Spilled pig parts shut down Edens [Chicago Tribune]

Related:
Dye, Dye, Dye My Darling: Cars Get Tinted Via Road Spill [internal]

We'll spot you the Fox Fairmont, and several of the others are slam-dunks for any semi-knowledgeable car geek. But who can identify all eight cars on the very famous Car Spindle, located in a shopping mall parking lot in Berwyn, Illinois? Come on, it's way more fun than slaving in The Man's vile salt mines on a fine Monday morning. – Murilee Martin

Spindle sculpture in Berwyn, IL [oakparkdining.com]

Related:
In Soviet Russia, Art Car Photographs You! [internal]

Beginning next month the city of Oak Forest, IL will assert its right to appropriate your vehicle. Those accused of a number of crimes, including vandalism, shoplifting, armed robbery on down to forgetting one's driver's license will have their cars seized until a $500 bond can be posted. If the city-extorted cash isn't produced within sixty days, the municipality sells the car and pockets the profit. If the accused is found not guilty, the city is supposed to return the cash.

This pushes our blood beyond simmer and onto full boil. Not only does it go against one of the pillars of American society — that one is innocent until proven guilty — but it's also an attack on personal property, as well as especially predatory upon the poor. Guy ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time, has his car confiscated, can't get to work, loses his job and turns to crime to make ends meet. That's the liberal spin. The conservative spin? If he were a law-abiding, productive citizen, he'd have 500 bucks to spare, and he shouldn't have been wherever he was in the first place. Whichever side one takes, however, confiscation of one's vehicle for something unrelated to that vehicle being used in an unlawful fashion smacks both of totalitarianism and municipal greed. Oak Forest, you're not getting our tourist dollars. Much like Jake and Elwood, we hate Illinois Nazis. – Davey G. Johnson

Illinois: City to Seize Vehicles Over Unrelated Crimes [Internal]

Related:
Death of a Dumb Law: IL Motorists No Longer Face Dead Batteries [Internal]

So you and your buddies in Naperville, Illinois, drive the Chrysler over to the nearest watering hole on Dollar Sidecar Night. Next thing you know, all that Cointreau has you using parking meters as walking sticks, the whole bit. In the old days, your options were limited: Take a cab home and come back the next day to pick up your car, or crawl behind the wheel and risk death and/or jail time on your swervy course home. But now there's a third option: a local tow-truck company offers a service called NDUIT (No DUI Tonight), and for $85 ($65 if you reserve ahead of time) they'll take you and your vehicle home. Wait, doesn't AAA already do this? – Murilee Martin

Bar patrons can get a tow home [Courier-News]

Related:
Drunk Dad Passes Out While Pumping Gas [internal]

While we appreciate the varietal spice of life various regional laws give these United States, we've gotta admit that some laws — like the no-buttsex-in-Tejas law that was thankfully ruled unconstitutional, the death of the rolling 30-year smog exemption in California and the retarded sex-toy ban in Alabama — just seem like rather idiotic intrusions of puritanical and/or PC mores. A just-stuck-from-the-books law in Pekin, Illinois, however, was just plain dumb on every level. Cars parked on city streets at night were required to leave at least one light on, leaving a spate of dead batteries and pissy drivers. Failure to comply resulted in a ten-dollar fine. Interestingly, a few folks were in favor of keeping the law, saying that it kept the streets clear of cars at night. Some people, we think, have a bit too much time on their hands. Yay reason! Yay Pekin! – Davey G. Johnson

Cars No Longer Need Night Lights, Town Says [WMUR 9]

Related:
Waylaid by Jackassery: New London Law Could Screw Innocent Motorists [Internal]

While we're enjoying nice, mild post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas weather here in Southern California, the good folks of Illinois aren't so lucky, and neither are their speed bumps. Sheared from the road like a morning-fresh zit by an errant swipe of the Schick, this thump-causing traffic-regulator was shot by commenter JC Whitless in Ottawa, IL. We wonder how well it would work as an add-on spoiler for a bulldozer? – Davey G. Johnson

Related:
Piss On: UK City Runs Pro Speed-Camera Ads in Urinals [Internal]

