It presents quite the dilemma, because even the crappiest cassette deck serves as an irresistible lure, tempting some crackhead to smash your side window with a spark plug and then gouge the hell out of your dash with a prybar while removing his $2 prize. Fortunately, Jalopnik Cheapskate Tips™ have the solution! These days, all you really need is a means of connecting an MP3 player- or even a cellphone with music-playback functionality- into an amplifier driving a couple of speakers.

4-time DOTS honoree WhatWouldJesseDo leaves his super-clean '83 Toyota 4x4 in the parking lot of a local train station each day, and the truck has had its stereo torn out by thieves three times in as many months. Each time, Jesse installed a cheaper, less appealing stereo, and each time he returned to his truck to find the window smashed and a hole in the dash. All he wanted was a way to plug in his iPhone and have music while behind the wheel, yet the truck had to appear completely bereft of anything that might be readily converted into hubba rocks, 40-ouncers, black tar, DMT, or Ibogaine.

I found the solution when rigging up 2-way radio communication for the Black Metal V8olvo race car; we didn't have the money to buy fancy radios with in-helmet headsets, so I rigged a cheapo GMRS walkie-talkie with a modified CB radio microphone and fed the audio to this no-frills audio amplifier, which drove a couple of door-mounted junkyard speakers. When the spotter called out a yellow flag into his walkie-talkie, the driver- as well as drivers of other cars and, occasionally, spectators in the bleachers- heard him loud and clear!

The thing has "MP3 IN" printed right on the case, so that was all the inspiration I needed. This little amp, sporting an alleged 360 watts of power (ha ha ha!), is sold under countless brand names, but all are the same; I assume there's some town in southeast China that's made up entirely of huge factories churning out these little blue boxes. They're crap, but they get the job done and the sound quality doesn't suck as much as you'd expect; you get RCA and 3.5mm lines in, two speaker outputs, volume, bass, and treble controls (which feature a really cheezy multicolored flashing LED setup). They're all over eBay, and you can get yourself one for under $15 shipped.

Jesse opted for the prestigious Cheng Sheng version, which boasts an impressive 400 watt output (I'm guessing it's more like 25). He stopped by Chez Murilee yesterday, while I was working on wiring the 20R Sprite, so I just grabbed my implements of Wiring Hell and shifted operations to his Hilux.

Since the last car thief owned wire cutters, enough of the old stereo's wiring harness was still present to make hookup of the Cheng Sheng Amp a simple task. I had a stash of inline noise filters I'd picked up during junkyard expeditions, so I added one to the power circuit; without such a filter, ignition noise is liable to come through with such a cheapo amp.

Just to make sure everything worked, we rigged up a temporary wires-twisted-together installation and tested it out with an iPod. Sounds good!

If your car lacks speakers, no problemo! Just head over to the nearest self-service junkyard when it's having a Half Off sale and grab some factory speakers for $2 apiece. I prefer high-end Japanese cars for my junkyard speaker selection; why go with Nissan when you could have Infiniti for the same price?

Since portable music players all have volume and EQ controls, there's no need to install the Cheng Sheng where prying eyes might spot it- just wire it so it's powered up when the ignition is hot and leave the volume knob cranked, then adjust the sound on the music player. In Jesse's truck, the best out-of-view location was under the seat. Rather than drill holes to mount it, we just used self-adhesive Velcro.

A 3.5mm stereo plug to dual male RCA cable can be had for next to nothing, so the budget so far remained under 20 bucks. We ran the cable under the seat and to the center console. All systems go when plugged into Jesse's iPhone!

But the dash didn't quite look wretched enough. To convince would-be thieves that they'd be better off moving on to the next vehicle in the lot, the Toyota's dash had to look thoroughly de-stereoized, preferably with a tangle of sliced wires hanging out of a gaping hole where a stereo once lived. Here's a shot from the junkyard to provide inspiration.

By a stroke of good fortune, I'd just torn out the last vestiges of Prince Of Darkness wiring from my Austin-Healey; what could possibly look more disreputable a-dangling from a jagged dashboard hole? Quickly, I fished some of Lucas Electric's finest from the trash can. You know what they say about Lucas Electrics: Get home before dark!

Some work with the cutters and a few zipties, and it looks just horrible! The only concern here is that the Quantum Unreliability Field of the Prince Of Darkness wires might destabilize the Toyota wiring harness at the quark level, but we figure the Warlord Grade™ construction of the Hilux can handle it.

Now, some of you are probably saying to yourselves, "Well, that's all well and good for when I want to listen to Foghat's Fool For The City on my $12 iPod Shuffle knockoff, but what if I want to listen to the radio, eh? What then, smarty-pants?" Well, of course you want to listen to the radio, and you can totally do it with this setup. Just pick up a $6 portable AM/FM and plug the audio cable right into the headphone jack. Hell, you can even use a Walkman cassette player. Mission accomplished!

There are lots of reasons why a window will separate from the track it sits on and, if you have a newer car with complex electric systems, you're probably better off taking it to a mechanic if you're not entirely sure what you're doing. For drivers of older cars, the underlying cause is often a weakness with the adhesive holding the window in place. As it ages, the adhesive loses its adhesiveness and elasticity. Roll a window down too fast or let something get in the way and the window will separate.

In our case, the truly hideous sound system installed in our 1986 Volvo 245 was the culprit. The speaker in the front passenger's side was too large for the window and the speaker's magnet was pushing against the glass when the window was in the down position. All of the glass in the car is original, which makes the adhesive holding the driver's side window in place almost as old as I am.

Combine the two and you end up with a window separated from the track and sitting unevenly in the doorframe. If you don't drive in cold or wet weather and keep your car in the garage constantly, this isn't a big deal. If you want to actually enjoy your car but don't want to take it to a mechanic, you can do the job yourself on the cheap if there's no serious damage.

Step One: Remove The Door Trim And Accessories

Old cars are great because you can actually take them apart without special tools or strangely-shaped bits. Assuming you have a normal older car, here are the tools you'll need:

• Phillips-Head Screwdriver
• Stubby Flat-Head Screwdriver
• Binder Clip
• Heavy Grease
• Automotive Amazing Goop
• Glass Cleaner
• Towel

The order with which you'll remove the pieces of your door depends on what is or isn't there. We've already removed the door pockets on the car because, on this particular model, they tend to fall off anyways. If you've got them, they're typically what comes off first. Appraise the order in which everything was put on the door and work backwards.

In this case, we started with the arm rests. Take your stubby flat-head and remove the small trim buttons covering the screws. Set them aside to a tray or another safe place where you can keep them in order without knocking them over. A dash also works. Remove the screws and place them on the side. Many arm rests have a special lock connected to the door handle so you may need to angle the handle up before removing it.

Next, disconnect the crank for the window (assuming you don't have power windows). On the Volvo, there's a small trim piece covering the screw connecting the crank to the door. Remove the crank and set aside the trim surrounding the base of the crank.

If you have an in-door speaker you may want to remove it before you take the door trim off so you don't rip any of the wires off. If you're careful you could theoretically disconnect them after taking the internal piece off, but we don't recommend this. If you've got a cover, take it off and unscrew the speaker. Carefully separate it from the door and the disconnect the two wires at the base of the magnet, making sure to remember which wire connects to which contact (they should be different sizes on older car, but better safe than sorry). Set aside.

The final piece to remove, on most cars, is the lock cover. This should screw straight off.

Making sure your window is in a down position, just in case, remove any latches and screws holding the door panel in place. In the case of our Volvo, there are numerous clasps and fasteners to detach. We slowly take them off one-by-one, working carefully not to rip any off. If you end up with a stuck clip try gently prying it out by using your flathead or the proper trim removal tool if you're Mr. Moneybags to get pressure beneath the clip.

Lift the inner door panel at the base and set it aside in a dry, clean place.

Step Two: Prep Insulation And Identify Problem

Pull back any plastic sheeting or foam insulation and clip it to the top of the door using a smooth-sided clip like a clothespin or a binder clip. Reconnect your crank (don't worry about screwing it in) and see if the window is disconnected from the track. Carefully roll up the window and roll it down and see if the window is connected or disconnected. If it's connected but still droops, you've got a broken track and may need to seek professional help or, if you're skilled enough, try to replace it yourself.

Most likely, the window is merely separated from the track. As suspected, this is the case with the Volvo's window. We can roll the window up and the track catches the window and puts in place (mostly). When we roll it down the window leans and catches on the door while the track continues to roll into the door. Roll the window back up and, if it holds in place securely, leave it there for the next two steps.

Step Three: Grease Any Dry Moving Parts

While you've already got the door off, identify any moving parts that may be dry. This car sat in a dry and dusty part of West Texas and is therefore bereft of most grease and moisture. A little dab on moving metal parts and a couple of screw holes that appear to have a hint of rust will help you avoid other problems down-the road.

Step Four: Re-Adhese The Track

A look into our wagon's window track reveals a cracked and rough surface with little of anything resembling glue or tape. This is actually a good thing as most sealant adhesives work better on non-smooth surfaces. After quickly cleaning out any dirt or grime from the track, take your bottle of adhesive (in this case, Automotive Goop) and run it carefully along the track. If you've got a small nozzle this makes the process easier. We don't, so we carefully work the bottle through the gap in the door. Try to fill the track about halfway with the adhesive so it doesn't all fall out when you place the window inside of it.

Most of these products require you let the glue sit for a few minutes before sitting the window inside of it. Use this time to wash your hands before you get goop, grease and other gunk on the window.

Step Five: Drop The Window In The Track

It helps to have two people working on this job, with one person holding the window level with the door low enough to view the track as it reconnects with the base. The other person can then guide the track upwards with the crank, firmly applying pressure, while the window fits into the track. If any of the adhesive leaks out try snagging it early with a towel so you don't have to go back with acetone later to remove it. When you roll the window up, make sure it lines up evenly with the door and sits in the window gasket. If there's a slight difference, as there is with our Volvo, try angling the door in the correct direction while raising the tray.

Clean any adhesive off and push the window all the way to the top so it's held-in-place at each portion of the gasket. If it looks good, leave it alone for a while. Most adhesives only need a few hours to dry, but it's best to give it more time than less.

Step Six: Reconnect The Panel And Pieces

If everything looks good, reconnect the door and all the accessories (handles, cranks, et cetera) in a reverse order being careful to make sure you don't end up with any extra screws are parts. Since you've been touching the window with your dirty hands, you may also want to clean it.

Step Seven: Wait... Enjoy

Once again, don't play with the window until you're sure it's set. It would be a major bummer to go through all this work and then have to redo it because you couldn't wait to roll down the window. Once everything is set, if you've done the job right you'll have a working window again, all for a couple of hours of work and less than $10 in parts.

Bonus Step: Fix The Speaker

Because the hideous, eventually-to-be-replaced speaker was pushing against the window we decided to do a quick fix. Before reattaching the speaker we added a few washers between the back of the frame and the door. It's a good, temporary way to avoid repeating the same problem while we contemplate what to do with the door speakers.

The Vehicle Identification Number program was initiated in 1980 as a way to standardize the serial numbers on cars. Cars built before 1981 don't prescribe to a universal standard and therefore require manufacturer-specific information to decode. The entire VIN process was created to assure people don't pretend one car is another.

Knowing how to decode a VIN is an easy way to make sure you're not ripped off by either buying a vehicle pretending to be something it isn't, like a stock Mustang dressed up to be a special edition Cobra, or purchasing a car with a salvage or rebuilt title. But how to do it? The folks at DriverSide.com helped out by giving us some details which we've now expounded upon below:

Step One: Find The VIN

The vast majority of new cars have the VIN located under the front of the windshield, typically made visible through a small, clear square within the tinted area. Depending on the year and price of the car you're looking at, what's there will vary from a nicely stamped piece of metal to a cheap plastic piece bolted onto the dash. For special models or expensive sports cars there may be a special VIN plate located in the door sill or on the dash.

