Human beings aren't strictly rational animals. Car enthusiasts, for all their emphasis on numbers and measurements, are roughly equal parts rational and rationalizing, and there's no end to the myths that have grown around car culture. We believe that many of those myths, while perhaps not strictly true, are beneficial and help make car culture a fun place to be. We therefore choose to live as if these myths are pure truth, and we fully support all those who do. Click Next to see some of our most cherished.

MYTH: Cars were just plain better in the old days.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Cars are safer, more reliable, more efficient, and perform better today than they were in any version of "the old days."

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because there are different versions of "better," and one definition has to include some sort of subjective measure of soul. As many have said, the rear end on that '59 Bel Air has enough soul for a Motown collection. And we believe that almost any older car, from AMCs to old Volvos, can have more soul, charisma, personality, or what have you have you than something modern designed to do nothing more than hold four sets of golf clubs and then crash. Plus, owning an older car almost invariably means you're working on it, and working on your own car makes your car more yours as well as making you a smarter and more capable person.

MYTH: Ferraris are the ultimate automobiles.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The overwhelming Ferrari mystique obscures the fact that these things are overpriced, overstyled, breakdown-prone pose-mobiles.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: So who gives a damn? Frankly, the question of Ferrari ownership is probably never going to be one of our problems, and it's good to have someone at the epicenter of automotive lust. Even if you're not a Ferrari person, you probably have some equivalent ultra-car marque as the angel on top of your imaginary lottery-winning Christmas tree, and the same logic applies-someone has to be the ultimate, and the ideal of the ultimate will always be more important than the reality. At least this ideal comes with its own F1 team.

MYTH: The Indy 500 is one of the greatest races in the world.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: It's been trading on its storied history as it slowly becomes a boring and expensive spec race.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because we believe there's still a chance that it could return to its innovative, anything-goes, world's-best-drivers glory days. Exactly how this may happen is unclear to us, and it won't happen by next year if ever, but we hold out hope. And it's still much more fun and interesting to watch than the other Greatest Race traditionally held on the same day, the glitzier but far more past-its-prime Grand Prix of Monaco.

MYTH: Car dealers can't be trusted.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: With contemporary consumer protection and access to information, you can probably trust them now more than ever before.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because consumer skepticism, at least educated consumer skepticism, is a good thing, especially on major purchases. Trust must be earned, right? Now, this doesn't mean prospective car buyers should walk into dealerships and say "Prove to me you're not a crook!" because for one thing, you can't prove a negative. What it means is to do your research, don't let car lust carry you away, and always, always, always take a Jalopnik reader with you when buying a car.

MYTH: The Prius sucks.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: The Prius is a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy and has thousands of satisfied owners.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: In its quest to save precious energy resources it's created a shortage of material resources. It's hideous. For the first successful hybrid, it's remarkably uninteresting from a tech point of view-when our sister site Gizmodo featured one at their gallery and ran its 12-volt battery down showing off its flashy dashboard, we were a bit miffed to find that it couldn't jump-start itself. And seriously, we'd rather be taken out and shot out behind the storage shed than spend $28,000 on a perfectly competent automobile that delivers very good fuel economy.

MYTH: LeMans is a great movie.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: LeMans is a collection of racing footage inside of a really terrible movie.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Because that's a really, really stupendous collection of racing footage in that terrible movie. Also, the terrible movie includes Steve McQueen, which softens the blow somewhat. It really seems like making LeMans was an excuse for the director, cast, and crew to hang around the Circuit De La Sarthe with race cars for a few days, and that's something we can all understand.

MYTH: Manual transmissions are better than automatic transmissions.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: Automatics are catching up; the dual-clutch units can outperform manual boxes in many cases, and even their fuel-economy advantage may be disappearing.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Again, there's better and there's better. In this case, being in total control of your car is fun and interesting, and more fun and interest are better. To many, learning stick is still an achievement-although maybe it shouldn't be, heck, it isn't all THAT hard, but no matter-and being more capable is better than having everything done for you. We could really give a damn if the Porsche PDK systems are a tenth faster to sixty or whatever the numbers are; we didn't bother to look them up because we don't care. We would rather drive to
sixty a bit slower than ride there.

