Heroic indeed, but what happened today scored a little lower on the Feel-Good-O-Meter. Vlad went back out on the track and was doing pretty well… but what's that horrible noise from the engine and why is it smoking so much? Yep, a connecting rod or two got loose and put some troublesome holes in the engine block, but the car was still running well enough to limp off the track and back to the team's pit. At that point, they decided the ol' brick-on-the-gas-pedal routine would be a lot of fun- which it most certainly was- but the resulting clouds of toxic smoke led the LeMons Supreme Court to sentence the team captain to the dreaded Al Gore Junior punishment.


When you get the Al Gore Junior (awarded to egregious polluters) you must plant a tree while your team members pelt you with tofu, and that's what happened here.

I'm always reminded of the car driven by Bud (Harry Dean Stanton) in Repo Man when I see a full-size Chevy from this era. The original Alex Cox screenplay (yes, I live by the Repo Code to the extent that I have a copy) was very specific about the make, model, and year of every single vehicle in the movie, and Bud's car was supposed to be a '70.


Even with the bent front bumper, this car is way nicer than my 1:25 scale Beater '70 Impala model, but it's got the right number of doors. Actually, it's possible that this car is really a Caprice, since there are no identifying emblems (the Bel Air and Biscayne models didn't come in two-door versions for '70).


The interior looks quite nice, with the big ol' vinyl bench seat that was the standard back then.


The base engine for the big '70 Chevy was the 250-inch six. However, hardly anybody wanted to drag a 3,800-pound car around with 155 horsepower, so most of these cars have the 350 small-block. Of course, you could go wild when looking at the options list and get yourself any Chevy engine all the way up to the 345 horsepower LS4 big-block... and your friendly Chevy dealer would likely have found a way to get the factory to install the mighty 460-horse LS6, had you produced a sufficiently thick stack of bills.

First, let's have the anthem!

Before you go lining up your airbrush artist and gold-plating shop, you need to get a starting point. Since we're going old-school traditional here, the obvious choice would have to be the '64 Chevy Impala coupe. Now, you could find yourself a nice original '64, but have you priced them lately? You won't be able to afford that huge mural depicting La Noche Triste across the hood if you blow your entire roll on Day One, and it's simply unacceptable to get a four-door or even a Biscayne. We've got the solution, though, and a fine one at that: This 1964 Impala Two-Door (go here if the ad disappears) has a totally reasonable price tag of only $1,800. There's rust, the engine and glass are missing, but the seller has "ALL THE DOORS AND FENDERS AND HOOD and trunk WHICH ARE SRAIGHT," plus "95%" of the trim. The seller really does want to sell the car, not like those other guys who spam their basket-case Impalas on Craigslist because they "just want the world to know that they own a Impala." The drivetrain will be easy and cheap, which means you'll have plenty of time and money left to take on... everything else!

Come on, doing a '64 Impala lowrider is like building yet another big-block '69 Camaro- sure, you'll love it... but you'll just be one of a very large crowd. How about going with an for an earlier era for your classic lowrider? Something just as iconic, but that would turn heads on Whittier Boulevard in 1955 just as readily as today? We're going back into time, back to a topsy-turvy world in which you could utter "Mercury" and "cool" in the same sentence and not have everyone avoid eye contact with you. Yes, 1949, when these three '49 Mercury coupes (go here if the ad disappears) were made! The seller claims one of the three is "THE BEST ONE" (though it's unclear how that was determined) and he or she "WOULD SELL ONE OR ALL." As an added bonus, the cars are located in the Flaming Lips' hometown of Norman, Oklahoma, which means you'll be humming "One Million Billionth of a Millisecond on a Sunday Morning" every time you look at your new project! It's not clear how many cars you get for $3,950, nor is it clear whether you get any drivetrain or interior components. Take heart, though, because you can see at least two unbroken pieces of glass in the photos! Once you've made one solid '49- hey, with three cars you've got a real shot- you can get started on applying many, many coats of hand-rubbed lacquer paint, put together a rumbly flathead engine, etc.

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Imagine my excitement, driving to Lee Johnson Chevrolet's 75th Anniversary Car Show, coming around the bend and laying eyes upon a confusing yet rousing and mystical sight. They lined the cars up on the front row by the street?? That's more then I expected! 30's to late 60's Chevys braving the elements (rain in Seattle? NEVER!) and showing off their wax jobs. Not by the usual standard of bling and shine, but here it's a measure of your water beads! There were about 32 cars in all, members of the three North Western chapters of the VCCA (Vintage Chevrolet Club of America).

Most were unhappy about the rain but as a conversation went:
Me: "I'm amazed and excited that the cars are still out! In SoCal, it clouds up and everyone scatters like cockroaches!!"
VCCA member: "Well if we did that, there wouldn't be any cars shows!"

Thanks for the bravery!

