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Posts Tagged “

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A Hummer Won't Get You The Love, Hummer You Really Want

As much as the Internet is powered by ads, you probably don't want to go too far down the Google AdWord rabbit hole because you might be frightened by what you find. In this case a search of Hummer served up a steamy ad claiming
"Most single men buy Hummers to impress women. The only women that a Hummer impresses are high maintaince goal diggers. Is this what you really want in your life?"
It's an excellent question. Is that what we want in our life? Maybe this site is offering guys a way out of merely buying their way into undergarments and offering them a chance to develop real character. It's not. What it's offering is wrong on so many levels. The full ad below the jump. More »

4:45 PM on Wed Apr 2 2008
By Matt Hardigree
4,483 views, 62 comments

Latest by MOPAR-MAN: Asian girls hate Mopars. But I still love Asian girls. Nuff said. more »

alternative energy

Environmental Impact of Prius, Hummer Considered By Slate

The leftist propaganda machine that is Slate recently made an attempt to quash rumors saying the Hummer H2 has a smaller overall environmental impact than a Toyota Prius. The argument goes that the manufacturing process is so energy intensive, and the materials so environmentally damaging, the Toyota Prius is actually worse for the environment in the long run than buying a Hummer H2. Of course the commies at Slate start talking about "science, studies and analysis" — all code words to their conspirators we're sure. We're on to you Slate. [Slate.com]

4:15 PM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Ben Wojdyla
2,119 views, 75 comments

Latest by lascauxcaveman: @MrEvil: So, poor driving habits = smug? more »

over the back fence

The Rumors Of The Imminent Demise Of The H2 Have Been Greatly Exaggerated, It's Actually Dying In 2014

Our earlier story on the demise of the Hummer H2 earlier today has shaken loose a few more details from inside sources and it turns out we weren't quite spot on with the kill date. It's actually 2014, not 2011. Here are the new details our previous story has shaken loose from the tree of knowledge that is the tower o' power in Detroit: More »

4:03 PM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By The Auto Insider
3,965 views, 34 comments

Latest by TampaRon: Damn. I was so happy to hear this bloated piece of assholism was dying in 2010...now I find out it will be around until 2014. Damn. Damn Damn. I hope the sales continue to plummet so GM is forced to more »

over the back fence

Hummer H2 To Die By 2011, Take Cheap Gas With It

UPDATE: Looks like FUH2 has a little bit more life left in it — we've now determined the Hummer H2 will die in 2014. Sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for not reversing the charges. The Hummer haters at FUH2 will get their wish faster than they'd ever hoped. It seems the death knell of the Hummer H2 has been sound. Yes, that's correct, we've just received word a decision came down within the last few weeks at the General to end production of the H2. But if you've been holding off on buying that H2 with the 28 inch DUBs and sound system with enough power to make you sterile, don't freak out just yet. Instead of getting the axe right away, we believe the H2 will be allowed to live out its current product life cycle. This probably means the 2011 model year will be the H2's swan song. Full death-filled conclusion to every environmentalist's favorite target after the jump.

More »

1:00 PM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By The Auto Insider
9,360 views, 64 comments

Latest by KaiserM715: @TRAMS_AM: I agree that the Tahoe in it's non-H2 form does a fine job for some off-roading. It is the extra weight that do in the H2. @drewheyman: Calling me an off-road poseur is unwarranted, as first of all, you more »

novelties

The Masculinity Jokes Are Endless With Grow Your Own Hummer

Everyone knows that Hummers are pretty damn big, but now they can get even bigger with Grow Your Own Hummer! Okay, I really doubt that this toy could get bigger than an actual Hummer, but who knows—those inflatable water-sponge things seem like they can defy the laws of physics. More »

2:45 PM on Mon Mar 3 2008
By Travis Hudson
1,336 views, 37 comments

spy photos

Hummer H2 SUT Getting Bigger?

The fast shutters over at KGP photography captured what looks like a Hummer HT SUT (In reality, a Hummer H2T — according to Winding Road) that's been stretched out on the rack. The fake army paint job doesn't fool them though, as they think that this is a new H2 making use of the stretched GMT-900 platform — the same used for the Suburban as opposed to the current H2, which is built on the same platform used by the Chevy Tahoe. This would give it real, truck-like powers as opposed to the current generation, which can barely hold more than two kegs. Full spy report below the jump: UPDATE: Winding Road's sources tell us this H2 SUT mule is actually a Hummer H2T, a companion to the Hummer H3T we expect to see revealed in coming months. More »