Once you find the VIN the fun begins!

Step Two: Breaking Down The VIN

As you can see in the graphic above, the VIN is broken down into six parts:

Make/Model: (Digits 1-3) This breaks out the make, model and manufacturer of the vehicle.

Vehicle Features: (Digits 4-8) These digits identify the various features of the specific model.

Verifying #: (Digit 9) Using a complex mathematical formula this number determines whether or not the information has been faked.

Model Year: (Digit 10) This number or letter describes the year the MY for the car.

Assembly Plant: (Digit 11) This single digit identifies the assembly plant.

Sequence Of Model Production: (Digit 12-17) These digits indicate the order in which the vehicle left the assembly line.

NOTE: A VIN will never include the letters I, O or Q because of their similarity to the numbers "1" and "0" though, seriously, who confuses a Q with a 0?

Step 3: Decoding The Make

We're going to use the VIN: 1ZVHT82H485113456 from the photo above as the sample VIN we work from. By the end, we'll know a lot about this "mystery" vehicle.

Our first decoding challenge is to figure out who made this vehicle, found in the digits: 1ZV

The first digit in the make code will always be the country of manufacture. There are numerous country codes, but the general ones are:

• USA: 1, 4 or 5
• Canada: 2
• Mexico: 3
• Japan: J
• Korea: K
• England: S
• Germany: W
• Italy: Z
• Sweden: Y
• Australia: 6
• France: V
• Brazil: 9

• Looking at our code it's clear we're dealing with an American car or a foreign car built in America.

  When we add the next two digits to the equation we figure out who the company is that makes it. The full three digit code is called the "World Manufacturer Identifier" and will tell us the company behind the car. Rather than just handing an "F" to Ford or a "G" to GM, the layout gets more detailed. For instance, "1GC" is Chevy trucks and "1G1" is Chevy passenger cars. You can cross reference the WMI with this list of common WMIs

  It turns out "1ZV" is the code for AutoAlliance International, which is a company building cars for both Mazda and Ford. This means are car is either a Ford or Mazda product.

  
  

  Step 4: Decoding The Vehicle Features

  More than just telling you what the model of a car is, this section often describes the type of engine and platform the car is using. How this is used is based on the country and company, though most companies selling cars in North America have similar formats. Since we know it's a Ford or Mazda it's fairly easy to decode what HT82H means.

  The first digit, H, is a safety code and indicates the car has front and side airbags. Other digits include "B" for the use of active belts but no airbags. The letters "L" and "F" or "K" indicate different generations of airbags.

  Digits 5-7, in this case T82, tell us what kind of vehicle this is. Using this handy guide to Ford VINs we know Ford uses "T8_" to indicate a Mustang coupe. Even more exciting, it's a either a Mustang Bullitt, Coupe GT or Coupe Shelby GT. If someone is trying to sell you a Mustang and claims it's a "GT" hardtop but it has "T80" they're lying to you.

  

  The most important digit, if you're trying to determine what engine the car has, is this eighth one. In this case, the digit H indicates we have a car with Ford's 4.6-Liter modular V8. If the digit was an "N" it would indicate a V6 and we'd know something was fishy. If the code was an "S" we'd know we had a Coupe Shelby GT on our hands.

  
  

  Step 5: Using The Check Digit

  
  Most companies use the ninth digit, always a number, as a check digit. Using a complex mathmatical equation, they can decide if the value of multiplying all of the numbers and letters in the VIN besides the 9th digit, when divided by 11, has a remainder equal to the check digit.

  If you're a total math nerd you can follow these instructions. If you're a little lazier, you can use this calculator to determine if your check digit is correct. Ours is correct, so we know either the VIN plate is legit or, at least, the creator is really good at math.

  
  

  Step 6: Determining The Model Year

  
  Since 1980, different countries have used slight variations of model years, but there's a generally accepted format most companies use for the 10th digit. If the car was built between 2001 and 2009 the digits "0-8" which means our vehicle's 8 is telling us it's a 2008 MY vehicle.

  If the car was built between 1980 and 2000 the code is goign to be "A-Y" sequentially excluding the three letters not found in any VIN. For example, a car built in 1994 would have the code "R" and a car from 2000 has the digit "Y" on its VIN plate. Starting in 2010, cars reset with the letter "A" for most companies.

  
  

  Step 7: Decoding Where It Was Built

  
  The 11th digit is for identifying where the vehicle was made. There's no set standard for this, so you need to consult a list of the company's manufacturing facilities and VIN codes. These are almost all up on Wikipedia. For instance, here's a page with a list of Ford factories. This tells us the 5 in our VIN matches up to the AutoAlliance plant in Flat Rock, Michigan, which makes sense given the first three digits.

  
  

  Step 8: The Sequence Of Model Production

  
  The final six digits indicate how far along into production the vehicle was built but, because some companies make a lot of a certain model, this isn't necessarily a number. In the case of our Mustang, the digit is a number: 113456.

  For most car owners, this number isn't very significant. For special models, such as limited edition Corvettes or end-of-production vehicles, this can be the best way to determine if the vehicle is what it purports to be. Most Mustangs are produced on the same assembly line so, in this case, we can't determine anything special about the car.

  
  

  Step 9: Compare What The Number Shows To Your Vehicle

  
  
  When we zoom out it's clear the car is a 2008 Ford Mustang Bullitt. Compare this to what is shown in the VIN number it appears our car checks out.

  For more information about the VIN number check out DriverSide.com

  [Supporting Info: Mustang Attitude, CarSpace, Wikipedia, MotiveMag]

  Photo Credit: Serious Wheels, dwaycar]

10.) Assemble A Winter Survival Kit

9.) Check Your Car's Brakes

8.) Make Sure Your Car Is Properly Tuned

7.) Inspect Belts And Hoses

6.) Check Lights, Heater And Defrosters

5.) Check Your Tire Pressure

4.) Service Your Battery

3.) Inspect Your Windshield Wipers And Washer Fluid

2.) Check Your Antifreeze

1.) Check Your Oil

[Sources: Cars.com, Consumer Reports, National Weather Service]

This all started out when the Sarah Palin punishment at the 24 Hours Of LeMons Toledo race raised the bar for innovative ways to penalize lousy drivers on the race track. I'll be judging at the Houston race this weekend, so a special Texas-themed penalty would be needed. But what? Then I remembered: In 1982, Ozzy Osbourne was arrested for pissing on the Alamo, drunk and wearing a dress, and his albums were burned by enraged mobs throughout the Lone Star State.


And what was Ozzy's day job in Birmingham, before Black Sabbath hit it big? He worked on a British Leyland assembly line, testing horns! Naturally, the Ozzy Osbourne Inertial Penalty Horn would require horns from a BL product. While you might find the occasional MG or Triumph in self-service junkyards, 70s Jaguars are always plentiful. Mount the pair of genuine Lucas Electric horns (high- and low-pitch units) on a crude bracket screwed together from scrap plywood, then add a Bosch-type relay pocketed at the junkyard (you can skip the relay, but the high draw of the horns will fry the switch contacts after a few applications, due to arc-welding-style sparking). Mount the bracket close to the driver, but not so close that he can reach it while strapped in!


The inertia switch- which is two-dimensional version of a pinball-machine tilt switch- can be made from junk just lying around; in this case, a piece of plywood (notched for easy zip-tie attachment to a roll cage bar), some coat hanger wire, plumber's tape, and a plastic windshield-washer tubing tee. Like all serious projects, the whole mess is held together with JB Weld.



The switch contacts are the plumber's tape on one side and a big Honda steering-wheel nut pocketed at the junkyard. Depending on how the switch is oriented, the contacts will close when the car accelerates, or turns, or decelerates… or when it hits a big bump, or gets a big gust of wind inside.


To get power, the alligator connector from a dead timing light clamps onto the car's battery. I added a 20-amp fuse inline and covered it with lots of electrical tape.


How to get the power from battery to relay? Cut a hole in the hood with this step drill and run the cord through the side window opening! Ram a sheetmetal screw into the car's floor near the horns and you've got your ground. Hey, they're $500 cars, right?

5.) They're Damaged
So... you're telling us damage is bad? Wow. Guess we'll have to stop carving "Jalopnik was here" with a knife into people's tires and calling it a PR stunt. Actually, a careful inspection for missing chunks of rubber, bulges (unsightly or otherwise) and evidence of curb or debris damage can keep you from having to call a tow truck when you're miles from home.

4.) They're Deteriorated
Not to be confused with damage, deterioration happens over time due to atmospheric conditions — mainly ozone in the air acting on the rubber to produce dry rot. Deterioration can be sneaky, resulting in weak spots that can lead to a blowout. Look for spiderweb cracks in the sidewall and a dull, dusty appearance to the rubber.

3.) They're Overinflated
Contrary to what your friend Jeff told you, inflating your tires well beyond the suggested pressure will not increase your fuel economy to 95 MPG.

2.) They're Underinflated
The corollary to overinflated, this condition is not to be confused with a "flat" tire (which is also bad). An underinflated tire doesn't just decrease your MPG, it can also lead to irregular wear. Want to know what the right inflation pressure for your tires is? Don't use the number on the tires — that's just the tire manufacturer's suggested maximum inflation pressure. Instead, check the sticker on the driver's door frame or inside the glovebox for the right pressure. Also, check the owner's manual.

1.) And the number one reason your tires fail is... (it's almost too obvious, but place your bets and check it out here.)

In all seriousness, the points themselves may seem obvious, but PopMech does a good job of explaining the hows and whys behind their top five failure modes, and they might just clue you in on something you've forgotten.

Assess...

...Your Risk
Hurricanes rarely appear out of nowhere and modern forecasting technology typically gives citizens days to prepare. If you live in an area on or near the Atlantic Coast or the Gulf of Mexico, it's possible that you are at risk. If you live hundreds of miles inland, like in Oklahoma, you don't need to worry. Michigan? Yeah, probably not an issue for you either. Check with your local Office of Emergency Management or state government for information about whether your house is within an evacuation zone. Below are examples of hurricane evacuation maps:

• South Carolina Evacuation Zones
• Southeast Texas
• Louisiana (PDF)
• Florida

...Your Threat
If it appears that a hurricane could head your way in a few days resist the urge to immediately panic. A storm deep in the Atlantic could take as long as a week to reach the United States coast after being named. Check with the National Hurricane Center, your local weather forecasters, newspapers and television to see how likely the threat really is and the timing of the storm.

Prepare...

...Your Vehicle
The stress of an evacuation isn't just felt by your family. It is also felt by your car. Make sure that your vehicle is in good operating condition, fueled up and able to drive at least a few hundred miles. Things you'll need:

• A full tank of gas
• Insurance information and maps
• Properly inflated tires with a spare tire
• Phone charger
• Functioning A/C (very important, especially when traveling with elderly or children. Also, if you have to turn off your car to save gas you'll want to cool down when you get moving again)
• Flashlight
• Money, specifically cash, to fill up your car multiple times

...Your Family & Pets
During the Rita and Katrina evacuations there were families that spent nearly a day in their cars, with an average time on the road of over 10 hours for Rita. Think about what your family and pets need to survive for at least one day in a car and possibly for multiple days on the road. This list below is just a start and may vary based on the age and special needs of the people traveling.

