Jalopnik: hoopty

1970 Cadillac Coupe de Ville, With Bonus Beater Poll

Murilee Martin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:15:00 EST

We've seen a pretty nice Cadillac and a fairly rough one, but we haven't seen a beater Caddy... until today! This '70 Coupe de Ville lacks a grille and rear bumper, but so what? It looks good! And, since we love beaters at El Jalop, that's an excuse for a poll. Vote early, vote often!

1970 was the pinnacle for the big Cadillac V8s, with the 500 engine rated at 400 horsepower and a staggering 550 foot-pounds of torque. 550 ft-lbs is getting into 18-wheeler territory!

This '70, which lives just around the corner from one of the smallest DOTS cars, doesn't seem to move much. Maybe it's someone's personal Hell Project... or maybe it runs only on human blood (which is almost as expensive as 92 octane these days).

All I can say is: this thing had better have Cherry Bombs! OK, now let's have our poll!

Expensive Taste, Small Budget? 1970 Caprice!

Murilee Martin — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:30:24 EDT

After seeing the somewhat wretched DOTS '70 Chevy the other day, it's hard to imagine such a car appealing to sharp-dressed businessmen (who apparently keep the car parked in the living room). Tufted cloth! Rich-looking trim! Yes, the '70 Caprice was pure class.

1970 Chevrolet Impala

Murilee Martin — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 09:00:00 EDT

This car might not actually be an Impala, since any emblems have long since departed. It could be a Caprice, or maybe a Biscayne or Bel Air. No matter; "Impala" is the generic term for early-70s big Chevy cars, and that's what I'm calling it here (I'm pretty sure the low-end big Chevrolets in '70 didn't have the wheel lip moldings we see on three of this car's four wheel openings, so it's probably not a Biscayne).

So, while you obsessive GM B-body experts debate this car's identity, the rest of us can enjoy its exquisite beatertude. This car has hit some stuff, folks, and it's been hit in return.

Harry Dean Stanton's character drove a '70 Impala 4-door in "Repo Man," which gives this car an extra helping of hipster cred. Or not. Anyway, it's interesting that the original screenplay was very specific that Bud must drive a '70 Impala.

So when the shit comes down, the owner of this car can be heading north at 110 per.

The owner of this car also has a Joad Family style early-60s pickup truck and a '62 Thunderbird that gives this Impala a run for its money in the Property Value Lowering Sweepstakes. Stay tuned for them.

In addition to liking this fine automobile for the "Repo Man" connection, I also appreciate the fact that it's the same year and model as my 1/25-scale 1970 Wretched Impala model. Of course, the model is a 2-door big-block car, but otherwise they're very similar.

Amazingly, all the taillights are intact, and the bumper looks like it's never been hit by anything bigger than a Maxima.

I figured I probably shouldn't be poking my camera into this car's windows, due to the likelihood of the owner thinking I'm some neighborhood busybody trying to get the city to banish this so-called nuisance (actually, I will be deeply saddened when all the early-70s beaters are gone from the island's streets). So we'll use my model's interior as a sort of artist's conception.

1970 Kingswood Estate Wagon, Now With Bonus Evil Wagon Poll!

Murilee Martin — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 09:00:30 EDT

I've got some photos of nice 50s drivers I could use for today's Alameda DOTS car, but it's Friday and I'm in a wagon mood!

So howzabout this baaaaad 1970 Chevrolet Kingswood Estate station wagon? With Centerlines in the back, no less!

The owner's dachshund came after me while I was photographing the car; it even makes little yappy dogs mean!

The Kingswood Estate was the top-of-the-line Caprice-based wagon for '70; base price was $3866. This one really benefits from the "Copies 5¢" sticker.

The gas cap door in the bumper is a cool detail.

This car came with the base 350 engine, which is unfortunate given that $128.32 would have purchased the optional 400 small-block, and $133.45 was enough for the LS4 454 big-block (the LS6 wasn't officially listed as an option for the Kingswood, nor was the 4-speed, but your Chevy dealer could have made it happen).

This wagon has the same front body as my weathered Impala model! Rat own, rat own, rat own!

This thing actually looks better with Centerlines only in the rear! And it goes without saying that I'm hoping this thing has Cherry Bombs.

How's that for California-style rust? It rains all winter here and you get the top-down effect.

So, now that I've found three mean-looking Chevy wagons, each of which probably knocks a million bucks off Alameda property values, we must have a poll to determine which one is in fact our favorite. It's a tough choice; the '69 Nomad, being a lightweight A-body wagon, is most likely the quickest... but the '73 Caprice Estate may have the biggest engine (albeit strangled by emissions gear) and definitely has the most abrasive body texture. And, of course, the Kingswood has the Centerlines and that great '70 snout. What say youse?

So vote early and often, and may the most badass wagon win! – Murilee Martin

Beater Of The Week: You Want Cheap Car? We Know Cheap Car!

Murilee Martin — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 15:00:31 EDT

Fellow ex-Year One copywriter Andrew, having seen today's QOTD, sends us a tip about his fine website, Beater Review. Beater Review covers today's QOTD topic in exhaustive detail and includes such fine automobiles as the Olds Achieva and Volvo 240GL. We also dig the Wrecker Bait section. Jalopnik says check it out! – Murilee Martin

Buying New Is For Suckers [beaterreview.com]

Driving Big Cars, Getting Gas From Getty

Mike Bumbeck — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:38:35 EST

Before there was ever a Donk there was our Ninety-Eight, Oldsmobile. On the way back to Brooklyn we had the engine running hotter than a boiling kettle. Man, we were tired. With some work and a few cans of spray paint we had it looking just like the car that Green Hornet had. Because it was back when we were broke, we put the two Vogues on the left, and Uniroyals on the right. Worst of all we only had one hubcap because three got stolen. Probably those damn Bruce breakdancers in that Buick Electra. Now go do the robot. – Mike Bumbeck

RUN DMC Sucker MC's [External]

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