Spy Photos

9:48 AM on Thu Dec 13 2007
By Matt Hardigree
12,460 views, 54 comments

Latest by mcguirev10: Hippies are dragging Jalopnik down. more »

sema

SEMA 2007: Hummer H2 Safari Comes Complete With A Gun Rack

We don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate a gun rack — but that hasn't stopped Hummer from dropping one into their new Hummer H2 Safari Off-Road concept they'll be showing off here at SEMA. At least that's what it says in the press release — and you know we'll be snagging some pictures of it as soon as we find it on the show floor. In addition to the aforementioned holder of guns, it also comes equipped with a 6.2-liter V8 engine and 20" wheels with Mickey Thompson 35-inch off-road tires. They make it easier for you to track the most dangerous prey over the dirty trails of your private island wethinks. Full press release after the jump. Go ahead, we'll give you a 30-second head start before the hunt begins.
More »

12:01 AM on Mon Oct 29 2007
By Ray Wert
9,851 views, 25 comments

Latest by ogz: when they redo the interior in ostrich and stingray skin, i'll buy 3. more »

found on ebay

Fergie Auctions Off Her Hummer H2 To, You Know, Save The Environment

The owner of the trademark on lovely lady lumps is auctioning off her lump of an SUV — a DUB Edition Hummer H2 for charity. That's totally so special of her! So what's the charity, you ask? Global Green USA. Umm, yeah. But wait, wait all you cynics of the world — she answers your question your question already. The answer, just below the jump:
More »

11:00 AM on Fri Sep 7 2007
By Ray Wert
7,146 views, 72 comments

Latest by Big Ron: @Brian E: Dictionary.com par·tic·u·late - Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[per-tik-yuh-lit, -leyt, puh-tik-, pahr-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation -adjective 1. of, pertaining to, or composed of distinct particles. -noun 2. a separate and distinct particle. 3. a material composed more »

peaceful co-existence?

In Russia, Moment of Zen Marries YOU!

Since we've been feeling romantic these last few days, we thought we'd leave you with this shot from English Russia. Who ever thought during the Cold War that vehicles inspired by American military hardware would one day carry blissful children of the Russian Mafia off to their honeymoons on the Caspian Sea? Now if only there were an ekranoplan ride involved... – Davey G. Johnson More »

11:45 PM on Mon Jun 25 2007
By Davey G. Johnson
504 views, 5 comments

jalopnik weekend

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Sex-Crazed Atheistic Bolsheviks Shamefully Debase America's Truck

There's not much to say except for, "turn your sound up." Oh, and if you make the jump you can see some more. And if you like what you see, you should visit this website. Personally, we find it disgusting. – Jonny Lieberman More »

1:00 PM on Sun Apr 22 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
1,914 views, 6 comments

jalopnik weekend

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Deceitful Mini-Jeep Assails Mini-H2's Love of God and Country

Yeah, normally this is the spot where we put the lyrics to the song about dominating the parking lot at one of the Red Rocker's shows, but... these videos takes some explaining. Basically watch what's above, and then make the jump to see a new rendering of the phrase, "beaten like a rented mule." We find the second video slightly mo' funny with the sound off. Oh, and a happy Cabo Tahoe to you. Cue music. More »

10:00 AM on Sun Apr 22 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
1,050 views, 9 comments

Latest by ledwig: At least he didn't hump it. more »

jalopnik weekend

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Patriotic H2 Redemption


Got a Big Johnson T-shirt
Got a little baby, teeny nutsack
Got a jacked up Chevy Tahoe
Sitting in the parking lot of American Interstates
Gonna drink some Buds
Smoke some Reds
Eat Big Macs
And drive... drive about 55 mph
Uncle Sammy Hummer Weekend, yeah!
It's a Sammy Hummer Weekend baby**
**Sung to the righteous tune of "Sammy Hagar Weekend" by Thelonious Monster. &ndash Jonny Lieberman More »

1:00 PM on Sat Apr 21 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
1,306 views, 29 comments

jalopnik weekend

(Uncle) Sammy Hummer Weekend: Anti-Hummer, and Therefore Anti-American, Commie Bull


Got a Big Johnson T-shirt
Got a little baby, teeny nutsack
Got a jacked up Chevy Tahoe
Sitting in the parking lot of American Interstates
Gonna drink some Buds
Smoke some Reds
Eat Big Macs
And drive... drive about 55 mph
Uncle Sammy Hummer Weekend, yeah!
It's a Sammy Hummer Weekend baby**
**Sung to the righteous tune of "Sammy Hagar Weekend" by Thelonious Monster. &ndash Jonny Lieberman More »

9:00 AM on Sat Apr 21 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
1,032 views, 17 comments

clips

Oy Vey: Toyota FJ70 Shows Up, Pulls Out Hummer H2

As Americans, this one is terribly embarrassing. There's really nothing else to add, save for that we can smell this guy's clutch from here. – Jonny Lieberman More »