MYTH: Gaze upon my works, ye not worthy, and despair; for I am Bob motherfucking Lutz.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT: What, Bob Lutz? So-called Father of the Viper? He's just a marketing guy.

WHY WE BELIEVE IT ANYWAY: Listen, we need colorful figures in this world, and Bob Lutz is the most colorful person we have in the American car business. Perhaps in any business. His is a tradition going back as far as Barnum, or at least Don King. Are auto writers worried that Fritz Henderson will land a helicopter in their backyard, walk into their house, and yell at them? Is Alan Mulally or Scott Monty going to challenge us to a duel anytime soon? Nope. And seriously, without Lutz, we wouldn't have so much of modern car culture, from the phrase "The Ultimate Driving Machine" to the aforementioned Viper. Yes, there's way too much marketing in the world today, but that's not the problem. The problem is that Lutz isn't doing all of it.

Check out the pace cars that got the checkered flag by clicking next.

Vehicle: 1989 Turbo Pontiac Trans Am
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: JoshRogan and others
Why It's Awesome: To quote srbiff: "You bet your ass! This was the best of the Grand National presented in an aerodynamic body with no speed limiter. Sure, it wasn't a V-8 Trans Am, but it would completely destroy any of those on the track or strip. Fantastic car. Another must have. Dammit, I'm now up to 3 must haves."

Vehicle: 1957 Mercury Turnpike Cruiser
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: PDQ2
Why It's Awesome: The Turnpike Cruiser is one of the nicest Mercury two-doors ever and the pace car convertible is the nicest of the turnpikes. As the top-o-the-line Merc it came standard with a peppy little 368 V8 and glittery yellow trim.

Vehicle: Lamborghini Marzal
Racing Series: F1 (Monaco GP)
Suggested By: Mr_Sives_Remotoc
Why It's Awesome: Though purely a concept car, this Bertone-penned Lambo was a four-seater with ginormous gullwing doors. The car was never built, but one look at an Espada demonstrates that the design did not go to waste. Also, it was driven around the Monaco GP by Princess Grace and her husband. Double win!

Vehicle: Dodge Viper
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: McLawdog
Why It's Awesome: The public debut of the production Viper occurred at Indy, Westminster Kennel Club of pace cars. The raucous V10-powered car was inspired by the original Shelby cars and was, appropriately, driven by none other than Carroll Shelby himself. It lacks much in the way of adornments because it wasn't supposed to be the Indy 500 pace car...

Vehicle: Dodge Stealth Indy 500 Pace Car
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: Mr. Dude
Why It's Awesome: Oh yes, why did the Viper become the Indy 500 pace car? Originally, the Dodge Stealth was slated to do pacing duties. Why didn't it happen? A bunch of nutty nationalists put the kibosh on the idea of a Japanese-built Indy 500 car. The good old days.

Vehicle: VW Constellation Pace Truck
Racing Series: Brazilian Truck Racing
Suggested By: FTGDMissesTheCruise
Why It's Awesome: As if the Brazilian Truck Racing series wasn't awesome enough, the mean-looking VW Constellation works because it's one of (if not the) biggest safety/pace trucks of all time.

Vehicle: Studebaker Lark Pace Car
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: Van Sarockin
Why It's Awesome: What the heck is a Studebaker Lark doing as the pace car of one of the fastest races in 'Merica? Well, initially the Stude-ly compact was not the intended choice. The much faster Avanti was to set the pace but wasn't finished in time. Thus was born one of the stranger Indy 500 pace cars in recent memory.

Vehicle: AMX Turbo PPG Pace Car
Racing Series: PPG Indy Car World Series
Suggested By: Maymar
Why It's Awesome: The AMX Turbo pace car was thrown together with a turbocharged and fuel-injected inline-six putting out 450 HP. It was a fitting end to the unique and wonderful, if still ungainly and unloved, AMX.

