Jalopnik: H2

Report: GM Caught Not Soliciting Hummer Offers

Andrew Stoy — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 10:20:00 EDT

A new report in the Detroit News states that, while the automaker has received a number of inquiries about the brand, General Motors has neither solicited offers for Hummer nor engaged in discussions with potential buyers. GM is trying to downplay recent reports of interest in Hummer by Russian businessman Oleg Deripaska (now denied by Deripaska), and India's Mahindra & Mahindra. Although General Motors has said it's working on a "strategic review" of the Hummer brand that could lead to a sale, the automaker insists its current focus is on aiding dealer profitability on a case-by-case basis; considering that dealers sold an average of 11 Hummers each last month, that's probably a good place to focus. [Detroit News]

GM In Talks To Buy Out Hummer Dealerships

Andrew Stoy — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:20:00 EDT

Automotive News reports that General Motors is ~~bribing~~ incentivizing moribund Hummer dealers by prepaying them second- and third-quarter bonuses based upon 2007 sales. The company is also reportedly talking to many dealer principals behind-the-scenes about buyout options, attempting to smooth the transition to a brand sale or closure and avoid some of the expensive legal issues that plagued its Oldsmobile shutdown. Dealers could use all the help they can get: Hummer sales plummeted nearly 60% in June, compared with a year earlier.

The incentive bonuses are not insignificant: Automotive News quoted Miami Hummer dealer Ed Williamson as saying they could "be substantial," often in the six-figures. Williamson would know: He happens to own the highest-volume Hummer store in the country, Williamson Cadillac-Hummer. So how many of the beasts did the hottest location move in June? Thirty-one, or about one per day. That's compared to about 100 a month during 2007.

Jalopnik Snap Judgment: Sales dropping due to a "loser" image? Irrelevant products? A parent company that's given up hope? It's DeSoto, Studebaker and Oldsmobile all over again. Take a picture of yourself next to an H2 soon: One day your kids will say "I can't believe people used to drive things like that!" [Automotive News (Sub. Req.); Photo Credit: A1 Limobus]

Hummer H2 Assembly Line To Produce Just-As-Boxy Standard Taxis

Matt Hardigree — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:20:00 EDT

The Standard Taxi by VPG Auto has been working the publicity circuit for a while now, but it appears AM General may step up to actually produce it. With the likely death of the Hummer H2, AM General will have excess capacity at its Mishawaka, Indiana plant. Assuming VPG can secure financing, they'll be able to start building the taxis next year. Details and full release after the jump.

The Standard Taxi would be the first purpose-built taxi since the Checker Marathon, and the design offers some advantageous features. The strange-looking vehicle has easily replaceable body panels for simple maintenance in the urban environment. The low-floor configuration means it'll take wheelchairs and scooters, so the cab should also see use as a paratransit vehicle. And, most importantly, the cab can hold four passengers as well as an heiress-level of luggage. Expect a new, less awkward design for the production version.

Newsletter Announcement
We are very proud to announce that we have teamed up with AM General LLC to build our vehicles. AM General® is located in South Bend, Indiana, where it has manufactured the HUMVEE® (High Mobility Multi-purpose Wheeled Vehicle) for the military since 1985. AM General's product heritage includes the venerable HUMMER® H1 and they currently assemble the HUMMER H2 which is marketed by General Motors Corporation. Our vehicle production is scheduled to begin in 2009.

Quality and Performance! Our groundbreaking agreement with AM General will benefit owners, operators, drivers, and the riding public. We looked at several manufacturing possibilities over the past year and we chose AM General because of its excellence in building vehicles and its vast experience in procuring parts and vehicle components, engineering and validation processes, service parts logistics, maintenance planning, warranty service and administration, and launch of production vehicles. More details to come in our next VPG newsletter!

[VPG Autos via Hummer Guy]

Hummer H3: Decepticon or Autobot?

Travis Hudson — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:00:00 EDT

It seems that the HX won't be the only Hummer vehicle featured in Transformers 2. At the Cinema Expo International 2008 in Amsterdam, GM shelled out some bucks for a big platform that includes the H3 logo, the Transformers logo and dual black H3's to go along with it all.

