Jalopnik: hoonage

Wienerschmoker E30 Gets Shiny Side Down, Brings Arse Freeze Rollover Total To Three

Murilee Martin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:58:00 EST

Tying the old LeMons record from last year's Thunderhill event, three cars flipped over at the '09 Arse Freeze-A-Palooza. In every case the driver suffered zero injuries, which should serve as a counter-argument to those whining about "overkill" rollcage specifications.

Everything was going just fine for Der Wienerschmoker II, Electric Boogaloo (which somehow managed to get an M3 engine past the LeMons Supreme Court), but it turns out that more power doesn't necessarily result in a better race car. We're not quite sure what happened out there, but the result was one very bent-up E30. Note all the Bart Simpson Penalty writing under that Thunderhill dirt on the bodywork; perhaps we should have been harsher on the Wienerschmokers in the Penalty Box!

V8olvo Gets Upside-Down, Roof Barely Dented: Volvo Bricks As Sturdy As Advertised!

Murilee Martin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:56:00 EST

After a little mishap with a TR7 on Saturday, the Scuderia Flatpack V8olvo (formerly the Black Metal V8olvo) suffered a much worse setback late in the race today, when it attempted to share space with a '67 Plymouth Fury.

Wayne, aka Stratocastrator, was at the wheel and walked away from the wreck without a scratch. Being a veteran of decades of balls-to-the-wall dirt-track racing, he didn't consider this to be much of an impact.

Wayne's tough, but it turns out that the Volvo 240 is even tougher! You know all those ads Volvo used to run, touting the rollover protection of the 240? They weren't bullshitting- the roof wasn't even mashed down to the roll cage! According to team captain Hellhammer, all the car needs to run again is a new left front wheel.

But you don't care about all that stuff- you want to witness the carnage! OK, we're happy to oblige:

Thanks to Larisa Wolf for the photograph at top!

More British Leyland Carnage: Spinout-Happy TR7 T-Boned By V8olvo

Murilee Martin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:00:00 EST

The guys driving the V8-powered Volvo 244 were hoping to follow up their victory at Buttonwillow with another this weekend, but the Buick V6-powered Wedginator Triumph has made that goal much, much harder to reach.

The video below, provided by the V8olvo team, tells the whole story. Fortunately, nobody was hurt, and the Volvo will be ready to race later this morning. It seems unlikely that the TR7 can be fixed, but you never know what miracles of duct-tape repair might happen at a 24 Hours Of LeMons race!

We've got some still photos of the action as well, thanks to Jesse of the Killer Bee MGB team.

2012: Anatomy Of A Carpocalyptic Disaster Scene

Ray Wert — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:30:00 EST

Big-budget disaster ~~porn~~ flick 2012 was the top-grossing movie in theaters this weekend. Personally, we think it's because of the insane amount of automotive hoonage and destruction. Popular Mechanics has an inside look on how the carnage magic was made.

After storyboards are done, VFX artists move to a stage called pre-visualization — a crude version of the action. [PopMech]

Director Roland Emmerich shoots the limo — a Lincoln Town Car L — against a massive blue screen in Vancouver, Canada. [PopMech]

Next step? Rendering! [PopMech]

Better than the takes-a-couple-hours-per-frame renders is this. It's called a doughboy render that takes just a few minutes per frame. [PopMech]

The final result? Well, simply put, it's epic disaster porn. Want to know the rest? Head on over to Popular Mechanics.

Porsche 928 To Take On Renault Alliance, 158 Other Heaps: LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza 2009!

Murilee Martin — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:00:00 EST

Get ready for the final race of the 2009 season, taking place in two weeks at chilly Thunderhill Raceway! More cars than ever before, and the most staggeringly wrong collection of vehicles ever seen on the same track.

Ah, the Arse Freeze! Who could forget the incredible end-over-end Datsun B210 flip at the 2007 race? Or the upside-down '66 Plymouth Belvedere at last year's race? This year's race takes place a month earlier than its predecessors, so perhaps we'll get pleasant, sunny weather instead of the customary freezing winds and stinging horizontal rain.