Photo Credit: Automotive Traveler

Vehicle: Lamborghini Countach Pace Car
Racing Series: F1 (Monaco GP)
Suggested By: Qutaiba_Elleel
Why It's Awesome: It's a Lamborghini Countach, one of the sleekest vehicles of the 1980s. Throw on the least aerodynamic lightbar ever and it's a jewel.

Vehicle: The Tumbler
Racing Series: NASCAR
Suggested By: Gwai.Lo
Why It's Awesome: It's the Batmobile pacing a race. What more do you need to know? Though this was purely for a first lap as "honorary" pace car, the Batman Begins 400 is still the strangest looking pace car of all time. Plus, when things get a bit boring, the Tumbler can always launch a few rockets into pit lane.

Vehicle: Chevy XT-2
Racing Series: PPG Indy Car World Series
Suggested By: Us
Why It's Awesome: This was a front-engined, RWD camino-style truck built on the F-body platform with a Corvette suspension and the 4.5-liter V6 good for 360 HP and 315 lb-ft of twist. Not bad. It also featured the tuned port injection feature, which provided more power and efficiency than a carburated engine. Most importantly, it looked awesome. Sort of a futuristic cab-forwardesque ute type vehicle with awful 90s purple paint, flying buttresses and a lightbar embedded into the edge of the roof.

Vehicle: 1972 Hurst/Olds Cutlass
Racing Series: Indy 500
Suggested By: Marauder Fan
Why It's Awesome: When GM decided to nix any engines bigger than 400 cubic inches in any of its intermediate-sized vehicles, Hurst stepped in and started dropping 455 Tornado engines into Oldsmobiles. In 1972, after a tragic pace car accident in the previous year, none of the major manufacturers wanted to offer up a car. Once again, Hurst stepped in, and the 72 Hurst/Olds Cutlass "executive hot rod" was the perfect choice and the only Indy 500 vehicle not sponsored by an automobile manufacturer.

Photo Credit: Corvair_Owner

Two quick observations:

1. Watching the leading pack drop into the pits in a synchronized move is very pretty
2. The speed of Milka Duno is inversely proportional to her pulchritude hotness

Via: kottke.org

Vitor Plays With Fire

During a pit stop towards the end of the race, Meira was given an ambiguous hand signal from one of the pit crew, which looked for all intents and purposes like a go, which he proceeded to do. Problem was the fuel probe was still attached and sprayed ethanol all over the car, resulting in an instant fireball. Unbelievably, after the safety and pit crews put the fire out, Meira returned to the race and managed to stay on the lead lap. Keep in mind, this is right at the end of the race, his cockpit is now full of water, and if any of the electronics get wet it could be lights out.

Vitor Meira and Raphael Matos Get Friendly

After Meira's incredibly ballsy return to the field, he and Raphael Matos got tangled up in turn one with only 27 laps remaining. Meira hit the wall hard and obliterated the front end, then through the magic of open-wheel contact, Meira ended up on his side, backwards, sliding down the retaining wall for about a quarter mile. Emergency workers gingerly removed him from the wreck and took him to the hospital on complaints of back pain. Turns out he broke two vertebra and will probably be out on rehab for the rest of the season.

He might not have taken home the Borg Warner trophy this year, but we feel he should be recognized for outstanding accomplishments in being a badass. Not too many drivers would have returned to the field after being on fire, and then to be involved in one of the most unique accidents we've ever seen only adds to the mystique.

Photo Credit: AP Photo/Bill Friel, Indy500.com

The Crowds

It's the largest open air arena in the world, with a total capacity of 400,000 people, officially. Race operators don't actually release total attendance number, so that figure is actually more of a recommendation. Getting from one point to any other place is a battle and gets tiresome pretty fast. We won't get into the bathroom situation by the end of the day.