Car notes:
Nova 400 Conv. sadly no 400 in it... BOO!! flat 6 with 180HP I believe
75 Caprice had a real 400 with a Malaise 150HP.... HOW was that all the power it had? Sad, but the car looked so cruisable!
53 Vette is number 125 of only 300 made

General Motors To Display Gas-Friendly Commercial Vehicle Lineup At Chicago Auto Show

CHICAGO - General Motors, committed to developing the industry's widest range of gas-friendly to gas-free vehicles, will showcase several gas-saving commercial vehicles at the 2008 Chicago Auto Show Feb. 6 thru Feb. 17.
GM's Fleet and Commercial Operations (FCO) will display vehicles featuring outstanding fuel economy, E85 ethanol and biodiesel capability, and gas-electric hybrid vehicles designed to help GM customers go green without going broke.
"More and more of our business and commercial customers are concerned about the environmental impact of their vehicle fleets and how that influences the reputation of their company," said John Gaydash, GM FCO marketing director. "They want to increase fuel efficiency, lower their dependence on petroleum and help reduce vehicle emissions. Our broad lineup of cars and trucks provides customers with the right vehicles to meet their environmental needs while still making sure the job gets done. "
Here are some of the gas-friendly vehicles designed for commercial and business use that will be at the Chicago Auto Show:
Chevrolet HHR Panel
The Chevy HHR Panel gets 30 highway miles per gallon, and features windowless side panels that are perfect for advertising a business. It also features a flat load floor with underfloor storage. It is a popular vehicle with florists, pizza parlors and businesses that deliver smaller items.
Chevrolet Express 3500 Cargo Van
GM's clean-burning, dependable and powerful 6.6 L Duramax engine can use B5 biodiesel and comes in rear-wheel or all-wheel drive. The Express also has left-hand side load doors and remote release side panels for easy loading and access.
Chevrolet Silverado
The half-ton Silverado gives customers the choice of powering their truck with E85 ethanol, gasoline or a combination of both fuels. In addition, this 2008 Fleet Truck of the Year continues to delight fleet owners with its comfort, capability and best-in-class fuel economy.
Chevrolet Silverado HD 3500
Available with a gas or diesel engine, the Silverado HD 3500 offers payload capacity and towing for any job site requirement. A new six-speed automatic transmission - including two overdrive gears - helps deliver an excellent balance of performance and fuel economy.
The available Duramax 6.6L turbo-diesel engine leads the segment in power and torque, with ratings of 365 horsepower 660 lb.-ft. of torque. The engine includes a diesel particulate filter system that helps provide a 90-percent reduction in particulate matter and a 50-percent reduction in NOx.
Chevrolet Impala Police Pursuit Vehicle
The 2008 Chevrolet Impala Police Car can operate on cleaner-burning, renewable E85 ethanol, an energy source that can help reduce our dependence on petroleum. E85 has been a very popular choice among fleet customers - including law enforcement agencies - because its availability is growing, and because E85 vehicles are an affordable fleet option.
The Impala PPV delivers improved fuel economy thanks to Active Fuel Management. The technology shuts off half the engine's cylinders when full power is not needed, improving fuel economy by up to 8 percent in certain driving situations.
Chevrolet Tahoe Police Pursuit Vehicle
The Tahoe PPV is the only SUV rated as a police pursuit vehicle. The 2008 Tahoe PPV is powered by the Vortec 5.3L V-8 engine delivering 320 horsepower (238 kW)* and 340 lb.-ft. of torque (470 Nm)*. The Vortec 5.3L features Active Fuel Management™ technology, resulting in improved fuel economy, and can operate on E85 ethanol.
Silverado Hybrid
The 2009 Chevrolet Silverado Hybrid is a full-size pickup that achieves 40-percent greater city fuel economy and a 25-percent improvement in overall fuel economy. It is expected to deliver fuel economy comparable to many small and midsize trucks that are equipped with four- or six-cylinder engines, and be the most fuel-efficient full-size pickup on the market, besting the current V-8 leader - the non-hybrid Silverado.
The hybrid system provides all-electric driving at low speeds, allowing fuel savings to be realized even when the truck is fully loaded or towing a trailer. Silverado Hybrid can tow up to 6,100 pounds (2,767 kg).
The Silverado Hybrid goes on sale in late 2008 and is based on the award-winning Silverado platform that was named 2008 Fleet Truck of the Year by commercial fleet managers.

[Source: GM]

We're left with a two-parter today. Is it worth reviving nameplates that we once loved given all the risks? And if it is worth it, what would you bring back from the automotive grave yard?

Photo credit: Curtis Walker

2008 Chevy Impala 50th Anniversary Edition

An iconic brand of America's automotive market for half a century, Chevrolet's venerable Impala celebrates its golden anniversary in 2008. Chevy is recognizing the milestone with a commemorative model.

Like the original 1958 edition, the 2008 Impala 50 th Anniversary Edition is distinguished with unique trim and amenities, giving customers a special product infused with the fun-to-drive spirit that has characterized the Impala for half a century.

"Chevrolet is thrilled to mark 50 years of the Impala," said Ed Peper, Chevrolet general manager. "Few brands can claim such a heritage and throughout the decades, Impala has always stood for the value, performance and style that has made Chevrolet America's car."

The Impala 50 th Anniversary Edition goes on sale in spring 2008. It is based on the popular and well-equipped Impala LT, with the following unique and standard features:

* FE3 Sport Suspension (replaces the FE1 Touring Suspension)
* Four-wheel ABS
* Eighteen-inch alloy wheels (replaces 16-inch wheels)
* Rear spoiler
* "50 th Anniversary" Impala badge on the C-pillar
* Two-tone, leather-trimmed seats and "50 th" logo embroidered on the front headrests
* Eight-way power-adjustable driver seat (replaces six-way adjustability)
* Leather-wrapped steering wheel with accent-color thread (includes audio controls)
* Ebony carpet
* Ebony floor mats with accent threading
* "50 th" Anniversary emblem on the sill plates
* Two premium exterior colors: Black Granite Metallic or Red Jewel Tintcoat

The 50 th Anniversary Impala also includes a one-year upgrade to the OnStar Directions and Connections package, including Turn-by-Turn Navigation.