3:10 PM on Thu Apr 19 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
2,819 views, 24 comments

new york auto show

New York Auto Show Preview: The H3 Coulda Had A V8, So Now It Does

Looks like the best laid plans of mice and men are plans easily laid low by a HummerGuy. The site all about the vehicular BJ is reporting via a standard embargo break that the 2008 Hummer H2
"...gets a larger 6.2 liter V8 with a six speed transmission - the horsepower increase hasn't been announced, but should be significant. The full third row seat is also new - Hummer has never offered more than a single seat in the rear area. The interior dash area has been updated to a more luxurious and clean looking control panel. It also appears that the front bumper has been changed to an aluminum colored finish. The leather choice has also been updated in 2008. These are some terrific advances to a vehicle that has not had a major update in 5 model years!"
And in addition to the pictures below, here's what he's got to say on the H3 Alpha:
More »

Feature

7:19 PM on Mon Mar 26 2007
By Ray Wert
2,920 views, 18 comments

Latest by orangebeast: I attended a Hummer event last year in Moab, and there were several stock H3s with rookie drivers that easily handled one of the harder trails. The manual tranny H3s have a really low granny gear that is well-suited more »

news

GM's New Variant-Edition Hummer H2 Paints The Town...Umm...Something

We're sorry but this "new car" set to be introduced by the General at the Chicago Auto Show next week doesn't excite us in the least. We went back and forth as to whether we'd even bother showing you this new variant-edition Hummer that apparently has only one thing that sets it apart from other option-packed H2's and H2 SUT's on dealer lots — it's got a new and angry color called "Victory Red." General Motors, meet me over at camera three. OK, guys — seriously — WTF? I know that technically you can call any change you've made to a production model a "variant" but for real, this is the Cavalier Z24 of the Hummer brand — minus the performance. In fact, let's make a game of this — we've got a gallery below of GM PR pics and a link to the official Hummer H2 site. Try and find the differences. We'll post the press release with the official "new hotness" later this evening. – Ray Wert More »

Feature

5:32 PM on Wed Jan 31 2007
By Ray Wert
362 views, 4 comments

Latest by mymazdatribute: It makes perfect sense. Its so the lady's can match there hummer to there lipstick. Really, why just add all the bling options to a candy red hummer battleship, it will never go off road anymore then my more »

news

Paul Casey And Sergio Garcia Hoon Around In World's Biggest Sand Trap

When I was a kid, we had these huge sand dunes up north near Traverse City called the Great Sleeping Bear sand dunes. As a young whipper-snapper, I would play on those huge hills of sand wishing I were conquering the in my very own Power Wheels Jeep. Unfortunately, Michigan's DNR didn't allow any type of motorized vehicles to play in the sand there — and my parents were never going to buy me one of them kiddie death-traps anyway. It seems that PGA card-holders Paul Casey and Sergio Garcia apparently no longer need to ask their mom's for the ok to play in the dunes. The two spent today reminiscing about lost childhoods without Power Wheels while playing with a Hummer H2, a Toyota FJ Cruiser and some ATV's in the sand sea north of Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates after Casey's win yesterday in the 2007 Abu Dhabi Golf Championship. And as you can see from the picture gallery below, the two played around like childhood BFF's. Of course I'd be acting like a little kid too if I got to hoon around in the world's largest sandbox and hit a little white ball all day as my job. Stupid professional golfers. – Ray Wert More »

7:01 PM on Mon Jan 22 2007
By Ray Wert
461 views, 4 comments

Latest by Spectacular Sam: I can't believe the Hummer wasn't bannana-colored. more »

sema

Exclusive 2006 SEMA Preview: Four-Door Jeep Wrangler Rubicon Unlimited -- Like A Hummer, Only Good

While at the Paris Auto Show at the beginning of the month, Spinn and I walked past the Chrysler Group display and as we passed the four-door Wrangler Unlimited, we both made a startling realization — the 4x4 with more off-road lineage than a Hummer could ever have totally has the potential to be a Hummer killer. We even remarked as much to an auto writer with one of the local Detroit dailies later that evening, and we received the same agreement. Now what you have before you is obvs not the standard, it's actually a Rubicon model featuring some editions by the Jeep/Truck engineering-design build shops, a team run by 300C/Charger/Magnum design chief and all-around good sport Ralph Gilles. His team put together a 4-door 4x4 with an interior featuring custom Katzkin leather seating and powered it with a 3.0L CRD diesel with some Tru-Lok-equipped Dana 44 axles supporting the weight. A performance suspension lift gives it the clearance to take on a set of 35-inch BFG (why yes, there're all sorts of acronym-busters for that one) Mud Terrain tires mounted on Custom 18-inch aluminum wheels supplied by Taneisya. The external toys also include a Warn 9.5ti winch mounted on American Expedition Vehicles (Who woulda thunk there'd be an AEV connection here, right?) new front bumper. And yes, it does look like a billion and a half bucks sprayed in that Rolex Silver paint — and you probably will only feel for maybe a split second like you're driving in a G500 look-alike. – Ray Wert More »

11:16 PM on Fri Oct 27 2006
By Ray Wert
13,045 views, 19 comments

Latest by ccfd0401: I'll wait until one of those goes diesel, also wondering if there are any more pics of that beautiful machine!! more »