We're assuming this happened in Illinois, having typed both "Hope Township" and "Lostant" into Google. Regardless, somewhere that is probably in the Land of Lincoln, a pickup carrying a vinegar-like dye dumped a whole mess of it along a major artery, coloring many vehicles blue and bringing out the Hazmat teams. We would suggest not trying to use the substance on your eyes if they happen to be brown and you want to change the color. That would really, really sting, and they make contact lenses for that sort of thing now. – Davey G. Johnson

Dye spills stain cars, puzzle officials [MyWebTtimes]

Related:
Eastbound is Down: Bay Area Traffic Not as Bad as Expected Due to Bridge Deck Closing [Internal]

We've never stayed at the Fairmont in the City That Works, but we have enjoyed the amenities and excellent cotomer sevis of its San Francisco sister hotel, as opposed to the recent subpar experience we had in Birmingham, AL's Tutwiler. And while the SF house of lodging ranks as one of the finest places we've ever stayed, Chicago just put one over on it. They now feature a Bentley Continental Flying Spur as a courtesy car. Damns...now we really feel schmoe-esque for rolling up to the Fairmont in a rented Civic wearing our gas-station jacket. Next time, we're doing it in Dolce & Gabbana and a Corona with a differently-colored door on the passenger side. – Davey G. Johnson

Fairmont Chicago Pimped Their Ride [HotelChatter]

Related:
Saab Unveils Aero-X Concept at Swank Geneva Hotel [Internal]

Dan Wheldon, Scott Dixon and Sam Hornish, Jr. A podium finish for Hornish — our man Wert's fast-driving doppelg nger — not to mention a championship for the Indianapolis 500-mile champ and his boss Roger Penske. Congrats to Sam and Roger, not to mention more incentive for Ray to walk around the Detroit Metro area in a Marlboro-emblazoned firesuit. Oh, also, Michael Schumacher announced his end-of-season retirement today, but we figured you probably already knew that.

Chicagoland: The LiveBlog! [SO. DAMN. INDY.]

Related:
Hornish May Run Busch Series Next Year [Internal]; Schumacher, Seven-Time Champion, to Quit Formula One (Update1) [Bloomberg]

As the teams first pulled into Chicago, there were conflicting reports as to whether the Magnaflow RS4 driven by Stefan Johannson and Prince Malik came in first or the RENNTech CL600 of Team Reicke came in in the lead position. The Reicke boys, Jay Reicke and Byron Burkhardt, were the confirmed first-placers, rolling in around 7pm, with the RS4 in second. 3rd was the Team Darkcyde support Navigator driven by Jason Garber, beating the team's Lotus.

Meanwhile, more drama from Michigan. While traffic was hauling ass, autobahn style, in the right lane, the Collins Brothers smashed by on the left at 160. Almost immediately in the Collins 550's wake, an MSP cruiser pulled out and parked, bisecting the center line on I-94, basically daring anyone to go around. It's unconfirmed who the officers were looking for, if anyone.

Projected route? Now that they're in Chicago, figure that they'll most likely head down to Nebraska, across to Denver, down to New Mexico, over to Vegas and then to LA. Why do we say that? Alex Roy wouldn't comment, despite our probing, but we figure since the Bullrun went through Bonneville last year, and a rally hasn't been through Albequerque since '03, and they all stop in Sin City, that's gotta be it. And Nebraska, judging by our understanding of the geography of the United States, is the perfect pivot point for a run through the treacherous mountain passes of Colorado, where scanners have short range and cops have a myriad of hiding places.

The next two days or so, as Arte Johnson would say, should be veeeeery eenterestingk.

More on the Bullrun [Internal]

Listen, we feel really bad for Chicagoland doctor Lanny Wilson. He lost his 14-year-old daughter to a Metra train collision while his son was trying to get her to a rehearsal on time and ignored the lights. And now he's campaigning to have the scene in Cars where Lightning McQueen just barely beats a train across the tracks deleted from the DVD release. From the Chicago Tribune:

"It's a red car approaching the railroad crossing and I thought, 'Oh no, please don't do what I think you're going to do,'" said Wilson, noting that the car Luke was driving also was red."

Railroad safety advocate says 'Cars' is reckless [Chicago Tribune]

Related:
Yes, Virginia, Manohla Dargis May Well be an Idiot [Internal]

Two cars, for reasons undetermined, smashed their way through the plate glass of a cell-phone store on Chicago's Southeast side earlier today. Tragically, one person was killed and a number of the passengers were either thrown from the vehicles involved or crawled away from the wreckage before police arrived. Either way, an ugly situation. The question is, what caused it?

