolls. Only they didn't. Instead, BMW took a chance.

No, BMW decided it best if they built a new car from the ground up. Well, almost from the ground up. True, about 15% of the Phantom is shared with the 7-Series, but those are mostly bits and baubles like the motors for the windows and seats. Essentially meaningless. Besides, finding the check engine light on your Roller is from a 760Li is much less jarring than discovering the cup holder in your DB9 comes from a Five Hundred Taurus. Also, the 6.75-liter V12 is based on BMW's 6.0-liter V12. Other than that, the Phantom is bespoke.

The engineers started with an aluminum space frame. While more complex and costly than a monocoque design, a space frame has the advantage of being much more rigid — like all modern NASCARs. I remember speaking with a person intimately involved with the Phantom project about the strength of the chassis and him whispering, "It's so completely over-engineered. You could drive it through a brick wall, through a house! We made it much, much stronger than it needed to be." Indeed, the Phantom's chassis is twice as stiff as an F1 car's, despite being severely more massive. Even the dashboard is a single, solid hunk of magnesium.

As far as that engine goes, the modest bump in displacement only nets a few horses over BMW's 6.0-liter mill (453 hp vs. 438 hp) however, the torque increase is significant. That extra three quarters of a liter (and some ECU rejiggering) raises the twist from a mighty 444 lb-ft to a massive, Bentley-like 531 lb-ft. That much thrust is of course what allows the 5,600 lbs. beast to hit 60 mph in 5.7 seconds (the same as a WRX for those keeping score) on its way to a limited top speed of 150 mph. The Phantom can also run the quarter-mile in 14.03 @ 100 mph. Not bad for a yacht. One more bit of fun; in lieu of a tachometer, RR fitted the Phantom with a reserve power meter. Simply put, under acceleration the car lets you know how much power you have in reserve. Supposedly, unless you have the car flat out at 150 mph, the big Roller always has something left to give.

But of course talking about the Phantom's performance is a bit like arguing about Gisele Bundchen's IQ. That's not why you buy a Rolls-Royce. Obviously, there are faster cars. There are even faster sedans. But there are none better. Nor more luxurious. Does your Maybach have Art Deco lighting fixtures? We didn't think so. Or organ stops to control the vents? In fact, aren't your vents — gasp — from the S-Class? In fact, I believe your Maybach steering wheel is also from a Mercedes-Benz, and says "SRS." The Phantom's tiller looks like it was ripped from the Honey Fitz. As for seats, sure the Maybach has reclining lounge chairs pilfered from a Learjet. Whereas the Phantom features a couch. As Clarkson noted, he's surprised there isn't a wood burning stove. Yes, the Maybach has a public address system so you can yell at the proles, but honestly, why would you ever want to talk to the peasantry? Just have your chauffer shoot them.

The options list and attention to detail are simply staggering. Do you require an electronic, trunk mounted safe welded to the space frame? Done. Or how about a chilled wine cooler (wood trimmed of course) instead? Not a problem. We particularly like the humidor built into the glove box. For a fee, Rolls-Royce will happily build your entire interior out of a single tree. All the leather comes from Bavaria, but not from cows as that leather is too stretchy. No, every inch of hide inside the Phantom is from bulls. Squirrel and ox hair is used for the brushes to apply the pin striping (we're not making that up). They'll even festoon the thing inside and out with your family crest should you so desire. And we do desire — all we need is a family crest. Everything mentioned is just the ludicrous tip of the ridiculous iceberg, for in Crewe money ultimately talks.

Reportedly it takes three hours to hand paint that pin stripe

Then of course there are the Phantom's looks. Flabbergasting. Like a few other cars we can think of (Nissan's new GT-R springs to mind) pictures do not in any way do the big Rolls justice. Designed in California by Marek Djordjevic the Phantom simply gets it right — he even got the tail lights right (British cars have tiny rear lights). I happen to live on a blind corner and one day a gray Phantom came along. I stood jaw dropped as the thing kept coming and coming and coming. One cannot overstate its size. Nor its presence. In fact, that week I happened to be testing the Ford F250 Outlaw and the big Brit was in no way dwarfed by the giant American. Quite unlike every other car on the road, I should add. To see one is to desire one. Perhaps this is why sales took a sharp upswing in this, the Phantom's third year of production. We'll take the long-wheelbase edition, with the in-floor foot rests and the dual televisions, black on black with yellow seat piping and stainless steel veneer inlays, please. Did we even mention the suicide doors? Happy voting.