Not only do we get to see how the most complicated motor vehicle that $245 will buy performs on a race track, the freaks at Evil Genius Racing have converted it into a 928 Shooting Brake! Here's a photo shot at a track day on Thursday, showing the rear body structure; by race day it will be covered with sheet metal.

The 928SB did pretty well on its first visit to a race track. Well, it did puke all its transmission fluid on the track after 4.3 laps (precisely the number predicted by LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman) and the chopped springs turned out to be a bad idea, but after some tinkering it managed to run a very impressive 2:14 lap time... with a certain Über Spec Miata God behind the wheel. Go here for some in-car video.

Then we've got the F-ING Renault Fromage1 Racing Team and their Renault Alliance. Words cannot adequately describe how much everyone at LeMons HQ has yearned for a Renault in a LeMons race, and now it's really going to happen! The brilliant theme speaks for itself, and the team captain happens to be Phil Frank, CCO of a company known for slightly pricier vehicles (Mr. Frank wants us to know that his employer is neither funding or condoning the team's efforts, but we suspect that stance will change if the Alliance takes the win). Will this Car Of The Year-winning Franco-Kenosha machine be able to withstand the overpowering EMP shock waves emanating from the Porsche's absurdly complicated electrical system? But wait, there's more!

You know what endurance road racing has been missing all these years? Jeep Cherokees duking it out with RX-7s and E30s! Some people- bad people- will try to tell you that a Cherokee doesn't belong on a demanding track such as Thunderhill, but Petty Cash Racing disagrees. Will the Cherokee be able to use that AMC inline six power to beat its natural rival, the Mysteries Inc Voyager Turbo minivan?

How about a Daihatsu Charade endurance racer? Yes, my neighbors with the '69 Morris Traveller have formed Team Dai Hard, and they'll be relying on that legendary Daihatsu racing heritage to carry them to victory.

We'll also have a Malaise Era Datsun 200SX, an air-cooled Beetle, a Mitsubishi Starion, Ford Capri, a '97 Nissan Maxima, and an alleged '95 Mercedes-Benz S Class. Not enough for you? The spectacle of the Magna V65-powered Honda Z600 taking on the Arse Freeze-winning Geo Metro Gnome (now upgraded with rear-wheel drive and a Honda CBR1000RR engine) ought to be worth the price of admission alone. In order to fit all 160 cars, the race will be using the full course at Thunderhill this time. That's right, you heard me right- the entire course, with all its hills and challenging turns! It'll be utter madness! So, here's the official team list as of a few days ago; last-second changes always happen, so be ready for surprises:

