Average Gas Prices Per Gallon From Friday
• Detroit, Michigan — $1.76

• Houston, Texas — $1.78

• Atlanta, Georgia — $1.88

• Boston, Massachusetts — $2.01

• Chicago, Illinois — $2.10

• Washington — $2.19

• Los Angeles, California — $2.22

[Source: CNN, Photo: Whitney Curtis /Getty Images]

Toyota Corporate Communicator Irv Miller contrasted the 1999 market with current conditions favoring low emissions and high economy while also throwing a bone to fuel-cell advocates, saying "an expanded retail-friendly CNG infrastructure could be seen as a model for future hydrogen infrastructure." Plus, lazy Americans wouldn't have to learn a new term for "filling up the gas tank." Press release below.

TOYOTA TO DISPLAY CNG-POWERED CAMRY-HYBRID CONCEPT AT 2008 LOS ANGELES AUTO SHOW

PORTLAND, Ore., Sept. 24, 2008 – Toyota Motor Sales (TMS), U.S.A., Inc., announced here today at its Sustainable Mobility Seminar that it will display a compressed natural gas (CNG) Camry Hybrid concept vehicle at the Los Angeles Auto Show in November.

"With the combination of plentiful long-term supplies in North America, improved and more efficient recovery methods, favorable pricing and clean-burn/low emissions characteristics, CNG has become a prime energy-source for the future," said Irv Miller, group vice president, TMS Corporate Communications. "With this concept, we are confirming our interest in pursuing CNG within our broad and comprehensive R&D scope."

In 1999 Toyota marketed a CNG-powered four-cylinder Camry to fleet customers in California. However, in an era of relatively cheap gasoline, customers were not attracted to a vehicle that required special refueling techniques and a limited refueling infrastructure and the program was discontinued a year later. Currently, there are only about 1,000 CNG refueling stations nationwide, with less than half open to the public.

The benefits of CNG are currently being amplified by rapidly changing market conditions and an increase in consumer environmental awareness. At the same time its drawbacks are being mitigated by a growing awareness that advanced technologies will require investment in appropriate infrastructure. The U.S. CNG pipeline system is an approximately 1.8 million mile network and expanding.

"Natural gas," adds Miller, "and an expanded retail-friendly CNG infrastructure could be seen as a model for future hydrogen infrastructure."

[Toyota]

As is with any alternative fuel, the first problem is infrastructure. There are about 12,500 propane fueling stations in the country today, but according to Feehan, only 2,500 are open to the public. Compare that to the approximately 162,000 gasoline stations, and you can see the problem. Relative to gasoline tanks, propane tanks are also bigger and heavier. The cost of converting your car is pretty heavy too: about $10,000 for an EPA-certified kit. But non-certified kits are allegedly available for under $1000 and are said to be just as safe, at least by the folks selling them. Finally, there's the energy density issue. Propane has to fall to a price point equal to about 80% of the cost of a gallon of gasoline before it makes sense from a mileage issue; add in the cost of conversion and the inconvenience of filling it up, and we've got a ways to go before propane is as easy to find as unleaded.
[DetNews]

The energy plan also calls for an increase fuel economy standards 4% per year, up to $4 billion in retooling tax credits and loan guarantees for domestic auto plants and parts manufacturers to support their manufacture of the new fuel-efficient cars, a mandate for all new vehicles to be flex-fuel vehicles, and a call for America to develop next-generation biofuels and the required infrastructure.

Jalopnik Snap Judgment: We're as wary of campaign promises as the next guys, but some of the elements of Obama's proposal make sense. While a plug-in White House fleet is just a nice PR move, significant tax credits that encourage people to take a chance on new technology is good for both consumers and automakers. Additionally, while we don't think any US automaker bailouts are a good idea, providing loan guarantees and retooling tax credits for domestic manufacturers will provide them with needed breathing room as they realign their product mix. Do they deserve that breathing room after gorging themselves on trucks for a decade? Debatable, but to paraphrase: You go to market with the car companies you have, not the car companies you want. [Green Car Congress; Photo Credit: Gizmodo]

Gas-Guzzler Trade-In Calculator Introduced by Edmunds.comSANTA MONICA, Calif. — June 30, 2008 — Should you dump the SUV for a gas-sipper? That's the question everyone is asking these days.

Edmunds.com, the premier online resource for automotive information, helps consumers answer that question with today's release of its Gas-Guzzler Trade-In Calculator. The tool helps consumers determine the pay-back period and fuel savings associated with trading-in a fuel-thirsty vehicle for a more fuel-efficient one.