Parking

We're pretty sure every single person drives to the Indy 500 in their own vehicle and parks them as lazily as possible. Parking inside the ring is fairly orderly, but outside it's a free for all, with home owners for miles charging upwards of $50 for street parking and campgrounds running as high as $150 for a spot for the Saturday to Sunday stay.

The Caution Laps

With the Indy 500 being such a high speed oval crashes are very common and debris fields get to be pretty big. As a result the caution laps seem to drag on and on and on. It's especially disappointing when the race actually finishes under caution.

The Escape

Without a doubt the worst part of the Indy 500 is leaving it. If you're dumb enough to stay to the end, expect to wade through hours of traffic and rivers of drunken sunburned fans. The nearest freeway is only about two miles away, but it might as well be a hundred. Do yourself a favor, hang around and take a nap under a tree for a few hours till the madness quiets down.

Rednecks

With the heat and the sun you've got a weapons-grade concentration of shirtless rednecks who shouldn't be shirtless. When future anthropologists study our civilization, footage of race fans from the Indy 500 will serve as an invaluable cross section of the species Homo-Redneckus, as all varietals are represented in their most resplendent forms.

It's Really Just Stock Car Racing

The Indy 500 began so many years ago with an open entry, cars in the past have used turbine engines, diesels, turbochargers, V16's and even wooden body work. Now every car has a Honda supplied engine and every chassis is supplied by Dallara. It's basically becoming the personality-centric NASCAR with prettier race cars.

The Weather

Hey, here's an idea, run a race in the middle of the Indiana at the end of May, right when the weather is least predictable. Nothing is more frustrating than watching a race finish because of a rain storm, but the crazy humidity and wildly fluctuating temperatures sometimes make the Indy 500 a hot and sweaty mess.

The Size

This place is huge. It's a full mile down the long side and a half a mile across down the short side. If you're one of the many without a golf cart you best bring comfy shoes as there's a lot to see and do in the infield, plus you might be better off just walking home considering the traffic.

The Ad Orgy

Everybody with something to sell and an ad budget to sell it with is here, and they've got their logo plastered on everything from the cars to the umbrellas to the giveaway backpacks. Yes, we realize that's just part of racing, but that won't stop us from bellyaching about it.

Traffic

Okay, let's see, we've got parking, the escape from the race and now we have to add the traffic. This one goes out to the actual inhabitants of Indianapolis. When the Indy 500 comes to the Brickyard it makes a good portion of the city impassable every year and we can't imagine how annoying that can be every single year.

It was 185 laps in when Helio put the peddle to the metal and pulled away from Dan Wheldon and Danica Patrick, who dueled for second but didn't have a chance in the end. Castroneves eagerly climbed the fence in celebration and was overcome by emotion when he returned to the pits. The 34-year-old hoisted the ceremonial bottle of milk in victory only weeks after being acquitted of charges of tax evasion — the winners circle is a way better place to be than behind bars.

Coming in at third place, Danica Patrick scored the highest finish for any woman at the Indy 500, while Sarah Fisher and Milka Duno finished 17th and 20th respectively.

1. Helio Castroneves
2. Dan Wheldon
3. Danica Patrick
4. Townsend Bell
5. Will Power
6. Scott Dixon
7. Dario Franchitti
8. Ed Carpenter
9. Paul Tracy
10. Hideki Mutoh
11. Alex Tagliani
12. Tomas Scheckter
13. Alex Lloyd
14. Scott Sharp
15. Ryan Briscoe
16. AJ Foyt IV
17. Sarah Fisher
18. Mike Conway
19. John Andretti
20. Milka Duno
21. Vitor Meira - Contact
22. Raphael Matos - Contact
23. Justin Wilson - 160 laps
24. EJ Viso - 139 laps
25. Nelson Phillipe - 130 laps
26. Oriol Servia - 98 laps
27. Tony Kannan - Contact
28. Robert Doombos - Contact
29. Davey Hamilton - Contact
30. Marco Andretti - Contact
31. Graham Rahal - Contact
32. Ryan Hunter-Reay - Contact
33. Mario Moraes - Contact

The two were successfully extracted from their cars with Matos getting out all by himself, Meira seemed to be beaten up a bit more and walked to the ambulance assisted, he's since been taken to an area hospital complaining of lower back pain. The two cars struck the Safer Barrier so hard it needed some new plates welded in place. We'll have video of the crash as soon as we can because this is one you have to see to believe.

