Now that 13 LeMons races have been run, we figure it's time to show the winners of each event. Since the Index Of Effluency is considered the real top prize of the race, we'll start with the IOE Champeens. Chief Perp Lamm didn't invent the IOE until the third race, which is the reason you're only seeing 11 cars. Detroit really dominates the Index Of Effluency, with five total winners; Germany has three, and Japan, Sweden, and Italy have one apiece:

In order to keep the Gawker Server Hamsters alive, we've had to break the ÜG up into three sections: one for the American machines, one for the European steel, and one for the Japanese vehicles. Just click on the image below to jump to the section you want; to see the order in which the racers finished (along with best lap times), head over to the Top 95 LeMons Of The Gator-O-Rama. If that doesn't satisfy your thirst for citrus-flavored racin' action, there's always the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza LeMons '08 Über Gallery, the LeMons Yeehaw It's Texas '08 Über Gallery, LeMons Detroit-ish '08 Über Gallery, LeMons New England '08 Über Gallery, LeMons South '08 Über Gallery, LeMons San Francisco '08 Über Gallery, LeMons Arse Freeze-A-Palooza '07 Über Gallery, and the LeMons San Francisco '07 Über Gallery.

I had plenty of help from volunteer photographers at the race, including Myke Toman, Nick Pon, Zerin Dube and Speed:Sport:Life, Anna C of Bikini Racer, the Norwegian Slaabs, Saabs Gone Wild, Prison Break Racing, Team Beermer, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, Jackson Williams, and others whose names have slipped through the cracks in my not-so-airtight organizational system.



The Americans




The Yurpeans




The Rising Sun

And here's a bonus gallery of assorted action photos from the race:

Thanks to Myke Toman, Nick Pon, Zerin Dube and Speed:Sport:Life, Anna C of Bikini Racer, the Norwegian Slaabs, Saabs Gone Wild, Prison Break Racing, Team Beermer, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, Jackson Williams, and others for their fine photographs.

While there was only one European machine in the Gator-O-Rama top 10, the Opular Dependence Team Israel Opel GT grabbed the prestigious Organizer's Choice trophy for the Continent. Not only that, the Saabs avoided throwing even a single connecting rod this time out, which should be cause for rejoicing in the streets of Stockholm
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Thanks to Myke Toman, Nick Pon, Zerin Dube and Speed:Sport:Life, Anna C of Bikini Racer, the Norwegian Slaabs, Saabs Gone Wild, Prison Break Racing, Team Beermer, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, Jackson Williams, and others for their fine photographs.

It was truly a glorious weekend for Detroit at MSR; in addition to the Mustang domination of the race, a Saturn came in third. We also enjoyed the sight of such LeMons rarities as a Pontiac Grand Prix and an Eagle Talon.

Thanks to Myke Toman, Nick Pon, Zerin Dube and Speed:Sport:Life, Anna C of Bikini Racer, the Norwegian Slaabs, Saabs Gone Wild, Prison Break Racing, Team Beermer, LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman, Jackson Williams, and others for their fine photographs. And now, the American cars of the 24 Hours Of LeMons Gator-O-Rama:

We saw plenty of the usual LeMons suspects at MSR in Houston last weekend, with 10 Mustangs, 6 RX-7s, 6 E30s, 4 CRXs, 4 Neons, and 4 Miatas showing up, but we also had our first-ever Infiniti Q45, a pair of Toyota pickups, an Opel GT, and an MGB-GT (which managed to get around the track startlingly quickly, in between lengthy jail sentences in the Penalty Box). In addition to Mustangs coming in first and second, we saw some other world-turned-topsy-turvy events. How about a LeMons race in which four Saabs enter… and all four are still running at the end? Sure, all the Saabs earned the new-for-Houston punishment for hitting tire walls and/or cones (old tires bolted to the car's roof), but they didn't throw rods or send major suspension components skittering off into the weeds in the first 30 minutes of the race! A four-banger Mustang finished second, a Saturn came in third, an 80s Dodge Daytona managed to contend, and the majority of BMW E30s raced for two solid days without exhibiting the usual maddeningly undiagnosable electrical woes (blown head gaskets and axle failures, certainly, but we didn't see the all-too-common cruel drama of E30 crew members weeping over multimeters and wiring diagrams).