Unsafe at Any Speed, 1965 Chevrolet Corvair
Faster Farms II: Non Rotisserie Chickens, 1966 Plymouth Belvedere
Size Does Matter, 1967 Plymouth Fury III
Purple Lemon Racing, 1969 Volkswagen Beetle
Ecurie Ecrappe Autodenta, 1971 Alfa Romeo Spider
Angry Hamster Racing, 1971 Honda Z600
Family Truckster, 1972 Ford Pinto Wagon
The Big EASY, 1973 Porsche 914
Starsky and the Bandit, 1974 Ford Capri
Team California Mille #2, 1976 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Autobahn Society Racing, 1976 BMW 2002
Team Hurling Moss, 1976 BMW 2002
Frak This Racing/ Lime Tigers, 1976 Datsun 280Z
Wedginator iii, 1976 Triumph TR7
Skid Row Racing, 1977 Chevrolet Camaro
Motoring J Style, 1977 Datsun
Killer Bees, 1977 MG MGB
Blood Drive/Arcane Racing, 1978 BMW 530i
Team California Mille, 1979 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Squadra Volante, 1979 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GTV
Rooster Juice Racing, 1979 Porsche 924
Italian Stallions aka "The Fiat", 1980 Fiat X1/9
Pearl Harbor Racing, 1981 Datsun 200sx
Unknown Fluids, 1982 BMW 633CSi
Hit & Run, 1983 BMW 320i
The Sharks, 1983 BMW 528e
Group of Foolz, 1983 BMW 533i
team power, 1983 BMW 633csi
Rice Rocket Racing (the sequel) or RQubed, 1983 Datsun Nissan 280ZX
LOOSE NUTS CALIFORNIA, 1983 Mazda RX7
Leftover Parts Racing, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Punk Racing, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Rockin Rollers, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Team Barbie, 1983 Mazda RX-7
Junk Yard Kats, 1983 Nissan 280 ZX Turbo
The Black Flags, 1983 Toyota Celica Supra
Bunny With A Pancake On Its Head, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit
Chim Chim Racing, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit
Team InternationOLVO (aka Damn Foreigners), 1983 Volvo 240 Turbo
Team Cant Am, 1983 Volvo 242T
TSP - Drivers In Training, 1984 Honda Civic
Team Ken, 1984 Mazda Rx7
A+ Trailor Trash, 1984 Mazda RX-7
Hit & Run II, 1984 Mitsubishi Starion
Members Only, 1984 Porsche 928
Fish out of Water, 1984 Porsche 944
F-ING Renault Fromage1 Racing Team, 1984 Renault Alliance
ZZ Uber Das Driver: Uncle Uber is Back!, 1984 Volkswagen GTI
Mustard Yellow Volvo Doing 45 in the Fast Lane, 1984 Volvo 244
Bernal Dads Racing, 1984 Volvo 245
Bavarian Beer Wagon, 1985 BMW 325e
Wienerschmoker II: Electric Boogaloo, 1985 BMW 325e
Huey Newis and the Lose, 1985 Ford Mustang
Carpet Pissers, 1985 Honda CRX
Mazdarachis, 1985 Mazda RX7
Stars & Stripes Racing, 1985 Mazda RX-7
Sin City SCAR Wars, 1985 Pontiac Fiero
Snowspeeder Pilots Association, 1985 Toyota MR2
B-Team, 1986 BMW 325e
Formula BMW, 1986 BMW 325E
Barbarian Motorworks, 1986 BMW 325es
Faulknor Auto Racing Team (FART), 1986 BMW 535i
Festiva Royale, 1986 Ford Kia Festiva Pride
XDOG's, 1986 Honda CRX
LITTLE WOODY, 1986 Honda CRX Si
1320 Turners, 1986 Nissan 300ZX
Clunkers Refuge Racing, 1986 Nissan 300ZX
Project FATE, 1986 Nissan 300zx
Planet Hell Racing, 1986 Porsche 944
The Faustest Team, 1986 BMW 325
Red Rocket Racing, 1986 Toyota Celica GT
Knights of the round track, 1986 Toyota MR2
Nerd Herd, 1986 Toyota MR2
The Flakes, 1986 Volvo 244
Driving For Donations!, 1987 Acura Legend Coupe
Absolute Lemon Motorsports, 1987 BMW 325
E=MC HAMMERED, 1987 BMW 325e
