Jalopnik
novelties
Posts Tagged “
Illinois
”
novelties
novelties
Illinois Mayor Party-Poops On Hilarious Stop Signs
Planners in the Chicago suburb of Oak Lawn had a little fun when putting up stop signs and now that fun is done thanks to a party-pooping mayor. The signs are the standard issue octagons, but included are funny catchphrases and song lyrics that commonly accompany the word "stop." The hijinks include "Stop In The Naaaame of Love" and "Stop Right Pilgrim." The mayor isn't necessarily the bad guy because he is abiding by the Illinois Department of Transportation that says the signs violate the Federal Manual on Uniform Traffic Control Devices and failure to remove the signs could cost the city federal funding. Of course, the intention of the signs were to get motorists to actually stop by hoping they would read the signs and let out a chuckle. It's okay, Oak Lawn, just don't... STOP ...believin'... [AP]
found on ebay
Berwyn Car Spindle Up For Sale!
We were all quite sad when we learned that the Cermak Plaza Shopping Center overlords had decided to remove the legendary Berwyn Car Spindle from their property. But now the Berwyn Spindle may be relocated... to your front yard! Yes, it's up for sale on eBay, with a starting bid of $50,000 (and a shipping cost of double that, so you'll probably elect to go pick it up yourself. Make the jump for some video of the Spindle. [eBay] More »
offbeat news
Google Street View Dishes Up Another Fascinating Slice-O-Life
Now, we can't say for sure what sort of transaction was captured on film by the Google Street View photography vehicle; perhaps the Illinois gentleman with the roll of bills is negotiating for the purchase of an 80s Ford LTD. Whatever it is, we're seeing free enterprise in glorious effect here. Take that, Commies! Thanks to LTDScott aka Porcubimmer_4_Lyfe for the tip! [Google Maps]
license plate
Virginia Leads Nation In Vanity License Plates
Fully 10 percent of American vanity license plates can be found in the home state of George Washington and the Central Intelligence Agency. A whopping 16% of license plates issued by the state are of the vanity variety; this can be explained by the cheapness ($10) and online ease with which such plates can be obtained. But how do you explain Illinois, which has a vanity rate approaching Virginia's yet charges $78 per year for the privilege? [Associated Press]
news
Four-Year-Old Leaps From Repo'd Excursion
A Repo Man's life is always intense, but a line of some sort gets crossed when he reeps a car with the owner's kid still inside. Four-year-old Fashawn Parker, of Naperville, IL, was in the Excursion when the crew from Helping Hand Acceptance rolled up with a tow truck. The kid figured he'd better get out, so he jumped out of the truck when the tow driver slowed for a construction zone; fortunately, he wasn't badly hurt. [WBBM]
what's next, the washington monument?
Blasphemy! Berwyn Car Spindle To Be Replaced By Walgreen's!
Known as the "Car Kabob" or the "Eight Car Pileup," the impaled-car sculpture at a shopping mall in Berwyn, Illinois, has brought joy to millions (well, at least hundreds). And now, like so many good things in life, it's slated for annihilation in the name of "progress." Fight the power!'Wayne's World' landmark to be dismantled [USA Today]
Related:
Can You Identify The Cars On The Berwyn Car Spindle? [internal]
we all scream for head cheese
Great Big Gobs Of Greasy Grimy Pig Parts Close Illinois Highway
It started out as a normal workday for Hassan Ware of Bolingbrook IL, just hauling a truckload of pig ears, pig feet, and pig feet to... well, you know how you're not supposed to think about what goes into a hot dog? Right. Anyway, we assume the ICC was a-checkin' on down the line, and Mr. Ware was probably a little overweight and his log book was way behind. As a result of his attempts to dodge the scales all right, his truck full of savory porcine portions tipped over on the Edens Expressway outside Chicago, coating three lanes of the roadway with a hard-to-clean-up gooey mess. More »
monday ennui countermeasure
Can You Identify The Cars On The Berwyn Car Spindle?
