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Detroit, 11:51 PM
Sat Dec 5
8 posts in the last 24 hours

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    The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way

    The Five Best Ways To Steal Gas...And One Really Bad Way
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    No need for violence. Ask nice.


     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of brandegee brandegee
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    commensurate
     Reply
    brandegee was starred brandegee was unstarred
    Image of brandegee brandegee
    05/27/09

    @brandegee: /pedantry
     Reply
    brandegee was starred brandegee was unstarred
    Image of domino domino
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    luckily women don't have to steal gas. many of them just find some guy to drive them around or trade services for a full tank.
     Reply
    domino was starred domino was unstarred
    Image of .357 .357
    05/27/09

    @domino:Trade services? Is that what people call it now?
     Reply
    .357 was starred .357 was unstarred
    Image of domino domino
    05/27/09

    @.357: well, it's a little more elegant than "renting out their holes".


    i have no idea what people call it, i'm too busy trying to find a guy with a lab or a garage where i can make biodiesel. my approach is more "hey baby, want me to tweak your protocol?"

     Reply
    domino was starred domino was unstarred
    Image of .357 .357
    05/27/09

    @domino: Good luck on finding a biodiesel lab.
     Reply
    .357 was starred .357 was unstarred
    Image of How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back
    05/27/09

    @domino: Why yes, yes I do. Can you do it in this lab I have? Conveniently located next to my garage?


    PSA: Picking up chicks on Jalopnik is wrong, kids. Don't Do What Wankelin' Does. This goes for pretty much everything. Including his sign-off.


    Wankelin'

     Reply
    How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was starred How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back was unstarred
    Image of .357 .357
    05/27/09

    @How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back: But signing off is so much fun!


    Shootin'

     Reply
    .357 was starred .357 was unstarred
    Image of domino domino
    05/27/09

    @.357: thanks


    @How Wankelin' Got His Sig Back: a lab *next to* a garage? i smell a trap. ;)

     Reply
    domino was starred domino was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    I laughed pretty hard at this article. What a good way to wake up from a nap.
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of P161911 probably shoudn't have P161911 probably shoudn't have
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    When siphoning from an RV make sure you get the fuel tank, not the other one.
     Reply
    P161911 probably shoudn't have was starred P161911 probably shoudn't have was unstarred
    Image of Flathead Smith Flathead Smith
    05/27/09

    @P161911 now with M POWER!: Are you speaking from experience?
     Reply
    Flathead Smith was starred Flathead Smith was unstarred
    Image of Karsten Von Urea for All Sales Event Karsten Von Urea for All Sales Event
    05/27/09

    @P161911 now with M POWER!: But all I really wanna do is BBQ.
     Reply
    Karsten Von Urea for All Sales Event was starred Karsten Von Urea for All Sales Event was unstarred
    Image of acarr260 acarr260
    05/27/09

    @Flathead Smith: that would explain the funky breath...
     Reply
    acarr260 was starred acarr260 was unstarred
    Image of P161911 probably shoudn't have P161911 probably shoudn't have
    05/27/09

    @Karsten von Urea for All Sales Event: I wasn't referring to the propane tanks. And no, this is not from personal experience. Whenever I have needed to drain a gas tank I would just use an electric fuel pump and a couple of wires straight to the battery. It is almost as safe as drilling the tank.
     Reply
    P161911 probably shoudn't have was starred P161911 probably shoudn't have was unstarred
    Image of Elhigh Elhigh
    05/27/09

    @P161911 now with M POWER!: What bugs me is that when the fools that do that get caught - as they often do, criminal masterminds don't mix up the blackwater holding tanks with the fuel fill - the judges are often sympathetic and say, "that was punishment enough."


    No it wasn't. It was expensive, nasty tuition. Punishment involves an angry formerly-stranded motorist, and a jack handle.

     Reply
    Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred
    Image of Skunky Skunky
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    Pfft, damn Somali pirates don't know a damn thing, not a single one of them has eaten a devil fruit. They've probably never even been to the Grand Line.