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The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, So Far:
RUF RT12 | 1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage | Honda 1300 Coupe 9 | 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe | Ferrari 288 GTO | Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 | 1970 Buick GSX 455 | First Generation BMW M Coupe | Bugatti Veyron 16.4 | Ford GT | Citroen SM | Porsche 928 | Jensen FF | DeTomaso Vallelunga | Audi Quattro S1 | Buick GNX | Nissan Skyline R34 GT-R | Honorary Fantasy Garager: The LS1 Powered Rotus | Lamborghini LM002 | Shelby Cobra Daytona Coupe | Ferrari 250 GTO | Bentley Speed Six | Talbot-Lago T150C SS Figoni et Falaschi Raindrop/Teardrop Coupe | Porsche 917 | Audi RS4 Avant | Lamborghini Miura | Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 | BMW E39 M5 | Jaguar E-type | Mercedes-Benz 300 SL | Dodge Charger/Challenger R/T | Toyota 2000GT | Facel Vega HK500 | Voisin C28 Aerosport | Bugatti Type 41 Royale | McLaren F1 | Maserati Bora | Continental MK II | Tucker 48

[The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage appears every Wednesday. Readers vote the cars in or out. The idea is that we'll have 50 cars in our Fantasy Garage, the world's greatest mechanic and endless wads of cash. Would you like to nominate a car for the Fantasy Garage? Write tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "Fantasy."]

Press Release: World Record of 330.6 km/h (205.2 mph) Set in Nardo The Maybach 57 with BRABUS SV12 S Biturbo Engine The World's Fastest and Most Exclusive Ultra-Luxury Sedan

A world-record speed of 330.6 km/h (205.2 mph) set on the high-speed test track in Nardo, Italy; BRABUS added to its extensive collection of automotive records with a Maybach 57 powered by a 730-hp (720 hp SAE net) / 537-kW BRABUS SV12 S Biturbo engine. It is the world's fastest and most exclusive ultra-luxury sedan. The BRABUS engineers and test drivers bested their own record set in 2005 when a Maybach 57 powered by a BRABUS SV12 Biturbo engine with 640 hp (631 hp SAE net) / 471 kW was clocked at 314 km/h (195 mph).

The SV12 S Biturbo evolution of the 6.3-liter displacement engine was originally developed for the BRABUS ROCKET, the four-door car based on the Mercedes CLS series. In October of 2006 it set a speed record for street-legal sedans of 365.7 km/h (227.2 mph), a record that still stands today.

For power increase of the turbocharged Maybach 12-cylinder engine from standard 550 hp (543 hp SAE net) / 405 kW to 730 hp (720 hp SAE net) / 537 kW BRABUS followed its tradition of increasing engine displacement. The BRABUS engineers developed a special crankshaft with longer stroke, precision-balanced piston rods and larger pistons to account for the increased cylinder bore. Displacement grows from standard 5.5 to 6.3 liters (335 to 385 cu. in.).

The inner workings of the engine are modified with precision-machined cylinder heads and special camshafts. The engine peripherals are tuned for more power with the help of a high-performance turbocharging system with special manifolds, two larger turbochargers, more efficient intercoolers, and a stainless-steel high-performance exhaust system with metal catalysts.

Custom-programmed engine electronics coordinate the perfect interaction of all high-performance components and ensure that the engine meets stringent EURO IV emission limits. The standard 250-km/h (155 mph) speed limit is also eliminated. The peak torque of 1,320 Nm (974 lb-ft) is limited by the engine electronics to 1,100 Nm (811 lb-ft).

The enormous power of the BRABUS SV12 S Biturbo engine is transferred to the rear wheels via a reinforced five-speed automatic transmission. For the lubrication of the entire drivetrain BRABUS relies exclusively on ARAL high-performance lubricants.

The top speed of 330.2 km/h (205.2 mph) places enormous demands on tires and wheels. The BRABUS suspension engineers developed forged 21-inch BRABUS Monoblock VI light-alloy wheels specifically for the Maybach. The fully polished multi-piece wheels with six double spokes perfectly fill the space beneath the wheel arches. They are mounted in size 9.0Jx21 in front with size 275/40 R 21 tires, and in size 10.5Jx21 with size 315/35 R 21 tires on the rear axle.

For further increased driving safety the BRABUS air-suspension module lowers the ride height by some 15 millimeters (0.6 inches) without compromising the unique ride comfort.

