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Top Ten Reveals of the 2008 LA Auto Show
Detroit, 10:32 PM
Sat Nov 28
7 posts in the last 24 hours
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Editor-in-Chief:
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Top Ten Reveals of the 2008 LA Auto Show |
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11/25/08
I tried hard to figure out. I give up.
11/25/08
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11/25/08
Please don't tell me its because of Wert has the jones for LA's deputy mayor.
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11/25/08
*giggle*
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11/25/08
But to do that we would still need to get him to spike his hair.
11/24/08
Who is he?
How did you find him?
What does he drive in real life?
And why does he look so much like the SLR Guy, even though Jalopnik Guy predated the douche by a few years?
Oh, and sign me up for either the Cube, the Fusion Sport or the Mustang, please. Thanks
11/24/08
11/24/08
Him being a car geek with eyes turned to red is a good start, I think.
11/24/08
11/24/08
He subscribed to Competition Press and Skinned Knuckles and when a funky smell overtook the house, he'd open a can of STP. He knew the names of the Justice Brothers by memory, and carried a vial around his neck containing the oil and methanol-soaked earth from the Ascot raceway track.
Then one day he decided not to shave for that day. Suddenly, the look of neatly-trimmed 5 o-clock shadow appealed to him. He started using "product" in his hair, and he became compulsive about his calf definition. Interest in cars slowly gave way to narcissism, until the day that he looked at a Chrysler 300 with Lambo doors, 23-inch donks and more gold trim than the Lakers in off-season. It spoke to him in a way that only Abercrombie & Fitch and Stuff magazine had previously. His wardrobe - previously mostly dirty jeans and tee shirts - now was comprised of striped shirts, Italian shoes with no socks, and pants that don't quite cover the ankles. The gold chains around his neck preclude leaning into an engine bay to turn a wrench, and his manicured nails mean that throttle-blipping or track-side ring-gear replacements will now need to be done by others.
A backwards cap and omnipresent sucker complete the picture, and while the girls swoon every time he enters the room, he's not what you'd call a lady's man.
His faded memory makes an occasional appearance here and there on his old stomping grounds of Jalopnik, but he has changed in an irrevocable fashion. For he is now, and will ever be Douchebag Guy.
He resides here as a caustic reminder not to drink fru-fru drinks, not to ever look at yourself in the mirror, or question whether your shirt covers that gut. Should you ever think to yourself: "Man, that gold-plated Maxima with the white and maroon leather interior is kickin'!" you need to take a step back. Go out to the garage and pop open that can of Carb Cleaner you've got sitting there and take a deep breath. Keep doing it until the urge to pop the collar of your shirt passes. Keep alert, stay vigilant, don't let Douchebag Guy happen to you.
Thanks for keeping us safe Ray.
11/24/08
Damnit.
I was thinking, as I was reading this, "when did SLR Guy get new threads and a faux-hawk?!"
Part of me is glad my job and I parted ways, Thursday, as I was having major Jalopnik withdrawal. Now, to make enough to not live on the street.
11/24/08
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11/25/08
I'm not going to let that happen to me GB. Nope. Not never.
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11/24/08
True.
Not that my views are always shared by others - but I think the Volt is the biggest blunder GM has made since the Aztek.
11/24/08
I should've asked to be guaranteed one with a stick.
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11/25/08
If that's any consolation.
11/25/08