If you recall, Ratchet from the first Transformers was a tweaked Hummer H2. Could Ratchet be getting a upgrade? Or will the Hummer H3 serve as a completely new Transformer? GM might just using the black H3s because it doesn't have enough spare Hummer HX concepts for a measly movie expo. Only time will tell.

Maybe that "strategic review" of the Hummer brand meant just dumping all of the Hummer eggs into the Transformers basket. [TFW2005]

More Evidence Points To Hummer Sale; Russians, Chinese Interested?

Andrew Stoy — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:15:00 EDT

More evidence is emerging that GM is moving quickly to solve its Hummer problem. The Detroit Free Press reports today on John Voss, a Dayton-area dealer who purchased a Hummer franchise in April, who says that GM offered to refund his money. "They have three choices and they said they want to make this decision very quickly," Voss said. "They are either going to make a smaller Hummer hybrid and change the H2, close the brand or sell it." Given the lead time needed to create a Hummer hybrid or impose radical changes to the H2 and the implications of closing the brand, a sale still seems to be the most practical option for GM.

Countries raking in huge oil profits are would be the most likely destination for Hummer. Markets in Russia and Latin America continue to demand large SUVs, while China and India are potential suitors as well. At least one analyst speculated about Hummer as a logical fit for Tata Motors. "It would be a great fit with Land Rover," said Rajesh Kothari, a partner with investment banker Seneca Partners LLC and Manchester Holdings. "Hummer is a similar product line; it has similar demographics but a different reach." While the combination of Tatas and a Hummer make perfect sense to us, a spokesperson from the Indian automaker declined to comment.
[Freep; Photo Credit: GraniteGrok.com]

Once Upon A Time In Mexico: PUTC Hoons A Hummer H2 SUT In The Baja 500

Mark Arnold — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:40:00 EDT

While the General may be trying to sell off the Hummer brand, that didn't stop a few of the Humvee-wannabes from being deployed down to Mexico to wage war in the Baja 500. Proving — or at least attempting to prove — the H2, H2 SUT and H3 aren't just suburban soft-roading sissy-mobiles. Jalopnik superfriend, Mike Levine of Pickuptrucks.com, was embedded with Team Hummer, documenting every step along the way. Starting with a stock H2 SUT, the crew painstakingly prepared the truck to compete in the, err... Stock Full-Size Truck Class. OK, so that's actually more work than it may sound. "Stock" may have been bastardized as a term by Nascar, but on the craggy Baja trails it actually still means something. Mike got to ride along for the race, and as you can see above, we've got some footage of the beast in action to prove it. And by beast, we meant the H2 SUT. Check out the crazy Mexican adventure in it's entirety over at Pickuptrucks.com.

A Hummer Won't Get You The Love, Hummer You Really Want

Matt Hardigree — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:45:00 EDT

As much as the Internet is powered by ads, you probably don't want to go too far down the Google AdWord rabbit hole because you might be frightened by what you find. In this case a search of Hummer served up a steamy ad claiming

"Most single men buy Hummers to impress women. The only women that a Hummer impresses are high maintaince goal diggers. Is this what you really want in your life?"

It's an excellent question. Is that what we want in our life? Maybe this site is offering guys a way out of merely buying their way into undergarments and offering them a chance to develop real character. It's not. What it's offering is wrong on so many levels. The full ad below the jump.

Look a little further and this is what you'll get:

If you really want to meet high quality women you need to look outside the USA. Foreign women have the qualities you want!

That's right fellas, you don't want a woman that loves you for your awkwardly-styled SUV, you want a woman that wants you because you were born in French Lick, Indiana. We feel sorry for Akona Adventure Gear, which seems to have been roped into this by some skeezy company.

Why not enlist and pick up foreign women today in your Hummer?

