Jalopnik: koala

Australian Teen Crashes SUV Into Tree, Repeatedly, Attempting To Dislodge Koala

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Proving that the best intentions aren't always matched with the best actions, 19-year-old Brett Seabrook of Victoria, Australia attempted to help a koala he thought was injured by repeatedly ramming its tree with his Toyota Landcruiser. Apparently the incident began when the Aussie teen found the koala at his campsite and wrapped it in a blanket — which is sort of a nice way of saying he abducted it. After hanging out with the koala for a while, he released it into a tree. That's when the koala started making noises, worrying Seabrook and prompting a somewhat irrational series of responses.

According to The Age:

Wildlife officer Greg Chant, prosecuting for the Department of Sustainability and Environment, said when the koala began to make a loud noise, Seabrook tried to retrieve it by poking it with a stick.
Mr Chant said Seabrook then rammed the tree with his Toyota Landcruiser utility, which was witnessed by a number of nearby campers who alerted authorities.

Is that hoonage or insanity? We're leaning towards insanity, likely adolescence-induced. The teen was eventually arrested and charged with a variety of wildlife protection laws and has pleaded guilt to them, accepting a rather modest charge of $2,200.

[Source: The Age, Photo: China Photos/Getty Images]

Commenter Of The Day: Fun With Figurative Language

Matt Hardigree — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:40:00 EDT

The problem with analogies and metaphors is that they require some thought before use, and, when speaking or writing, most people aren't thinking. A good example would be a letter we wrote to a girl we liked in junior high. Reaching for our inner Neruda we described the cute brunette's hair by comparing it to a "flowing brown river," which conjures up an image of muddy, polluted stream in Central Africa. Not quite what we were going for. In today's post about the clap-ridden, car-riding koala there were some funny, observant comments. And then there was this possibly drunken, angry anti-koala screed by Muhnkee_2.

koala beers are the meanest grumpiest little b@stards you could ever meet, they will stick their claws a good inch into your arm or hand if you wave it near them. I suppose they are the automotive equivalent of the Morgan Aero 8, they look cute on the outside but they are nothing but killing machine on the inside!

Wait, you think the Aero 8 is cute but violent and Koalas are angry and dangerous bastards? What strange and magical land do you call home sir?

Aussie Motorist Hits Koala, Koala Survives Only To Find Out It Has The Clap

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

Ely 'Lucky' Grills, a Brisbane-area koala, came face to face with the grille of a Lexus at 62 MPH, and, aside from getting his head stuck in the grille, was no worse for wear after being removed by rescue workers. A passing motorist noticed the koala dangling limp from the front of the car and flagged down the driver, who had been unaware of Lucky's misfortune.

We've never been to the home of hoonage, so we don't really know what Australia's roadside fatality rate on koalas looks like. But we assume it's a lot like armadillos in Texas and raccoons in Michigan — rare in the city, but not uncommon out in the sticks. Gail Gipp, manager of the Sunshine Coast's Australian Wildlife Hospital, said of the little marsupial, "He just shook his head and started to come around. Being hit at that speed, it is amazing he survived. He just clung on. He has a lovely placid, relaxed nature and I think that definitely helped him."

Ely was taken to the Wildlife Hospital where it was discovered that, although he had suffered only ruffled fur, the koala had a case of Chlamydia and would need to be admitted to the hospital for several months of treatment. We didn't even know koalas could get the clap. Ya learn something new every day. (Thanks for the tip Brett) [The Age]