BRABUS refines the elegant lines of Maybach not just with a lowered ride height and with large wheels. The front of the sedan can be upgraded with two auxiliary headlights that serve as daytime running lights. They are stylishly integrated into the production front apron.

Exclusive BRABUS light design is also available for the sides and the rear of the Maybach: LED lights integrated into the body that illuminate the ground beside and behind the luxury sedan can be activated via the keyless fob. They help avoid unfortunate missteps into potholes or puddles in the dark. The rear of the Maybach is further upgraded with the ultra-flat tailpipes of the BRABUS sport exhaust system.

BRABUS also offers exclusive custom-tailored interiors and state-of-the-art multimedia technology for all Maybach models. Owners of the luxury sedan can choose from the finest leathers and Alcantara in any desired color and design.

Special loving attention to detail is present in the waffle-patterned leather carpeting that alone uses several kilometers of the finest thread, sewn with utmost precision. Custom-tailored BRABUS lambs wool floor mats caress the occupants' feet.

The BRABUS development team also created additional interesting features for the standard entertainment system of the Maybach. The 16:9 flat screens integrated into the back of the front seats measure 15.2 inches in the BRABUS version (standard: 9 inches). An additional 6-disc DVD changer rounds out the BRABUS multimedia package for the Maybach.

At the push of a button the Maybach transforms into a luxurious office on wheels: The screens the display the computer's user interface. BRABUS uses a special computer designed for use in a car that is connected to the internet via UMTS. A wireless keyboard and wireless optical gyro mouse make operating the computer easy and convenient. A USB 2.0 port, stylishly integrated into the center console, allows connecting external electronic equipment such as printer or a digital camera.

To remain online even when outside the vehicle the BRABUS communications specialists have integrated a high-tech notebook computer in an electrically operated drawer in the trunk. This computer is connected to the computer network of the vehicle via W-LAN.

[13:55] Loverman: l0l wtF!?
[13:55] Spin: sukit n00b!
[13:56] Loverman: woot! Woot!
[13:56] Spin: ; 0>
[13:56] Spin: whoops
[13:56] Spin: here's the french guy again
[13:56] Spin: { ; 0>

Today's winner is none other than that wily rascal LTDScott. He made it in regards to Spin's post about the Maybach 62 Landaulet, a car so tastelessly crass that even the super rich are sure to love it. Here's what Scott said:

Bets on whether we'll see one of these running around Altamont Speedway in 10 years with a Hitler mannequin sitting in the back?

Press Release:

Maybach 62 Landaulet

Only the sky is the limit

* Maybach shows one of the world's most exclusive luxury cars
* Majestic open-air experience with the ultimate in luxury and comfort
* Folding roof for pampered rear-seat passengers
* Appointments in the rear include white leather, piano lacquer and exquisite black granite

With this study of an open-top landaulet, Maybach has re-enlivened the great art of building majestic automobiles. True to the tradition of exclusive landaulets, the roof of this sparkling white one-off study can be opened fully at the rear, while the chauffeur's compartment remains completely enclosed. The passengers are then able to enjoy the clear, blue sky above. Seated in opulent armchairs upholstered in white leather, they are treated to a majestic open-air experience currently unrivaled by any other automobile in an environment of the utmost luxury and exquisite style. Romance close to the heart of nature is harmoniously combined with the ultimate in comfort and technological sophistication. With this unique study, Maybach is once again demonstrating its expertise in building the world's most exclusive luxury cars.

Large folding roof for passengers in the rear

In technical terms the Landaulet study is based on the Maybach 62 S - which can claim to be the world's most powerful series-produced chauffeured saloon. Maybach technicians have removed the rear roof module in order to afford passengers an unobstructed view of the sky above. The side walls remain, and have merely been invisibly reinforced with an integral tubular steel structure. As these measures have not altered the silhouette of the luxury saloon, the generously dimensioned doors and the complete interior with its reclining seats remain unchanged.

