10.) 2009 Kia Spectra

MSRP: $14,200
Crazy Incentive: $1,500 cash back in select areas
Pros: Five star crash rating, it comes in red to match the bow
Cons: Dinky cloth seats, fear of everything else on the road
How You Sell It: "This is the fifth nicest car Kia makes"

9.) 2008 Hyundai Elantra

MSRP: $13,970
Crazy Incentive: 0% financing or $1,000 cash back
Pros: It has four doors, America's best warranty, good mileage
Cons: It looks like a toy car
How You Sell It: "A Hyundai is practically a Honda, right? I mean, come on, both have an H on the front."

8.) 2008 Suzuki Reno

MSRP: $13,299
Crazy Incentive: 3.6% financing, $250 loyalty cash for qualified buyers
Pros: Good warranty, sharp-looking and a stereo with a cassette player!
Cons: A stereo with a cassette player, small, sounds like a city best known for the parody police show
How You Sell It: "You'll be the only one in the neighborhood with one of these."

7.) 2008 GEM E6

MSRP: $12,995
Crazy Incentive: $500/$1000 cash back
Pros: Seats six comfortably, uses no gas, different
Cons: Can only drive on streets with a 35 mph or less speed limit, 40-mile range, doors cost extra
How You Sell It: "Look Ma, I bought you a futuristic electric car."

6.) 2009 Chevy Aveo/Aveo5

MSRP: $12,625
Crazy Incentive: Red Tag MSRP $11,797
Pros: Your choice of sedan or hatch, it's an American car
Cons: It's an American car designed and built by Daewoo, small
How You Sell It: "You're partially supporting America with this car"

5.) 2009 Toyota Yaris

MSRP: $12,205
Crazy Incentive: $500 customer cash
Pros: 36 MPG highway fuel economy
Cons: Small enough to be flattened by a Corolla
How You Sell It: "Our love is as reliable as a Toyota!"

4.) 2009 Kia Rio

MSRP: $12,145
Crazy Incentive: 0.0%financing/$500 cash back
Pros: Standard Sirius AM/FM/CD/MP3 audio system, full-length airbags
Cons: Drum brakes, 14-inch steel wheels, plastic body trim
How You Sell It: "This car's name is Rio and it dances in the sand."

3.) 2008 Smart fortwo Pure Coupe

MSRP: $11,900
Crazy Incentive: $99 to reserve a spot
Pros: Fun European design, easy to park, trendy
Cons: A two-seater, no a/c, power steering or radio standard
How You Sell It: "It's European!"

2.) 2009 Nissan Versa 1.6S

MSRP: $9,990
Crazy Incentive: 0% financing
Pros: Roomy for its class, good mileage
Cons: No a/c, no radio, no anything even hinting at convenience
How You Sell It: "Don't worry about the mortgage, I didn't spend more than $10K on on this..."

1.) 2009 Hyundai Accent GS

MSRP: $9,970
Crazy Incentive: 0% financing or $1,000 cash back
Pros: It's the cheapest car in America, good mileage, four whole speakers
Cons: No a/c, no radio, automatic transmission a $2,100 premium
How You Sell It: "I just bought you a car, okay. Don't be ungrateful"

[Photo Credit: Yahoo! Autos, Manufacturers, Alex Wong / Getty Images]

10. Smart ForTwo

Though it may have novelty on its side, the Smart ForTwo is an otherwise dull form of transportation. It isn't fast. It isn't sporty. It tells people that you are willing to spend upwards of $18,000 to prove that you're driving because you have to, not because you want to.

9. Mercury Milan

The least sporty car built on Ford's otherwise capable CD3 platform, the Mercury Milan paired with an automatic transmission and fourbanger engine exists for those unable or unwilling to make difficult choices about their personal transportation. These are the people who accept "steamed vegetables" as a side-order and are flummoxed when a restaurant doesn't offer a house wine. Every time you see one on the street it's a reminder that they still make them.

8. Camry Solara

The Camry Solara is so offensive to those of us who love to drive because Solara owners think that they're driving something exciting. It isn't a Camry, it's a Camry... SOLARA! Toyota has managed to transform their otherwise bland but comfortable utility-driven sedan into a vehicle that retains all of the four-door's boring characteristics but adds an unappealing visage and subtracts some of the utility. It just screams "Look at me! I'm retired!"