Environmental Impact of Prius, Hummer Considered By Slate

Ben Wojdyla — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:15:00 EDT

The leftist propaganda machine that is Slate recently made an attempt to quash rumors saying the Hummer H2 has a smaller overall environmental impact than a Toyota Prius. The argument goes that the manufacturing process is so energy intensive, and the materials so environmentally damaging, the Toyota Prius is actually worse for the environment in the long run than buying a Hummer H2. Of course the commies at Slate start talking about "science, studies and analysis" — all code words to their conspirators we're sure. We're on to you Slate. [Slate.com]

The Rumors Of The Imminent Demise Of The H2 Have Been Greatly Exaggerated, It's Actually Dying In 2014

The Auto Insider — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:03:21 EDT

Our earlier story on the demise of the Hummer H2 earlier today has shaken loose a few more details from inside sources and it turns out we weren't quite spot on with the kill date. It's actually 2014, not 2011. Here are the new details our previous story has shaken loose from the tree of knowledge that is the tower o' power in Detroit:

Initially, GM was planning a next generation Hummer H2 model built on the GMT-900 chassis for sometime in 2010. Internally, it was referred to as "GMT915." It was the next-gen chassis for the vehicle that GM has now decided to do away with.

The plans now call for the H2 to remain on the GMT-800 chassis, with significant refresh coming sometime between the latter half of 2010 and the first half of 2011. At this point, the H2 will be allowed to run its course and then die. That would put the H2 ending sometime around 2014.

So while the H2 is still going away eventually, our first story was off by a couple of years. We apologize. Serves you right for listening to a blog on "news" stuff anyway. Fercrissakes, we have a feature here called "Hoon of the Day."

Hummer H2 To Die By 2011, Take Cheap Gas With It

The Auto Insider — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:00 EDT

UPDATE: Looks like FUH2 has a little bit more life left in it — we've now determined the Hummer H2 will die in 2014. Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for not reversing the charges. The Hummer haters at FUH2 will get their wish faster than they'd ever hoped. It seems the death knell of the Hummer H2 has been sound. Yes, that's correct, we've just received word a decision came down within the last few weeks at the General to end production of the H2. But if you've been holding off on buying that H2 with the 28 inch DUBs and sound system with enough power to make you sterile, don't freak out just yet. Instead of getting the axe right away, we believe the H2 will be allowed to live out its current product life cycle. This probably means the 2011 model year will be the H2's swan song. Full death-filled conclusion to every environmentalist's favorite target after the jump.

While we can think of a few reasons for the demise of the Hummer H2, one reason is greater than the rest — CAFE. Up until recently, the H2 had been exempt from Corporate Average Fuel Economy standards due to it's gross vehicle weight rating. Vehicles above a 8,500 lb. GVW rating did not have to comply with CAFE. The H2's GVW came in at a convenient 8,600 lbs. Just hulking enough to miss the Federal fuel economy misers. However, with the new standards passed by Congress at the end of 2007, the H2 would fall under the CAFE umbrella by 2011. No official fuel economy number have ever been released on the H2, but most reviewers have observed an average somewhere between 12 MPG and 9 MPG. That means continued production of the H2 would've taken a huge, wet, 87-octane bite out of GM's CAFE pie that no number of Aveos sold could fill.

Past its fuel economy woes — or likely because of them — the H2 wasn't exactly flying off dealer lots as of late. Only 12,431 people decided they couldn't live without an H2 in 2007, a sales figure 27.3% lower than the heady, fuel-friendly days of 2006.

The H2 was also the only vehicle left still being built on the General's ol' and busted GMT-800 chassis. With all the other large GM SUVs and trucks now on the newer GMT-900 chassis, the idea of spending money on the older platform may have quickly fallen out of favor with "Slick" Rick Wagoner and "Maximum" Bob Lutz.

With the FUH2.com website now irrelevant, we'd like to suggest a new site — one where we could all wave goodbye to the H2 instead of giving it "the bird." Excuse us while we go register CUH2.com.

The Masculinity Jokes Are Endless With Grow Your Own Hummer

Travis Hudson — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:45:00 EST

Everyone knows that Hummers are pretty damn big, but now they can get even bigger with Grow Your Own Hummer! Okay, I really doubt that this toy could get bigger than an actual Hummer, but who knows—those inflatable water-sponge things seem like they can defy the laws of physics.

This novelty comes in the H2 variant of the Hummer and is available for $24, in packs of a dozen—just in case the first five or ten don't get quite huge enough for you. [Grow Hummer via neatorama]

Hummer H2 SUT Getting Bigger?

