Frat boys rejoice - you can drive a Tau, Lambda, Tau for a combined total of only $180,000! Or you can buy a $35 hoodie.

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The all-new Hyundai EQUUS will be offered for just under $45,000 and ranging up to roughly $74,000. The starting price is less than half the original price target, proving this car is only half as cool as anticipated.

To up the cool-factor, a limo-ized version will be available later this year with the 5L Tau engine.

Initially, the EQUUS will be offered with the 213kW and 358Nm Lambda 3.8L V6 or the 269 kW and 439 Nm Tau 4.6L V8. Strange how closely the displacements of Hyundai engines match those of Ford engines.

EQUUS is targeted at short Asian women and will feature an electric parking brake that automatically disengages when the gear selector is put in D. We know our target market cannot be bothered with small details like releasing the parking brake.

Speaking of brakes, we know our target market can't be bothered with using the brakes at all and enjoys massages, so we have a "safety" feature called the Pre-Safety System which automatically applies the brakes, triggers a flashing light, and a vibration in the seatbelt.

Video cameras in teh back and sides will ensure the our target market does not smash into crap while parking.

Finally, we have unexpected heating on the steering wheel to keep the delicate hands of our target market comfortable on cold days and a beverage cooler in the glove box since a) the driver won't need gloves and b) the passengers will probably want to be drunk.

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