1 Killed After Cars Crash Into Phone Store [NBC5]

Related:
Is the Severed-Head Crash the New Brokeback Enzo? [Internal]

Ask us about the rainy night we shut down the Bay Bridge toll plaza sometime. We felt somewhat endangered, only because there were roughly seven miles of angry, frustrated motorists behind us, all trying to get to San Francisco. It turns out that toll plazas in the Land of Lincoln account for 49% of all Interstate accidents, and 38% of 'em in New Jersey. Why? Primarily because while electronic toll-collection systems have made for speedier passage, the labyrinthine network of lane splits traversed had higher speeds has also made it easier for drivers to totally cock up.

Toll plazas present dangers to drivers [Baltimore Examiner[

Related:
Buy a Hybrid! Save Toll Money in New York! [Internal]

Faced with budget crunch that's only allowed them to replace 99 cars in their fleet since 2001, the Illinois State Police has decided to take a half-mil allotted to them by the Feds and spend it on motorcycles. Currently, they've only got eleven Harleys in their fleet, and we have no clue what they're planning on buying. But if they're trying to save on upkeep costs, we hope they're not planning on buying more Hogs.

As squad cars deteriorate, state police turns to motorcycles [Chicago Tribune]

Related:
Advertise With the Police! [Internal]

Ah, Belleville, IL, the town that brought us the modern alt-country movement with songs like "Graveyard Shift," "d. boon," and a magnificent cover of the Louvin' Brothers' "Atomic Power." A town neighboring Uncle Tupelo's birthplace puked up a bit of funny news today some Granite City cops spotted a man lying naked from the waist down in his pickup and he proceeded to flee, ramming one of their cars and eventually leading them into a muddy, boggy place where everyone got mired down and the authorities managed to get a handle on the wang-waggling miscreant. Ah, Southern Illinois.

Half-naked man muddies Granite City Police [Belleville News-Democrat]

Related:
Naked Man Attacks Wisconsin Motorists [Internal]

We reported last week on the Chicagoland commuter train that whacked a dozen cars at a crossing. Initial reports said that the gates hadn't closed, but this apparently doesn't seem to be the case. Apparently, the cars struck by the train were caught in traffic from the time the signals go off, drivers have 54 seconds to clear the tracks before the train crosses, but due to a rush-hour snarl, the vehicles had nowhere to go. When the engineer noticed the cars stopped on the tracks, he applied the e-brake, but the inertia of the train was simply too much the train only slowed 5mph before it plowed into the stranded cars, injuring sixteen.

Traffic Trapped Cars on Ill. Train Tracks [ABC News]

Related:
Commuter Train Smacks Down 12 Cars in Chicago, Doesn't Derail [Internal]

Wow. Now and then we hear about a train taking out a car crossing the tracks, usually as a result of the driver's stupidity, but this one is a doozy. A Metra commuter train, en route from Chicago to Antioch, IL, took out a dozen vehicles this afternoon when the crossing gates failed to close. Many of the cars were pulverized into bits, and one SUV had its body ripped from the frame. So far, we've found no statement from Metra officials on the cause of the malfunction.

Commuter Train Plows Through Line Of Vehicles [KUTV]

Related:
Pedestrian Hit by 10 Cars on Florida Freeway. Not Much Left [Internal]

With all of the attention given to '69 Chargers these days due to the Dukes of Hazzard hoopla, we felt it was time to focus on another historic Hollywood Mopar: It's got a cop motor a four-hundred- and-forty cubic-inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks; it was a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. So what is it? A 1974 Dodge Monaco, of course. With the Bullitt Mustang and the Bandit's Trans Am, the Bluesmobile stands as a member of the Triumvirate of Filmic Car Chase Icons. And yes, we just made that up. Has a nice ring, tho, eh? Ah, if the policemen of Mt. Prospect, IL only knew what they'd given up. After all, all it needed was a new cigarette lighter.

Bluesmobile.net

Related:
It's Got a 4.6 Liter Plant: Cop Shocks, Cop Brakes, Cop Fire-Supression System [Internal]