Suitability Parameters:
Speed Merchants: No
Fashion Victims: No
Treehuggers: No
Mack Daddies: No
Tuner Crowd: No
Hairdressers: No
Penny Pinchers: Yes
Euro Snobs: No
Working Stiffs: Yes
Technogeeks: No
Poseurs: No
Soccer Moms: Yes
Nascar Dads: No
Golfing Grandparents: Yes
Marlo Stanfield: Yes

Also Consider:
• 2009 Ford Edge
• 2009 Honda Pilot
• 2008 Saturn Outlook
• 2008 Nissan Murano
• 2009 Toyota Highlander
• 2008 Mazda5
• Growing a pair and buying a station wagon

Vitals:
• Manufacturer: Dodge
• Model year: 2009
• Base Price: $19,985
• Price as Tested: $22,985
• Engine type: 3.5-Liter V6
• Horsepower: 235 @ 6,400 RPM
• Torque: 232 @ 4,000 RPM
• Transmission: 6-Speed Automatic
• Curb Weight: 4,001 lbs
• LxWxH: 192.4" x 72.2" x 66.6"
• Wheelbase: 113.8"
• Tires: P225/65R17
• 0 - 60 mph: 8.3 Seconds
• EPA Fuel economy city/highway: 16/23 MPG
• NHTSA crash test rating: *****

Also see:
• 2009 Dodge Journey SXT, Part One
• 2009 Dodge Journey SXT, Part Two

Acceleration: **
Even with the 3.5-Liter V6 providing adequate power, the Journey is too heavy to get anywhere quickly. Though a little faster than your average minivan, the crossover feels slower than competing vehicles like the V6 Ford Escape. Buyers should only pick races with the dads in the Windstars.

Braking: ***
Like most of the interactions between driver and vehicle, braking feel is almost nonexistent, lacking the reassuring feedback you'd expect from a similar vehicle. Weighting aside, the four-wheel disc brakes get the job done.

Ride: ***
Once again, the engineers managed to achieve consistent mediocrity with the Journey's performance. Drive it over a speed bump or two and the large crossover offers little in the way of complaint, but any attempt at tackling the pothole-ridden streets of a neglected rural area will have the kids switching from Jenga to Game Boy.

Handling: **
There's still an Avenger in there somewhere. Tackle anything but the most gentle curve and the crossover yaws alarmingly. Steering feel is vague and the please-stop-me-from-wrapping-this-around-a-tree system jerks on at the slightest hint of trouble.

Gearbox: ***
The V6 models come with a six-speed automatic that provides surprisingly smooth and predictable shifts, assuming you were predicting that the Journey was going to shift a tad early. If you prefer choosing your own adventure, the auto override works as well as the system on more expensive models, though the shifter moves left-to-right instead of up-and-down.

Audio: **
My main complaint with the sound system was with the placement of the controls being so low in the console, requiring the driver to shift his or her focus practically to the floor. Other than that, the standard six-speaker setup with the six-disc changer provided entry-level sound that was just good enough. Were it not for the relatively quiet interior, it would probably require more amplification.

Toys: ***
Assuming you consider storage areas to be toys, the Journey comes packed to the gills. There's the comically named ChillZone to keep two sodas cool, the removable floor compartments under the rear seat that can each hold a 12-pack with ice and the pop-down sunglasses holder that also includes a mirror for checking on any wee ones yet to come down from their Capri Sun high. Also, extra points for including a real outlet in the rear.

Value: ***
In mid-level SXT trim, the Journey represents reasonable value, coming in just under $23K. Though the power isn't anything to write home about, there's enough juice under the hood to keep from getting embarrassed and space enough to keep the juice boxes flowing to the rugrats. The exterior is of a quality higher than Dodge has produced lately and the unique features set it apart from the competition.

Overall: ***
The 2009 Dodge Journey SXT managed to be overwhelmingly average, providing an experience in each category that's neither embarrassingly awful nor suspiciously great. Smart features and competitive pricing makes this something worth checking out for those mothers and fathers not ready to make the leap to the Caravan but also not content with trying to fit a baby seat, stroller and the spoils from a Costco run into a Caliber.

Also see:

• 2009 Dodge Journey SXT, Part One

My time with the Journey was all planned out in order to replicate the experience of modern family life. There was sightseeing in Oak Park, a trip to the mall, and another to a community theater in the 'burbs. And though the Journey was up to these tasks, it never felt right. You can't simulate parenthood without offspring, and I could never keep my friends intoxicated enough for long enough to authentically replicate infants. I'm an only child and the closest thing my father had to a family car was a Subaru BRAT.