    Yeah, I've been reading this too much.

     Reply
    Skunky was starred Skunky was unstarred
    Image of .357 .357
    05/27/09

    @Skunky: Some of us have been forced to quit our Shonen Jump addiction.
     Reply
    .357 was starred .357 was unstarred
    Image of Skunky Skunky
    05/27/09

    @.357: Mine's just blooming, and it's partially my girlfriend's fault, i've been flipping through her SJ back issues.
     Reply
    Skunky was starred Skunky was unstarred
    Image of .357 .357
    05/27/09

    @Skunky: It is an amazing Manga. Probably the best one available in Canada.
     Reply
    .357 was starred .357 was unstarred
    Image of Elhigh Elhigh
    05/27/09

    @Skunky:You need a hobby.


    A DIFFERENT hobby.

     Reply
    Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred
    Image of Skunky Skunky
    05/27/09

    @Elhigh: But I LIKE making fun of somali pirates!
     Reply
    Skunky was starred Skunky was unstarred
    Image of Ubiquitous Silver Honda Ubiquitous Silver Honda
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    Honda's have gas tank drains. For the 96-00, it's behind the driver side rear wheel, 13mm I think.


    Had to change the fuel pump sock 2 months ago. Don't let a car sit with 1/4 tank for 18 months btw.

     Reply
    Ubiquitous Silver Honda was starred Ubiquitous Silver Honda was unstarred
    Image of Armand Armand
    05/27/09

    @Ubiquitous Silver Honda: With a lot of old cars, you can just disconnect the fuel line at the pickup at the bottom of the tank. And if, hypothetically, someone once tried to lift said vintage car with a floor jack under the gas tank, you'll have to grab the bumper and wiggle the car to slosh the last little bit out of the tank. Hopefully, you won't have to do that with the Honda.
     Reply
    Armand was starred Armand was unstarred
    Image of robot-shmobot robot-shmobot
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    The old switcheroo was great.

    Reminds me of the the 'Houdini'. Make passionate love to your mate from behind in front of a window. Pull out and allow an equally abled friend to continue. Quietly run out of the house and pop up in front of the window. Bonus points for taking a picture of her expression.
     Reply
    robot-shmobot was starred robot-shmobot was unstarred
    Image of JC Whitless JC Whitless
    05/27/09

    @robot-shmobot: LOL WUT?
     Reply
    JC Whitless was starred JC Whitless was unstarred
    Image of Elhigh Elhigh
    05/27/09

    @robot-shmobot: This presumes a certain lack of emotional attachment/physical jealousy with your significant other, and a great appreciation for a sophisticated practical joke.
     Reply
    Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred
    Image of Graverobber Graverobber
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    There's also the option of commandeering a tanker-


    Pros: You get to hang with Humungous, the coolest postapocalyptic brute leader ever. Also, all the dingo you can eat.


    Cons: May require the wearing of ass-exposing leather loincloth/chaps combo, which is less flattering on some than others. Additionally, chance of being dragged under the rig, and then run over by multiple wacky dune buggies.

     Reply
    Graverobber was starred Graverobber was unstarred
    Image of LateralGPhotography LateralGPhotography
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    You guys forgot one very popular method of stealing gas.

    11. Fast and Furious style truck drifting!


    Pros: Looks cool, drifting trucks is just bad-ass, get a way with lots of refined product, Jordana Brewster is hot.


    Cons: Driver confrontations, requires vehicle handling abilities, requires highly modified tow-trucks with NAWZ!!!, requires working with Vin Diesel, means you actually saw Fast and Furious.


    Instructions: Pull up behind crazy tanker truck pulling 4 trailers and let Michelle Rodriquez jump on board. Pull a 180-degree turn at speed and reverse up to the tanker while your accomplice engages tow arm. Freeze the trailer hitch attaching your trailer to the other ones. Break said hitch and drive away.