Also standard is the Impala's convenient flip-and-fold rear seats, the cushions of which flip forward to reveal a storage tub that serves as a covered storage area beneath the seat and offers convenient grocery bag hooks. A generous pass-through from the trunk can be created by flipping the seat bottoms forward and the seat backs flat - an exclusive feature in the midsize segment.

The 50 th Anniversary Impala is powered by a refined and efficient 3.5L V-6, rated at 211 horsepower (157 kW)* and 214 lb.-ft. (290 Nm)* of torque. Vehicles with federal emissions systems in the United States are equipped with the 3.5L engine, which is compatible with E85 ethanol fuel, allowing the vehicle to run on any combination of gasoline and/or E85.

When using gasoline only, the 3.5L-equipped Impala is EPA-rated at 29 mpg on the highway.
Impala history

Introduced in 1958 as a premium package for the full-size Bel Air, the Impala was an immediate sales success, selling approximately 60,000 units. It was designated a stand-alone model in 1959 and offered top-of-the-line amenities and performance, including a 335-horsepower (250 kW), 348-cubic-inch (5.7L) V-8 engine. Sales increased to approximately 175,000.

As Chevrolet's full-size platform evolved throughout the 1960s, so did the Impala. The model range included coupes, sedans and convertibles - with early-year models distinguished by their six-taillamp rear styling. Other full-size Chevy models had only four taillamp lenses.

In 1961, the performance-oriented Impala SS was introduced. Today, it is considered by many to be one of the first true muscle cars, with power coming from a variety of standard and optional engines, including a 409-inch V-8 that produced one horsepower per cubic inch. Only 142 409-powered SS models were built that inaugural year, but 409-powered Impalas would go on to be scourge of drag strips across the country and the subject of a popular song.

For 1965, the full-size platform was redesigned and the Impala was all-new. Customers responded to the sleek, new design with enthusiasm. More than 1 million Impalas were sold that model year, setting a sales record that has since gone unmatched.

New-generation Impalas were introduced in 1971 and 1977, with the '77 models featuring "downsized" styling that still offered full-size accommodation, but with more compact and efficient exterior dimensions. The re-sized Impalas carried the brand into the mid-1980s, when the name was changed to Caprice.

The Impala returned in 1994 as the high-performance Impala SS - a sinister-looking muscle car built with the heavy-duty powertrain and suspension components of the Caprice police car package. It was a sellout success for three consecutive model years, bowing out only with the end of production of GM's full-size rear-drive platform.

After a three-year hiatus, the Impala name returned again for 2000 on Chevy's full-size, front-drive architecture. That seventh-generation Impala proved popular, but greater success came with the refined eighth-generation model, which was introduced for 2006.

Sales jumped nearly 18 percent in 2006, reaching nearly 290,000 units. Sales increased again in 2007, up more than 11 percent through November and challenging the sales rate of key competitors such as the Honda Accord. [Chevy via [World Car Fans]

This car lives on a quiet side street in Alameda's wealthy East End, which means it's less likely to be nailed by drunks in '85 J2000s or stolen by hoodlums jacked up on goofballs than a car elsewhere on the island.


Here's proof that this car has lived in the East Bay for most of its life: a Charlie Finley-era "Swingin' A's" decal on the front bumper, dating back to the late 60s or early 70s. What incredibly toxic substances were used in those old stickers to make them last so long?


Does the original 283 still live under this car's hood, or did a Mr. Goodwrench 350 get swapped in at some point? Or is it possible the owner is a hoon who's installed a wild-ass 454- ideally with low-profile blower- in order to achieve Super Sleeper Potential?


This car makes me miss my old '65. Mine started life as an aqua-blue 4-door as well, though it was fully primered by the time I got my grimy hands on it.

When you're talking cars from Repo Man, you're more or less required by law to start the discussion by bringing up J. Frank Parnell's '64 Chevy Malibu, with its trunkload of deadly cargo. Fortunately for those wishing to build their own replica of this car, J. Frank's Malibu was a four-door six-cylinder machine, which means you can get them pretty cheaply. For example, this 1964 Chevrolet Malibu 4-door (go here if the ad disappears) for just $900. Give it a paint job, put some pecan pies in the back and a bright light in the trunk, don your single-lensed sunglasses, and you'll be paying heavy-duty homage to one of the best car movies of all time! This one probably needs a fair bit of mechanical work to get to that point (the seller claims it's just a distributor cap), and we can assume there's rust, but it's cheap and simple- how bad can it be?

You figure everyone and his brother is going to go for the Malibu when putting together a Repo Man homage car, but maybe you want to be a little different. You could go with Duke's 1978 Corolla, or maybe the Government Agents' 1971 Matador, but: Harry Dean Stanton! Not only did Stanton play Bud in Repo Man, he played a hitchhiker in Two Lane Blacktop (which may well be the best car movie of all time), plus there's his unforgettable "AVENGE ME!" line from the ultimate Cheezy 80s Flick, Red Dawn. Thus, you need to pick up this here 1971 Chevrolet Impala 4-door (go here if the ad disappears) and recreate Bud's ride from Repo Man! Asking price is $1500... or maybe it's $2100 (depending on whether you go by the headline or the description), but either way you'll be able to do some negotiatin' with this motivated seller. The car runs, seems to look reasonably intact, and its Arizona locale is a likely indicator that you won't find much rust. Just give it a dark blue paint job, put a big whip antenna on it, and get ready for some fast driving in the L.A. River.

