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A Hummer Won't Get You The Love, Hummer You Really Want

As much as the Internet is powered by ads, you probably don't want to go too far down the Google AdWord rabbit hole because you might be frightened by what you find. In this case a search of Hummer served up a steamy ad claiming
"Most single men buy Hummers to impress women. The only women that a Hummer impresses are high maintaince goal diggers. Is this what you really want in your life?"
It's an excellent question. Is that what we want in our life? Maybe this site is offering guys a way out of merely buying their way into undergarments and offering them a chance to develop real character. It's not. What it's offering is wrong on so many levels. The full ad below the jump. More »

offbeat news

$35,000 In Lottery Tickets Used To Create Hummer H3

This Hummer H3 is built from $35,000 in losing lottery tickets. No sheet metal here, folks. The piece is by Brooklyn-based artists Adam Eckstrom and Lauren Was and it's entitled Ghost of a Dream. The tickets came from local bodegas, where they were discarded by unlucky patrons.

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offbeat news

Hummer H3 R/C Car, Just Because They Could

Hummer UK have converted this H3 to remote control. Intended for off road use only, it can traverse 16-inch vertical walls, 40% side slopes and two feet of water, all while you stay level and dry, presumably from the comfort of a lawn chair.

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chicago auto show

2009 Hummer H3T: Unofficially Revealed

What an exciting day it is for fans of the Hummer brand, with the 2009 Hummer H3T embargo catastrafuck giving the truck all sorts of play on the internet. Since bringing you the first Truck Trend H3T scans, we've gotten a lot more information thanks to PickupTrucks.com, which had the first H3T post up on the web. What do we know about the new H3T? It's the same Colorado/H3 architecture but built to accommodate both the crew cab and the five-foot-long bed. There will be four versions offered, including the base version with the Vortec 3.7-liter inline-five (245 hp/242 lb.-ft.) and the H3T Alpha, which comes with the 5.3L small-block V8 (300 hp/320 lb.-ft.). Customers are going to have a choice of either a heavy-duty handling and trailering suspension or an off-road version that comes with 33-inch tires. Bizarre notions of masculinity not standard on this model as Hummer predicts customers will themselves supply that. Full press release and photos below.

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chicago auto show

Motor Trend Doesn't Break Embargoes, But Magazines Owned By Motor Trend Do

If you haven't been following along at home, folks, the nice people at Truck Trend (owned by our good friends at Motor Trend) somehow managed to break the Hummer H3T today, about a week early. How could this happen? Motor Trend, as has been explained to us, doesn't purposefully break embargoes, and they get testy when you suggest that they do. As we've explained about media embargoes before, automakers like press, and when they want their cars in certain publications they send "embargoed" information to publishers early to accommodate the supposed lead time the print media needs to rewrite press releases and layout photos. Therefore, Truck Trend has had the information on the 2009 Hummer H3T for a little while. But they claim as long as they don't publish it online, they're not breaking an embargo until it goes to print. But then they also claim if the printing date is in line with the embargo date than all should be well. Fair enough — a couple of hours here, a day early there — no big whoop. That is unless they move the publish date up and send the issues out a week early, which is what Truck Trend apparently did with their most recent issue (see the photo above of a magazine vendor with the current issue of the magazine today, shot by Michael Levine of PickupTruck.com). Then it doesn't matter what the issue date is because anyone with access to a scanner or a digital camera can then take those photos and spread them all over the internet thus breaking the digital and print embargo simultaneously and screwing other publications and their readers who don't have the information yet. But of course, Motor Trend doesn't break embargoes. Surely, if they did purposefully break an embargo the entire world of automaker PR reps would stop sending information to Motor Trend. Clearly that's exactly what would happen. More »

offbeat news

In Russia, Antiglobalists Egg Your Hummer

Antiglobalists in St. Petersburg, who we assume are anti globalism and not anti spherical representations of the earth, have found a Hummer owner willing to sacrifice his H3 for a politically significant egging. And even better, the man is willing to auction off his H3 and donate the money to charity. A spokesman for the group said "Luxury is a false value, clouding modern society's vision. Advertising posters, TV shows and slick marketing constantly tells us that buying things is the most important value in our society." We know, it's great. More »