This time I'm going to include each team's best lap time, so y'all can see for yourselves how "fast" does not equal "win" in the 24 Hours Of LeMons. Those of you contemplating horsepower-enhancing cheats would do well to note that the four-cylinder Mustangs performed just as well as their V8 siblings, and you Miata and E30 guys can go ahead and keep thumping your chests about those absurdly quick lap times… but remember, your favorite cars got stomped by a Saturn! Those of you wanting obsessively complete lap info can go here; keep in mind that a few cars may be showing too-low best lap times due to having taken what the corner workers dubbed the "Neon Bypass" (in honor of the oft-penalized Blueballs Neons) off-road shortcut around the chicanes.

Before you go check out our 95 Texas racin' machines, I've got a video that true 24 Hours Of LeMons fans ought to find quite entertaining. First, we've got one of the hairiest Integra-jumps-BMW-wheel bits ever caught on film, courtesy of the Unintended Acceleration Audi's in-car camera:


Zerin Dube, editor of Speed:Sport:Life volunteered for judging duties at the race, and he also did a good job covering the goings-on at his site. You'll enjoy the Penalty Box Punishments and the rest of the SSL race coverage.

Thanks to Zerin Dube, TheEastBayKid, Myke Toman, and a whole bunch of race team members for many of the photographs below.
When you're done here, be sure to check out the participants of previous LeMons events, including Arse Freeze '08, Texas '08, Toledo '08, New England '08, South '08, San Francisco '08, Arse Freeze '07, and San Francisco '07. I'll put up some more LeMons stuff when I get back to my normal weekend schedule, too. And now, the racers of the 2009 Gator-O-Rama:

How could such a thing have happened? Let's just say that LeMons Justice Lieberman and myself were so incredibly busy punishing on-track miscreants that our total break time amounted to about 17 minutes for the entire weekend, yet we never saw the Mulleteers. They were pretty fast, of course, but that was secondary to their amazingly clean driving. Best of all, they donated their $1500 prize money (all in nickels) to the fund set up for Tony, the Jamaican uber-mechanic of the Norwegian Slaabs (winner of the 2008 Rally Ready Mechanic Of The Gods awards at the previous Houston LeMons race), whose daily-driver Saab was T-boned by a Hummer while leaving the track last night. Tony was pretty badly bashed up- plenty of broken bones and a ruptured spleen- and has no health insurance, so those of you who wish to help out this LeMons hero should check the 24 Hours Of LeMons website in a few days and make a PayPal donation.


Taking the much-coveted Organizer's Choice (aka People's Choice) trophy was the A-Team Dodge Daytona. Yes, one of the few surviving V6/5-speed front-drive Daytonas was used as a LeMons racer!


Index Of Effluency (the prize given to the team who accomplished the most with the crappiest car, considered by true LeMons insiders to be the real winner of the race) was pretty obvious this time around. They got off to a rough start, and they were frequent visitors to both the penalty box and the pits. Bad driving and broken parts conspired to thwart their hopes of a victory in the spirit of Moses, Abraham, and Gene Simmons, but Team Opular Dependence Israel never gave up. They took their lumps with a good sense of humor, had a great time, and kept dragging the Opel back onto the track... and, of course, they donated their $1000 prize money to the Godly Saab Mechanic Tony Hospital Bill Fund.

And for those of you keeping track of the Opel-versus-MG rivalry, the Frogmasters MGB-GT turned in 260 laps, while the Opel managed 180. I'm too busy now to see who won the Effluency Rivalry Pool (though my own guesses of 279 and 135 appear to be strong contenders for the prize), but we'll sort all that out once I'm back in California.