Matt Hardigree — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 09:48:34 EST

The fast shutters over at KGP photography captured what looks like a Hummer HT SUT (In reality, a Hummer H2T — according to Winding Road) that's been stretched out on the rack. The fake army paint job doesn't fool them though, as they think that this is a new H2 making use of the stretched GMT-900 platform — the same used for the Suburban as opposed to the current H2, which is built on the same platform used by the Chevy Tahoe. This would give it real, truck-like powers as opposed to the current generation, which can barely hold more than two kegs. Full spy report below the jump: UPDATE: Winding Road's sources tell us this H2 SUT mule is actually a Hummer H2T, a companion to the Hummer H3T we expect to see revealed in coming months.

Judging by this prototype caught under test, it looks like the Hummer H2 SUT is on the verge of a growth spurt. This H2 SUT tester— parading around in what appears to be a faux army paint scheme (complete with star)—has clearly been lengthened behind the rear doors. It appears that a good 12-inches has been added—both fore and aft of the rear wheel—resulting in a significant increase in hauling capacity over the compromised bed of the current H2 SUT.

We would guess that this new, longer H2 is making use of the
stretched GMT 900 platform used on the Suburban instead of the H2's
normal Tahoe-based package. The strategy was probably deemed
necessary to properly differentiate the H2 SUT from the upcoming H3
SUT, which sports a similarly stretched bed when compared to its SUV
counterpart. If the H2 SUT has ever made any sense, it's relevance
would be severely challenged if the smaller H3 pickup actually
trumped the H2 in functionality. The General is now in the process
of rectifying this shortcoming. One now wonders if this lengthened
treatment will also be applied to the H2 SUV.

SEMA 2007: Hummer H2 Safari Comes Complete With A Gun Rack

Ray Wert — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 00:01:06 EDT

We don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate a gun rack — but that hasn't stopped Hummer from dropping one into their new Hummer H2 Safari Off-Road concept they'll be showing off here at SEMA. At least that's what it says in the press release — and you know we'll be snagging some pictures of it as soon as we find it on the show floor. In addition to the aforementioned holder of guns, it also comes equipped with a 6.2-liter V8 engine and 20" wheels with Mickey Thompson 35-inch off-road tires. They make it easier for you to track the most dangerous prey over the dirty trails of your private island wethinks. Full press release after the jump. Go ahead, we'll give you a 30-second head start before the hunt begins.

HUMMER H2 SAFARI OFF ROAD
The HUMMER H2 Safari concept brings a unique, open-air experience to those who want to experience as much of the outdoors as possible when taking their H2 to a favorite wilderness location. A unique, safari-inspired matte olive finish allows sportsman to take the H2 Safari on to the trail and blend in with the scenery. A large, folding canvas roof panel opens up the H2 Safari, too, creating an open-air driving experience. Additional modifications are aimed at enhancing the vehicle's capability and comfort, including a dockable GPS unit.

Vehicle highlights:

• H2 Safari Off Road concept
• 6.2L V-8 with 393 horsepower
• Retractable canvas roof panel
• Safari-inspired matte olive exterior color
• 20-inch wheels
• Mickey Thompson 35-inch off-road tires
• Removable rear quarter windows
• Euro-style smoked light lenses with LED lighting
• Black-anodized billet aluminum rear D-rings
• Warn winch - power plant with dual-force in front
• Heavy-duty suspension with two-inch lift kit
• Brushed metal appearance on interior trim
• Weather-resistant premium nylon seating material
• Olive green rubber floor replaces production carpeting
• Custom floor mats
• Magellan 500 eXplorist dockable GPS unit
• Premium outdoor luggage and gun racks

GM Accessories (production and concept)

• Roadside assistance package
• First aid kit
• Hitch receiver cover
• Tail lamp guards
• Rocker protectors
• Fuel door (black)
• Tubular assist steps (black)
• Hood handles (black)

# # #

Fergie Auctions Off Her Hummer H2 To, You Know, Save The Environment

Ray Wert — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:00:00 EDT

The owner of the trademark on lovely lady lumps is auctioning off her lump of an SUV — a DUB Edition Hummer H2 for charity. That's totally so special of her! So what's the charity, you ask? Global Green USA. Umm, yeah. But wait, wait all you cynics of the world — she answers your question your question already. The answer, just below the jump:

The cynic may say that this is just transferring the negative effects of the vehicle to someone else, but in supporting Global Green USA, the charity is donating carbon emission credits for 10 years to offset the impact and in addition it is using the money to work on the important issue of climate change.