bologna motor show

Hummer H3 Black Edition: Always Bet on Black

In an effort to create buzz about Hummer in Europe, the folks at GM decided to black out an H3 and fit it with an abundance of goodies standard and call it the H3 Black Edition. Based on the H3 Adventure trim, this Clio-crusher offers the aesthetics to live up to its name with matte black grille, steps, roof crossbars fuel door, door handles, mirrors and black powder-coated wheels. Buyers will also get a Kenwood nav system and other expensive goodies for just €1.250 over the price of an Adventure, despite € 4.900 worth of goodies. WIth only 50 on sale, you better act quickly if you're a stylish German soldier-of-fortune. Press release below:

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celebrities

Kobe Announces His Hummer Auction to Middle Schoolers

While we think the best place to announce you're selling a Hummer H3 would be the parking lot of a Ralph's Fresh Fare around 11:00 am to take advantage of the MILF crowd, Kobe decided to take his message straight to the underprivileged youth that can probably neither drive nor buy the vehicle. If you weren't aware, Kobe Bryant is auctioning off an autographed Hummer for some program benefiting kids. It must be working, as the bidding is already up to $60,000 with 29 bids. Whether he ends his career as an all-star or in disgrace, you're looking at quite the overpriced collectible. Press release below. More »

found on ebay

Kobe Bryant Wants You to Have a Hummer... You Know, For Kids

Never let it be said that Kobe Bryant likes adultery more than kids, as he's doing his part for the little people by helping to sell this autographed Hummer H3 on eBay for Governor Schwarzenegger's Afterschool All-Stars charity. Schwarzenegger & Kobe! How many references to unwanted sexual advances can we make? More »

marketing

Hummer H3 NIB

Hummer UK appear to have a surprising level of insight into the psyches of their potential customers, marketing the first H3 to reach English shores as a big boy's toy. The vehicle is for sale on eBay for the standard list price of £26,495 and will be the first Hummer ever officially imported. It's not clear whether the badly photoshoped box comes with the car, but the ad does note that "Full function forward/reverse drive and left/right steering" come as standard. eBay

spy photos

Hummer H3T Crew Cab

As spy photographers were flash-cooked in the Death Valley, California sun, test engineers rolled by in the Hummer H3T, a crew-cab pickup spies say will be the next resident of Hummerworld. The short-bed pickup will remind many of the 2004 Hummer H3T Concept, a stepside-style play that telegraphed Hummer's line-expansion plans, minus exactly two doors. Word is the production model will get the poky 3.7-liter inline five as well as a new, 295-hp, 5.3-liter V8, when it's introduced in late 2008 as a 2009 model. [via World Car Fans]

spy photos

Spy Photos: 2009 Hummer H3T

Although we've shown you shots before, our buddy Chris Doane's spotted and snapped a new shot of what he's claiming is an H3 in a "short-bed pickup...crew-cab configuration." What makes it different this time is we've also got some more deets on what may very well be the long-rumored GMT745. That's the codename for what's also been known as the Hummer H3T — which we're told will hit the market as a 2009 model year vehicle. PickupTruck.com claims the short-bed, which they describe as "cute," will have
"a cargo area of roughly 4-feet wide by 4-feet long...A hard tonneau cover will be available as an option, as will several choices of lockable cargo boxes...engine options will include the new 295-horsepower V8, as first shown in the H3 Alpha, as well a 242-horsepower 3.7-liter I5 powerplant."
Well, we normally think of H3's in any configuration as "cute" — or maybe it's just the MILF's who drive them — we forget which sometimes. More »

jalopnik weekend

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Sex-Crazed Atheistic Bolsheviks Shamefully Debase America's Truck