• Water
• Ice in a cooler if possible (it gets hot)
• Non-perishable food, snacks
• Toiletries
• Clothing
• Blankets and pillows
• Music, games, cards and anything else to distract yourself and others
• Toilet Paper — you may have to go on the road
• Sanitary gel like Purell, see above
• Medications
• Pet items such as a leash

...Your Documents
As opposed to merely driving off for a regular road trip, leaving your home during an evacuation means, God forbid, you may not have anything to return to and you may have to register with the government for help or seek medical care. These are the basic documents you will need, though you should also consider other important information.

• Drivers license and Social Security card for all those traveling
• Health insurance information
• A copy of your homeowner's/renter's policy, just in case
• Certificate of vaccination for pets, in case you have to board your pet or enter a shelter
• Photos of your house if you have time

...Your House
Assuming that you aren't suddenly caught off guard by the storm, it is important to protect your house from damage and secure items like patio furniture that could turn into missiles during a storm. The National Hurricane Center has a great guide outlining how to secure doors and windows.

Plan...

...Your Routes
Every coastal state has their own evacuation route that shows, for the area, the best way to evacuate. These are large highways built to handle large traffic loads and, typically, designed to be adjusted for hurricanes. Unfortunately, during a mass evacuation these roads can become crowded and it may be better to take a different route. Assuming you have the option you should plan multiple ways of escape.

Try to avoid smaller roads you don't know well, since construction, flooding and other hazards can slow you down. Always prioritize official hurricane routes first because these are the areas where emergency personal will set up relief stations with fuel and water. In some situations, local officials will set up contraflow lanes in order to alleviate traffic, something that won't happen on other roads. During storms, most local authorities will waive tolls on toll roads and open up all of those lanes.

Examples of state evacuation routes:

• Florida
• South Carolina
• Virginia
• North Carolina (PDF)
• Texas
• Louisiana

...Your Final Destination
With a hurricane on your doorstep your first instinct is to get away, often with little concern as to where you are actually going. If you have family nearby — but further inland in a place that is safe from storms — then that is often the best place to stay. There's no need to spend a day on the road if there is a safe location just hours away.

If you have no friends or family to stay with, consider, as early as possible, booking an affordable hotel safely inland from where you are. You may have to try for a while as hotels along the route are quickly booked. If you can't find a place to stay or can't afford a hotel, the Red Cross and other organizations will set up shelters during a major storm. Check the radio for shelter locations.

...Your Departure Criteria
One of the biggest challenges for emergency planners is the presence of "shadow evacuation" situations, when a large mass of people who do not need to evacuate suddenly do, clogging up the roads for those who really need to get out. If you live far inland in a well-built structure in an area that rarely floods, then you may not need to evacuate from the path of a weak storm.

Consider the threshold for when you stay and when you go so that you avoid panic when a storm gets closer. Meteorologists use the Saffir-Simpson scale to determine the strength of the storm. Is it safe for you to stay during a Category 1 storm? What about a Category 3 storm? Check with local authorities to see what, if any, threshold your area may already have in place.

If local authorities order a voluntary or mandatory evacuation then you need to go as quickly and as safely as possible.

React...

...Quickly To The Threat
If an evacuation is ordered or it seems likely that your threshold for evacuation is going to be reached soon, quickly gather your friends, family and safety material. Something important to look for is a hurricane watch or a hurricane warning.

A hurricane watch means hurricane-type conditions are likely within the next 24 to 36 hours. A hurricane warning means conditions are likely within 24 hours. If you are within a hurricane watch and the storm is stronger than you think you can safely handle, then that's a good indicator that you should leave.

...Carefully To Sudden Changes
Forecasters have gotten much better at predicting landfall for hurricanes and traffic planners have gotten much better at preparing roads for mass evacuations, but that doesn't mean either are perfect. Listen closely to the weather radio and news because the path of the storm might change and you could find yourself driving somewhere that's in the path of the storm.

Before Hurricane Alicia, our family fled from the south Texas coast to Houston to avoid the storm. When we arrived we found out that the storm had changed directions and was now heading towards Houston. Thankfully, the place we were staying was far enough inland to be safe.

During the Hurricane Rita evacuation we were following our planned route north when the radio announced that all toll lanes had been opened for the remainder of the evacuation. We were able to change our route and likely saved at least an hour in travel.

...Calmly When Confronted With Traffic And Communication Failures
Traffic is going to happen. There's just no getting around it unless you leave exceptionally early or the storm is minor. If you have a properly prepared car, you've considered all the routes and everyone in the vehicle can stand the trip then the best option might be to just continue forward as opposed to turning back or wildly deviating from your safe routes. Listen to the radio for guidance on how to avoid traffic or to get time estimates.

With everyone on the roads and jumping on their cell phones at once it is possible that it may be difficult to get through when the service is overwhelmed. We learned during Rita that, typically, text messages will get through when phone calls will not. If it isn't an emergency message try talking with people via messaging.

Return...

...Only When Cleared By Authorities
Once the storm has passed your instinct is going to be to race back home to see how your property fared. If your area took a direct hit it may not be safe to do so. There may be no power, no water, destroyed bridges and standing flood water waiting for you. Your authorities will tell you when it is safe to return.

...With An Eye For Debris & Water
Once you've been cleared to return home there may still be debris on the road. Be a vigilant driver and watch out for downed trees, debris and especially be wary of fallen power lines. One of the more frequent indirect storm deaths involves individuals driving over power lines and electrocuting themselves. If you see high water also be careful and turn around, don't drown.

Other Resources

This is a brief guide meant to get you thinking about what to do when hurricanes threaten your area. Your local news media and authorities will know better about your local situation and you know best as to what you can and cannot do before a storm. Rash decisions are often bad decisions. The more preparation you make the less likely you are to be in a situation where you'll make a rash decision.

Links

• FEMA Evacuation Guide
• Red Cross Evacuation Plans
• Nola.com tips from evacuees
• Disaster Planning For Elderly And Special Needs

[Photo Credit: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images, Evacuation From Hurricane Rita]

If you're interested in something a bit more modern, the system is designed to work with an upgrade to lithium iron phosphate batteries too. And if you want to pump juice into those batteries using nothing but the sun, you might want to bolt on some solar panels. Us? We'd still rather have a VW Golf Twin Drive. [GreenCarCongress]

First of all, the IRS lets you determine the amount of your deductible car expense using one of two methods: the standard mileage rate method or the actual expense method. To use the standard mileage rate there's a variety of tests you need to meet, but they're all pretty straightforward — you must own or lease the car; the car must not be used for hire, for example as a taxi; you must not operate five or more cars at the same time, as in a fleet operation; etc. To use the actual expense method, you must determine what it actually costs to operate the car for business purposes. Include gas, oil, repairs, tires, insurance, registration fees, licenses, and depreciation (or lease payments) attributable to business miles driven.

Because of the recent rate change, it's probably more relevant for us to talk about method, but the IRS suggests you should run the numbers both ways to see which offers the greater deduction. Since we'll be using the standard mileage rate method, here's the straightforward calculation to use:

# Of Miles x $0.585 = Deduction Amount

Two more things to note are that the IRS allows other car expenses for parking fees, and tolls attributable to business use as separately deductible, whether you use the standard mileage rate or actual expenses. The other notable is more like a tip — document everything. You're dealing with the government here, so make sure you supply enough paperwork to convince them that even if you're gaming the system, you're at least doing it meticulously. Photographs are essential, along with trip dates, times, distances, destinations, persons spoken with and on what business.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get on to the fun part. For purposes of this hypothetical scenario we're going to be using a 2003 Saab 9-5, mainly because we happen to have one lying around. Purchased used, this vehicle has a monthly payment of approximately $300. Add on the insurance and annual registration fees, and we're talking about $350 a month. All we'll need to do is add on the cost of gas for the month at the end to determine whether we'll be able to deduct all of our costs.

So — can we get the man to pay? Let's find out.

Example I: Visit co-workers you wouldn't ordinarily see: DEDUCTIBLE

Keeping in touch is essential, so when phone, IM, email and videoconferencing aren't enough, get in the car and go see your peers. A monthly trip to Chicago from Detroit and back to see Mr. Hardigree is worth 570 miles. That would be:

570 miles x $0.585 per mile = $333.45

Two days in and we're already two-thirds of the way to our goal — this may be easier than we thought.

Example II: Find ways to make work-related trips secondarily personal: DEDUCTIBLE

An empty car is your worst enemy, since it's much harder to claim a business-related expense when you're traveling alone. In our case, a 30-mile one-way trip to help a friend wrench on his old Buick could have been a loss. But the addition of a couple essential tools and a camera resulted in both a story for Jalopnik and the line item "photo shoot location and back." Total miles: 60. That means:

60 miles x $0.585 per mile = $35.10

Example III: A quick stop on a personal trip: NOT DEDUCTIBLE

Here's an instance where you can't score big. We like to visit a gorgeous little cold water destination known as Traverse City, MI a couple times each summer. At nearly 500 miles round trip from Detroit, the journey can get pricey these days...but even if we stop along the way to take photographs of car dealerships for a future Jalopnik feature, we can't deduct those 490 miles. Such a shame.

0 miles x $0.585 per mile = $0.00

Example IV: Buy your personal goods when you head out to buy work-related supplies: PARTIALLY DEDUCTIBLE

The key here for a full deduction is to make them all at one place. Heading to Dick's for more shotgun shells with a stopover at Staples for those pens for work? Only a partial deduction of the 10 miles from Staples to Dick's or from home to Staples — but not the 10 miles between Dick's and home. However, let's say we're working on a story on brakes. We head to the convenience store 40 miles away that carries pints of brake fluid for 30% less than the place near home to save Nick Denton a few bucks, and we also buy personal groceries? That's fully deductible. Total miles deductible: 90.

90 miles x $0.585 per mile = $52.65

The Bottom Line

If you've got your graphing calculator humming, you'll see we could have racked up 1,210 miles with 650 of those miles reimbursable, for a total of $421.20. But how much gas did we use? Well, we get an average of 25 MPG in the Saab. Divide 1,210 miles by 25 MPG and we purchased 48.4 gallons of mid-grade gas. At $4.10 a gallon average for mid-grade at the station down the block, that's a fuel cost of $198.44. Add that to the $350 and you'll see that we needed $548.44. Aww, just a little too little business driving this month to pick up the entire cost.

Still, that would have paid for the Saab's car note, insurance, and a little something leftover for a few gallons. Sort of. Remember, your deductions aren't like real cash, so you're really just able to say the money you spent was spent without federal taxes, not like it's that full amount back in your pocket. So what did we learn today? Drive more for business than you do for pleasure, and you'll still probably end up getting screwed in the end — but at least you'll get screwed less!

For more information, please check either IRS Publication 463 or check with a tax accountant. (Photo Credit: StreetsBlog.org/Flickr via Jenny Lokshin)

6. Fit A Locking Gas Cap

Instructions: Drive an older vehicle with a gas cap and fuel door that don't lock? Aftermarket replacements that do lock are available from most car part stores. Make sure you select one that's designed for your vehicle; this is crucial for safety, security and emissions. Can't find one? Rivet a hasp and padlock onto the fuel door.
Pros: Cheap, simple and effective at making lazy gas thieves think twice about choosing your vehicle for fuel pilfering.
Cons: Doesn't protect you from a thief who isn't lazy and happens to be handy with a lock pick.

5. Swap Diesel And Gas Badges

Instructions: Drive a gasoline-powered car? Swap out all the exterior clues for diesel badges, and don't forget the sticker inside the fuel door. Some vehicles may require a different colored fuel filler. Own a diesel? Do the opposite.
Pros: Cost efficient. Could permanently disable thief's vehicle, encouraging them to go straight.
Cons: Bad for forgetful people. Lending your car to friends could prove expensive. You lose all the cache the original stickers brought. Getting the goo off can be a bitch when it comes time to sell.