When closed the black soft-top of the Landaulet rests on the frame formed by the roof bows, and is wind and weather-proof. When requested by the passengers, the chauffeur operates a switch in the centre console. The roof then opens electro-hydraulically and is gently deposited on the parcel shelf in the rear, together with its integral rear window of single-layer safety glass. Opening and closing the roof takes 16 seconds. The chauffeur is able to enclose the folded roof with a fitted leather cover, which both conceals the roof mechanism from view and completes the overall picture of outstanding elegance.
White paintwork and wheels

This impression is accentuated by the shining white paintwork of the study, an exclusive finish named antigua white. Visual highlights are provided by 20-inch wheels specially designed for the Landaulet study. These are also painted in white with high-sheen spokes, and are accompanied by white indicators in the front and rear light clusters in dark red.
Black for the chauffeur, white for the passengers

In addition, the already luxurious driver's compartment of the successful Maybach 62 S has been enhanced in a number of important respects. All the interior trim is now surfaced in black piano lacquer, and for the extensive leather appointments Maybach has used particularly exclusive, glossy Stromboli black leather.

In contrast Maybach has fitted the passenger compartment almost completely in exquisite Seychelles white leather. The footwell and roof liner of this high-end luxury landaulet are also in white - the floor is carpeted in white velour and the roof lined with white fabric. A dramatic contrast is provided by inserts and decorative trim in glossy, black piano lacquer or exclusive black granite with numerous gold inclusions.

Generous spaciousness and first-class comfort

Outstanding comfort is assured by the generous spaciousness of the rear, which the Landaulet study has adopted unchanged from the Maybach 62. Passengers are welcomed into the interior by two large, single seats. These elegant seats also allow even very tall passengers to enjoy a reclining position which travellers normally only encounter in the first-class armchairs of modern passenger jets.

The study is designed as a chauffeured vehicle and features a partition. The upper section of the partition is a glass panel which the passengers can render opaque at the touch of a button, thanks to a liquid crystal membrane embedded in the glass.

Two ultra-modern automatic climate control systems, whose parameters have been adapted to the Landaulet study, ensure that open-air travel remains a pleasure even under adverse climatic conditions.
State-of-the-art entertainment and communications

As in the Maybach 62 S, the rear console is the centrepiece for entertainment, communications and travelling pleasure. This is where Maybach engineers have grouped everything relating to the entertainment and pleasure of the rear-seat passengers: a DVD-player, six CD-changer, a cooler compartment with its own electric compressor and an intelligent system which holds glasses, goblets and champagne bottles safely in position.
Engine and suspension

The Maybach Landaulet study is powered by the uprated V12 engine which Maybach engineers have developed further for the Maybach 57 S and Maybach 62 S together with the specialists at Mercedes-AMG. Thanks to twin turbochargers and water intercooling, the V12 develops a maximum output of 450 kW/612 hp from a displacement of 5980 cubic centimetres. This is continuously available between 4800 and 5100 rpm, and the engine also delivers an impressive maximum torque of 1000 newton metres between 2000 and 4000 rpm.

The electronically controlled air suspension AIRMATIC DC (Dual Control) and the Adaptive Damping System (ADS II) endow the Landaulet with outstanding levels of ride comfort, at the same time demonstrating that even a prestigious vehicle such as this can exhibit extraordinary agility and dynamic performance.

In addition to large, internally ventilated brake discs - with twin callipers at the front - both the study and the Maybach 62 S are equipped with two electro-hydraulic Sensotronic Brake Control (SBC™) braking systems working in tandem. Together with ESP®, ASR, ABS and Brake Assist, this provides the Landaulet study with the very latest in effective, high-tech handling control systems.
Innovative technology from the sister-brand Mercedes-Benz

Like all Maybach saloons, the Landaulet also benefits from the unrivalled experience of the sister-brand Mercedes-Benz in the development and production of high-quality cars in the luxury segment. Important innovations from Mercedes-Benz, successfully developed further for the Maybach saloons, are standard equipment in every Maybach and are of course also on board the Landaulet study - examples include the electronically controlled air suspension AIRMATIC DC (Dual Control), LINGUATRONIC voice control and the control and display system COMAND APS.

The relationship between Maybach and tire maker Fulda (a tiny subsidiary of Goodyear/Dunlap) goes back more than 70 years. To highlight the performance potential of a particular tire, Maybach Motorenbau, with the help of coachbuilder Dörr & Schreck and an aerodynamics expert named Freiherr Reinhard Koenig Fachsenfeld, constructed the menacing W38 Stromlinienfahrzeug. It was a sleek, low slung coupe that's proportionally similar to the modern Exelero. Seven decades later, the two companies teamed up again to showcase what in 2005 was Fulda's craziest offering, the 315/25YR-23 Carat tire. That's not a typo. The profile is 25, they are YR rated and wrap around 23" wheels. When handing out the assignment, I'm sure the professor was expecting something cool. But I'm equally sure he wasn't suspecting what he'd get.

