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Detroit, 2:07 AM
Fri Nov 27
1 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/02/09
11/01/09
Can any of us afford NOT to buy this car? #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
I concur.
They're different, they flow, they got stuck with a stupid name.
I also think the Nissan Pulsar SportBak was awesome in a very square 80s way. #limousine
11/01/09
@The Dead Inside Grp. Co. Ltd.: #limousine
11/01/09
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11/01/09
You know deep down that Murilee's right: NOTHING can hold a candle to this beautiful bustle-backed baby of the eighties. And not only that, but you have the notoriety of it being an ex-CIA car. It's like having ten police-auction chevrolet caprices rolled into one.
Speaking of rolling, you are SURE that you can roll this Caddy out of the parking lot with a few rolls of electrical tape and a multimeter. Armed with these meager instruments, you head on down, lay down your 3.5 Franklins, and get to work.
You become so intent on undoing the damage from the rats that you enter a zen-like level of concentration. Nothing can distract you: not the vintage hearse immediately next to your vehicle, not the fact that 5 hours have passed since you started, not the manager demanding that you get this car out of his lot for that last hour before giving up and leaving you to work in peace.
Nothing can stop you.
Not even the awakening of the orgy of rats hopped up on crank residue that now permeates every nether-region of this vehicle disrupts your focus. That is, until they notice that you are much tastier than the well-chewed fabric inside...
...15 hours, hundreds of bites, and 5 dead rats later, you finally bring that glorious dreadnought back to life. Weary, but triumphant, you roll off of the lot in style just as the dealer starts to make his way back in to start the next day. Just in time.
You are now very grateful that your employer laid you off weeks ago, because it means that you now get to simply fall asleep after your long, arduous battle. You pull your prize into the driveway, crash on the couch, and slowly drift into your dreams.
When you awake you find yourself tied to a chair under bright hot lights. An unidentified voice bids you welcome and then demands to know which dictator you purchased the Seville for.
It seems that you have fallen into a trap: the CIA assumed only a fool sent by some third-world puppet king would purchase such an awful piece of American machinery, even at three fifty. But you are a fool for no one but love: love of that beautiful bustleback.
It's the truth, but unfortunately the CIA don't buy it, and they resort to violence to get an answer out of you. One of them hits you a little too hard, and as you fall backward on your chair, your consciousness fading, you see it.
You see that fabulous finned hearse for the first time and you realize that, in a strange twist of fate, that this was a two for one deal. While you entered this fiasco in one Cadillac, the only way to leave it is through another.
Roger B. Smith himself, stalwart of that dark era succeeding your Seville, exits the driver's seat, loads you into the back of the hearse, and personally chauffeurs you to your own 70s circle of hell. All for the love of a tucked trunk.
11/01/09
11/01/09
11/01/09
*The term mad is used as a more lyrically pleasing version of "crazy." Not all person's experiences of mad are equivalent. Plasma X makes no promises about the specific type of crazy to be promoted, other than that it will be awesome. Your mileage may vary. #limousine
11/02/09
Also, Powerglide Road Soda. #limousine
11/02/09
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11/02/09
But now I know, and knowing is half the battle (of wits)!
@All others: Thanks! Hopefully this is the start of a bee-yootiful friendship. #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
No, no, no. A Landaulet is what we want. #limousine
11/01/09
11/02/09
11/01/09
[inlandempire.craigslist.org] #limousine
11/01/09
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11/01/09
Just think of what the COE would be on this baby! #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
Sold!
p.s: Just make sure you make a sweep of the car to remove all the bugs and coke planted by "them." #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
And now you'd turn up your nose at this absolute gift? It's got all the style of a Rolls Royce, but built in the USA. And 1980 was halfway into the first Reagan administration. This would be like a double dip recession and Grenada good times all over again!
And I don't buy that rats ate the wiring. I expect its more that the unidentified white powders that pack all of the internal cavities of this beauty have gummed up all the wiring connectors. Once you vacuum all that out, with sequentially numbered $100 bills rolled to perfection between the thighs of dusky Honduran maidens, you'll be all set. And you'll have had a very enjoyable three years, what you can remember of it anyways.
Now, tell the truth. You want this rolling royal palace. Don't make them rendition you someplace where they'll insist that you tell the truth about how you love this limo.
And fill my crystal decanters with rye, please. #limousine
11/01/09
@Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet: Too bad I already h-clicked you.
And yes, you may have your rye. #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
"1980 was halfway into the first Reagan administration."
You may need to cut back on the rye a bit. The Reagan administration didn't start until January 1981. #limousine
11/01/09
Wish I had this to roll up to my Helloween party last night. #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
Also, there's at least two old Caddy hearses in the photo backgrounds. Either one would be far cooler than this wannabe pimpmobile.
11/01/09
11/01/09
It's not just this terrifying velour lined evil beast with bad, bad CIA juju, but check out that early 60s (60? 61?) hearse casually placed in the background.
There must be some tin-horn strong arm budding dictator in some hot, dusty climate who wants this monster. I'll leave it to him. #limousine
11/01/09
But for you young'uns, who might be tempted by that CIA fastback limo your soul is worth more than $350 small. 1980. Yeah, sure that's the decade MTV started, but that was also Reagan's decade. The Malaise Era. The formative years when the CIA was arming Bin Laden. There's no telling how many corrupt, expensively tailored buttocks have snuggled down into that back seat and picked up the death phone. How much coke and cash and weapons changed hands thanks to this rolling spookmobile.
Burn it.
11/01/09
11/01/09
Way more bad ass than the Seville. #limousine
11/01/09
11/01/09
But it's hard to tell about Cadillac commercial vehicles of this era; Cadillac didn't always update every bit of its commercial vehicle kits to match the current passenger cars. #limousine
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11/01/09
Could this thing win IOE? #limousine
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