Jalopnik: Idiots

New Zealand Man Badly Injured Mooning Cops While Car Surfing

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:17:00 EDT

If ever there was a story where pictures were so necessary and yet so unavailable, this is it. Two weeks ago, Kane Heal, a 22-year-old New Zealander, was doing a bit of car surfing with his girlfriend at the wheel when he decided mooning some police officers as he passed was a good idea. Unfortunately it wasn't, and Kane managed to fall off the car at about 50 MPH, landing on his face and skidding 65 feet before coming to a stop. Needless to say, the pantsless young chap was not in the best condition and has since been at the hospital undergoing multiple facial surgeries. Ring... ring... ring... *click* 'Hello? Darwin? What's that? No, no Kane survived. Yes, honorable mention for sure. [NZHerald]

Crappy Video Shows Crappy Day For Already Busted Subaru STI

Ben Wojdyla — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:30:00 EDT

Consider it a blessing in disguise this video is camera-phone quality and not better, because seeing it in full clarity would be even more painful than it already is. Lesson one: Use proper equipment when transporting a car. Lesson two: Sometimes when the shady guy says it's so cheap because it fell off the back of a truck, it really did fall off the back of a truck. (Thanks, we think, for the tip Adamskiy) [Youtube]

Carjacking At Sheriff's Office Is Never A Good Idea

Travis Hudson — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:15:00 EDT

Frank Singleton could be classified as ingenious, or an idiot, but likely the latter. Singleton was released from jail after serving time on a misdemeanor trespassing charge. Immediately after release, Singleton attempted to carjack a lady and take her 2006 Nissan 350Z from the jail parking lot. It didn't work out so well for Singleton, but not because he was in a sheriff's office parking lot.

It was because Singleton could not drive a manual transmission. Nevertheless, he was unsuccessful escaping, and was detained by sheriffs who overheard the commotion. When asked why he did it, Singleton simply said that he didn't want to walk. At least it made it easy on the sheriffs. His jail cell was likely still empty. [Sun-Sentinel via Neatorama]

Bumper Stickers For Less Than Perfect Parking

Ben Wojdyla — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 13:30:00 EST

Hey there consumer, are you maybe not the best when it comes to guiding your four thousand pound land yacht into a spot at the local A&P? We here at Jalopnik believe pride should never get in the way of being courteous to other drivers and giving them a heads up that you may be planning a 37 point turn, parking diagonally or on the curb, or even out in traffic. If only there were a way to telegraph that fact to your fellow motorists. Fear not consumer, for the folks at iparklikeanidiot.com have just the product you are looking for. Handsomely crafted bumper stickers in an eye catching yellow work to alert other drivers of possible delays in the flow of traffic, crushed bumpers, blocked exits and all manner of innocent buffoonery. Act now, while supplies last and remember, never mess with another persons car.