Oh, well, carbon emission credits — sure, we'll buy that. What about the carbon emissions credits you'll need to offset the ten gallon jugs of disinfectant you'll need to cleanse this vehicle of whatever Fergaliciousness may have gone on in the back? (Hat tip to Joe!) [via eBay]

In Russia, Moment of Zen Marries YOU!

Davey G. Johnson — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 23:45:00 EDT

Since we've been feeling romantic these last few days, we thought we'd leave you with this shot from English Russia. Who ever thought during the Cold War that vehicles inspired by American military hardware would one day carry blissful children of the Russian Mafia off to their honeymoons on the Caspian Sea? Now if only there were an ekranoplan ride involved... – Davey G. Johnson

Wedding Hummer [English Russia]

Related:
What Would You Do With a Free Kuznetsov NK-12? [Internal]

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Sex-Crazed Atheistic Bolsheviks Shamefully Debase America's Truck

Jonny Lieberman — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 13:00:00 EDT

There's not much to say except for, "turn your sound up." Oh, and if you make the jump you can see some more. And if you like what you see, you should visit this website. Personally, we find it disgusting. – Jonny Lieberman

I Humped Your Hummer [ihumpedyourhummer.com]

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Deceitful Mini-Jeep Assails Mini-H2's Love of God and Country

Jonny Lieberman — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:00:00 EDT

Yeah, normally this is the spot where we put the lyrics to the song about dominating the parking lot at one of the Red Rocker's shows, but... these videos takes some explaining. Basically watch what's above, and then make the jump to see a new rendering of the phrase, "beaten like a rented mule." We find the second video slightly mo' funny with the sound off. Oh, and a happy Cabo Tahoe to you. Cue music.

Got a Big Johnson T-shirt.....

– Jonny Lieberman

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Patriotic H2 Redemption

Jonny Lieberman — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 13:00:00 EDT

Got a Big Johnson T-shirt
Got a little baby, teeny nutsack
Got a jacked up Chevy Tahoe
Sitting in the parking lot of American Interstates
Gonna drink some Buds
Smoke some Reds
Eat Big Macs
And drive... drive about 55 mph
Uncle Sammy Hummer Weekend, yeah!
It's a Sammy Hummer Weekend baby**

**Sung to the righteous tune of "Sammy Hagar Weekend" by Thelonious Monster. &ndash Jonny Lieberman

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Anti-Hummer, and Therefore Anti-American, Commie Bull

Jonny Lieberman — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 09:00:00 EDT

Got a Big Johnson T-shirt
Got a little baby, teeny nutsack
Got a jacked up Chevy Tahoe
Sitting in the parking lot of American Interstates
Gonna drink some Buds
Smoke some Reds
Eat Big Macs
And drive... drive about 55 mph
Uncle Sammy Hummer Weekend, yeah!
It's a Sammy Hummer Weekend baby**

**Sung to the righteous tune of "Sammy Hagar Weekend" by Thelonious Monster. &ndash Jonny Lieberman

Oy Vey: Toyota FJ70 Shows Up, Pulls Out Hummer H2

Jonny Lieberman — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 15:10:00 EDT

As Americans, this one is terribly embarrassing. There's really nothing else to add, save for that we can smell this guy's clutch from here. – Jonny Lieberman

New York Auto Show Preview: The H3 Coulda Had A V8, So Now It Does

Ray Wert — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:19:49 EDT

Looks like the best laid plans of mice and men are plans easily laid low by a HummerGuy. The site all about the vehicular BJ is reporting via a standard embargo break that the 2008 Hummer H2

"...gets a larger 6.2 liter V8 with a six speed transmission - the horsepower increase hasn't been announced, but should be significant. The full third row seat is also new - Hummer has never offered more than a single seat in the rear area. The interior dash area has been updated to a more luxurious and clean looking control panel. It also appears that the front bumper has been changed to an aluminum colored finish. The leather choice has also been updated in 2008. These are some terrific advances to a vehicle that has not had a major update in 5 model years!"

