I'm providing each car's best lap time (which should confirm once again that having a fast car isn't the most important thing for a LeMons team), as well as the number of BS Inspection penalty laps (if any), plus awards earned by the team. You racers in need of all my original, full-resolution shots of your car in action should email me and I'll get them to you. When you're done here, be sure to check out LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman's coverage over on Speed:Sport:Life.

Thanks to Nick Pon and Ashley Freed for many of these photos. Here they are in finishing order, the Top Lemons Of The 24 Hours Of LeMons South Spring 2009:

SF '07	Arse Freeze '07	SF '08
Detroit '08	New England '08	South '08
Texas '08	Arse Freeze '08	Texas '09

We've already seen a '70 LTD two-door in this series, so that means we'll need to have a poll to determine which one is the readers' choice!


Is this three-dimensional vinyl top beautiful or what? The Chevy dealership across the street can't compete!


And the dogdish/fat-blackwall combo is just perfect! I wouldn't change a thing on this car... well, except for putting a 460 and 4-speed in it, of course. And Cherry Bombs (but that goes without saying).


My grandparents had one of these cars back in the day. In fact, it's safe to say that everyone's grandparents had an LTD!

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How about casino carpeting for a vinyl top?


These fearless Nevadans drove a woodgrain station wagon in the very first 24 Hours of Lemons race, and they're going to roll the dice again today!


Speaking of dice, check out this hood ornament. This car needs to be the Official State Car for the Silver State. Dice, chips, and cards- what more does a man need?

Here's what WannabeWannabe has to say: By 1971, Ford expanded its LTD line to more than just nicely-appointed sedans to include coupes and convertibles, too, in both regular and Brougham trim levels. Despite this car's wonderful broughaminess, the convertibles only came in the regular trim level. From the opposite side of the street, it's clear that Ford was a true-believer in the longer, lower, wider look popularized by GM's Harley Earl in the 50s. But commend Ford for the quality control needed to get the rear character line to extend evenly into the huge, heavy door: a pure example of the peak of pre-malaise swagger.
The rear end has a vaguely Thunderbird-y air about it. If only it also had sequential turn signals. Because this is Brooklyn, afterall, getting pictures straight on of the front and rear ends is virtually impossible. Perhaps the most fitting aspect is that the LTD is sandwiched between a Honda Accord and a Volkswagen Passat. I can only dream of the days when the block was filled end to end with enormous, luxurious all-American boats.
The rear 3/4 shot gives you a look at what almost 40 years of living in New York will do to a car. All in all, though, I'd say this car has fared pretty well. Maybe it lived its early life in a dryer, less salty climate that had fewer people who parallel park by feel. At least it has a new top.
I really hope that under that almost Pontiac-y beak lies a barely-muffled 429, but more likely it's the standard 351, which could theoretically still be enough. No, it'll never be enough. Did I hear someone say cammer?
Only the finest white sheepskins for the interior, and of course, the obligatory fuzzy dice. That tells me the owner is almost certainly older than the car. Maybe he (she? wouldn't that be great!) bought it new. I do like the addition of dice on the door locks, as long as we're going with the dice-as-representative-of-an-entire-era theme.
Finally, I really hope that the ill-fitting hood is a purposeful modification to let the air out of the engine bay to keep the front end from getting light on the late-night high speed runs on the BQE (Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, for you left coasters), but who am I kidding, the BQE is never empty and even the (rusty?) soft springs are no match for the potholes.



And, of course, we can't talk about Brooklyn without talking about these guys:

First up is this fascinating combo of 1959 Hillman Minx with Mazda rotary power. Imagine it- your Minx screaming along at Wankel-approved RPMs while the jaws of onlookers drop in stunned amazement! Does it run? Er, well, not exactly. Was the swap done right, or is the engine held in with zip-ties and plumber's tape? Hey, for $500 you get what you pay for! All we can say is: rotary Minx, dude! This car could be made so freakin' fast that tales of your high-speed demise would be uttered in hushed, respectful tones by future generations of paramedics: Yeah, we was findin' body parts in three different counties, none of 'em bigger'n a pea!

While the Minx is an extreme longshot bet to actually get into driveable form, here's a project whose pitfalls and rewards are well-understood by most of us: a 1971 Ford LTD 4-door. Sure, the front end is probably shot (with a full turn-and-a-half of play in the steering wheel), and the interior is sure to be a nightmare of horsehair and vinyl decay byproducts, and the wiring has probably been hacked up into a fuse-popping logic puzzle. Yeah, and it's probably got a 400,000-mile Cleveland with the crappy 2-barrel heads and no compression in three cylinders. So what? Parts are pretty easy to get, and big Fords are cool!

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Well, maybe "mansion" is a stretch, but this is a big two-door hardtop, a reminder of a time when a great big Ford could be considered somewhat sporty.

As we all know, 1970 was the pinnacle of engine output prior to the Malaise Era decline. The standard engine for the '70 LTD was the 250-horse 2-barrel 351 Cleveland.

However, the kind of man who would want to roll in a two-door hardtop shouldn't be expected to settle for the base engine. Oh no, he'd want something with more sap. Say, the 265-horse 390, available for a reasonable $86. But hey, why not spring for the 320-horse 429? Only 168 bucks!

However, were we to jump in the Jalopnik Time Machine and head down to the local Ford dealership, we'd pay whatever it took to have a Boss 429, with a U-joint-snapping (and probably underrated) 375 horsepower, factory-installed in our LTD. With 4-speed/bench seat combo, of course.

The big Ford for '70 (in four-door form and probably with the Custom nameplate) was a favorite among police departments back in the day. Look at that taillight- you can tell this car means business.

This LTD, which parks down on the Estuary waterfront a couple blocks from a very mean-looking Econoline pickup really doesn't look out of place in its industrial neighborhood, which is all sailmakers, outboard-motor repair shops, and the like. No property-value damage caused by its beaterosity (although how hard would it be to fix the flip-up headlights? Wait, don't answer that).

It's pretty rough, but a nice candidate as it sits for vintage Cragars, big-block, and Cherry Bombs.

Related:
tDown On The Street: 1972 Mercury Monterey [internal]

Car buyers in 1965 faced quite the dilemma. It goes without saying that the reading on a decibel meter inside the passenger cabin is the number one priority when making a car-purchase decision- everyone knows that- but say you're geared up to buy a Rolls-Royce and now you find that the new LTD registers a quieter dB reading? What do you do? Why, buy the LTD, of course! – Murilee Martin

Related:
The 75-80 Ford Granada: Just Like A Mercedes, Really! [internal]