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Now, you might tend to look a gift Chevy in the mouth and assume it doesn't run at all. However, in the case of this Late Malaise Era Nova (go here if the ad disappears), your suspicions would be unfounded. It's free and it runs! It does need "a new gasket," whatever that means, but as the seller says: "its free, so dont complain." So once you've solved the paperwork hassles (what, you think a free car is going to have a title?), you can budget some nickels and dimes for a junkyard 350, some tall leaf-spring shackles, and every April Wine tape ever sold. Oh, and there might be some other repairs needed as well- hey, it's free! Add a rattle-can black primer paint job and you'll have an incredibly good Fun Per Dollar ratio.

That Nova looks promising, no doubt about it, but if you're going to take on a free car for your project, you want something with a little more style. How about a genuine 60s Chevy Impala, for the low, low price of nothing? Say, this '69 Impala 4-door (go here if the ad disappears, which has been sitting in a meadow for years? Don't let that rough exterior scare you, because it's never a good idea to judge a book by its cover (though this book looks to have had most of its pages eaten away by rats and silverfish). It's got an engine (allegedly a 283, but the possibility of a 307- or worse- looms). The buyer wants only tow-truck equipped buyers, not "lookers," and he or she wants the car gone before the mud in the meadow gets too gooey to extract this diamond-in-the-rough. Hey, a little bodywork here and some upholstery work there, and next thing you know you'll be looking sharp in a clean Impala!

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This '64 Impala is driven regularly by an elderly lady who lives right on Bourbon Street, but in the relatively quiet, residential end of the French Quarter. It has been a fixture of the French Quarter in New Orleans for decades. It has even shown up in a coffee table book of N.O. and been snapped innumerable times by tourists. One day a few years ago I saw her out on the street crying (it was heartbreaking!) as the Chevy was being towed off and I thought that was the end of it. But it showed back up a week or two later and has been out and about ever since. I doubt the rear driver side window has ever been cleaned - it's nearly opaque.

Thanks, Jim!

Hey, when's the last time you saw an Alfa Romeo Giulia SS? And this one is an absolute steal at $1,500. Or, we should say, would be a steal, only the seller is asking ten times that. Yup, for $15,000 you can be the proud owner of a 1967 Giulia. Talk about counter culture. And you will really be the only kid on the block with a car like this, since Alfa stopped making Guilias in 1965. But who are we to argue with Craig's List? The body looks straight enough, at least half the chrome is visible, and while the seller admits it will need "some restoration," he wants you to know that it, "COULD BE MADE DRIVABLE WITH AS LITTLE AS A FRESH TANK OF GAS." Piece of freedom pie, man. What could possibly go wrong with a DOHC hemispherical Italian 4-banger that's been garaged in Dallas for the last two or so decades? Exactly, nothing. Just add gas and go. But you had better hurry if you want a slice of the freedom pie, as the "elderly architect owner" is moving to China. Maybe you can meet him half way, in HELL!!!

Not so fast. Perhaps you want more of a challenge. Something more involved than just adding fresh gas. In that case brother, have we got the car for you. It's a 1967 Chevy Impala droptop, and it can be yours for the low, low price of $6,000. Which is almost two thirds cheaper than that high-falutin Alfa. Just a few minor points. The Impala has "minor rust." And the owner cut the floor boards out. But has new ones ready to be welded in. See? He did all the hard work for you. There's a small "dint" on one of the quarter panels, but that'll buff right out. We're not sure which quarter panel, as the owner was too preoccupied with floor board removal to pull the blue tarp all the way off the car. But the two angles we can see look clean enough. Oh, the car needs a new interior (no doubt related to those pesky floorboards) and the 327 Corvette engine needs "fan valve covers" and a new intake. Also, the "oil spout is very dirty." While he doesn't mention the top by name, we're pretty sure that it's in pristine condition. Otherwise he would have said something, right? There is some good news though, "I have tissue box an accesorie mirror with colmb.two hoods 3 grills 2 gas tanks 2pairs of stock hub caps an one pair of wire hub caps with chevrolet spinner in the middle." Why, you'll have this baby humming, purring and ready for the 50th anniversary of Woodstock in less time than it took people to forget about the 40th. And if you think dirty, muddy, free lovin', brown acid eatin' hippies are hellascious, you don't know the meaning of the word. But you'll learn, in HELL!!!!

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So, while you obsessive GM B-body experts debate this car's identity, the rest of us can enjoy its exquisite beatertude. This car has hit some stuff, folks, and it's been hit in return.


Harry Dean Stanton's character drove a '70 Impala 4-door in "Repo Man," which gives this car an extra helping of hipster cred. Or not. Anyway, it's interesting that the original screenplay was very specific that Bud must drive a '70 Impala.


So when the shit comes down, the owner of this car can be heading north at 110 per.


The owner of this car also has a Joad Family style early-60s pickup truck and a '62 Thunderbird that gives this Impala a run for its money in the Property Value Lowering Sweepstakes. Stay tuned for them.


In addition to liking this fine automobile for the "Repo Man" connection, I also appreciate the fact that it's the same year and model as my 1/25-scale 1970 Wretched Impala model. Of course, the model is a 2-door big-block car, but otherwise they're very similar.


Amazingly, all the taillights are intact, and the bumper looks like it's never been hit by anything bigger than a Maxima.


I figured I probably shouldn't be poking my camera into this car's windows, due to the likelihood of the owner thinking I'm some neighborhood busybody trying to get the city to banish this so-called nuisance (actually, I will be deeply saddened when all the early-70s beaters are gone from the island's streets). So we'll use my model's interior as a sort of artist's conception.