That's how the 24 Hours Of LeMons works; you start with 90 cars and maybe 55 will be running at the end of the first day of racing. The 2009 Gator-O-Rama was no exception, though the cool weather seemed to reduce the number of burning-brake incidents. I counted at least three Hondas with blown head gaskets, another two with wayward-rod-induced holes in engine blocks, a Jaguar XJ6 with some combination of head gasket and/or burned-piston woes (not that it really matters, since car-parts stores in this part of the country don't stock any Jaguar parts), a Toyota with a bad rod that may end up racing tomorrow with three pistons and one empty cylinder, several Detroit bombers with fuel-system ailments, and the usual assortment of not-yet-diagnosed-but-ominous leaky/rattling engine symptoms. Here's a gallery showing some of the fun that was had a few hours ago, fun that I'm sure continues even as I write this. Tomorrow, some bleary-eyed racers will head back onto the track after an all-night wrenchfest, while others will have nothing to show for their labors but skinless knuckles and a pile of scrap metal.

Zerin Dube of Speed:Sport:Life showed up to help with the judging duties, and he's going to put together a LeMons Penalty Highlight Reel for y'all later on. For now, enjoy the photos of the Studs & Spurs (in which the miscreant must pose shirtless to match the model in each page of the 2009 Studs & Spurs calendar), the Bob Ross, the Habitat For Dogmanity, and the Mime Your Crime:

Last time we had such a poll, I included too many choices and it was just too damn much work. This time it will be much simpler, with just two teams. The whole deal is pretty easy: you guess how many total laps you think each of the two teams will finish and put those numbers in a comment for the world to see. Then, a long time after the race, I'll get around to calculating who was closest overall, and that person will win some official LeMons gear. Maybe you'll get a baseball cap, or a couple shirts, or whatever didn't sell at the race the LeMons staff feel is best for Jalopnik readers. The overall race winner is likely to do about 400 laps, so use that as your yardstick. My personal predictions are 279 laps for the MG, 135 for the Opel, primarily because the Opel sat in a Texas field for many years and didn't get a thorough fuel tank flushing, while the MG has had its wiring completely de-Lucasized. OK, now it's your turn! You've already seen a fair number of Opular Dependence Team Israel photos, so here are some shots of the proud British Leyland entry. Check in later, as I'll do my best to provide live race updates.

Actually, it was an offhand remark by a single OD team member that made us decide to have a special surprise waiting for the Opel team the next day. LeMons Justice Lieberman and I hit the Wal-Mart next to the motel Thursday night, to pick up gear for the weekend's punishments. As we wheeled our shopping cart- packed with such items as a psychedelic piñata and several dozen pacifiers- across the parking lot, we caught sight of a super-fast RC car buzzing around a camper/car-trailer combo. Sure enough, it was a LeMons team: Opular Dependence!


So, the Shiner Bock came out and we were hanging around, drinking beer and talking LeMons cars, when one OD member mentioned a Mazda deal they thought of making: "The guy wanted $475, but I knew we could Jew him down. Wait, what?


Back at the motel, we brooded over this offhand anti-Semitic crack; sure, it was just a beer-swilling session in a Wal-Mart parking lot, but we had to take some action. Then Jonny had the ol' light-bulb-over-the-head moment: "Jew him down? We're gonna Jew 'em up!


So, that's what we did. Next day, during Opular Dependence's BS Inspection, their team member's comment was brought up, followed by the observation that it wasn't such an astute idea in a race with a Jewish judge and a Jewish Chief Perpetrator- whoops!- and out came the blue and white spray paint cans. Goodbye Opular Dependence, hello Team Israel! Star of David on the hood, along with the Hebrew for "Lemon," and the Chief Perp's inspired contribution on the side: No fat shiksas! To their credit, Team Israel took the change with good humor, though we have a feeling one team member will be taking some heat from his comrades.

The judicial bribes reached an all-time high, as did the number of Mustangs and Saabs. In fact, this race draws so many Mustangs that a brand new award will be issued: the Mustang That Made Us Go "DANG!" Trophy. As for Index of Effluency, the Opel GT and MGB-GT are the clear leaders (along with a sucker-fan-equipped Toyota pickup; more on that fine machine later), but they still have to finish a respectable number of laps to stay in the running. I'm way too beat to go into any detail about the rest of what we saw, so here's a big gallery to give you an idea of the vehicles that will be racing in the morning. First, though, we have to finish inspecting the couple of dozen cars that, for whatever reason, didn't go through the inspection process on Friday.