4. Don't Use Gas At All; Buy An Alternative Energy Vehicle
Instructions: Segway, Tesla, bicycle: pick your poison. By choosing a means of transportation that doesn't use gas, not only do you become immune to fuel theft, but rising prices too.
Pros: Not having gas that can be stolen eliminates risk of fuel theft. Hippie chicks will dig you.
Cons: Thieves may just steal your vehicle instead. May lower street cred. Hippies don't shave.

3. Remove Your Gas At Night, Store Inside
Instructions: Simply siphon or drain your fuel into jerry cans every time you park. An empty tank means thieves will have no fuel to steal. Store in a safe — and preferably — well ventilated area.
Pros: Sleep safe in the knowledge that your gas is where it's safest: underneath your mattress.
Cons: Sleep may last a very long time due to fumes. Siphoning or draining each and every night can be time intensive. Thieves attempting to drill an empty tank may encounter an explosive surprise.

2. Booby Trap Your Car
Instructions: Mad Max got a lot of things right: First and foremost is a man's right to protect what's his by any means necessary. Wire dynamite to explode should your vehicle be tampered with, but don't forget to include a secret switch to disarm the explosives. Keeping a machete strapped near the switch can provide a way out should you be forced to disarm the booby trap at gunpoint. A "This vehicle is booby-trapped" sticker may be a good idea.
Pros: Really sticks it to the thieves. Street cred.
Cons: Total vehicle loss is an expensive theft deterrent. Risk of accidental detonation is high. Possible legal and liability concerns.

1. Up-Armor Your Vehicle
Instructions: Gather large amounts of thick metal plate (3/4" should do) and liberally weld it all over your vehicle. Don't forget to cover the underside, and leave slits for vision and/or chainsaws.
Pros: In addition to protecting your gas tank, you'll be protecting yourself from IEDs. Deters tailgaters.
Cons: The extra fuel needed to haul around all the armor plate may negate any savings. Negative impact on resale value.

There you have it. We've showed you how to take someone else's gas and how to protect it once you pour it into your tank. You'll probably be okay as long as you practice the basics: Park in a well-lit area at night. Don't drive around with the fuel door open and gas cap missing. And remember that no system, however ill-conceived, can stop a determined thief.

First of all, let's talk a bit about the 2008 Saab 9-3 Turbo X. When we first saw the Darth Vader-like sedan from Trollhättan, we were impressed by it's Swedish looks, the engine under the hood and the bits n' pieces connecting the power to the road. Why wouldn't we be? We're talking about a Saab with an intercooled turbo'ed 2.8-liter V6 under the hood with an output of 280 horses mated to a six-speed manual transmission and a fourth-generation Haldex XWD system to put the 295 lb-ft of torque to good use.

But it doesn't just have all the right pieces. As we've already said — it also looks good — from the 18" black-rim wheels to the interior evoking the look and feel of the classic black Saab 900 Turbo. Even the steering wheel's purpose-built for performance.

But enough, let's move on to the test procedure which is what we were all here for anyway. GM asked the Corvette Racing support team from Pratt & Miller to break away from their Jakegasm for the day to time the laps, and behind the steering wheel of each of the vehicles they dropped the Scandinavian sensation Jan Magnussen and sent him out on the track to do some laps on both a dry and wet track. Yes, that's the same Jan Magnussen with 25 Formula 1 starts, and triple Le Mans 24 hours wins for Corvette Racing. Good guy to have behind the wheel, right?

Each of the vehicles were sent out as stock, and all of them were sent out with traction control nanny systems fully engaged. So how'd the Turbo X do? Well, it's a GM event, so how'd you think they did? Actually, surprisingly better than expected. On the dry track, the Turbo X garnered commendable middle-of-the-road status, beaten by the Subaru WRX STi and the M3 by a couple of seconds and the 3-series by only a few tenths of a second. The Turbo X surprisingly put away the A4 by almost 2.5 seconds.

But it was on the wet track that that new 4th-generation Haldex XWD system really appeared to prove its mettle — blowing away the A4 Quattro, besting the Subie and dropping behind the best M3 lap time by only one tenth of a second.

While that's great for Saab to have a product that can take on the best of the mid-size performance sedans, it's still only a limited-run vehicle. Approximately 600 of the 2,000 special edition 9-3's produced will make it across the ocean to be snatched up by Saab-ophiles, which is not enough to really make a dent in the marketplace. Still, with that understated look and those respectably tough performance numbers, it's an interesting choice for performance-minded buyers of mid-size sedans. That is if you happen to be one of the lucky few able to snatch up this spicy Swedish meatball. But we guess that's the point. Saab marketing folks hope the 9-3x will build a buzz about their cross-wheel drive system that'll be hitting the rest of the 9-3 lineup in the near-term future, and expanding to, you know, other Saab models shortly. In that, we think, they've accomplished what they'd set out to do.

We'd have liked to provide a bit more detail on our experience driving the new 2008 Saab Turbo X after the day's testing was complete. However, because the boss's left foot got a little bit heavy — and a lot bit forgetful — we didn't get more than a lap and a half. And by "we," we mean him. We'll just let his sidebar explanation over yonder explain that one to you. Suffice it to say, the Saab folks were mighty good sports, and our intrepid boss was mighty red-in-the-face at the end of the day as he remembered exactly why his road test editor was given the responsibility for track-days.

Enforcement Areas

Unlike certain laws, such as cell phone usage or seat belt infractions, speeding laws are almost universally primary. That means that you don't have to be breaking another law to get a ticket, though if you do break the law you could be looking at additional fines if you're breaking other laws.

The map above shows the volume of tickets issued by state patrols (in most cases) for speeding infractions. This is the total volume, so total population of drivers is not factored into the map. There are a few states that also did not participate in the Governor's Highway Safety Association report. California, Texas and the District of Columbia were the major ticket issuers by total number in 2003, but the District of Columbia, Wyoming and Vermont were the highest per capita issuers of tickets. Here were the top ten per capita ticket issuers:

Washington D.C.: 553,523 residents with 434,301 tickets = 78.5% of the population
Wyoming: 506,529 residents with 46,366 tickets = 9.2% of the population
Vermont: 621,394 residents with 52,269 tickets = 8.4% of the population
North Dakota: 634,366 residents with 45,510 tickets = 7.2% of the population
Mississippi: 2,902,966 residents with 197,434 tickets = 6.8% of the population
Maryland: 5,558,058 residents with 349,921 tickets = 6.3% of the population
New Mexico: 1,903,289 residents with 117,303 = 6.2% of the population
South Carolina 4,198,068 residents with 228,363 tickets = 5.4% of the population
Delaware: 830,364 residents with 44,551 tickets = 5.4% of the population
Massachusetts 6,416,505 residents with 337,103 tickets = 5.3% of the population

Highest Speeding Fines

As speeding is a state crime, it's up to the states to determine how much of a penalty can be levied for a first time offense (additional offenses can cause higher penalties, as well speeding in areas such as construction or school zones). The most expensive maximum fine is Virginia, with a first time offense of $1,500.

Here were the top ten most expensive fines in 2007:

Virginia: $1,500
Georgia: $1,000
Illinois: $1,000
Nevada: $1,000
New Hampshire: $1,000
North Carolina: $1,000
Utah: $759
Oregon: $600
Kansas: $500
Maryland: $500

While you may think these penalties are a bit steep, we'd point out that in Finland speeding tickets are proportional to income and a director at Nokia was slapped with a more than $100,000 fine for going 16 miles over the speed limit.

[Sources: The Newspaper, Governor's Highway Safety Association and Forbes]

For over a year and a half, I was in charge of the claims department at a valet company. I was in charge of handling claims in over 13 different states. If your car was damaged, stolen, or if items were taken from your car, you either spoke or yelled at me. I believe the best way to avoid any of these tenuous situations is prevention. But if the worst does happen, there are some tips included for how to deal with an incident.

1. Please be sure that you are handing the keys to the valet.

Please don't give us the chauffer/FOB keys, or else it will be hard to start the car later. Most valets uniforms are as follows: khaki shorts or pants, a polo t-shirt with the company logo, and finally white sneakers. Valets are required to wear uniforms of this sort and if you are doubtful, look for other valets dressed in the same or similar uniforms to confirm the person you are speaking to is a genuine valet.

2. Visually inpsect your vehicle before handing the keys to the valet.

Those 30 seconds you spend inspecting your vehicle may save you the headache of noticing a scratch that had previously been there.

3. Remove any portable electronics of value from the car.

Ipods, GPS recievers, and radar detectors are popular targets, take the item with you. Expensive sunglasses are also a prime target of theft. No one cares about your change. You can lock the items in your glovebox but if the valet has the keys or left the vehicle unlocked, it's pointless to leave the items in there. Thieves primarily go after small expensive items that can be stored in their pockets.

4. If you must leave expensive items in your trunk(i.e. laptop or Christmas presents), COVER THEM UP!

Theft from cars is a crime of opportunity, if they don't see or notice it, they won't steal it.

5. Never mention any expensive items in your car (i.e. I just got a new GPS for my car) because you're practically begging to having your items stolen.

6. If your car has weird quirks, (i.e. door has to be opened a certain way or the window can't be rolled down) please tell the valet ahead of time, it'll save you a headache.

At the end of the night, please be sure to visually inspect the car and check your vehicle for valuable items before leaving the property. If you fail to notice damage to your vehicle until you get home or the next day, the valet company will simply say all claims must be made before leaving property, you will be S.O.L.

The reason is because it's difficult to pin the damage on the valet company when the damage could have been caused by another party after leaving the property. Always keep all the tickets given to you by the valet company just in case there is an issue.

So you notice there is damage to your vehicle or there are missing items from your vehicle.

1. Ask to speak to the valet manager.

The manager will fill out an incident report and forward it to the claims department, you should get a copy for your records, and you should be contacted within 1-2 business days. In case of a stolen vehicle, contact the authorities and more than likely, your insurance company will be dealing directly with the valet company.

2. If your keys are lost, usually the valet company offers the claimant a ride or pays for a taxi.

If you live far away, it may be cheaper to rent a vehicle than take a taxi. I know it sounds FUBAR but trust me, valet companies are cheapskates.

3. If the vehicle cannot be driven, under most circumstances, you will have to rent a vehicle with your own money until the valet company can send you a check.

Most valet companies adhere to the same standards as insurance companies, so the highest amount for a rental is usually $40.00. If you rent something uber expensive, you're going to have to eat the difference yourself.

4. Never let a valet company try to strongarm you into going to an autobody repair facility they suggest.

The law dictates that you have the choice to go to any facility of your choice. More than likely, you will be asked to get 2-3 estimates (go to facilities you trust) and fax it to the valet company. If the estimate exceeds a certain amount, an independent appraiser will be sent(at the expense of the valet company) out to verify the damage to the vehicle. If the damage exceeds the value of the car (80%), the car will be written off as a total loss and you'll be paid the market value of your vehicle.

5. Do not drop off your vehicle for repairs until you have the check in hand.

The reason I say so is if the valet company only pays for the five days it takes to repair your vehicle, that's all they'll pay. So if you jump the gun on dropping off your car and you don't get the check until five days later, you have to pay the five extra days yourself.

6. In the case you have items stolen from your vehicle, it's almost next to impossible to get reimbursed for them.

My best advice is most valet companies are subcontractors at the facility you're at. So for example, if you stay at a hotel, bring the claim to the attention of the hotel and not the valet company, the hotel is the real customer here and they will put pressure on the valet company to reimburse you. If the valet company tries to tell you their policy is written on the ticket, just ignore it. The policy written on the ticket will not hold up in court so you can tell them to back off. If you have home owners insurance, your vehicle is covered for theft as long as you have the reciepts for the items in your car.