"Car buyers think they can save money by dumping their gas-guzzler and purchasing a gas-sipper," said Philip Reed, Senior Consumer Advice Editor for Edmunds.com. "But when you look at the big picture — total cash out of pocket — a very different situation is often revealed."

A common example demonstrates the potential pitfalls of ditching that SUV: A consumer trades in a four-year old GMC Yukon, worth $13,483, for a new $21,647 Toyota Prius. The difference is $8,164. If the consumer drives 1,200 miles per month and gas costs $4.07 per gallon (national average), the monthly fuel savings will be $201.34. While this may seem attractive, it will take 41 months to pay back the additional cost of the Prius over the trade-in value of the Yukon.

The Gas-Guzzler Trade-In Calculator prompts users to select the vehicle they are considering and the vehicle they would sell or trade-in. The calculator automatically provides the Edmunds.com True Market Value® prices (the average price that people are currently paying for each vehicle), as well as the anticipated fuel mileage of the two vehicles. Consumers then input their monthly mileage and local gas price, and the calculator displays the monthly fuel savings, as well as the number of months to "break-even".

"Americans hate high gas prices," said Reed. "However, it's important to calm down and look closely at the dollars and cents. If people make a panicked car-buying decision they could lose thousands of dollars just to save hundreds of bucks at the pump."

[Source: Edmunds]

Original Volvo Ideas

1. Stay at a nearby hotel for a night. Use the money you're saving by forgoing airfare, and treat the family to a night or two in a local hotel. Look for hotels with attractions you can drive to during the day such as water parks, pools, malls or golf courses.

2. Create your own historic tour. Pack up your car with some bag lunches and discover local history. Contact your local historical society or chamber of commerce, and sign up for a historical tour or chart out your own self-driven tour.

3. Get lost in a museum. Instead of getting lost on the interstate this summer, drive to a local museum and wander through at your own pace. Take time you might not normally spend in town to explore your city's treasures within a 30-minute driving radius. It's a great way to learn about your kids' interests, too.

4. Enjoy nature at a county, state or national park. Whether doing a day-hike or a weeklong camping trip, some of the best family memories are made on the trail. Get an atlas or state map, and drive out to the nearest park.

5. Try new restaurants. Just as you would in a new city or country, test out restaurants and types of food you've never experienced before. Some of the best vacation memories are spent while sampling new cuisine. You might just discover your new favorite dining spot close to home.

6. Set up camp. It never quite feels like a family vacation when waking up in your own home. Finish off your drive around the city by teaching your kids camping basics. Try finding a campground near your city and take the kids camping for a night or two. Or, set up a tent in the backyard and tell ghost stories, eat marshmallows and stargaze.

Our Ideas

7. Get high. We're not sure how much gas it takes to get a family of four high, but we're guessing a quarter of a tank is enough for that kind of huffing. Of course, then you might die.

8. Spy on your ex-wife. You don't need that much gas to circle the block to see if that ungrateful harlot has found someone else. Bring the family along and one kid can go through the trash looking for receipts or hair (for the hair sculpture) while the other one searches through the mail.

9. Demolition derby. There's no chance that you're going to find someone to buy back that Excursion with gas at $5,300 a cc, but if it gets destroyed you can use the insurance money to buy a hybrid or something.

10. Napalm a tree stump. Assuming you've got a hose around, pour a little of that gasoline over Styrofoam for a bit of homemade napalm. Have a patch of concrete or a stump that's been bothering you? Stand way back and light it up like the Ho Chi Min Trail.

[Source: Volvo, Crazy Imagination]

We're sure Flo N' Go is sold with the best of intentions, but we can't think of any uses for a 14 gallon gas can with siphoning system other than thieving dino-juice. But since it operates at a somewhat slow rate of two gallons per minute, make sure your victim isn't just running into the store for a quick snack when you begin siphoning. Flo N' Go is available for $170, which would pay for itself in three "fill ups" or so. [Product Page via CG]

Not surprisingly, technologies not readily available in the U.S. didn't fare well on the study. For example, clean diesel engines barely registered a blip, in large part because they're just entering the market. Said Mike Marshall, director of the study: "The mere fact that they'll be in the marketplace is going to raise the awareness level of clean diesel, and I think that will begin to crack some of these wrong perceptions of what diesel is today."

While clean diesel is already chosen by a majority of European buyers, it remains to be seen whether economies of scale allow it to be implemented in the States at a lower price premium than that found on hybrids; new offerings from VW, Mercedes, and even Honda in the next 12 months should provide some insight into diesel pricing strategy. Additionally, as hybrid sales numbers rise, the same economies of scale should allow prices to fall. But, for either to happen, first some folks have to pony up the premium. Chicken, meet egg.
[Automotive News (Sub. Req.)]

