For reasons beyond my explanation, I am somewhat obsessed with the Pilbara, the big chunk of desert in Western Australia where much of the country’s mining goes on. Here is a slice of life from this chunk of money desert.
Do you like utes? That’s an absurd question! Of course you like utes. Do you want to see a ute towing a ute that’s doing a burnout on the trailer? Yes! Duh! Why do I keep asking stupid questions?! Let me show you a good ute burnout.
As General Motors shuts down its Holden manufacturing in Australia this year, we’re all supposed to mourn what had been the new frontier of ute-loving, V8 freedom. But the shutdown was a bureaucratic decision; a slow bleed to avoid the prospect of a much more painful collapse.
And remember: proper ute-hoonage is your responsibility, no one else’s. You must hoon your ute daily and aggressively for best results.
Burnout the rainbow, my friends. Tires specifically made to emit voluminous clouds of candy-colored smoke are a glorious thing.
Australia’s most infamous, grueling race—the Bathurst 1000—concluded with not one, not two, but three Holden Commodores on the podium. Say, do you also own a Holden which is also capable of destroying the evil scourge known to man as “tires?” Please, do some burnouts. It is time.
There’s a maybe-supercharged V8 explosion coming from the southern shores of wonder, a ZR1-familiar LS9 stuck nose-up into the front of a Holden Commodore, which is Australian for “Chevrolet SS.” It’s the big boom time now, maybe, baby.
You gotta track yer ute in Australia, mate!
Welcome to Paper Jam, a new feature where we highlight the best automotive advertisements from the past! Print might be nearly dead, but our scanners are just getting warmed up.
Today, Craig Lowndes claimed his sixth ever Bathurst 1000 win with help from codriver Steven Richards. It was also a thirtieth win for Holden at the Australian endurance classic, and it came after an unbelievable six-car melee for the lead at the end. How is this man so fast? Let’s hop onboard his car and see.
My Aussie friend Dave is a real muscle car fanatic who doesn’t take kindly of some electric car claiming to be the fastest sedan on the planet. To prove Elon Musk wrong, he went for a drag race between a Tesla and a V8 Supercar.
Australia is the birthplace of the term 'hoon,' and has a host of strong anti-driving laws to keep bogans from drunkenly doing donuts on peoples' lawns. Here's one effort to reconcile a bit.
So you know how everyone's going batshit about the ambiguous color of a dress? Because now that everyone in the world can now talk about the same shit at once, we're going bonkers? Well, Holden's quick-acting ad team may have made the best advertising-bandwagon-jumping response yet:
That's not gone well, has it?
As a "tribute" to the iconic two-door station wagons of Holden Australia's yesteryear, Red Bull and Triple Eight Engineering have cooked up this insane shooting brake with 705 BHP, full racing suspension, and... surfboard racks.
The music! The clothes! The hair! If you loved the 80s, this Holden Barina commercial might just be too 80s even for you. And if you're glad that particular decade has been consigned to the dustbin of history, well you might just find this the stuff of nightmares. This just may be the 80est of 80s Suzuki Swift…