Meanwhile the competition has narrowed to only 23 from the starting field of 33 and Helio Castroneves maintains his lead while Danica Patrick has just snapped up second place. Naturally, the announcers are flipping out at the prospect of a win from Patrick. Ten laps to go folks.

Photo via Indy500.com

The accident occurred on lap 56 as Rahal got high on the track into the loose stuff and with the help of some dirty air from the car ahead of him. We're currently back to green after a full field pit under yellow, Ryan Briscoe lost all of his grip and will pit, as a result the field is mixing it up, Scott Dixon takes the lead followed by Franchitti, Kanaan, Matos and Patrick. Things are getting interesting.

Marco Andretti didn't pull any punches in a track-side interview saying "The kid just doesn't get it," expressing obvious anger at being out of the race only moments after it began. Moraes of course didn't see it that way, saying "He hit me" and immediately following his release from medical announced he was directly on his way to confront Andretti about the crash... cat fight! We'll be watching this one.

We're back to green now with Franchchitti leading Castroneves and Ryan Briscoe in third. We'll be breaking in with quick posts whenever something monumental happens (crashes) but until then we'll be going deaf here in Indy.

The Starting Grid

The Schedule

• 11:15 AM "On the Banks of the Wabash" played by the Purdue University Marching band. Cars begin to grid on the track
• 11:50 AM Engine warm-up
• 12:00 PM Pre-race ceremonies begin
• 12:31 PM Driver Introductions
• 12:45 PM "America the Beautiful" performed by Miss America, Katie Stam
• 12:48 PM General McKinley addresses the crowd in remembrance of Memorial Day
• 12:51 PM "God Bless America" performed by Florence Henderson
• 12:54 PM National Anthem performed by Major Lisa Kopczyniski, Air Force flyover
• 12:56 PM "Drivers to your cars"
• 12:58 PM Invocations performed by Archbishop Daniel Buechlein
• 1:00 PM Rifle Volley and "Taps" performed by Joseph Young
• 1:02 PM "Back Home Again in Indiana" performed by Jim Nabors, balloon spectacle
• 1:03 PM "Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines!" - Mari Hulman George
• 1:04 PM 2010 Camaro Pace car driven by Josh Duhamel (Captain Lennox in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen") leads the field
• 1:09 PM Pace laps
• 1:11 PM Official start of the 2009 Indianapolis 500

Weather

Forecasters are predicting a high temperature of 79 degrees F with a 30% chance of thunderstorms about an hour after the scheduled start of the race. The front is approaching from the south and is building strength on the back of high humidity and warm ground temps.

What to watch for

• Helio Castroneves has been on fire this week, setting the pole and winning the pit competition. Momentum has him high on the list of racers to watch for the leader's position
• It's the 40th anniversary of the only Andretti win here at Indy, when Mario Andretti took the checker in 1969. Amusingly, Marco will be racing without the guidance of his grandfather, who will be calling the race for Danica Patrick instead. If Miss Patrick goes for a pass on Andretti and backs off, make a joke.
• Tony Kannan has led at some point during all of the last seven races, but has never taken the win. With this underdog status, he's likely to be the crowd favorite.
• Danica Patrick's car will be wearing its new livery as former sponsor Motorola has been usurped by Sprint's Boost Mobile as the main sponsor.
• Be sure to point and laugh at Alex Lloyd in the #99 car, as he'll be running in hot pink livery with a matching hot pink racing suit. Laugh at him even more as the sponsor is "her ENERGY," "her" being an acronym for "health, energy, revitalizer." Yes, it's an energy drink being marketed specifically for women and it comes in a pink can.