In a remarkably candid statement revealing where dealerships actually make their money, Poncho Redfern, president of San Francisco-based Thomason Auto Group, said

"...you can't outrun it in F&I. There's only so much you can honestly earn in that department. This wreaks havoc on the bottom line. We see people with $10,000 in negative equity.

A dealer does not have enough room to help the customer out of it."

6. Fit A Locking Gas Cap

Instructions: Drive an older vehicle with a gas cap and fuel door that don't lock? Aftermarket replacements that do lock are available from most car part stores. Make sure you select one that's designed for your vehicle; this is crucial for safety, security and emissions. Can't find one? Rivet a hasp and padlock onto the fuel door.
Pros: Cheap, simple and effective at making lazy gas thieves think twice about choosing your vehicle for fuel pilfering.
Cons: Doesn't protect you from a thief who isn't lazy and happens to be handy with a lock pick.

5. Swap Diesel And Gas Badges

Instructions: Drive a gasoline-powered car? Swap out all the exterior clues for diesel badges, and don't forget the sticker inside the fuel door. Some vehicles may require a different colored fuel filler. Own a diesel? Do the opposite.
Pros: Cost efficient. Could permanently disable thief's vehicle, encouraging them to go straight.
Cons: Bad for forgetful people. Lending your car to friends could prove expensive. You lose all the cache the original stickers brought. Getting the goo off can be a bitch when it comes time to sell.

4. Don't Use Gas At All; Buy An Alternative Energy Vehicle
Instructions: Segway, Tesla, bicycle: pick your poison. By choosing a means of transportation that doesn't use gas, not only do you become immune to fuel theft, but rising prices too.
Pros: Not having gas that can be stolen eliminates risk of fuel theft. Hippie chicks will dig you.
Cons: Thieves may just steal your vehicle instead. May lower street cred. Hippies don't shave.

3. Remove Your Gas At Night, Store Inside
Instructions: Simply siphon or drain your fuel into jerry cans every time you park. An empty tank means thieves will have no fuel to steal. Store in a safe — and preferably — well ventilated area.
Pros: Sleep safe in the knowledge that your gas is where it's safest: underneath your mattress.
Cons: Sleep may last a very long time due to fumes. Siphoning or draining each and every night can be time intensive. Thieves attempting to drill an empty tank may encounter an explosive surprise.

2. Booby Trap Your Car
Instructions: Mad Max got a lot of things right: First and foremost is a man's right to protect what's his by any means necessary. Wire dynamite to explode should your vehicle be tampered with, but don't forget to include a secret switch to disarm the explosives. Keeping a machete strapped near the switch can provide a way out should you be forced to disarm the booby trap at gunpoint. A "This vehicle is booby-trapped" sticker may be a good idea.
Pros: Really sticks it to the thieves. Street cred.
Cons: Total vehicle loss is an expensive theft deterrent. Risk of accidental detonation is high. Possible legal and liability concerns.

1. Up-Armor Your Vehicle
Instructions: Gather large amounts of thick metal plate (3/4" should do) and liberally weld it all over your vehicle. Don't forget to cover the underside, and leave slits for vision and/or chainsaws.
Pros: In addition to protecting your gas tank, you'll be protecting yourself from IEDs. Deters tailgaters.
Cons: The extra fuel needed to haul around all the armor plate may negate any savings. Negative impact on resale value.

There you have it. We've showed you how to take someone else's gas and how to protect it once you pour it into your tank. You'll probably be okay as long as you practice the basics: Park in a well-lit area at night. Don't drive around with the fuel door open and gas cap missing. And remember that no system, however ill-conceived, can stop a determined thief.

We're sure there's plenty of us that have pulled the "octane diet" routine before. But while we may have guiltily pumped mid-grade in our octane-craving machines once or twice when we were in a pinch for cash, these drivers seem to be making the step down from high-octane for good — and without fear of consequences. While it's hard to say how much any potential mechanical damage would actually cost you in the future, why bother taking the risk? Mercedes driver Steve Altman says,"The only thing I've noticed is more money in my wallet." According to data from the Energy Department, In 2007, premium accounted for 9.4 percent of all gasoline sales in the United States, down slightly from 9.5 percent the year before. Ten years ago, premium gas held 16.6 percent of the market.