We'll spot you the Fox Fairmont, and several of the others are slam-dunks for any semi-knowledgeable car geek. But who can identify all eight cars on the very famous Car Spindle, located in a shopping mall parking lot in Berwyn, Illinois? Come on, it's way more fun than slaving in The Man's vile salt mines on a fine Monday morning. More »
use of unnecessary violence in apprehension of orphans has been approved
Illinois Town Enacts Lame Seizure Ordinance
Beginning next month the city of Oak Forest, IL will assert its right to appropriate your vehicle. Those accused of a number of crimes, including vandalism, shoplifting, armed robbery on down to forgetting one's driver's license will have their cars seized until a $500 bond can be posted. If the city-extorted cash isn't produced within sixty days, the municipality sells the car and pockets the profit. If the accused is found not guilty, the city is supposed to return the cash. More »
news
Schnockered Napervillians Can Get a Tow Home
So you and your buddies in Naperville, Illinois, drive the Chrysler over to the nearest watering hole on Dollar Sidecar Night. Next thing you know, all that Cointreau has you using parking meters as walking sticks, the whole bit. In the old days, your options were limited: Take a cab home and come back the next day to pick up your car, or crawl behind the wheel and risk death and/or jail time on your swervy course home. But now there's a third option: a local tow-truck company offers a service called NDUIT (No DUI Tonight), and for $85 ($65 if you reserve ahead of time) they'll take you and your vehicle home. Wait, doesn't AAA already do this? More »
news
Death of a Dumb Law: IL Motorists No Longer Face Dead Batteries
While we appreciate the varietal spice of life various regional laws give these United States, we've gotta admit that some laws — like the no-buttsex-in-Tejas law that was thankfully ruled unconstitutional, the death of the rolling 30-year smog exemption in California and the retarded sex-toy ban in Alabama — just seem like rather idiotic intrusions of puritanical and/or PC mores. A just-stuck-from-the-books law in Pekin, Illinois, however, was just plain dumb on every level. Cars parked on city streets at night were required to leave at least one light on, leaving a spate of dead batteries and pissy drivers. Failure to comply resulted in a ten-dollar fine. Interestingly, a few folks were in favor of keeping the law, saying that it kept the streets clear of cars at night. Some people, we think, have a bit too much time on their hands. Yay reason! Yay Pekin! More »
news
Snowplow'd! Speed Bump Takes a Hit From Road-Clearing Machine
While we're enjoying nice, mild post-Thanksgiving, pre-Christmas weather here in Southern California, the good folks of Illinois aren't so lucky, and neither are their speed bumps. Sheared from the road like a morning-fresh zit by an errant swipe of the Schick, this thump-causing traffic-regulator was shot by commenter JC Whitless in Ottawa, IL. We wonder how well it would work as an add-on spoiler for a bulldozer? More »
news
Dye, Dye, Dye My Darling: Cars Get Tinted Via Road Spill
We're assuming this happened in Illinois, having typed both "Hope Township" and "Lostant" into Google. Regardless, somewhere that is probably in the Land of Lincoln, a pickup carrying a vinegar-like dye dumped a whole mess of it along a major artery, coloring many vehicles blue and bringing out the Hazmat teams. We would suggest not trying to use the substance on your eyes if they happen to be brown and you want to change the color. That would really, really sting, and they make contact lenses for that sort of thing now. More »
news
Spurs Fly in Chicago: Fairmont Adds Bentley to Fleet
We've never stayed at the Fairmont in the City That Works, but we have enjoyed the amenities and excellent cotomer sevis of its San Francisco sister hotel, as opposed to the recent subpar experience we had in Birmingham, AL's Tutwiler. And while the SF house of lodging ranks as one of the finest places we've ever stayed, Chicago just put one over on it. They now feature a Bentley Continental Flying Spur as a courtesy car. Damns...now we really feel schmoe-esque for rolling up to the Fairmont in a rented Civic wearing our gas-station jacket. Next time, we're doing it in Dolce & Gabbana and a Corona with a differently-colored door on the passenger side. More »
news: racing
Wheldon Wins Race, Hornish Takes IRL Title: Chicagoland
Dan Wheldon, Scott Dixon and Sam Hornish, Jr. A podium finish for Hornish — our man Wert's fast-driving doppelg nger — not to mention a championship for the Indianapolis 500-mile champ and his boss Roger Penske. Congrats to Sam and Roger, not to mention more incentive for Ray to walk around the Detroit Metro area in a Marlboro-emblazoned firesuit. Oh, also, Michael Schumacher announced his end-of-season retirement today, but we figured you probably already knew that. More »
news
Bullrun Update: Ditka Would've Taken the Lot of 'Em
As the teams first pulled into Chicago, there were conflicting reports as to whether the Magnaflow RS4 driven by Stefan Johannson and Prince Malik came in first or the RENNTech CL600 of Team Reicke came in in the lead position. The Reicke boys, Jay Reicke and Byron Burkhardt, were the confirmed first-placers, rolling in around 7pm, with the RS4 in second. 3rd was the Team Darkcyde support Navigator driven by Jason Garber, beating the team's Lotus. More »
news
Dear Doctor: We're Sorry About Your Tragedy, But Get a Life
Listen, we feel really bad for Chicagoland doctor Lanny Wilson. He lost his 14-year-old daughter to a Metra train collision while his son was trying to get her to a rehearsal on time and ignored the lights. And now he's campaigning to have the scene in Cars where Lightning McQueen just barely beats a train across the tracks deleted from the DVD release. From the Chicago Tribune:"It's a red car approaching the railroad crossing and I thought, 'Oh no, please don't do what I think you're going to do,'" said Wilson, noting that the car Luke was driving also was red."
So what's next, Dr. Wilson? Suing Owen Wilson for taking a role in which he plays a cartoon car that jumps a set of tracks in front of a cartoon train and has a brother named Luke? Seriously, man. We're genuinely sorry for your trauma, and we're glad that you've used it to promote positive safety measures. But jeez...just let this one go. More »
