Last month, a Washington State Fish and Wildlife Police Sergeant found a stolen Hummer H2 abandoned in a lake, having broken through six inches of solid ice. Just like some intrepid Hungarians, American robbers can't stop sinking H2s.
These days it takes a certain egotistical fortitude to drive a Hummer H2 and revel in the conspicuous consumption. Other people? Well, they're ridiculed. Take that LOL OIL Tesla. Oh Packer backers, you so crazy.
When we called the Hummer H2 a car for "Ed Hardy-wearing assholes," our friends at Texas Armoring noticed and built a special Jalopnik rotating license plate for their up-armored Hummer H2. Here it is in action.
The fundamental problem with the slowly dying Hummer wasn't the product. The brand was long ago usurped by knuckleheads and used as a symbol of conspicuous consumption and this tuner abomination is part of the problem. Unleash the hounds!
Washington DC plainclothes officer Detective Bayler lost his cool when a snowball from a pre-organized neighborhood snowball fight hit his Hummer H2. He got out, drew his side arm and threatened the snowballers. On video. NSFW language ahead.
Remember the "Happy Jack" Hummer commercial with the soapbox H2 that doesn't stand a chance against speedier competition till the kid driver goes off-road to win the race? Well, someone built a crappy replica and it's for sale on EBay.