Shhhh, those are probably just "speed weights," you know, to keep the car firmly on the ground during high speed pace car duties.

As we bounced like a pinball from rental counter to rental counter yesterday morning, contemplating the horrible possibility of an all-access pass to the Indy 500 and no way to get there, the prudence of reservations came into crystalline focus. We eventually found a well worn Kia Rondo which would serve as home base for the weekend. There's not much to say about driving from Detroit to Indianapolis, other than the miles pass like the cups of coffee required to maintain consciousness while counting tractors kicking up clouds of dust as farmers ply their trade.

When we finally made it to the corner of Indianapolis' 16th Street and Georgetown yesterday evening, the shirtless, intoxicated, howling masses had already begun to clog the intersections, making the side streets filled with side-show parties the only passable route. The Indy 500 is called the greatest spectacle in racing, but in truth it's not necessarily for the race itself. The tsunami of humanity which washes over western Indianapolis for a single race is something which cannot be properly translated to words. All walks of life descend upon this event and practice their own rituals around it. You get the feeling the event is secondary to the spectacle.

We're here in the press room, choking down black coffee and eager to dive into the day. The die-hards are already streaming into the infield and the haze is a thick blanket over the 2.5 mile track. We are a long, long way from LeMons.

We'll be live-blogging everything from the inane to the stupendous with A.J. Daulerio at Deadspin over the course of Saturday and the buildup and race on Sunday. If you can pry yourself away from backyard barbecues and pool and beach openings, you can follow along at the tag "I AM INDY." Why "I AM INDY"? Well because we still haven't made enough fun of the horriful Gene Simmons theme song of the same name from two years ago.

If we manage it, and you plan on attending, watch out for impromptu meetups and/or swag bag giveaways via Ben's Twitter feed, should there be swags or bags. Hey, it's a recession you know.

It's the fifth time the Camaro's been selected as the pace car and the 44th time a GM product's been leading the pack o' Indy Cars around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. No driver has yet been announced, but man, we're really hoping they'll have a mullet. Press release below.

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway announced Feb. 26 it has selected the all-new 2010 Chevrolet Camaro to pace the 93rd running of the Indianapolis 500 on Sunday, May 24, 2009.

The Camaro Pace Car was unveiled during a ceremony at the IMS Hall of Fame Museum with IMS President and Chief Operating Officer Joie Chitwood, and Indianapolis 500 winners Johnny Rutherford, Al Unser Jr. and Eddie Cheever Jr.

"The Chevrolet Camaro first paced the Indianapolis 500 in 1967 with one of the most loved Pace Cars of all times, followed by the 1969 Indy 500 Camaro Pace Car with the hugger orange paint scheme," Chitwood said. "Just 40 years after that car made its mark as a Pace Car favorite, we're pleased to have Camaro return to the streets and to the track at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to start our Centennial Era."

2009 marks the fifth time the Chevrolet Camaro has been selected to pace the Indianapolis 500 (1967, 1969, 1982, 1993, 2009). It will be the 44th time a General Motors vehicle has paced "The Greatest Spectacle in Racing," with 20 by a Chevrolet.

Powered by the 6.2-liter LS3 all-aluminum Chevy V-8, the all-new 2010 Camaro produces 426 horsepower at 5,900 rpm and 420 lb-ft of torque at 4,600 rpm. It features a Tremec six-speed manual transmission and 3.45 axle ratio.

No drivetrain or suspension modifications are required to prepare the Camaro for its Pace Car duties. The only modifications to the vehicle include a fully integrated strobe system, including a GM-designed custom light bar utilizing Whelen 500 series linear strobes.

The car carries a bold paint scheme for the Indianapolis 500, created by GM Design. More information on the production version of the all-new 2010 Camaro can be found at chevy.com/camaro.

The 2009 Indianapolis 500 Pace Car driver will be announced at a later date.

[Indy 500 via Camaro5]