And in addition to the pictures below, here's what he's got to say on the H3 Alpha:

"The 2008 Hummer H3 Alpha will have a 5.3 Liter V8 engine. Again, no specifics on HP gains just yet. That is by far the largest component of the update, but some drivetrain systems have been updated to support the increase in power. Similar to the H2 photos, there was a brushed aluminum looking front bumper that will replace the current black bumper. We didn't see many interior updates besides the Alpha badge on the steering wheel."

Now it'll have some power to move all that brushed aluminum around now, won't it? [Hat tip to Nathan!] – Ray Wert

2008 Hummer H2 and Hummer H3 Alpha - Official Info and Pictures! [HummerGuy]

GM's New Variant-Edition Hummer H2 Paints The Town...Umm...Something

Ray Wert — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:32:25 EST

We're sorry but this "new car" set to be introduced by the General at the Chicago Auto Show next week doesn't excite us in the least. We went back and forth as to whether we'd even bother showing you this new variant-edition Hummer that apparently has only one thing that sets it apart from other option-packed H2's and H2 SUT's on dealer lots — it's got a new and angry color called "Victory Red." General Motors, meet me over at camera three. OK, guys — seriously — WTF? I know that technically you can call any change you've made to a production model a "variant" but for real, this is the Cavalier Z24 of the Hummer brand — minus the performance. In fact, let's make a game of this — we've got a gallery below of GM PR pics and a link to the official Hummer H2 site. Try and find the differences. We'll post the press release with the official "new hotness" later this evening. – Ray Wert

Paul Casey And Sergio Garcia Hoon Around In World's Biggest Sand Trap

Ray Wert — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 19:01:54 EST

When I was a kid, we had these huge sand dunes up north near Traverse City called the Great Sleeping Bear sand dunes. As a young whipper-snapper, I would play on those huge hills of sand wishing I were conquering the in my very own Power Wheels Jeep. Unfortunately, Michigan's DNR didn't allow any type of motorized vehicles to play in the sand there — and my parents were never going to buy me one of them kiddie death-traps anyway. It seems that PGA card-holders Paul Casey and Sergio Garcia apparently no longer need to ask their mom's for the ok to play in the dunes. The two spent today reminiscing about lost childhoods without Power Wheels while playing with a Hummer H2, a Toyota FJ Cruiser and some ATV's in the sand sea north of Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates after Casey's win yesterday in the 2007 Abu Dhabi Golf Championship. And as you can see from the picture gallery below, the two played around like childhood BFF's. Of course I'd be acting like a little kid too if I got to hoon around in the world's largest sandbox and hit a little white ball all day as my job. Stupid professional golfers. – Ray Wert

Related:
Ferrari Theme Park Planned for Abu Dhabi [internal]

Exclusive 2006 SEMA Preview: Four-Door Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited -- Like A Hummer, Only Good

Ray Wert — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 23:16:50 EDT

While at the Paris Auto Show at the beginning of the month, Spinn and I walked past the Chrysler Group display and as we passed the four-door Wrangler Unlimited, we both made a startling realization — the 4x4 with more off-road lineage than a Hummer could ever have totally has the potential to be a Hummer killer. We even remarked as much to an auto writer with one of the local Detroit dailies later that evening, and we received the same agreement. Now what you have before you is obvs not the standard, it's actually a Rubicon model featuring some editions by the Jeep/Truck engineering-design build shops, a team run by 300C/Charger/Magnum design chief and all-around good sport Ralph Gilles. His team put together a 4-door 4x4 with an interior featuring custom Katzkin leather seating and powered it with a 3.0L CRD diesel with some Tru-Lok-equipped Dana 44 axles supporting the weight. A performance suspension lift gives it the clearance to take on a set of 35-inch BFG (why yes, there're all sorts of acronym-busters for that one) Mud Terrain tires mounted on Custom 18-inch aluminum wheels supplied by Taneisya. The external toys also include a Warn 9.5ti winch mounted on American Expedition Vehicles (Who woulda thunk there'd be an AEV connection here, right?) new front bumper. And yes, it does look like a billion and a half bucks sprayed in that Rolex Silver paint — and you probably will only feel for maybe a split second like you're driving in a G500 look-alike. – Ray Wert