Charlie the black lab jumps into Mark Ewing's Chevy and, next thing you know, the car's in the Pend Oreille River (Charlie swam away unscathed). This story is missing several important details, particularly the year of the Impala involved (we're assuming it's an older model, because a dog might have a tough time getting the shifter into neutral with no ignition key). However, the part about the tow-truck driver making Ewing hold his dentures while he hooked up the car makes it an instant classic. That's how they do it in Idaho, buddy! – Murilee Martin

Black Lab Drives Owner's Car Into River [Forbes]

Related:
Malicious Police Dog Runs Down Woman [internal]

A big part of the motivation for building the 92-pound boombox was to do something with all the small car parts that have built up from 25 years of hanging out at junkyards. You know, you're at the junkyard to get something for a repair job and you spot some cool little gizmos you just want to take home with you, so in your toolbox they go. Here's an example of the sort of thing I'm talking about: several dozen door panel emblems from early '70s Chevy Impalas. During the late-80s/early-90s era, when I was doing a lot of wrenching-for-cash work requiring junkyard parts, the early '70s Impala was as common a junkyard find as 700-series Volvos are now. When I saw one I'd pry off an emblem or two. I saved all those emblems from the cruel jaws of The Crusher, but... what to do with them? Any suggestions for project madness using these things? I'm leaning toward using them on the Dekotora Econoline I keep threatening to build, but if anyone has a better idea I'm all ears. – Murilee Martin

Related:
Turbo II, Junkyard Boogaloo - Part 2: How To [internal]

Today's Down On The Alameda Street car was almost disqualified because '65 Impalas are just so common (this is why you won't be seeing a lot of 60s Beetles here), but since I had one as my daily driver for ten years I have a soft spot for the good ol' '65...

The big Chevy had a new body design for '65, but they kept the cool circular tailights from the '61-'64 models. Ask any Impala owner about the lifespan of the connectors on the lights mounted on the trunk lid (the folks who bought the cheaper Biscayne version got only four taillights).

This here car is a Super Sport, or maybe it just has the emblems. The SS package was pretty much just emblems and a fancy console, anyway; you could still get a six-cylinder Super Sport car. This one doesn't have an engine-size emblem, so we don't know what's under the hood (not that you could tell anyway, what with the rampant engine-swappage going on with 60s Chevrolets; we can assume this one has a V8, based on the big dual exhaust system). You could get the full-size '65 Chevy with a 250 six (groan), a 283 V8 (still pretty slow), the 425-horse 396 (yes!), or the 425-horse 409 (hell yes!).

We'd probably want the Biscayne wagon with 409 and 4-speed, were we to have access to the Chevy Dealer Time Machine, but we'd take this car (and odds are it started life as a 283/Powerglide car, like most of them).

GM made approximately 700 million full-size Chevrolets in 1965 (actually, the true number is 1,764,760 if you count wagons), making the '65 big Chevy the biggest-selling car in Detroit history.

All in all, it's not show quality but it's clean and reasonably complete (and those factory rally wheels really look good on it). Most important, it's a driver. Stay tuned for our next Down On The Street car! – Murilee Martin

Related:
Autoextremist Has High Hopes for Next Impala [internal]

So I built my share of models as a kid, but I hadn't touched one for many years when I started hanging out with several professional modelmakers about 15 years back. These guys worked at a shop that made architectural models, courtroom exhibits, product prototypes, etc, and when they weren't on the clock they'd crank up the Melvins and ruin their eyesight scratchbuilding dioramas of bombed-out German factories all night long. It was actually pretty pleasant drinking beer, listening to loud/good music, and obsessing over tiny paint details a few inches from my aching eyes, so I picked up an AMT 1/25 scale '70 Impala model (I was driving a hideous '65 4-door Impala at the time and this was the closest I could get to it) and joined the fun, spending many evenings huffing Testors with the model geeks and trying to build a true beater car like the ones I saw all the time in the junkyard...

Now of course I was always trying to get the other guys to stop building the same HO scale trainyards and war-obsessed dioramas- you know, apply their mighty skills to something different, like maybe a diorama of the manager's office in a New Jersey Buick dealership in 1961, only with marmosets closing the deal instead of humans. "Building the same goddamn World War II shit as all the other model geeks is like the really skilled guitar player who plays the same tedious goddamn Yngwie riffs over and fucking over until you're ready to stuff his fucking guitar up the ol' tailpipe!" Blank stares.

But still, we got along fine, and progress on the Impala went pretty well. I got a lot of help and advice on it- you know, the modelbuilding n00b who chose a $6.99 crapola kit and so on.

As time went by, I developed a story to go with the model. The owner would be a wife-beater-shirt-wearing Hayward white dude with a Fu Manchu mustache and self-applied jail tatts made using ink from checker pieces rubbed into powder on the cell floor and mixed with toothpaste. He worked installing bathroom partitions and supplemented his income dealing a little crank. Because he lived in the Happyland neighborhood (which is anything but happy), his car was always getting broken into by other neighborhood tweakers (hence the punched-out trunk lock). The car came with Oklahoma plates and it was just too much hassle to change the reg, so he never bothered. Cops just give you a fix-it ticket for that, dude.

One night, the car's owner (let's call him Max Tork) had a few too many shots of well bourbon at the local tweaker bar and got a little heavy on the gas with his big-block Impala, sideswiping a whole block of parked cars and fleeing the scene. The door and fender were pretty banged up, so he went to Pick Your Part and grabbed a green door and gold fender, intending to Bondo-ize the rear quarter and spring for an Earl Scheib spray job. He did get around to Bondo-ing the rust on the pillar, but never sanded it down.