On a final note, most valets are just college kids trying to make ends meet. The wages for valets are tip-based so if you're dealing with a kind and courteous valet, please give them a tip as a token of your appreciation (my suggestion is $5.00). If you drive an exotic, $20.00 makes sure the car is parked up front and there will be no hooning in it since usually the manager will park it him/herself.

Hygroscopic Action!

As do brake pads and rotors, brake fluid wears out. A more accurate description is that the fluid becomes contaminated with moisture by nature of being hygroscopic, which by definition means it has a tendency to absorb moisture from the atmosphere. Water in brake fluid bad news on two levels. Brake fluid is made to resist turning from a liquid into a gas - or boiling. Water turns from liquid to gas at 212 degrees. If the brake fluid absorbs too much water, its boiling will drop. When the brakes get hot the brake fluid will boil, and turn from liquid to gas. Not a good deal at all. Boiling of the trapped moisture also creates the vapors within the brake system, and may be where the air in the lines came from in the first place. Classic symptoms of air in the lines is a spongy brake pedal feel. Another problem with contaminated brake fluid is corrosion. Water in the brake fluid makes it corrosive to every part of the brake system. Regular flushing of brake fluid by way of bleeding can keep corrosion and brake failure away.

Dotted Lines

When it comes to bleeding brakes and replacing brake fluid try to use new brake fluid with the same DOT rating as the stuff that's already in there. DOT is an acronym for the Department of Transportation. Brake fluid is classified as DOT3, 4, 5 and so on. What the DOT ratings specify is the minimum boiling point of the brake fluid. Be wary of using some DOT 5 silicon-based brake fluids. These fluids get around the problem of water absorption by being not at all hygroscopic. While this solves one problem it creates another. Any water in the brake system settles at the lowest point, such as the bottom of a brake caliper piston. An extremely important thing to remember about brake fluid is that is will destroy painted finishes. When working with brake fluid always keep plenty of cool, clean water nearby. Immediately flush any spills. Always dispose of used brake fluid properly. Over the years we've tried plenty of different ways to bleed brakes, but always come back to this simple hose and catch container riff. We're counting on you to share your favorite brake bleeding methods or stories in the comments.

Stuff You'll Need:

· Service Manual
· About Two Hours
· Penetrating Oil or Similar Potion
· Brake Fluid
· Vinyl Tubing
· Bleed-o-Matic or Similar Catch Container
· Line or Box-End Wrench, Hand Tools
· Plenty of Cool, Clean, Water for Spills
· Siphon or Turkey Baster
· Jack and Jack Stands
· Catch Tray
· Helper [Optional]

Locate the bleed screws and spray some penetrating oil or similar miracle rust busting potion onto the threads. These small screws are notoriously easy to shear off. Miracle fluid will help them on their way. A light tap with a small hammer can also help break the threads loose. Go easy there, Thor.

Siphon off as much of the old crappy fluid as possible. Brake fluid should be clear, not dark brown as shown here. Top off reservoir with new clean fluid to the full level. Don't let the master cylinder run dry while bleeding. Try to use fluid from a fresh bottle. Brake fluid is hygroscopic even sitting on a shelf in a container. If using the turkey baster, don't use it to baste turkeys or roasts again. Remember: brake fluid will destroy paint.

Start with the caliper or wheel cylinder furthest away from the master cylinder. First mount a wrench on the screw in question, and then slip a bit of tubing over the end. Use a line wrench or the box end to prevent stripping. The other end of the tubing goes into a catch container. We like to use cheap clear vinyl tubing from the hardware store, and one of these bleed-o-matic deals with the magnet on it.

Crack the bleeder screw just enough to let fluid and ideally trapped air to escape. The trick is not to turn it so far that the screw lets air back in. Gravity may take effect here. Be prepared for brake fluid.

Go back into the car and slowly push down on the brake pedal once or twice. If you have an assistant, then have them push down on the pedal. Now is also a good time to replace any worn pedal covers. Close the bleed screw. The bleed screws are just as east to shear off while tightening as loosening. Check the catch container, and add more brake fluid to the reservoir if required.

Pump the brake pedal a few times. Open the bleed screw again. Repeat the opening of the screw and pushing down of the brake pedal until the brake fluid runs clear and bubble free into the catch container. Cinch up the bleed screw, and move on to the next nearest bleeder screw. Keep going until the fluid runs clear and free of bubbles from all four.

ABS equipped systems may require an additional step. This is where the service manual for your own fine automobile comes in handy. This giant firewall mounted slug of aluminum und schteel is the rear ABS brake actuator on a 1987 Starion. YMMV.

Another plan is to pick up one of these power bleeder deals, or make one from a plant sprayer and associated hardware. The idea is to pressurize the entire system at once, then bleed without the whole climbing in and out of the car and pushing the pedal deal. – Mike Bumbeck

Related:
And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Parts [Internal]

Squeeze Play

An engine makes power by taking in a mixture of air and fuel, pushing the mixture into a confined space, and lighting it aflame. The energy from this explosion pushes the cylinder back down into the hole. Internal combustion! The valves and seals, pistons and rings, and cylinder wall surface all work together to create a tight seal. If any or all of these parts that confine the explosion inside the cylinder get beat up or wear out, engine performance suffers. The reason the old Plymouth was going nowhere despite a carburetor rebuild, tune-up, and so on, was that number two, number seven, and half of number five cylinders had almost no compression. The rest of the cylinders were not in much better shape. Confinement had been lost.

Divining Rod

In a perfect world, the parts inside an engine slowly wear out in unison. In every other world, this rarely happens. If an engine burns voluminous amounts of oil, is down on power, or is just plain running like crap, a compression test is a good way to check what's going on inside the engine without taking it apart. The thing to hope for from a compression test is even numbers. Good news if the cylinders check out within 10 or so PSI of each other, and those numbers sync up with the factory pressure specs. Bad news if one or more of the cylinders show a difference of 15 or more PSI. The service manual will supply guidance on drawing conclusions from test results, and will also list compression service limits. A leakdown tester, which fills the cylinder with compressed air, with can peer deeper into engine problems if the compression test reveals problems.

Little Squirt

If one cylinder shows a low reading, remove the compression tester and squirt some engine oil inside the spark plug hole. Test again. If the second test reveals a higher reading, then worn piston rings or cylinder walls may be the culprits. If the reading stays the same then suspect worn valves or other top end issues. If the gauge shows a very low or zero on any one or more of the cylinders then you too may be the proud owner of a V-5 and-a-half. The 4K-C in this Starlet is a four-stroke gasoline peanut grinder engine. Rotary, two-stroke, diesel, and perpetual motion engines call for a different riff. In any case an engine with low sealing compression in one or more cylinders will never run right - no matter how many new parts are connected to it. The compression test is a good baseline diagnostic and long-term financing tool. Where to spend money will soon be obvious!

Stuff You'll Need:

· About an Hour
· Service Manual
· A Healthy Battery
· Spark Plug Socket and Extension
· Hand Tools
· Compression Gauge Set
· Helper [Optional]

Prep for the compression test by making sure the battery is up to snuff, and warming up the engine. Warm parts make for a better seal and more accurate reading. Look in the service manual and see how to disable the ignition, and fuel system if required. In this case we just yanked the coil wire and the ingnitor connector from the distributor.

Remove all the spark plugs. Removing the spark plugs will let the engine turn over with ease. Don't mix up the wires. Like a slant six the Toyota 4K-C has spark plug tubes that like to come out with the plugs. Determine which tester adapter will work for your engine.

Some kits come with threaded adapters. If you're going solo then use the threaded bits. If you have a helper, then use the rubber-tipped extension deals. Either way the idea is to create the same seal as a spark plug while the engine is turning over. Don't over torque the adapters.

Mount the gauge to the adapter. Crank engine over a few times until the needle on the gauge stops climbing. Holding or propping the throttle plate open can speed up air intake. Record final reading on a scrap of paper or with a Sharpie on hand.

Hit the button on the gauge to release the pressure. Repeat compression test for each cylinder. Try not to knock your head on the hood when Beavis lays on the horn when you tell him to turn over the engine on number three. Record and compare final readings to factory specs. – Mike Bumbeck

Related:
Oil and Filter Change; And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Parts [Internal]

There's no need for me to describe why it was necessary to build a boombox out of plywood and car parts. It's obvious that we all need such a thing. Now, if you're not interested in the nitty-gritty and merely want to see the finished result — here is the post for you. However, if you've got the moxie to see how the Turbo II Junkyard Boogaloo Boombox came to be, all your questions can be answered below the jump ...

In the beginning, there was the Tercel. When your friend's beater '86 Tercel wagon throws a rod and it's not worth fixing, what do you do? Why, you run over and pluck some parts off it before she lets the junkyard truck take it away!

In this case, I grabbed the alternator, jack, speakers, and a few other bits. Most importantly, I got the battery- it was new-ish and in good shape, and you can always use an extra car battery around the house. But then I thought of the boxes full of weird car parts I had sitting around, including a decent cassette deck, when it hit me...

Back in the early 80s, you used to see break dancers with crude boomboxes made from a car battery, car stereo, and a bunch of speakers, all bungeed and duct-taped up to a dolly. The concept was sound, but the execution a little crude. What if you were to build that sort of boombox the right way, using not only a car battery but all car parts? Well, you'd really have something then!

I'd already scratch-built several dash panels for hot-rod beater cars, generally using street-sign aluminum and junkyard gauges and switches, so this concept wasn't totally without precedent for me. Above is a dash I put together for a '65 Impala, complete with '66 Buick speedometer, Opel clock, and Fiat warning lights.

What I learned building dash panels was that you don't have to have world-class fabrication skills (or tools) to have fun building something out of junkyard parts. In fact, it's not about the skills, it's about the idea- have a good idea and you'll find some way to make your meager skills and cheap tools do the job.

That means a trip to the junkyard! Hooray! I had a pair of fuzztastic 4" round dash speakers from the Tercel, but I needed some bigger units to provide the bass for those Erik B & Rakim beats I'd be playing. This '93 Mercury Grand Marquis looked promising.

Sure enough, the Mercury was packing some nice factory JBL-made 6x9s on the back deck. Good thing it's Half Price Day!

I was also going to need a fusebox- it wouldn't do to have my new boombox catch on fire due to a short in the wiring- so this Mitsubishi Galant was my next junkyard stop.

In most cars, the underdash fusebox is a big hassle to remove, so I went for the one under the hood; later on I would just slice off the part with the relays, leaving me with a nice, small fusebox that would fit easily in the boombox-to-be.

I'd also need some lighter assemblies, since I'd want to be able to power the many accessories made to plug into car lighters (and the plan was to use the lighter sockets for battery charging as well). Some quick prybar work on the dash of this Volvo, and I've got one. I'll grab a few more from whatever cars I spot that look like they have easily-torn-out lighter assemblies.

A boombox must have an antenna, but since I'd already planned to name this one the Turbo II (Turbo I being the prototype bungees-and-dolly box I'd seen on Telegraph Avenue circa 1981) I realized I'd need to have two antennas. Power antennas. So I went hunting for 80s BMWs, which packed power antennas and- supposedly- reliable German engineering. Like this one, for example...

Well, that's easy enough! Just a few bolts and the antenna is mine. Halfway done! Oh, wait...