     Reply
    LateralGPhotography was starred LateralGPhotography was unstarred
    Image of MrSpyder MrSpyder
    05/27/09

    @LateralGPhotography: additional CON: screwing up a perfectly nice GNX
     Reply
    MrSpyder was starred MrSpyder was unstarred
    Image of theeastbaykid theeastbaykid
    05/27/09

    @MrSpyder: Or a PRO: Actually driving your GNX when 99% of GNX nerds brag about how low their mileage is. (If that were a real GNX, which it's not.)
     Reply
    theeastbaykid was starred theeastbaykid was unstarred
    Image of Jo Schmo Jo Schmo
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    A plasma cutter would be so much more efficient than a cordless drill.
     Reply
    Jo Schmo was starred Jo Schmo was unstarred
    Image of Forgetful - GT Junkie Forgetful - GT Junkie
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    In Soviet British Columbia, you can't pull a 'gas and go'. We have to pre-pay all purchases, because of this tragic hero:


    [www.cbc.ca]

     Reply
    Forgetful - GT Junkie was starred Forgetful - GT Junkie was unstarred
    Image of Ash78, cube farmer Ash78, cube farmer
    05/27/09

    @Forgetful: I haven't seen a non-prepay pump in the States in at least five years, either. Too much theft.


    But Wes' idea that you could get someone to swipe their card first, then you distract them, then use their pump actually might work. Sometimes I swipe it and put the pump on auto, then walk inside the station to buy bee...er, eggs and milk. I keep a close eye on the pump just in case. You don't want to do this when it's crowded.

     Reply
    Ash78, cube farmer was starred Ash78, cube farmer was unstarred
    Image of Forgetful - GT Junkie Forgetful - GT Junkie
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    You could get an electric car.


    *ducks*

     Reply
    Forgetful - GT Junkie was starred Forgetful - GT Junkie was unstarred
    Image of Skunky Skunky
    05/27/09

    @Forgetful: No no no, you're not thinking this all the way through! Here's what you do:


    First you take a car that was once gas and convert it to electric, then leave the gas cap and filler neck in place. Finally at the end of the filler neck mount a container filled with NOS Energy Drink.

     Reply
    Skunky was starred Skunky was unstarred
    Image of maximum-sienna maximum-sienna
    05/27/09

    In reply to The Six Best Ways To Steal Gas... And One Really Bad Way
    Well Wes, I don't see any equations, ratios, or attempt at math, so I was able to detect your sarcasm this time.


    /sarcasm
    /sarcasm on your sarcasm

     Reply
    maximum-sienna was starred maximum-sienna was unstarred
    Image of Wes Siler Wes Siler
    05/27/09

    @maximum-sienna: But I was totally serious this time.
     Reply
    Wes Siler was starred Wes Siler was unstarred
    Image of maximum-sienna maximum-sienna
    05/27/09

    @Wes Siler: Mama Crusher would be proud of you.
     Reply
    maximum-sienna was starred maximum-sienna was unstarred
    Image of Wes Siler Wes Siler
    05/27/09

    @maximum-sienna: How do you think Jalopnik "pays" for its gas?
     Reply
    Wes Siler was starred Wes Siler was unstarred
    Image of Mobius Mobius
    05/27/09

    @Wes Siler: Jalopnik, just like the oil giants like Shell and Exxon, "drills" for its gas. Just from different places.
     Reply
    Mobius was starred Mobius was unstarred
    Image of maximum-sienna maximum-sienna
    05/27/09

    @Wes Siler: Good point, you'll need to update your post:


    7) Have a car blog and do vehicle reviews all day long.


    Pros: Get to drive cars like you stole them. Get to drive really nice cars. Free food, gas, and lodging. Vacations to various parts of the country.


    Cons: You never actually get to keep the cars.


    How: Own a car that Ray would want to dragon.

     Reply
    maximum-sienna was starred maximum-sienna was unstarred
    Image of Armand Armand
    05/27/09

    @maximum-sienna: You forgot "Irritable commenters bitch about your math skills" under "Cons."
     Reply
    Armand was starred Armand was unstarred
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