[2006 SEMA Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon Gallery]

H2? H2, Where Are You? Hummer H2 Plant To Shut Down For Two Weeks

Ray Wert — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 14:45:26 EDT

AM General, the maker of all things Hummer, will be shutting down the H2 line for two weeks this month in order to right-size production to match up with slowing sales. The plant employees about 600 from the sleepy little farm-filled hamlet of Mishawaka, Indiana. Which, in many ways we feel, might remind us a little bit of a moisture farm on the planet Tatooine. Except without the sand. Oh, and without the sand people. Oh, and there's no "force." But otherwise, yeah — exactly the same.

Hummer H2 plant to shut down for 2 weeks [Detroit News]

Exclusive Live-Action Transformers Update: Megatron Must Be Stopped, And Prime's The Robot To Do It

Ray Wert — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 21:54:01 EDT

So there you have it — Megatron in all of his what appears to be frozen glory. We've also got another shot of the Camaro-rockin' Bumblebee fully transformed, as well as another picture of Prime as a long-nosed Semi and finally what looks to be "Team Autobot" — the Black GMC TopKick (Ironhide), the modified H2 (Ratchet) and the Camaro concept (Bumblebee) all surrounding a ready-to-roll-out long-nosed Semi (Optimus Prime). Looks like a fanboy circle-jerk to us! But wait-wait, there's more — click the jump to find out the names of all the Autobots and Decepticons appearing in the movie from an online chat with the producers held this AM. [Hat tip as always to our boy Hue Hughes!]

Autobots
Optimus Prime (semi)
Bumblebee (camaro concept)
Jazz (unknown)
Ratchet (modified h2, medical truck)
Ironhide (black GMC pickup)

Decepticons
Megatron (tank, modified m-1 or something)
Starscream (YF-22 raptor)
Brawl (unknown)
Bonecrusher (probably yellow construction loader)
Barricade (black, mustang police car)
Skorponok (giant robot scorpion)
Frenzy (unknown)
Blackout (probably some large transport military vehicle)

Teenage Kicks: 15-Year-Old Rams Police Cars in Stolen SUV

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 23:00:30 EDT

Generally, when we think of teenage hummers, our thoughts drift to '80s-era Traci Lords. 15-year-old Margaret Jacobs, however, has brought the phrase into the 21st Century in an entirely more violent style, by crashing an H2 into two police cars down in Florida, a state known for Hummer profligacy (CSI: Miami, anyone?) and a massive contingent of bored teens (death metal, anyone?). She's currently in the kid-pokey on attempted murder charges. And we thought Texas girls were crazy.

Police Cars Destroyed by 15-Year-Old Girl [Shortnews]

Holy Vortex Valve! Dealership Retrofits Hummers with Dubious Mileage Booster

Mike Spinelli — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:02:50 EDT

Pssst. Hey kid, wanna get a 30% boost in fuel efficiency? A dealership chain in Detroit is fitting Hummers with a device they claim can do exactly that. The "Mileage Maximizer," known to insomniac TV watchers as the "Vortex Valve," is a $190 option on new Hummer H2 and H3s sold at the dealerships. The valve's true benefit is dodgy at best, but the promotional opportunities in the era of $3.00 gas are crystal clear. In other news, we've got a trailer hitch-mounted tennis ball that boosts horsepower. For you? six grand.

More Mileage for Hummers? [Wall Street Journal]

Related:
Gas Prices Not Stopping SUV Purchases? [internal]

The Only Place Col. John Smith Would Drive This is Through a Wall: The Geiger H2 Hannibal

Davey G. Johnson — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:38:42 EDT

25,000 euros in engine mods and you don't even get the blower? This, friends, is what we call taking advantage of the rich and stupid. It's essentally a port and polish job with a lumpier cam and sturdier valvetrain. Then, you can feel free to spend the extra ducats on a supercharger to get the adverised 598 horsepower. The Hannibal also comes with a lift kit that raises the truck around 8" and a bunch of stainless steel claptrap. Frankly, you could do all of the important crap, if you supplied a little of your own elbow grease, for around 10k. Then again, we think most Hummer owners don't yank motors in their spare time. In any regard, this plan may have come together, but we'd rather have a gray, black and red van, thank you.