Fortunately, I had brought along a toolbox-sized 12-volt battery pack (originally intended for use in powering camcorder spotlights) so I could test any potential Turbo II power antennas. And it's a good thing I did, because the vast majority of power antennas in the junkyard are bad. Some of them do nothing when you hit them with the juice, some groan miserably and then stall, and others just go click-click-click. Above is a shot of one such test being performed.

The good news is that the yard was packed with Volvos, BMWs, Saabs, and Mercedeses with power antennas (most of the Japanese power antennas are grabbed minutes after hitting the yard, and I'm pretty sure I don't need to explain why I didn't consider American power antennas). After testing over thirty lemons I had found precisely one winner. Finally, I came upon one of the last Beemers in the yard...

Success! This antenna works great; it shall be mine!

I was also going to need some classy ashtrays- you know, a real boombox needs ashtrays- so I hit this '77 Jag. Foolishly, I also pulled a couple of the marker lights and some switches off the old cat; yeah, I should know better, but I thought it would be funny to have some Lucas Electric stuff on the boombox. This decision would definitely come back to haunt me during the construction phase.

Then a quick stop at this Datsun Z for some marker lights; just remove a couple of screws per light and they come right off.

Lead-acid batteries emit hydrogen under some circumstances, and it would be kind of a drawback to have Turbo II go up in an apocaylptic blast of blazing plywood and shards of hot metal. Must be safe- must provide vents to let that flammable gas escape. Well, what's safer than a Volvo? 200-series Volvo wagons have these nice rectangular flow-through vents, so I grabbed several. The Swedish Safety Aura clinging to these components will doubtless increase safety beyond mere ventilation!

All right, time to get started on the precision Turbo II case. Since anything with a car battery is going to be on the heavy side to begin with, there's no need to fool with weight-saving measures; forget skimpy thin plastics or easily dented metal. 5/8" plywood is the obvious choice! If you look real closely at the back deck area of the Crown Vic in the background, you can see Wanky The Safety Cat observing the proceedings.

Meanwhile, some of the components and tools get laid out on the dining-room table- I mean, workbench. Damn you, insane Bay Area housing prices and my inability to afford a place with a shop space of some sort!

Meanwhile, in the shop- I mean, back yard- the panel cutting begins. Six pieces of plywood for the six sides of the boombox.

The bottom, back, and side panels get screwed together early on, since this section will form the base structure upon which the top and front panels (which will contain most of the active components) will be supported. I thought of using glue as well as screws, but decided against it, just in case total disassembly is ever needed.

Measure once, cut twice! Or something like that. Good thing plywood's cheap!

First car bits to be installed are the power antennas, since their bulk and finicky nature mean everything else will need to be built/installed around them. Here's the right-side antenna held in place with L-brackets and some steel wire.

The left-side antenna needs to be held out about 3/4" from the back of the case, so that the two antennas can cross over each other when extending for that "rabbit-ears" look so crucial to a good boombox. Here's a spacer to accomplish that task.

And here's the left-hand antenna in place. Plumber's tape is the boombox-maker's friend!

Because the antennas have different extended lengths, it was necessary to space them in such a way that they'd form a nice even "V" when fully extended. The left-side antenna sits down quite a bit lower than the right-side one; already this arrangement is causing design headaches- will the battery still fit?

Label the antenna electrical connections now to avoid confusion later (this applies to all connectors in Turbo II). Power antennas have pretty simple wiring (unless they're Toyota antennas, in which case they have ungodly complicated microprocessor-controlled setups); you have a ground wire, one wire that is powered up when the ignition goes on, and one wire that goes hot when the radio is turned on. If the ignition and radio wire are both hot, the antenna extends; if only the ignition wire is hot, the antenna retracts.

Next, it's time to cut the hole for the fusebox; it needs to be on the back panel, where the fuses can be accessed. I thought of rigging some sort of access door, but then figured a simple opening would be fine.

And here it is, ready for later fusebox installation.

The front panel is going to need a lot of holes cut. I laid out some of the items I planned to use in the boombox, so I could figure out what pieces I'd be using and where to put them.

After much measuring and trial-and-error, the front panel is marked up and ready for cutting. Lots of strange shapes and sizes here!

But before cutting, it's a good idea to make sure the stuff most likely to be defective (i.e., any component with moving parts) isn't malfunctioning. Here's the cassette deck hooked up to power and speakers. Ready for action! This deck was a brand-new Audiovox GM factory-replacement unit I picked up cheap on eBay, thinking it would fit a Geo Metro I had at the time; unfortunately, the deck was intended for use in the Chevy Beretta and the Metro was actually a Suzuki, so the deck languished in one of my many Boxes Of Orphaned Car Parts for years.

Some of the items are circular (e.g., round speakers, voltmeter, etc) but of course they're oddball metric sizes and/or never meant to be installed in 5/8" plywood, so nice precision circular hole saws won't do the trick here. Go, plywood-shredding Universal Hole Saw! Gggrrrnnnchh!

Time to show a mugshot of my precision boombox-case-making tools! Yeah, I cheated and used a table saw earlier, but most of the work on this thing was done using the four tools you see above.

Here the clock and voltmeter holes (both standard 2-1/16" gauge size) are cut, plus the oddball center-and-screws hole for the 60s Toyota Corona marker light I had once used as a big obvious oil pressure light in some souped-up bomb or other. Nice to use up those random car parts taking up space!

The cassette deck fits in its hole, which required all sorts of reshaping and notching for the various bolts and flanges needed to mount it in the dash of a '95 Beretta. At this point I am starting to kinda regret having selected 5/8" plywood, as no car components are designed to mount in any surface that thick.

Time to take a break from the front panel for a bit. The Volvo 245 flow-through vent fits nicely over an easy-to-cut rectangular hole on the left side panel. I'll be using one vent each on the sides of the boombox, plus another on the top.

Since car batteries tend to leak sulfuric acid when sloshed enough, it seemed wise to put some sort of anti-acid tray beneath the Turbo II power supply. Here's the bottom section of an old marine battery box, cut down to fit beneath the power antennas. If the boombox gets upside down it might still leak, but otherwise it should exude minimal H2S04 onto the shoulder of its operator.

Some means of holding the battery in place would be needed, so I drilled a couple holes in the back panel and slid a pair of 9" carriage bolts through and around the battery.

Then feed the bolts through a steel strap with a couple holes and the battery is held firmly against the back panel. I'll take the battery out for now, so I won't have to wrestle it around for the rest of the build.

Since the hold-down strap won't do a good job at preventing vertical battery movement (and you just know the incredible groovosity of this thing is going to cause a lot of vertical movement), a section of 2x2 is screwed in place at the level of the top of the battery. This will hold the battery down.

This thing is going to be heavy, so it's necessary to have some sort of bracing from the handle on the top to the bottom panel that supports the battery. So, cut some 2x4s and apply wood glue...

...then some lag bolts on the bottom to get those 2x4s well-secured...

...and there they are! The handle will attach to the tops of these 2x4s, through the top panel.

Since there are now four nasty table-gouging bolt heads sticking out the bottom, the boombox will need some adjustable furniture feet on the bottom panel. Drill a hole, tap in the plastic insert with a hammer, and thread in the foot.

Time to finish cutting the front panel holes. Here's a set of cardboard templates I made for some of the rectangular items; these will get a lot more use when it comes time to build the top panel. I'm already learning what a hassle it is to mount dashboard components in plywood when they were meant to go in thin metal or plastic panels.

The front panel holes have been cut! Now it's time to start installing car parts into it...

First to be installed, the rear marker lights from the '77 Jaguar. However, because we're dealing with Lucas Electric components (see the dreaded mark of the Prince of Darkness himself on the reflector plate), both lights reveal themselves to be total failures on testing. The diagnosis: incredible amounts of corrosion on anything resembling an electrical contact.

Several hours of filing, sanding, soldering, and general total rebuilding later, the Jag lights are working fine and ready for installation. Yeah, my ironic gesture of including British parts in this thing is turning out to be a full-scale pain in the ass. But hey, they look great- just like a Jaguar! I also need to fix the Jaguar switch I'll be using to power the clock circuit, as I cut the odd-sized hole before the switch fell apart in my hands. God save the Queen!

The Mercury Marquis speakers fit just fine in their oval holes. Four screws apiece and they're fixed in place.

These Low Fuel warning lights came from early-70s Peugeots; you used to see these cars frequently in the junkyards 15 years ago, and I always pried these cool little lights out of the dash when I spotted them during a junkyard expedition back then. I figured I'd use them for a project some day; now that day has come! Some of these lights needed new bulbs and, being French, their bulb-replacement operation was a real hassle, requiring bending back of some finicky little finger-puncturing metal tabs. The lesson learned here: British stuff doesn't work at all, French stuff punishes you for trying to use it. Anyway, the cardboard template for this light's mounting hole came in handy when it came time to cut six identical holes in the plywood.

Here's one component that may not be a car part; I picked up this indicator light at the legendary (and, sadly, now defunct) Quinn's Electronics in Oakland. Quinn's is where Wozniak bought many of the parts for the Apple I prototype; a decade earlier, the sound equipment used by the Grateful Dead was built using many Quinn's-obtained components. I figured I needed at least one Quinn's piece in the Turbo II. Since this light required a 1/4" or thinner mounting surface, I had to counter-sink the hole so I could get the mounting nut to bite.

When you're running a boombox from a car battery, you want to know how much juice you have left. No sweat- you can find nice universal-mount VDO voltmeters in lots of different easy-to-find-in-junkyard VWs, Porsches, and Audis from the 70s and 80s. Here's one I snagged from a junked Audi 100.

Once again, 5/8" plywood makes mounting components a challenge. Here, I must use tinsnips to shorten the legs of the mounting bracket for the voltmeter in order to make it fit. The Volvo clock will get an aircraft-grade hoseclamp-and-epoxy treatment. We'll skip the details of all the gizmos on the front panel and just hit the high points from this point on.

As the components go in, they get wired. Part of the plan for this project was to use wire that I already had on hand, so there will be no standardizing of colors. What, you think I'm made of money and am going to spring for all new wire? That's crazy talk! As long as I label everything and use sufficient wire gauge size for the power needs of each component, all will be well. Here I'm labeling the main ground wire for the front panel.

I'll be using turn-signal flashers (four of them) to make the various flashing lights do their thing. Better test everything first! Good thing I had some extra flashers (grabbed from 70s Chrysler vehicles in the junkyard, as the flashers are easy to find and remove), because a couple of them were bad. A turn-signal flasher wants a specific load in order to flash at the right rate (or flash at all), so a lot of trial-and-error was necessary here to work out which lights would be on which flasher circuit.

Here's a view of the back side of the front panel. Most of the components are installed and now it's a matter of hooking up wires, testing stuff, etc.

The table's looking pretty messy already, with little bits of wire insulation everywhere. I don't want the car battery in the house, so I'm testing components using the same camcorder-light battery pack I used for testing power antennas in the junkyard.

Switches... wires... tools... they just build up. Damn, a proper shop would be nice!

Here are the three flashers I'll be using on the front panel's lights (the fourth flasher will work the lights on the top panel and will be installed there). They'll be zip-tied in place.

The three main sections of the boombox (top panel, front panel, and base section) will connect to each other using connectors hacked out of junked cars; that way I can disconnect them and remove a panel if I need to work on it separately. The connector set above is from the power window control wires in a late-80s Crown Victoria; I also grabbed connectors from under the dashes of several Japanese cars. If the wire gauge on a connector set was too skinny, I'd solder up two or three leads in parallel to get the equivalent of 10- 12- or 14-gauge wire.

Every real boombox needs to be able to play 8-tracks! This fine Radio Shack player was $11.95 (with shipping) on eBay and worked perfectly. Here it is mounted and wired.