But that mishap didn't stop him from leaving open containers in the car; after all, a man needs to pop a brew while cruising Hesperian in his hot rod Impala, don't he?

Naturally, the car would be equipped with dual turbo mufflers and no tailpipes, the better to complement the sound of the all-treble cassette deck blasting Y&T.

Running out of gas or getting a flat sucks, dude! Keep a 5-gallon can and a spare tire in the back seat!

Nothing wrong with the upholstery a little duct tape won't fix. The "furry" look of the upholstery is dust buildup. Not sure how to clean it.

As the nights of obsessive Impala building went on, I got more into the details. For example, the windshield only gets cleaned by the wipers (for some reason, the crappier the car, the more likely the windshield washer will work perfectly).

The engine was difficult, because the AMT kit really had crappy underhood detail. I was able to do an OK job on the underside, but I wasn't willing to buy a better kit with a big block and use that engine; by this point the challenge was to do the best I could with the low-quality kit.

Yeah, baby, it's a goddamn big block!

Naturally, the driver's-side door has no handle mechanism- you have to stick your finger in and work the linkage, just like Cheech's Impala in Up In Smoke!

The mags-in-back/hubcaps-in-front look is sort of a Hayward signature theme, much like the donk look is an Oakland theme these days.

Finally, it was done. It's not gonna win any model contests, but it captured the spirit of Max Tork's Impala as well as I felt was necessary. Since then, it's mostly lived in a shoebox, with a few years here and there sitting on my desk with other office flair at various workplaces. Haven't built a model since.

– Murilee Martin

Related:
Deal of the Day: Weathered Camaro Model [internal]

Sweet Peet claims that the last Impala was the car that drove him screaming from the ad biz and led him to, on June 1, 1999 — lest we forget — found Autoextremist.com and deliver the bare-knuckled, unvarnished, high-octane truth every Wednesday. Except when he takes the week off. Or goes to work at Chrysler. But this new one, due in '09, could be the car that saves Chevrolet in Peter's eyes. We're inclined to agree that this new Imp is a make-or-break car for GM. Next they need to slap some turbos (six? eight? forty-seven?) on the high-feature V6 and give Buick a Grand National back. Either way, they'll finally be able to compete with DCX's Bruce-infused LX cars. – Davey G. Johnson

GM finally does the right thing for Chevrolet. [Autoextremist]

Related:
Report: Next Impala Will Be Rear-Drive, More Upscale? [Internal]

A more upscale Chevy Impala that's rear drive? What is this, 1965? Automotive News reports on the 2009 Impala, which will share a rear-wheel-drive architecture with the next-gen Camaro, Australia's Holden VE Commodore and likely a new Pontiac GTO (or something). According to AN, the new model will depart from the 2007 Impala in the areas of wheelbase (longer), front and rear overhangs (shorter) and passenger room (more), though will be similar in length and width. The "more upscale" part, however, isn't a done deal. According to AW, GM is considering moving the Impala into the rarefied air enjoyed by the Chrysler 300C, though is moot mute on the subject. With a redesigned 2008 Malibu set to be unveiled at the Detroit show in January, the company could easily cede its midsized commodity-car market to itself. Whatever. Three words: 400-hp Impala SS. – Mike Spinelli

1965 "Bewitched" Chevrolet Impala Commercial (WMV) [Vic's Bewitched Page]

Related:
Spy Photos: Next-Generation Chevrolet Impala [internal]

Around Jalopnik parts, our blackness is undeniably questionable. We've got a few Jews, an Italian and a Mick. Oh, and an Austin now and then, who for the sake of automotive shorthand, we'll assume is vaguely British, despite his penchant for short pants. But Cube's Impala cannot be denied in this clip, and frankly, we dare you not to nod your head. – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
He Felt Like a Gringo: Iowahawk on Lowriders [Internal]

The Winding Road boys are betting this test vehicle — mildly disguised in typical checkerboard fashion — is the next Chevrolet Impala. The evidence is damning: A facial tie-in with Chevrolet's GMT-900 SUVs, the outline of the Chevy bowtie spotted by one of the spies, and an overall evolutionary resemblance to the current Impala. Spies also say the model's a front-driver, which is bad news to anyone expecting a true Chrysler 300 beater from GM. Still, questions linger: Is it a Buick? Is it a foreign-market Chevy? Why is it clad in Hankook Optima tires? So many questions, far too few answers. Read on.

Is this the next Chevrolet Impala? [Winding Road]

Related:
Spy Photos: Next-Generation Chevrolet Impala [internal]

Approaching the rental lot at the Manchester, NH airport, I was struck by the sheer abundance of Chevy Impalas. Seems the erstwhile Ford Taurus has finally met its match — so much for GM kicking its rental habit. With keys in hand, I set off to sample Chevy's latest full-size offering, a silver LS model with a mere 70 miles of abuse on the odo.

Popping the trunk presents a yawning chasm of space with room for either an entire family of Mafia informants or the bags of three accompanying adults. You'll have to excuse my enthusiasm. I used to own a Mazda Miata; trunk space still excites me.

In the cabin, there's a decidedly mixed bag of fits and finishes. A vast expanse of hard-black plastic unfolds like Arizona creosote. Fake wood trim does nothing for interior ambience, but does offset the liberal use of dark materials. The audio and HVAC control stack is familiar looking, but all the controls are right where you'd expect them to be (take note European carmakers). The seats are unexpectedly good, providing both comfort and decent back support, but offer limited power adjustments. Room in the back is adequate for two adults.