7. Hyundai Sonata

For those who wanted a Toyota Camry but thought paying more for a better engine, better transmission and more attractive design would have been an unnecessary extravagance, the Hyundai Sonata sets a new high mark in low expectations. The biggest selling point of the car is its extended warranty, which guarantees you'll be able to keep a car you don't particularly like longer than other, better cars in its class.

6. Mercedes S-Class

The S-Class Mercedes isn't the fastest product from the German automaker. It also isn't the most expensive, best looking or most distinguished Mercedes. It's just the biggest. In fact, it's not the biggest. It's just the biggest car. It is a status symbol for immigrant business owners who want to prove their hard-earned money can be spent on car they don't really care about, that offers no significant value or advantage over the competition. It is a car that carefully eschews all of the company's history of making high-performing, exciting luxury sedans.

5. Lexus ES

Credit goes again to Toyota for squeezing as much life out of their lifeless platforms as possible. Carrying over essentially the same drivetrain as the Toyota Camry, the latest generation ES 350 is arguably less stately than its cheaper sibling. In an entry-level luxury market full of automakers attempting to outperform the competition, the ES 350 has a history of not even trying. Instead of earth-shattering performance, the Lexus ES has traditionally promised a quiet, relatively luxurious and unstimulating driving experience at a reasonable price. Where the ES has always excelled is in driving noise, or lack therof. The Lexus is so quiet most drivers probably wouldn't realize they were driving were it not for the trees passing by at a high rate of speed.

4. Kia Spectra

Pegged between the Rio and Optima, the Spectra is a wholly forgettable car in a lineup of cars that no one cared about in the first place. There are those who want and need affordable, reliable and economical transportation. They'll be swayed by the features that come with a Kia Spectra, such as an Mp3 jack, Tire Pressure Monitoring System and airbags everywhere. Features that will hopefully distract them from the fact they're driving a car that looks like the fake cars rendered for insurance advertisements.

3. Chrysler Sebring

That anyone has purchased a Chrysler Sebring is a testament to people's ability to be completely unable to appreciate the experience of driving. The digital read-outs, chunky plastics and numb driving experience are rivaled only by cars made in the previous decade. The design is laughably bad. We wonder if the cars are sold exclusively to people who haven't driven in ten years, rented one and thought "this is really nice."

2. Chevy Equinox

The only thing that makes the Chevy Equinox stick out in the crowded crossover market is the fact that it is the only car in America sold with a Chinese-built V6. The same people that brought you lead toys and melamine-tainted milk products are also supplying you with your car's engine. Feel better? The Equinox is a crossover in that it provides a mixture of horrific design and underwhelming performance.

1. Mitsubishi Eclipse

Once there was a car built by Mitsubishi called the Eclipse. It was a lightweight AWD sports car with a sweet little turbocharged four-cylinder engine that made you feel like you were in a rally car. And the entire package was available at an affordable price. Having created a car beloved by automotive enthusiasts, Mitsubishi decided to abandon it and move on to the far more lucrative and exciting high school cheerleader market. The 2009 Mitsubishi Eclipse has no turbocharger, no AWD and the exciting handling of the first two generations has been replaced by a ride designed to offend no one. It's the sports car for people who hate sports, hate cars and hate excitement.

We'd been told the Koup, created by the brand's U.S.-based design team, was emblematic of the design language we should expect to see coming from the entire Korean brand in the future. That means an expected ditching of the friendly, rounded edges of the old Kia Spectra. In place of that friendly design, the Koup hinted to a crisp and more angular look that seemingly borrowed heavily from Acura, with a little bit of Subaru Impreza mixed in for good measure.

Why a 2-door? Kia is introducing a coupe in the hopes of "attracting young buyers." While we've never seen anyone over the age of twenty three behind the wheel of a non-rental Kia product, apparently the brand is concerned about its ongoing appeal among staid, middle-manager accounting types. Who knew? [Automotive News (Sub. Req.)]

Although there's no solid word on whether or not the Spectra replacement will keep the name "Forte", considering the Spectra name doesn't have much of what we'd call "brand identity," it's not as though it would hurt sales. We've also not yet heard word on whether new engines will be offered. What we do know is that the Forte is set to debut in Korea at the end of August, meaning that we'll probably know everything about it by the beginning of July, or whenever the always-excitable Korean press corps get their hands on it. [KIA WORLD]

What could it be?
[The Hollywood Extra]