So now the wiring on the front panel is more or less done. Let's take a look at some of the details...

For you lovers of factory speakers, here's what the JBL-built Ford 6x9s look like from the rear.

The bundles of wires are ziptied to keep them orderly. The wiring harness is already more complicated than the dash harnesses in many cars. For this reason it's important to test everything over and over- it's hard to fix a wiring problem once it's buried in tape and zipties. You can also see one of the 4" Dai-Ichi speakers out of the '86 Tercel that supplied the battery.

Now it's time to get rolling on the top panel. Once I've selected which car switches to use, I need to mark the outlines for the holes that will mount them. Here's where the cardboard templates come in very handy.

It's a little hard to make out the pencil marks, but here's the top panel ready to be cut. This panel will hold all the switches, the handle, some lights, and the ashtrays and lighters.

Once again, the jigsaw bites into plywood.

Since everything associated with the Jaguar parts must be a hassle, so it is with the pair of Jaguar ashtrays. Because of the way the ashtray lids hinge back, a vertical cut on the top edge of each mounting hole will cause interference when the lid is opened. Therefore I must use a Dremel to angle the openings enough to provide lid clearance. This requires many trial-and-error test fits, but eventually the ashtrays work fine in their holes.

Here is the top panel with some of the holes cut. The two ashtray holes and three lighter holes are on the right.

I'll be using a slick '84 Toyota Cressida Electronic Controlled Transmission switch to operate the power antennas and FM modulator. Unfortunately, the switch has weird bladelike bits that mean I need to cut a hole with notches.

What a hassle! But, after lots of test-fit-and-cut-some-more action, the switch fits fine.

All right, the top panel holes are all cut! Now it's time to start installing stuff in it.

But wait! I realized- with great groaning and slapping of own forehead, that any boombox worth its salt needs a cup holder! So back to the junkyard to grab a slide-out cup holder from a '90 Toyota Tercel. This style of cup holder just needs a long, narrow opening for mounting. The only place such an opening would fit would be on the front panel, right above the 8-track player. So, I remove the 8-track and the right-side Jaguar light and mark the outline of the new hole.

I put some masking tape over the existing components (don't want them clogged with sawdust) and started cutting.

And there it is! I had to grind off some mounting lugs to make it fit in the slot, but that was a quick job with the Dremel.

The cup holder was supposed to mount in the Tercel's dash using some screws, but that wouldn't work in the plywood face of Turbo II. JB Weld was called for here- just mix some up and run a bead around the edge of the cup holder case.

While I'm working on the front panel, it's a good time to install the very crucial Turbo logo. Some of you might recognize it as the emblem from an 80s Chrysler product. Mix up yet more JB Weld and slather it on...

And there ya go: Turbo II, baby!

The front panel is done! Its connectors will hook up to the top panel and base section once they're ready. Now, let's return to the top panel.

This '79 Toyota Corona air-conditioning switch will be used as the "ignition" switch, activating the stereos and some other components. It mounts using a little threaded flange...

...like this. One big hole, one small one, and a screw. The rest of the switches pretty much just snapped into their holes, with more or less persuasion and cursing.

The Jaguar ashtrays were originally held in place with these brackets. Of course, they were meant to mount in some flimsy sheet metal, so I had to shorten them. The lower bracket in the photo is the modified one.

And the new ashtray brackets work fine. Guess I'll have to start smoking now!

Since I'll want to be able to play external sources of music (e.g., CD player, MP3 player, etc.), I'll need an FM modulator. This unit wires directly inline to the antenna cable feed into the radio, so outside RF interference isn't a problem. A little plumber's tape and it's mounted proper-like.

Here's the modulator installed, with power wiring and audio cables.

The modulator's audio cables go to a pair of male/male RCA connectors that pass through to the upper side of the top panel. The external music source will connect from the other side.

Fiats and Alfas of the early 70s had these neat metal warning lights; back when those cars were common in the junkyards I grabbed all I could find (you may recall seeing them in my Impala dash earlier). Those Italians sure have a sense of style!

Here we see five Italian warning lights installed and wired in the top panel.

The control switches get wired. The smell of solder never leaves me at this point.

The flasher for the top lights is ziptied to the Datsun marker light.

The loose wires are stapled down.

Since Turbo II is going to be portable (in theory), it will need a good sturdy handle on top. So let's go back, back, back in time... back to 1995, when I drove the ol' beater '65 on a move from San Francisco to Atlanta with all my possessions on board. Since I was going Joad-style- that is, with stuff tied on the outside of the car- I rigged up a bracket out of plumbing parts and mounted it on the trunk lid, providing a secure place to lock my bike. Over a decade later, I still have this bracket (nicely weathered), and now it will serve a new purpose.

The outer holes on the handle brackets will be used for lag bolts that will go to the 2x4s installed earlier; the inner holes get bolted to the top panel, using fender washers on the back side.

The top panel is finished! Here's the outer side. Note the odd-shaped hole for the power antennas.

And here's the inner side. Lots of connectors, and I'm running the negative battery cable into this panel, since all the switches plus the high-load lighters (through which the battery will be charged later) are on this panel. The positive battery cable will run to the fusebox, so that will stay on the base section. I'll set the panels aside and get back to work on the base section now.

Since Turbo II will need to be able to power 120VAC household appliances via a DC-AC inverter, it will need an outlet. So, we slice off a computer power cable and hook up the wires to the connectors on an outlet.

Add the correct hardware and it's ready to go.

Using zipties, the inverter (a type originally designed to plug into a car lighter socket but now hardwired) is attached to the rear panel with some eyes and zipties.

The outlet box gets screwed into the right panel portion of the base section. I'll be using a nice brass outlet plate, for added class.

The inverter will be activated using the Peugeot rear-window defrost switch on the top panel. To make sure it works, I've hooked up the test battery and plugged in a clamp-on light with 75-watt bulb. Success!

I found this Piranha car alarm in a beater Ranchero I picked up sometime in the 80s, and it's knocked around in a Box Of Orphan Car Parts ever since. Today, it goes back into action- not in a car, to annoy bystanders by going off every time a bus rumbles by, but in the Turbo II Boombox under full manual control.

Slice off another piece of plumber's tape, hook up some wires, and the Turbo II is now fully alarmed. I'll hook it up to the Oil Reset switch on the top panel. It's freakin' loud!

I need to make sure none of the components or wiring interferes with anything else once the top and front panels get connected to the base section. Here's the top panel test-fitted.

The Volvo vents on the side panels now get screwed into place. Ja, safety!

The 2x4 supports need to be drilled for the lag bolts that will go down through the handle bases and top panel.

Now all the matching halves of the connectors already on the top and front panels need to be wired into the appropriate locations in the base section. More wire stripping! More soldering! More taping! All the connector wires were labeled as I wired the panels, so it's just a matter of paying attention to the labels as I work.

I've tried to keep the mess under control as I've gone along, but there's not much hope of that until this monster is finished.

Here's the Mitsubishi fusebox in place and some of the wiring hooked up.

I've designated each circuit and labeled the appropriate fuses. Unused fuses have been removed. For added safety against dead shorts, I've installed inline fuses on both battery cables near the terminals- a real hassle to replace if I blow one, but a boombox that explodes into flames tends to frighten the breakdancers.

All right, the base section is ready to receive the battery for real!

The battery wedges in beneath the 2x2 block on the back panel, and then the clamp nuts are tightened. That battery is staying put!

Here's the top view of the base section with battery in place. Everything fits fine so far.

I'll install the front panel with a few screws, in case I need to remove it for some last-second adjustments before attaching the top panel. The connectors from the front panel to base section are hooked up now, but the battery cables are left detached at this point.

The antenna cable out of that old BMW 5-series was very long and very difficult to remove (antenna was mounted at the rear of the car and the cable was routed and held in place by some very, very thorough German engineers. I thought of shortening it, but RF cables can be very finicky and this one seemed especially oddball, so I just rolled it up and ziptied the loop. Here it's being lowered into the boombox's innards.

Hook up the antenna cable to the left-hand antenna and it's all ready to funnel signals from the ether into the radio.

Now the top panel is ready for installation. First, all the connectors must be snapped together. Counting modulator antenna wires and the negative battery cable, there are ten connectors in all. Yes, that's a Don "The Snake" Prudhomme Funny Car connecting rod on the fireplace in the background, thanks for asking!

Deck screws. Many, many deck screws hold the front panel to the base section. I believe in overkill.

The lag bolts go down through the handle bases and the top panel, into the 2x4s below.

More deck screws around the perimeter of the top panel. Yes, in order to service the Turbo II's innards, I'll need to remove all the screws. Building an access panel would have meant less strength and/or fewer gizmos.

Finished. Hallelujah!

Turbo II may be finished, but it's not going to be very useful until there's some way to charge it (remember, the battery is sealed inside the thing now). So, some PVC plumbing fittings, a lighter plug, some brass bolts, JB Weld, and colored electrical tape. Voila!

Just activate the lighter switch (the Mercedes Hazard button), plug the charging adapter into one of the lighter sockets, and hook up the clamps from the battery charger onto the appropriate bolts.

Works great! Tomorrow the Turbo II will make its public debut.

Just pick it up by the handle and toss it in the back seat of the Crown Victoria! Ooh, that sloshing battery acid is a little disconcerting. How much does it weigh, you ask? Well, uh, let's just say one motivated person can manage it.

All right, fine- the Turbo II, Junkyard Boogaloo Boombox weighs 92 pounds. But so what? It's tailgate party time! For its debut, I've brought it to a tailgate party at an Oakland A's game, where some folks from Athletics Nation will be showing up to eat burned meat and bask in general boomboxy goodness.

As expected, everyone wants to listen to 8-track; music just sounds groovier on 8-track. I've brought a grand total of four 8-track tapes: The Shocking Blue, Montrose, Mandrill, and The Brothers Johnson.

Not only does the Turbo II play great music, provide a cup holder for your beer, and zap out household 120VAC power for your margarita blender, it serves as a lovely centerpiece for any food presentation. I'm sure Martha Stewart will be calling me up with advice about building her own boombox, any day now.

The only real drawback to the Toyota cup holder is that you can't use the 8-track player while it's in use...

...but no matter! We'll just turn on the modulator (by pushing the Econ button on the Cressida transmission switch; this also causes the antennas to retract), hook up the ol' MP3 player to a dual-RCA-connector cable, plug it into the connectors on the top panel,tune the radio to 87.9 MHz, and we got tunage! Not as much fun as the 8-track player, but we get a larger music selection.

The tailgate party is a success, and we can thank the Turbo II, Junkyard Boogaloo (well, plus the spicy meat-on-a-stick entrees) for that! You say you want one for yourself? Of course you do! Well, head on down to your local junkyard and start gathering parts... – Murilee Martin

Related:
Turbo II, Junkyard Boogaloo - Part 1: Features; If You Can't Buy It, Build It: Wanky The Safety Cat [internal]

Feast your eyes on the result of weeks of work using the various remains of over a dozen cars — from 80's BMW's to a 1990 Toyota Tercel — it's the glorious Turbo II Junkyard Boogaloo boombox. For those of you who want the gearhead nitty-gritty, the full "How To" is here. For those who just want to see this baby in all of its radical goodness, below you'll find some documentation of what the Turbo II is and does ...

Ninety-two pounds of plywood and car parts joined together as an homage to the homemade car-battery boomboxes used by first-generation break dancers; if you've watched the video above you've already got the general idea of the Turbo II Junkyard Boogaloo's features. Read on and we'll fill you in on the details:

The right-hand area of the top panel contains all the switches used to control the Turbo II, plus a couple of lights. We'll run them down one by one, detouring occasionally to check out some of the features they control...