Flamin' Rods, 1987 BMW 325is
Caffeine Unlimited, 1987 BMW E30
Tercelators' Totally Bitchen Camaro, 1987 Chevrolet Camaro
ONSET/TWTM2, 1987 Chevrolet Cavalier Wagon
Rockerz in Dockerz, 1987 Ford Mustang
Uber Vogel: Hans-Am, 1987 Mercedes 190E
Old Fast Auto Race Team and Sons, 1987 Porsche 924S
Mark's Wife Won't Let Him Drive, 1987 Porsche 944
The Cannonball Bandits, 1987 Toyota Corolla FX-16
Lil Smokey and the Bandit Racing, 1987 Toyota MR2
LowerGearEpisode2, 1988 BMW 325
A Lemon Entry, 1988 Ford Escort
Magnum P.O.S., 1988 Honda CRX
Cajun Coonasses dba Speed Racer, 1988 Honda Prelude
Hatfieldís and McCoy's, 1988 Nissan 300zx
The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, 1988 Peugeot 505 Turbo S
Dudes of Hazard, 1988 Toyota Celica
Free Range Racing, 1988 Toyota MR2
Yushin Maru Racing, 1988 Toyota Supra
Rubber Chicken Piccata Racing, 1988 Volvo GLE740
I Wanna Roc, 1989 Chevrolet Camaro
Team Dai Hard, 1989 Daihatsu Charade CLS
Clueless Party Vikings Vintage Racers, 1989 Ford Mustang
THUNDER RACERS, 1989 Ford Mustang
An Inconvenient Car, 1989 Ford Taurus SHO
Deepest Valley Racing, 1989 GMC Caprice
HomeTown Buffet / WOO WOOO!, 1989 Isuzu I-Mark RS
Team Petty Cash, 1989 Jeep Cherokee
Mysteries Inc. Racing, 1989 Plymouth Voyager Turbo
Team Red Beer, 1989 Toyota Camry
4 R's (aka 501k), 1989 Volkswagen Jetta
Runs like a Raped Ape, 1990 Acura Integra
Automatica, 1990 BMW 325i
Pandamonium Racing, 1990 BMW 325i
Team Pyrite, 1990 Eagle Talon
Guud Humor Racing, 1990 Ford Ranger Extended Cab
Las Vegas Magic, 1990 Honda CRX
LEMON DEMOLITION, 1990 honda CRX
Fast Times @ Placer High, 1990 Mazda Miata
San Jose Scalawags, 1990 Mazda Mx 5
Heisenberg Racing, 1991 BMW 318
POS Delivery, 1991 BMW 325i
Redneck Racing Team(RRT), 1991 Cadillac Eldorado
Blanco Basura Racing, 1991 Honda Prelude
NYPD ITB, 1991 Mazda 323
Zoom-Zoom... BOOM, 1991 Mazda 323
FartRari Racing, 1991 Mazda Miata
The channel 4 news team, 1991 Nissan 240sx
1UP Mother Cluckers - Well Connected Nissan Freaks, 1991 Nissan Sentra
Lipstick on a Pig, 1991 Nissan Sentra
Kamikaze Ninjas with Lasers, 1991 Nissan Sentra SE-R
Gift With Purchase, 1992 BMW 325is
Carpocalypse NOW!, 1992 Eagle Talon TSI AWD
Geo Metro-Gnome 2.0, 1992 Geo Metro
Death Race 2000: Frankenstein's REVENGE!, 1992 Mazda MX-6
Chicken Licken -Reburned, 1992 Nissan Stanza
REDNECK RACERS, 1993 Acura Integra
Beaver Domination, 1993 Honda Civic
Socialist Dogsledders, 1993 Honda Civic Type
Eyesore Racing, 1993 Mazda Miata
Badagascar, 1994 Acura Integra
Dust n Debris, 1994 Dodge Shadow
Bachelor Boys & The Lost One, 1994 Honda Civic
Magnum pig, 1994 Toyota Celica
Audi in Wonderland, 1995 Audi 90
Team King Crab, 1995 BMW 325i
PIT CREW REVENGE, 1995 Honda Civic
Diplomatic Immunity, 1995 Mercedes S Class
Los Cerdos Voladores, 1995 Plymouth Neon
$14 The Hard Way, 1995 Volkswagen Golf GL
Gimp Pimp, 1996 Cadillac STS
reversed darwinism II: brute force and ignorance, 1997 Ford Crown Victoria
U.S. BureauCRAP, 1997 Nissan Maxima
Frozen Assets, 1997 Plymouth Neon
sierra auto recycling, 2000 Ford Crown Victoria
Save The Whale, 2000 Ford Crown Victoria
Filthy Faux Ford GT40, 2001 Ford Escort ZX2
Team Lightning McQueen, 2004 Pontiac Sunfire
DC&H Taxi Co
Team Apathy: Blown Seal Racing
Snobs on the Dole
Team Red Bear