So, we've been making the rounds of the pits, meeting some folks we met at last October's race as well as some new faces. Many Mustangs, many Saabs, and much more; check in over the weekend for as much LeMons coverage as my judgin' duties permit.

The only problem with these two fine European racin' machines (aside from the primitive suspensions, questionable build quality, and flaky wiring) is really the lack of engine power; the Opel GT's US-spec 1900 managed 83 horsepower, giving it bragging rights over the 78.5-horse MGB. But now we hear (courtesy of LeMons insider TheEastBayKid) that the Opular Dependence Opel has a GM 4.3 engine and 5-speed installed. According to the team, the car was someone else's unfinished project and came that way… and that the costs come out well under 500 bucks. We'll see about that when it comes time for LeMons Supreme Court Justices Lieberman and Martin to inspect their documentation, but what we're really wondering about is whether there's time for the Team Frogmasters guys to grab a junkyard Toyota A engine and stuff it in their MGB-GT. Here's what the Opular Dependence spokesman has to say:

As far as a bio on the car, i keep hearing in my head START WITH A RUNNING CAR. This was a guys project he never finished all the parts were there but NOTHING was finished. It is a 1972 Opel GT with a 80s gm 4.3 v6 and a 5 speed tranny. The motor and tranny were installed when we bought it, but that was it. I have spent the last 5 weeks putting it all together. Now here we are 2 days from test day and its done. We paid $350.00 for the project and were actually able to sell about $325.00 of the factory parts that we removed (door panels interior parts the original motor and lenses and lights thanks to Ebay). So the electric fan and other things we needed we could buy and still be under budget. It should be a blast to drive if she holds together long enough.

Wait, there's more! The guys from Team Unintended Acceleration saw the Opular Dependence Opel at the track recently and sent in some photos and videos for us:

LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman couldn't wait for the team website URLs, so he got the scoop over his erstwhile employer, but I wanted to get more info about the Index Of Effluency Kings before dropping this bombshell: an Opel GT and an MGB-GT have been signed up for the race! Sadly, both teams are operating under the radar- no doubt because they're cheating like crazy- and I can't get any details on how they plan to totally dominate this race. LeMons Texas, as you may recall, tends to be heavy on the Mustangs and Camaros, though the usual hurricane-flooded BMW suspects are out in full force as well. Here's the complete-as-LeMons-HQ-can-make-it team list, as well as an Opel-vs-MG poll for you Effluence Handicappers; I've got a fair amount of time behind the wheel of both MGBs and Opel GTs, so I can say they're both hopelessly underpowered, ill-handling, unreliable heaps excellent race cars!