Internal:
Geiger Cars Tunes Texas Sheriff's Hummer [Internal]

Geiger Cars Tunes Texas Sheriff's Hummer H2

Mike Spinelli — Wed, 10 May 2006 07:05:59 EDT

One Texas sheriff, who apparently has some Boss Hogg—level municipal bux at his disposal, engaged German tuning house Geiger Cars to build him the fastest Hummer ever. The Geiger boys responded by adding their signature supercharger, engine-mod and software setup to the H2's 7.0-liter mill, creating a 700hp monster with 667 ft.-lbs of torque. They also wrapped 28" of chrome jewelry in Kumho tires, lowered the ride height and otherwise tricked out the suspension and brakes. Now the H2's on its way back to Tejas, where it'll be fitted with requisite communications equipment, hood-mounted longhorn and, possibly, a fake fire hydrant or two.

More at World Car Fans

Related:
More on Geiger Cars [internal]

Reggie Bush Doesn't Go #1, Still Gets Two Hummers

David Thomas — Mon, 01 May 2006 14:07:37 EDT

We brought you the news on Friday that Reggie Bush was going to receive the keys to two Hummer H2s after he would be drafted in Saturday's 2006 NFL Draft. Most everyone thought he'd be picked #1. But at the time this shot was taken on the eve of the draft did he already know Mario Williams was going to the Houston Texans and his own future was uncertain? That big #1 finger point is now going to be classic either way. Especially compared to when Bush was getting the keys right after he was drafted. Notice how subdued he looks in that shot? Plus, isn't that a H3?

(Pics courtesy of GM — well courtesy of a PR site that gets them courtesy of GM)

F-U-H2, Now in a Mosaic

Mike Spinelli — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 06:44:44 EST

The gang at FUH2!, the site that took flipping off Hummer H2s from a random political statement to a Trivial Pursuit question, now have merch! They're offering this limited-edition mosiac poster (limited to how many people want to buy it, natch) for those whose Hummer hatred warrants a wall hanging. Chuck Close would be so proud. [Thanks to Uber Joe for the tip.]

FUH2 Poster [Fuck You and Your H2]

Related:
Why, God, Why? New H2 Scent For Men [internal]

Hummer to Get Engine, Interior Upgrades in '08

Mike Spinelli — Mon, 19 Dec 2005 09:19:56 EST

According to Edmunds Inside Line, the Hummer H2 will retain its brick-like comportment for 2008, but will get a more powerful interior and swankier engine (or vice versa). The midcycle improvements include a 6.0-liter V8 producing 325hp/365 ft-lbs. (that's it?) to satisfy the 36 percent of Hummer buyers who say they intend to take their trucks off-road (and the 1 percent who actually do). We suppose the lack of an LS7 option means the number of buyers who say they intend to "use their trucks in high-speed bank-robbery getaways" are far fewer.

IL Exclusive: 2008 Hummer H2 Slated for Updated Interior, Engine [Edmunds]

Related:
To Infinity and Beyond: Unsold Hummers [internal]

GeigerCars Builds "World's Fastest" Hummer H2

Mike Spinelli — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 12:34:07 EDT

It was bound to happen to an American SUV, only Germany's GeigerCars got there first. The tuning house has built a Hummer H2 that gets its go-forth from a supercharged 7.0-liter Chevy Corvette engine tweaked to put out 700hp and a devilish 666 ft/lbs of torque. Despite an aerodynamic profile similar to that of a falling safe, the tuner Hummer can hit a governed 155mph (governors can, of course, be impeached). The package also features "Plan Nine from Outer Space" chrome wheels (28"), sport suspension, high-performance brakes, pearl-effect special paint and a custom interior that includes a multimedia system. [Update: We've gotten quite a bit of mail disputing GeigerCars' claim to the fastest H2. US-based tuning house, Lingenfelter offers a twin-turbo, 427ci package that reportedly boosts horsepower to 700 with 740 lbs/ft of torque. Whaddya say, guys, care to send over a couple specimiens for the first ever Jalopnik Hummer Throwdown?]

Related:
Hummer GM Speculates on Dune Buggy [internal]