The Race Is On!

Murilee Martin — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:25:00 EDT

The green flag just dropped at the 2009 Yeehaw It's Texas 24 Hours Of LeMons, and a half-dozen cars have already conked out on the track.

In fact, several vehicles broke down during transponder testing, including a Pinto wagon, a "numbers matching" Mustang Cobra II, and the six-wheeled Toyota truck. We're sure they'll all be back in business... eventually. Check in later for a standings update!

Hakimullah Mehsud, Taliban Hoon

Peter Orosz — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:00:00 EDT

As if Pakistan and the United States in their war against the Taliban didn’t have enough to worry about, it has emerged that the Pakistani Taliban’s new leader is a bit of a hoon.

Hakimullah Mehsud became the leader of Tehrik-e-Taliban—the Afghan Taliban’s Pakistani franchise—sometime this fall, after his predecessor Baitullah Mehsud got the Predator treatment from the United States.

Baitullah left office similarly to how he had acquired it: the Pakistani Taliban’s founder, Nek Mohammad, met his fate in a very similar manner in the spring of 2004, handing over the reins to Baitullah, who expanded the insurgency into the very heart of Pakistan.

In a recent profile, the BBC’s Syed Shoaib Hasan recalls meeting Hakimullah in South Waziristan—the Pakistani Taliban’s heartland—in October 2007. The 28-year-old commander had already had a reputation with cars and guns:

[Hakimullah Mehsud] was already famous within the Taliban for his skills in battle – his ability to handle a Kalashnikov and a Toyota pick-up were legendary. “He is the best after Nek Mohammad,” our Taliban driver told us during a hair-raising journey before the meeting in 2007.

Of said hair-raising journey, the author offers a vivid recollection:

He took us for a drive. To demonstrate his skill with the vehicle, he drove like a man possessed, manoeuvring around razor sharp bends at impossible speeds. He finished the demonstration by braking inches short of a several hundred foot drop. While the rest of us sat in stunned silence, he just laughed chillingly and stuck the car in reverse to smoothly continue the journey.

To imagine that cruising in blood-curdling detail, remember that mountainous South Waziristan is not exactly known for its road network. In that tribal borderland wedged between Afghanistan and Pakistan, this is where you do your driving:

Source: BBC, Photo Credit: A Majeed/AFP/Getty Images, John Moore/Getty Images

They're The World's Most Expensive Cars- Let's SMASH 'EM UP!

Murilee Martin — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:00:00 EDT

The Kenner SSP (Super Sonic Power) toy cars of the Early Malaise Era were pretty cool, but they got orders of magnitude better when parts flew off during crashes!

WRAM! Any impact to the bumper would send doors, hood, trunklid, and wheels flying (usually where you'd never find them). You could get several different types, including Buggem (a VW Beetle), Tough Tom (pickup truck), Boss Henry, and Blast-Em; the Classy Crashers luxury cars (featuring the Luxury Limo and Sedan Royale) made the scene a bit later, during the Watergate hearings if I recall correctly. I was hopelessly hooked on these things as a kid, and now Crash Week is giving me flashbacks!

What's It Like When Your Mazda Sheds A Wheel On The Race Track?

Murilee Martin — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:30:00 EDT

Remember when the Torqueless Rotards RX-7 flipped at the 24 Hours Of LeMons South Fall '09? In all the excitement, I'd forgotten that the Rotards gave me a copy of their in-car video!

Yes, everything was going just fine for this veteran LeMons team… until those pesky wheel studs decided they'd had enough. Fortunately, the driver walked away from the wreck, and the team was kind enough to donate their car as a substitute for the last-second-pardoned People's Curse winner. This is why LeMons racing requires those "overkill" roll cages and Snell SA2000 helmets.

And here's what it looked like from outside the car:

A Treasury Of Spec Miata Wrecks

Murilee Martin — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 10:30:00 EDT

Spec Miata has become insanely popular, and we see many, many SM veterans racing in the 24 Hours Of LeMons. To hear them tell it, they've come to show us what real racing is about…

Yeah, there's nothing like hearing a dude with his blood type embroidered on his racing suit telling the LeMons Supreme Court why he deserves a medal for spinning out and totally averting a deadly 50-car pile-up! Granted, the Spec Miata guys aren't as difficult as the Spec E30 guys, but it's still satisfying to see that they're hooning it up just as badly at SCCA events as they are with us. Thanks to TheEastBayKid for the tip!

Can Am or Group B?