I should note that operating the column shift is a pain. Either I'm out of practice, or hopelessly uncoordinated, but I overshot whatever selection I wanted just about every time I tried. I want "D" it gives me "3."

Navigating our way onto I-93, a muted gasp from a rear passenger betrayed the Impala's driving dynamics on the very first turn (oops). The upshot: a quiet, comfortable and compliant ride with a disconcertingly vague front end and overassisted steering. However, at highway speeds it's a stable and very comfortable cruiser, with very little intrusion from road noise. The engine was a pleasant surprise, offering good low RPM torque, fuel economy and even (gasp) a lack of harshness — provided the revs needle remains shy of 5K. Around town, the 3.5-liter V6 gets the LS off the line with ease, and the cabin provides good visibility (unlike last week's HHR, but that's another story).

The Impala isn't a car of anyone's dreams. It won't inspire passion or jealousy (or pity) from fellow motorists, but it is a capable and roomy transport vehicle. During my working week with the Impala, it became apparent the model is a significant improvement over the previous generation, and light-years ahead of anything similar from Ford (and yes, I know that's damming with faint praise). If GM could work on the tightening up the front end, offer better-quality tires and give the column shifter a good talking to, the Impala would be a family bargain. Sure, depreciation due to rental-car dumping is an issue, but at a street price of around $18K, it's probably one of the better deals on a full size family sedan out there. [by Chris Hofflin]

Related:
Rental-Car Reacharound: Chevrolet HHR [internal]

Oh, the results? Is that what you're asking for? Well...

...the Chevy Impala and Toyota Avalon both received "good" ratings, the Buick Lucerne and Hyundai Azera received "acceptable" ratings and the Buick LaCrosse and Chrysler 300 received "marginal" ratings — all when tested with side airbags. Of the large cars tested without side airbags, the Chrysler 300, Ford Five Hundred and Ford Crown Victoria — all received ratings of "Poor." It should be noted that when the Ford Five Hundred was tested last year with side airbags, it received a Gold Medal — so it's got that going for it.

So remember kids, side airbags save lives.

Study: Side Air Bags Improve Safety [CBS/AP]
New side impact crash test results: Impala, Avalon are top large car performers [IIHS]

Related:
$40,000 in Protection: Audi A6, Infiniti M35 Top Frontal Crash-Test Ratings [internal]

Hardcore car watchers may have already seen these shots of the next Holden Commodore, but we're playing catch-up here, so mea culpa (that's Latin for "Sorry about that, chief"). Nonetheless, these pics hint at what's coming to America from GM, possibly in the guise of the next-generation Impala SS, with a GTO chaser. Seriously, we heard a rumor the next GTO could be a four-door. What? You wanted blind nostalgia? [Thanks to Eric's Trip for the tip.]

New VE Commodore [Cheers and Gears]

Related:
Spy Photos: Next-Generation Chevrolet Impala [internal]

A strange, new prototype emerged from GM's proving grounds recently, giving spy photogs a jolt of money recognition. Could the next-generation Impala have shed its awkwardly applied skin in favor of a sleeker, new configuration? The Car Connection speculates the new model shares the company's rear-drive Zeta platform with the next Holden Commodore, a sign that GM's Austraila-based rear-drive development will bear fruit in the mid-size sedan category. But is that a bow tie on the grille or an arrowhead. Time will tell. [UPDATE: For context, our buddy (and yours), Yozzie provides a link to Holden Commodore VE spy pics.]

Spy Shots: 2008 Chevrolet Impala [The Car Connection]

Related:
Pontiac Returning to Rear-Drive Roots? [internal]

"There's an internal fight going on in the Impala SS, an existential struggle between the car's performance and family duties that is glaringly apparent with the first turn of the wheel. Neither personality emerges as the dominant one, and the result is a car that feels unfinished and confused as to its purpose."

Pray, forsooth, why doth Master Tony Quiroga employ such an arch tone and deploy sentence construction convoluted enough to make Chaucer seem like a comic book? More to the point, Tony Q's lead seems like the same old Car & Driver apologia. Veterans of the art form would be forgiven for fanning the page, concluding that the mag will pronounce the Impala SS "flawed" instead of "crap." But wait! Tony Q is about to get really rather nasty.

"After stepping out from behind the wheel, the driver can't help being impressed by the SS's power and its ability to generate astonishing numbers- 0 to 60 in 6.5 seconds, for one. The SS seems to have been created to produce impressive numbers on paper with little regard to driver enjoyment."

Hey, that's pretty rough stuff for C&D: a simple declarative statement that a new car is crap to drive. Well, it would be, wouldn't it? You don't have to know much about physics to realize that a 303-horse V8-powered front-wheel drive car is an open invitation to seriously mad torque steer. You know: floor it and you'll get either a humongous cloud of white tire smoke and no forward progress (best case), a steering wheel with a mind of its own and plenty of forward progress (worst case), or a combination of the two (automotive Armageddon). Tony Q tells it like it is:

"The SS has so much power going to its front tires that when traction control is engaged, the tires hunt for grip and the steering wheel tugs left or right. The culprit is the traction control. As it engages each front brake to combat the slip, torque is sent back and forth between the tires. We thought it was torque steer until Mark Clawson, the Impala's marketing manager, pointed out that if you switch off the traction control, the car will spin the front tires with nary a twitch from the leather-wrapped wheel. However, this only occurs on billiard-smooth roads with the car pointed straight ahead; the slightest imperfection or steering input set the tires on different missions, and the car gives the feeling that it's waging war with itself."