Sinspiration: The 1938 Maybach W38 Stromlinienfahrzeug

I would like to reiterate that Maybach didn't produce this wet dream of a car. Now, three years later, it seems to be a certainty they never will. I'm restating this because aside from the sheetmetal, the Exelero is basically a tweaked Maybach 57. The car that would freak out Batman is essentially honed from off-the-shelf DCX parts. Sure, it's an expensive shelf. But think of the halo effect the Exelero's series production would have had on the brand. I mean, when's the last time you heard a car nut mentioning Maybach in passing?

At the very least they did built a single pants-on-fire working prototype. While most of the parts in the Exelero began life intended for the 57/62 sedans, not all made the transition unchanged. Some pieces, like the gas tank and suspension, remained unadulterated. Other components such as the already fire-spitting, stump-busting engine were placed on a strict all-protein diet. The 57/62's 5.5-liter twin-turbo V12 made 543 horsepower. Naturally the boffins at AMG were nowhere near satisfied, so they bored it out to 5.9 liters, thereby bumping the power to a somewhat silly 691 hp. The turbos were also made larger, as were the intercoolers and the radiator. True, the embiggened mill requires 110 octane racing fuel, but who are you to argue with 752-lb ft of torque?

The Exelero might argue. Tipping the scales at a Cadillac Escalade ESV-esq 5,852 pounds (the Caddy weighs 5,866 lbs.), one might wonder if the black beauty can even move at all. Turns out yes, yes she can. The point of the entire Exelero exercise was to show off Fulda's high performance kung fu, not just look menacing in a black shark suit. 60 mph occurs in 4.4 seconds. Meditate on that number for a moment. The Shelby GT500 and the Audi RS4 both weigh one ton less yet take a tenth of a second longer. The new C6.5 Corvette weighs almost half as much and makes 60 mph in the exact same time.

Pretty good by 2005 standards, you say, but in today's hyper-horsepower world, four seconds flat is the new 4.5. So what? The Exelero was not built to show off the Fulda meats' accelerative prowess. It was built to show off their top-speed capability. Specifically, the ability to go 350 kph on less than an inch of rubber. At the Nardo high speed test track in Italy, while burning fuel at the rate of 2.8 mpg, race driver Klaus Ludwig whipped the nearly three-ton beast around the oval at 351.5 kph, or 218 mph. For comparison's sake, the Ferrari Enzo can only go 217 mph. In your face, Modena!

As stunning as the numbers are, who cares? The Maybach Exelero is the übermale id come to life. In Jungian terms, it's your shadow self, the righteous evil that lies below. Plus it's frigging enormous, stretching the tape over 19 feet long. The Exelero is actually six inches wider than a Maybach 62, yet only 54 inches tall. Impossibly long, low and double-wide the overall shape is reminiscent of another fab one off, Bugatti's Type 57 Imaginaire. Especially with the exaggerated hood and fastback rear end. Unlike the Bugatti, the Maybach has dual side exhausts and a couple of blow off valves. Sigh...

We'll never understand DaimlerChrysler's decision not to bring the Exelero to market (remember they also failed to act on the bat guano mental 240 mph ME 4-12). All the more reason we need the only working version in the Fantasy Garage. Really, how many more $8 million one-offs do you need to see at Pebble Beach? The Exelero is a rare bird indeed; not so much for its scarcity, but for the fact that the world-mugging performance it offers is eclipsed by the thing's nasty good looks. Maybach's decision not to build it makes as much sense as Noah's Bagels selling pork sausage bagel dogs, but such is the world we live in. Happy voting.

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The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, So Far:
RUF RT12 | 1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage | Honda 1300 Coupe 9 | 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe | Ferrari 288 GTO | Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 | 1970 Buick GSX 455 | First Generation BMW M Coupe | Bugatti Veyron 16.4 | Ford GT | Citroen SM | Porsche 928 | Jensen FF | DeTomaso Vallelunga | Audi Quattro S1 | Buick GNX | Nissan Skyline R34 GT-R | Honorary Fantasy Garager: The LS1 Powered Rotus | Lamborghini LM002 | Shelby Cobra Daytona Coupe | Ferrari 250 GTO | Bentley Speed Six | Talbot-Lago T150C SS Figoni et Falaschi Raindrop/Teardrop Coupe | Porsche 917 | Audi RS4 Avant