Murilee Martin — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Anything goes! That attitude can get dangerous in a hurry with racing, especially when sponsorship bucks start to pile up, but it results in brain-melting machinery! Now you must choose between the two craziest series!

The Canadian-American Challenge Cup series, aka Can Am, started out pretty wild… and then got even better! Active aerodynamics, four-figure horsepower numbers, the works. The Porsche 917. The Chapparal 2J "sucker car." General madness.

Can Am was pretty damn cool, that's for sure. But Can Am machines didn't bear much resemblance to street cars, and there was a distinct lack of dirt on Can Am race tracks. Not so with Group B Rally, which ran from 1982 to 1986 and featured utterly ridiculous race versions of everyday street cars- which actually had to be homologated, although in fairly small numbers- dodging drunken fans on zero-margin-for-error roads. No limits on turbocharging and/or supercharging boost! Group B cars were so awesome that we almost can't stand it (I'm going to wear out the italics tag here)… but it's pretty hard to out-awesome the 917 or 2J. What's your choice?

Torqueless Rotards RX-7 Loses Wheel, Gets Shiny Side Down!

Murilee Martin — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:45:00 EDT

Here's another lesson for those of you building a LeMons car: Invest a few bucks in new wheel studs!

The Torqueless Rotards RX-7 was doing pretty well... until it became a three-wheeler. The driver was fine, thanks to the magic of roll cage bars and seat harnesses, but the car is pretty much through. The driver thought that another car must have hit him, since the impact was so hard and unexpected, but the in-car video camera on the Our Lady Of Perpetual Downforce Civic let Chief Perp Lamm know that he'd need to invoke the "Why Am I On My Roof" penalty this time.

Watch All The LeMons South Action, Live!

Murilee Martin — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Remember the TrackGeeks' live streaming video of the 24 Hours Of LeMons South Spring? It's back for LeMons South Fall!

Just go here to tune in. The LeMons Supreme Court and its extremely fair penalties should get some coverage, but for the most part you'll be watching $500 race cars ~~drop bumpers and throw rods~~ roar around the track.

The 2009 Buttonwillow Histrionics 24 Hours Of LeMons Über Gallery

Murilee Martin — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:30:00 EDT

Here we go again, another LeMons Über Gallery! We've got over 2,000 photos of the action from the Buttonwillow Histrionics.

Before we get to the photos of yucky, leaky, rusty race cars falling apart in the Central Valley swelter, we've got more proof that "Yakety Sax" works as the ideal soundtrack for anything; in this case, a nicely edited Buttonwillow Histrionics documentary video by MotoIQ's Jeff Naeyaert.

As for the photos, here's the deal: our beloved Gawker Server Hamsters really hate Über Galleries, and so we've had to break this one up into 9 parts, each containing a couple hundred photos. They're semi-organized (i.e., most shots of a particular car will probably be found grouped loosely together), but you're just going to have to dive in and browse to find, say, all the SE-Rs or Camaros. Thanks to Nick Pon, LTDScott, and probably a few others whose names have slipped between the organizational cracks for the photos. Special thanks to Robin Robinson of the heroic Big Sausage/Krider Racing Integra (seen above, upside-down in a cloud of dust) for the great photo of the first- and second-place cars! As always, teams that want the original full-resolution photos of their car in action should email me.

Part 1	Part 2	Part 3
Part 4	Part 5	Part 6
Part 7	Part 8	Part 9

Need more citrus-flavored Über-ness? Check out the New England LeMons '09 Über Gallery, the Laissez Les Crapheaps Roulez LeMons Über Gallery, Goin' For Broken LeMons Über Gallery, the LeMons South Spring '09 Über Gallery, the Gator-O-Rama LeMons '09 Über Gallery, the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza LeMons '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons Yeehaw It's Texas '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons Detroit-ish '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons New England '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons South '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons San Francisco '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza '07 Über Gallery, and the LeMons San Francisco '07 Über Gallery.

24 Hours Of LeMons Buttonwillow Histrionics Über Gallery, Part 9

Murilee Martin — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:55:00 EDT