I'll take two! Seriously, we all know who's going to lose the Impala's uncivilized civil war: the driver, his passengers and any car or pedestrian within forty feet of a stop light. Note: this $30k (before discounts) wrong-wheel drive muscle car is cheap enough for some damn fool kid to buy, dag nabbit! But don't worry folks, Tony Q is looking out for you. Provided you pay your $3.99...

"Any sporting input is foiled by a mess of undamped and uncontrolled body motions. Dive, squat and roll control could be described as nautical."

It could be described that way, could it? In fact, it should be. In fact, it is. Perestroika! The Car Czars at Car and Driver are finally getting into the spade calling business. Go Tony, go Tony; it's your birthday, it's your birthday!

"One upside of the flabbiness is that the highway ride is compliant and never jarring; unfortunately, the Jell-O-like suspension keeps the body moving, and speed only exacerbates the problem. Impressed by the 154-mph top speed? Driving the SS at that speed is scary enough to be a stunt for NBC's Fear Factor."

Passive construction? Tired metaphors? Shameless plug for a show owned by the same media conglomerate? (I just made that up.) Who cares? BTL celebrates Mr. Quiroga's willingness to piss on the Impala SS from a great height. We haven't read this kind of no-holds-barred car critique in C&D since Brock Yates was alive [sic] and bottoms had bells (don't ask).

The next two paragraphs continue the micturational downpour. Tony Q slates the SS' low-speed ride and 40-ft. turning circle, then says, Dude, where's my car? In other words, he flags the fact that the SS comes complete without telescopic steering wheel, stability control, communicative steering and equal-length driveshafts.

Of course, that kind of curmudgeoning really takes it out of a guy. And GM is still, well, GM with a whole bunch of cars that need reviewing and junkets that need attending. No wonder, then, that Tony kicks-back and finds a few nice things to say about the crap Impala SS.

"Fire up the SS with the standard remote starter, and you'll have the pleasure of walking up to an unmistakable V-8 beat emanating from the dual exhaust and entering a warm car (or cool one)... Keep the dynamic challenges to a minimum, and one begins to notice the well-laid-out and uncluttered interior. Although the plastics aren't of the soft touch variety, the interior appears bolted together nicely, and all the controls are easy to use."

Although it pains me to say so, Tony has retreated into the kind of mealy-mouthed ass-kissing obfuscation that makes C&D a tired old joke amongst today's pistonheads. Given that Tony Q has declared that the Impala SS is crap to drive fast, slow and in-between, you've got to assume that "keeping the dynamic challenges to a minimum" means remaining stationary. I nominate "appears to be bolted together nicely" as a dictionary example of "damning with faint praise." And labeling the Impala SS a cool car— even by accident— is simply beyond the pale.

Tony Q's conclusion is equally and predictably timid, in that tipping the hat to the Gov'nor kinda way.

"Try to exploit the SS's extra oomph, and there is little reward... if the Impala is far happier when equipped with a 242-hp, 3.9-liter V-6, what's the point?"

What's the point of making nice when you've just shot someone through the temple? Over to you Cubba Chedda.
[By Robert Farago]

The Chevrolet Impala embodies everything that s wrong with GM. It s not a bad car; it s just not a great one. The Impala struggles vainly to make a marque in a class filled with deeply-entrenched, top-notch competition. Road & Track s First Drive review of the new Chevrolet Impala embodies everything that s wrong with buff books. It s not an obsequious review; it s just not an honest one. Road & Track struggles vainly to maintain fading street cred in a new media world filled with editorially liberated content. In that sense, it s ironic that Shaun Bailey s apologia begins by harkening back to less demanding times...

Back in the 1960s, Chevrolet s Impala made sales records with sharp-styling, 6-person capacity and V8 power. Today s Impala is linked to the past only by its leaping antelope emblem. Although modern Impalas are completely different animals, Chevrolet s objective to provide classy, spacious and practical transportation has not been lost.

Immediately after this dull, dissonant start, Bailey deploys a familiar trick of the why good reviews happen to bad cars trade: stacking the deck.

The new Impala offers more of what the modern consumer wants: reliability, fuel economy, practicality, passenger space and a good air-conditioning system. Performance and the thrill of tackling a back road are not high on the list. The Impala and its competition are about the Interstate; room for the kids in the back seat and being a responsible adult. And the newest Impala is scads better that the previous-generation car and now a true competitor to the Honda Accord and Chrysler 300.

In paragraph three, we learn that the new Impala is based on the old platform. So much for the no link to the past theory. Paragraph five serves-up an entire spinning platter of unintentional yucks, of the piercing-glimpse-into-the-obvious, damned-by-faint-praise variety. Bailey lauds the Impala for having separate knobs for volume and tuning (there s that pesky link to the past again), reveals that leather adds to the interior s appeal and discloses that the audio input jack is convenient for connecting any external audio device such as an MP3 player. So now you know.

Unfortunately, reality bites. When Bailey is forced to confront the Impala s engine issue, he resorts to another trusty avoidance technique: bait and switch. The moment after he mentions the base models ancient, asthmatic pushrod V6, the critic launches a discussion of the Impala SS and its V8. Of course, the leap lands Bailey straight in the front-wheel drive torque steer minefield — which he negotiates with all the blind bravado of a GM PR flack.

Although the Impala SS isn t rear-wheel drive, it s still a sporting sedan. Larger anti-roll bars, 18-inch wheels with 235/50R-18 Goodyear Eagle RS-A tires and stiffer springs see to that. The exhaust burble and rapid rate of acceleration let others know it, too.