First, we have the Memory Button. This thing started life as a Fuel switch for a '77 Jaguar (can anyone explain what happened to a Jaguar when you hit this button?) and required rebuilding in order to function properly (the Curse of Joe Lucas), but now it provides power to the Turbo II's memory circuit (i.e., the clocks and memory circuit on the cassette deck). Normally this button is kept in the "On" position at all times.

To the right of the Memory Button lies the Inverter Power Switch. Originally a rear window defroster switch from a Peugeot 505, today this switch activates the power inverter that powers the 120VAC outlet on the right side panel of the Turbo II.

It's important for any boombox worth its salt to be capable of powering small household appliances; this inverter is rated for 150 watts output. That air vent came from a 1979 Volvo 245 and prevents hydrogen from the car battery inside from building up.

It will even power an official NASCAR Jeff Gordon blender!

Next to the Inverter Power Switch is the Flasher Activation Switch. A '75 Volvo 244 gave up its Rear Demist switch for this purpose; there are four separate flasher circuits, each with its own turn-signal flasher operating on its own unique beat, to operate the Turbo II's groove-inducing flashing lights. Let's take a look at those lights:

Right in the middle of all the switches on the top, there's a single '81 Datsun 280ZX front marker light, with a little Wipe light (from a long-forgotten junkyard source) next to it.

Even with its origins shrouded in mystery, the Wipe light adds a special something to the Turbo II's light show.

On the front panel, there are two pairs of 70s Datsun marker lights; here are the left-side ones.

On top, five warning lights from 70s Italian cars (if I recall correctly, Fiats and Alfas) flash in unison.

These Italian indicator lights are very nice; real metal, glass, and chrome. Say what you will about Italian cars' build quality, but their components have style.

From the same '77 Jag that donated the ashtrays and Fuel button comes a pair of snazzy-looking rear side marker lights. Sure, neither of them worked at first, but it only took most of a day to fix them up enough to work properly. Here's the left-side one- doesn't it look nice?

Snuggled between the analog clock and voltmeter, this marker light from a '69 Toyota Corona now makes its home on the Turbo II.

This little green indicator light comes from an unknown source, but its air of mystery only adds to the Turbo II mystique.

Peugeots of the early 70s came with these low-fuel warning lights; six of them perform flashing duty on the front of the Turbo II. They are wired in pairs to three separate flasher circuits.

I can't recall what kind of car this Oil Reset button came from, but I'm guessing BMW. In any case, it now activates a howling early-80s-vintage Piranha car-alarm siren.

This three-option switch once controlled the shift points of the automatic transmission in an '85 Toyota Cressida. Nowadays it serves a far more illustrious purpose: controlling the power antennas and wired FM modulator (which enables an MP3 player or other external audio source to play through the cassette deck) on the mighty Turbo II Junkyard Boogaloo! This switch has power only when the Ignition Button is on. The options are:
ECON: Antennas down, FM modulator on.
NORM: Antennas down, FM modulator off.
PWR: Antennas up.

Here are the RCA jacks that provide the input for the modulator. The epoxy holding them in place looks crude, but... well, it is crude!

Since it enables power to the cassette and 8-track players, voltmeter, and antenna/modulator switch, this is the Turbo II's "Ignition Switch." It started life as the air-conditioning button for a '79 Toyota Corona, but look at it now!

Mercedes-Benz, back when their cars were reliable, used to install electrical hardware good for a hundred years of hard use, so I grabbed this Hazard button from a junked 280SE and set it up as the power switch for Turbo II's three lighters (it's not a good idea to leave the lighter sockets active at all times, hence the switch).

To the front of the pair of Jaguar ashtrays on the top panel, the three lighters (one Volvo, two Nissan) may be used for their original incendiary purpose, to provide accessory power, or to charge the battery using a special charger adapter.

The charger adapter is made from PVC plumbing components; just plug it into a lighter socket, attach the clamps from a battery charger onto its contacts, and wait a few hours for a full battery-o-juice.

The Jaguar ashtrays make the Turbo II feel much classier!

Providing radio, cassette, and whatever audio source gets plugged into the FM modulator's inputs, this Audiovox deck was originally intended for use as an OEM replacement stereo for Chevy Berettas. It's a decent-sounding unit for $10 new on eBay.

The cassette deck pumps sound through a pair of JBL-made factory speakers pulled from a '93 Mercury Grand Marquis.

But when it's time for serious boombox listening enjoyment, you're better off with the groovous sounds of genuine 8-track! This Realistic unit still works great.

The 8-track plays through a pair of Dai-Ichi factory speakers from the same junkyard-bound '86 Toyota Tercel that provided the car battery at the heart of Turbo II.

That thing right above the 8-track deck is a cup holder from a '90 Toyota Tercel.

Since every car these days comes with numerous cup holders, you figure a serious boombox needs at least one.

Like Flava Flav, the Turbo II Junkyard Boogaloo boombox always knows what time it is, thanks to this VDO quartz clock from an '84 Volvo 245.

But some younger folks these days don't know how to read an analog clock (why, in my day, we didn't even have clocks- only heaps of dirt!), so the soothing blue rays of a Toyota digital clock have been added as well.

Not only do we need to know the time, we need to know the voltage. Even the mighty tank of amp-hours in the Turbo II's car battery can run low, so a '78 Audi's VDO voltmeter will let us know the score- if it drops below 12 it's time for a charge.

It would be very bad for a wiring problem to turn the Turbo II into a ball of fire, so all the power passes through this '91 Mitsubishi Galant fusebox (located on the rear panel).

Finally, what gives the Turbo II its turbo-ness? This Turbo emblem from an '84 Chrysler Le Baron Turbo, of course! For the complete run-down on how Turbo II got its Junkyard Boogaloo on, check out the Making Of feature, right here on Jalopnik! – Murilee Martin

Related:
Turbo II, Junkyard Boogaloo - Part 2: How To; If You Can't Buy It, Build It: Wanky The Safety Cat, Half-Price Day Junkyard Day [internal]

Space Age Polymers

The thin layer of space age polymers that comprises modern automobile paint makes the difference between a car that's worth washing and waxing, and that chalk blue Gremlin that Uncle Vito drove around. The paint needs to stay strong enough to protect the steel underneath, yet flexible enough as not to dry out and lose its strength. Nothing beats up on paint like the relentless forces of sun and weather. Once the materials that keep the paint tough yet flexible get baked dry by the sun or wicked away by the rain, bad things start to happen.

Snake Oil

Cleaning first is the key to waxing later. A properly applied coat of protective wax acts as both a sealant to keep the good stuff inside your paint, and a shield to keep the bad stuff out. Which wax to use is open to freedom of choice. As we tend to stick with the classics a good old Carnauba paste or liquid is on the shelf. Others will rant on about the miracle of modern science and synthetic formulas. As with most things, if it sounds too good to be true it likely is. Quality is more important than type, and any protection is better than none at all.

Stuff You'll Need:

· Cool Shady Spot
· Water and Hose with Spray Nozzle
· Bucket of Soapy Water
· Clean Soft Towels of Some Kind
· Super Squeegee
· Top Quality Wax
· More Clean Soft Towels

Rinse it. Park the vehicle in some shade and hose it down from top to bottom with cool, clean water. Hose down that stinky dog if so equipped. Also spray any nearby cats.

Make soapy water. Use a quality soap made specifically for washing automobiles. Dish soap and the like will dry out automotive paint.

Wash it. Use plenty of soapy water and soft clean towels or sponges to wash away dirt and grime. Making waxy scratches in the paint by pushing dirt around is not the desired result.

Rinse it down again. Work from top to bottom to remove detergent. This time say goodbye to dirt and crud.

Dry it. One of the better sawbucks ever spent was on one of these silicone blade squeegee gizmos. Finish drying with soft terrycloth towels or chamois. These microfiber towels work swell too. If a compressor sits in the garage fire it up and use compressed air blow water out of crevices.

Wax on! Apply a thin coat of wax in a circular pattern to a small area at a time. Be careful not to get wax on trim bits or lodged in cracks. Work in the shade. NEVER apply wax in direct sunlight or attempt to apply wax to a hot painted surface. The wax can bake on and become wicked hard to remove.

Wax off! First let the wax to haze over and dry. Next use clean, soft cloths to remove wax. Rotate the cloth surface and shake out any excess wax and as you go. Tip: tear those corner labels off cloths to prevent making scratches.

All manner of modern machines and miracle products are available for the task of washing and waxing. The safest and gentlest on paint method is a good old hand wax. Buffers and polishers can do the job but can also cause damage. – Mike Bumbeck

[A special thanks to various pals, neighbors, and the Analog Assassins for helping out]

Related:
Wheel Cleaning Tips in Detail; And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Parts [Internal]

Dusted Flakes

The majority of what ends up all over the wheels in normal driving is dust from the brake pads. Barrel-assing around will require more braking power to stop, and will create more dust. Switching brake pad compounds can help, but brake dust is inevitable. The rest of the crud can come from sources as common as road grime or nefarious as neighborhood cats and dogs. At best the wheels get filthy. In a very worst-case scenario the contaminants in the dust and grime can etch into the wheel finish or paint, and even the wheels themselves. Road salt accomplishes this task very well. Corrosion and pitting will require expensive wheel refinishing.

Brush Off

The procedure for cleaning and detailing wheels on an automobile varies with the type and finish of wheel. Before washing or detailing any wheels make certain they are cool to the touch. Brakes get hot, and so do the wheels. Hosing down hot wheels to speed things up will warp brake discs about as quick. While we know as well as you that there are scads of these bottled miracle spray cleaners, make sure the formula is compatible with the wheel finish by testing on a small area before coating the entire wheel. Some of these cleaners can cause damage to certain finishes. One-step cleaners are sometimes a good quick fix but where's the fun in that? Bring a bucket.

Stuff You'll Need:

· Dirty and/or Crusty Wheels
· Bucket of Warm Soapy Water
· All Manner of Scrub Brushes
· Towels
· Chrome Polish, Aluminum Polish, or similar
· Carnauba Wax, or Similar
· Hose and Spray Nozzle

Park the vehicle in the shade. Allow wheels and brakes to cool. Cold water and hot brakes make for warped rotors. Don't do it, man! Hose off dust and debris only after wheels and brakes are cool to the touch.

Painted finish wheels should be cared for in much the same way as paint on the car. Washing followed by a good coat of wax will help prevent brake dust from sticking to the spokes. Use soap, water and brushes to remove built up dust, grime, and debris.

Getting rid of stuck on dirt is easier with brushes. Make sure the bristles won't damage finishes before diving in too deep. Long-handled brushes can help prevent aching backs, and get in-between spots. Bottle-type brushes can help remove dirt from spokes and brake calipers.

Chrome finish and polished aluminum wheels look similar, but require different care. Don't apply wax to chrome finish wheels, as the chrome needs to breathe. Use a polish or cleaner made for use with chrome.

Polished aluminum wheels are a perpetual cleaning affair. The oxidation process begins as soon as shine is achieved. Magnesium in the aluminum alloy wants to turn dull gray. Be careful with one-step cleaners on polished aluminum.

One-step cleaners can be very effective, but test on a small area first before coating the entire wheel. Keep a hose nearby in case bad, corrosive things start to happen.

Removing the wheel and cleaning the backside can add a higher level of detail. Scrubbing will most likely be required to remove years of collected crud.

A shining wheel backside can make the front side appear brighter by reflecting more light back through the spokes. Potrzebie! – Mike Bumbeck

Related:
Polishing Aluminum Wheels; And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Parts [Internal]