There's not much to say except for, "turn your sound up." Oh, and if you make the jump you can see some more. And if you like what you see, you should visit this website. Personally, we find it disgusting. More »

new york auto show

New York Auto Show Preview: The H3 Coulda Had A V8, So Now It Does

Looks like the best laid plans of mice and men are plans easily laid low by a HummerGuy. The site all about the vehicular BJ is reporting via a standard embargo break that the 2008 Hummer H2
"...gets a larger 6.2 liter V8 with a six speed transmission - the horsepower increase hasn't been announced, but should be significant. The full third row seat is also new - Hummer has never offered more than a single seat in the rear area. The interior dash area has been updated to a more luxurious and clean looking control panel. It also appears that the front bumper has been changed to an aluminum colored finish. The leather choice has also been updated in 2008. These are some terrific advances to a vehicle that has not had a major update in 5 model years!"
And in addition to the pictures below, here's what he's got to say on the H3 Alpha:
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news

Get A Hummer In England: H3 Wrong-Side-Drive Unveiled!

We were all excited earlier this morning when the General dropped the release on the green-is-good Aura Green Line. We thought maybe they'd turned a new leaf and began to learn to love the sedan. Ha! We totally should have known better. That bit of hetero-automaker love lasted all of about 20 minutes, which is about when we read the second release of the day, which amazingly ran right over that pro-green pro-car message with a 16" anti-green gas-guzzling tire. The second release pushes GM's new right-hand-drive Hummer H3 for jolly old England and other similarly-configured markets. Although this H3's a whole "39 mm shorter, 171 mm lower and 73 mm narrower" than the one we can buy over here, it still manages to run with the less-than-hearty (but always fuel inefficient!) 3.7-liter engine powering the 'merican version. The Lutz-heavy press release that's got all sorts of englandorable words like "manoeuvrability" is just after the jump. More »

sema

Exclusive 2006 SEMA Preview: Four-Door Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited -- Like A Hummer, Only Good

While at the Paris Auto Show at the beginning of the month, Spinn and I walked past the Chrysler Group display and as we passed the four-door Wrangler Unlimited, we both made a startling realization — the 4x4 with more off-road lineage than a Hummer could ever have totally has the potential to be a Hummer killer. We even remarked as much to an auto writer with one of the local Detroit dailies later that evening, and we received the same agreement. Now what you have before you is obvs not the standard, it's actually a Rubicon model featuring some editions by the Jeep/Truck engineering-design build shops, a team run by 300C/Charger/Magnum design chief and all-around good sport Ralph Gilles. His team put together a 4-door 4x4 with an interior featuring custom Katzkin leather seating and powered it with a 3.0L CRD diesel with some Tru-Lok-equipped Dana 44 axles supporting the weight. A performance suspension lift gives it the clearance to take on a set of 35-inch BFG (why yes, there're all sorts of acronym-busters for that one) Mud Terrain tires mounted on Custom 18-inch aluminum wheels supplied by Taneisya. The external toys also include a Warn 9.5ti winch mounted on American Expedition Vehicles (Who woulda thunk there'd be an AEV connection here, right?) new front bumper. And yes, it does look like a billion and a half bucks sprayed in that Rolex Silver paint — and you probably will only feel for maybe a split second like you're driving in a G500 look-alike. More »

spy photos

Spy Video: Hummer H3 SUT

Edmunds Inside Line serves up a video of the coming Hummer H3 SUT spied recently during track testing. According to spies, the 2008 model is nearly ready, meaning the next captured images may just be from a commercial shoot or other marketing prep job. Of course, GM's probably planning a counterintelligence effort rivaling the CIA's COINTELPRO, so let's be careful out there. More »

spy photos

Spy Photos: Hummer H3 SUT

Back in 2003, Hummer's H3T pickup concept gave potential buyers a new perspective on Hummer, beyond the military's go-anywhere truck and the subsequent square-box Chevy. Now, as some new spy shots that hit The Car Connection today indicate, it seems Hummer's been busy following that thread by working up an SUT version of the H3. It's a logical next model for the brand, which has ben stung by a decrease in demand for full-sized SUVs. The test mule, which looks like one of the Donner Party's transports — with a load of nothing in the rear camouflaged by a false box — appears to have a longer wheelbase than the stadard H3, a departure from the concept's stepside design. No word on what the big Humm's plans are for this one, but we'll be watching to see if GM considers it manifest destiny. [Hummer H3T Gallery] More »