2nd Gear Racing: 1992 Pontiac Grand Prix
Apex Vinyl TX Racing: 1978 Toyota Pickup
Bangers and Mash: 1986 Honda Prelude
Beermer: 1976 BMW 2002
Bio-Hazard Racing: 1995 Ford Ranger XLT
Boehm Racing: 1987 Saab 900S
Brawndo, The Thirst Mutilator: 1986 Nissan 200SX
Bubba Drift: 1992 Nissan 240SX
Charlie's Ugly Angels: 1976 Ford Mustang II
Cupcake Racing: 1988 Ford Thunderchicken
Def Leppard Still Sucks: 1986 Ford Mustang
Delinquent Road Hazards: 1993 Acura Integra
Detroit Bailout: 1987 Toyota Supra
Doggie Style Racing: 1985 Toyota MR2
Dukes of Hiroshima: 1993 Nissan Sentra SE-R
Dyin' Tryin'
El Toro Loco
eLemonators: 1992 Toyota Celica
Evel Kweasels: 1982 Toyota Corolla
Flying Asses: 1994 Mazda Miata
Flying Hoondee: 1987 Merkur XR4Ti
Formula M: 1984 Ford Mustang
Four Jerks and a Squirt: 1990 Pontiac Camfirerobird
Frogmasters: 1972 MGB-GT
FUBAR Racing: 1998 Ford Escort
Geargrinders: 1988 Chevrolet Monte Carlo
Gold Member: 1987 Toyota MR2
Green Hornet Bimmer Racing: 1995 BMW 318i
Griswold Racing: 1979 Ford Pinto wagon
Guano by Desmodus Rufus: 1984 Mazda RX-7 GSL-SE
Guild of Calamitous Intent: 1987 Mazda RX-7
Half-Assed Safety Fast: 1991 Infiniti Q45
Junk Punch Racing: 1990 Ford Mustang
Lemoncello Racing: 1986 Honda Quaalude
LeMons Racing Experiment (LRE): 1973 Datsun 240Z
Longhorn Raceworks: 1992 Toyota Celica
Los Cucaroches: 1986 Ford Mustang
Los Diablos Racing Team: 1974 Chevrolet Camaro
Lost in the Dark: 1989 Mazda MX6
Low Budget Racing: 1979 Datsun 280ZX
Margarita: 1996 Dodge Neon
Medically Challenged: 1991 Mitsubishi 3000GT
Mustank Racing LLC, POS: 1985 Ford Mustang
Never Give Up: 1971 BMW 1600-2
Norwegian Slaabs - Part Två: 1982 Saab 900
One Point Twenty One Jiggawatts!: 1980 Mazda RX7
Opular Dependence: 1972 Opel GT
Out of Town Racing: 1986 BMW 325es
Polizei und Banditen: 1986 BMW 325e
Prison Break Racing: 1986 BMW 325
Project Yellow Racing: 1986 Honda CRX
Punisher Racing: 1995 Chevy Caprice wagon
Purple Pin Pall Lefty: 1996 Dodge Neon
Purple Pin Ball Righty: 1997 Plymouth Neon
Pwnage Racing: 1988 Mazda RX-7
Race Hard Race Uglier: 1987 BMW 325i
Race Hard Race Ugly: BMW 325i
Rear Impact: 1991 Mazda Miata
Rebel Z: 1982 Datsun 280ZX
Red Pig Racing: 1994 Mazda Miata
Rotorheads: 1983 Mazda RX-7
Rum Runners: 1980 Chevy Malibu Classic
Saabs Gone Wild: 1987 Saab 900 Turbo
Scuderia Scooter Trash: 1987 Alfa Romeo Milano
Scuderia Suino Rosso: 1991 Mazda Miata
Shake and Bake 4-Cylinder Mustang Mafia: 1991 Ford Mustang:
Sheila and the Sheiks: 1985 Ford Mustang
Smilin' Bob Racing Team: 1995 Honda Accord
State Pooper: 1989 Ford Mustang
Stiff Competition : 1984 Mazda RX-7
Stop, Drop, and RickRoll: 1985 BMW 325e
Team Blue Goose: 1985 Honda CRX
Team Fat Cat Racing: 1991 Jaguar XJ6
Team Kachow: 1990 Eagle Talon
Team Lemonade: 1991 Toyota Celica
Team Mazdarati Corse GTA: 1992 Mazda Protégé:
Team Screwdriver: 1979 Pontiac Bonnelinabird:
Team Sour Puss: 1991 Acura Integra
Team Supraleggera: 1983 Toyota Supra
Team Zip Tie: 1992 Ford Taurus SHO
Tetanus Neon: 1995 Dodge Neon
The Cajun Coonasses: 1995 Saturn SL2
The Ghostbusters: 1987 Toyota Corolla FX16 GT-S
The Smoking Eunuchs: 1990 Ford Mustang
TnT Racing: 1989 Volkswagen Golf
Toxic Asset Racing Program: 1986 Toyota MR2
TSOL: 1992 Saab 9000
Unintended Acceleration: 1990 Audi 90 Quattro
Viva Las Vegas: 1990 Honda CRX
Warthog Racing: 1985 BMW 325e
White Lightning Racing: 1982 Toyota Celica GT
Witchdoctor Motorsports/bikiniracer.com: 1987 Chevrolet Camaro
Z-Wrecks: 1982 Datsun 280ZX
Zebra Razing: 1985 Toyota Truck