The Journey may be a family car, but to me it felt like the ideal car for a drug dealer. Having watched every episode of HBO's crime opera The Wire, which claims to have realistically chronicled Baltimore's drug trade, I feel like I can safely say this particular crossover is up to the task. Of course, It probably says something — something deeply disturbing — that it's easier for me to visualize myself in the role of Avon Barksdale than in the role of the Pater Familias...but you're supposed to write what you know. Or at least what television convinces you that you think you know.

The Journey crossover's first advantage for the man with product to move is its exterior. Though based on the Dodge Avenger, there isn't much resemblance other than the family's crosshair grille. And that's a good thing. What respectable underworld kingpin would sneak around in an Avenger? The Journey's higher beltline also gives a more muscular appearance; it's reminiscent of the Magnum it theoretically replaces and, in profile, is far more attractive than any SUV currently for sale under the Dodge banner. Best of all, it's not as conspicuous as an Escalade rolling on 22's. A real thug is a thug that's hush.

Inside is where the narcotics distributor on the up is going to feel right at home. Though there's an optional third row, even Chrysler can't call it a seven-passenger vehicle with a straight face (they call it "5+2" seating). They're exceptionally cruel devices for anyone larger than an Oompah Loompha so we'd suggest opting out and instead taking advantage of the extra room in the back for other things. Besides, it's not the space; it's the features that make it such a great vehicle for drug promotion.

Dodge designers have created numerous compartments of varying size that are ideal for the lifestyle accessories demanded by the modern drug trade. As with other new vehicles from the company, there's the Chill Zone that holds bottles of water or two 12-oz cans and keeps them cool using the air conditioning. Take out the plastic divider and it'll hold a bottle of relatively chilled champagne. I tested it with a bottle of sparking pear juice, but a bottle of Cristal could easily be substituted.

The front passenger seat includes the Flip n' Stow feature, which is a hidden storage area under the seat cushion large enough to secretly hide approximately six kilos. There are also two large storage boxes similar to those found in the cabin of the 2009 Dodge Ram in the rear passenger foot wells. But unlike the Ram's cargo areas, these are removable. Ideal for moving weapons, drugs or holding sodas (everyone gets thirsty, even enforcers). There's another hidden compartment below the rear storage area large enough to hold maybe ten bricks of oregano.

And there are lots of other features that'll work for any sort of businessman, on the up-and-up or otherwise. The optional uConnect system allows you to speak wirelessly through the car's stereo system (talking on a cell in Chicago is illegal; who needs that noise?) and the 115-volt power inverter makes it easier to charge all those disposable cell phones criminals seem to need.

Though this particular model didn't feature it, I have to imagine the optional rear backup camera probably makes it easier to avoid getting snuck up on, and the remote start means that getting going quickly is a cinch...though it's in the getting going where you run shy of your average G-Wagen. The Journey's 3.5-Liter V6 is the same version found in a variety of Pentastar vehicles, including the Dodge Charger, but it's good for only 235 HP in this trim. When paired with the reasonably smooth-shifting six-speed there's enough get-up-and-go to merge onto the highway but not enough to outrun a helicopter.

You may not be able to outmaneuver the fuzz either. In the handling department, the Journey ends up closer to the SUV or minivan end of the crossover spectrum. In fact, the wheelbase and length of the Journey are nearly identical to the previous-generation Dodge Caravan. In the SXT trim, you're talking about more than 4,000 pounds of vehicle being pulled around by the front wheels. As if that wasn't enough of a challenge, it feels like the steering column has to pass through a vat of pudding on its way to the wheels.

But who cares? If you're a crime boss you're probably not driving anyways. And that's maybe where the Journey ultimately falls short. Though quite roomy, the seating is covered in a low-quality cloth that's not up to the luxurious standards of what television has taught us most well-connected criminals require. Unless this is a vehicle that is going to be subjected to repeated staining from either juice boxes or gunshot wounds, the leather upgrade is worth the cash.

In the end, the 2009 Journey SXT was endowed by its creators with a plethora of neat features that make it more of a crossover between a great ride for a drug dealer or a small family, than a crossover between a car and a minivan. It's also a lot of car for less than $23,000; important considering that, though crime often pays, most of that money ends up going to lawyers and bail. Someone wake up the Journey's marketing team. It's a new day.

Also see:
• 2009 Dodge Journey SXT, Part One