What makes us really stop and scratch our heads is that, relative to regular gas, the price of premium is pretty cheap in a lot of places. What we mean is that many gas stations are still using the old $0.10 increments between regular, mid-Grade and premium. We know it's not the same everywhere, but for the places that do still have mid-grade for ten cents more than regular, and premium at ten cents more than mid-grade, the upgrade to premium is relatively more affordable than it's been in a long time. So, if you could afford the extra $0.20 per gallon back when prices were just $2.00, couldn't you still afford it now that you're paying $4.00 per gallon? Are the times really that tight, or is it (as we suspect) the fact that $4.00 per gallon is so offensive to us that $4.20 per gallon is simply unacceptable?
[NY Times]

Ordinarily, we wouldn't have given SwiftFuel a second glance due to the snake-oil style claims it makes. But in this case, the information came with a whiff of credibility thanks to a writeup by columnist Robert X. Cringely at PBS.org, including an interview with Mary Russek, half of the husband and wife team behind the company. Factor in the company's web site and a mention on Slashdot, and that's four different places you can find SwiftFuel on the internet. But is there any real information?

First, we looked at Swift Enterprises' claims about SwiftFuel, which are easy to spot thanks to the light-blue 20-point text on their MySpace entry:

• Completely renewable with no petroleum: Fair enough, it's 100% ethanol based, so that claim seems plausible enough.
  
• 50% improvement in mileage over E-85 and 10-15% improvement over gasoline: I grouped these together since the math is basically the same. Still, this is a huge claim, considering that ethanol has only 75% of the energy density of gasoline. To achieve the required energy density, one would need to boost ethanol with another chemical or create a new hydrocarbon from the ethanol base stock.
  
• 20% fewer emissions than gasoline: You had me at "a 15% improvement in mileage." But the global warming benefits are certainly icing on the cake, and seem to point toward an oxygenate in the fuel.
  
• No engine modifications, additives or stabilizers are needed: In other words, you don't need a FlexFuel engine to run SwiftFuel, nor do you have to dump a quart of STP in the tank to keep from burning a valve. So, whatever they're using is chemically inert.
  

So is SwiftFuel real? To paraphrase legions of X-Files fans, "We want to believe!" But we don't. When Robert Cringely and the Ruseks swing by our office with a jerrycan full of SwiftFuel for us to test, we'll bring you more. Until then, SwiftFuel belongs in the same category as Water 4 Gas and the Tornado.
[Slashdot]

Jackson sees the latest fuel crisis as a two-pronged beast: On one hand, sustained higher fuel prices will drive consumers (and manufacturers) to more fuel-efficient vehicles, eventually reducing our consumption of oil and improving national security. On the other hand, high gas prices are dragging down the economy, wrecking his profits, and generally suck.

However, Jackson is taking a refreshingly long-term view of the situation, and concluding that the country, its citizens, and its businesses (his included) will be fundamentally better off in the end by learning to cope with high energy costs. Given that the OPEC supply wildcard has been supplanted by the much less predictable speculator wildcard this time around, plus China proving it has an appetite to match our own, a long-term view may be the only right answer.

But Jackson acknowledges that if energy prices change, all bets are off. "I'm a good car salesman," Mr. Jackson says. "If I have high gas prices and an open-minded consumer, it's very doable. There is a connection between their needs and what we have to offer them. If we have cheap gasoline, it's mission impossible."

In other words, take your medicine, kids. It doesn't taste good, but you'll feel better tomorrow. Now pardon me, but I'm off to drive my G-Wagen. The beatings begin in five, four, three...
[WSJ.com]

Said one Mexican resident, "I'm tired of these dry backs crossing into OUR country to take OUR fuel. If they're not smart enough to take care of their economy I don't get why we have to support them." Check it out, an entire post about Mexican gas without a taco joke. Victory! [NBC San Diego, Photo: RunOfTheWorld]

7) Don't Drive
This is the tip we obviously advocate the least, so of course we're dropping it to the bottom of the list — but it's also at the top of the post. Maybe that's because driving is the worst way to save on gas, so the easiest way to avoid paying big oil is to stay home. Of course that can be a tall order, so you can at least try to stay more local and enjoy the delights of your hometown. Heck, why not just throw a last minute barbeque and make all your friends come to you?

6) Clean all that crap out of your car
Keeping your JV football gear in the trunk doesn't make much sense now that you're 34. Clean your car, ya hobo! While holding on to all those cheeseburger wrappers and empty pop bottles might seem like a good idea, keeping them in the car is not. "Weight is the enemy of performance" as Colin Chapman used to say, it's also the enemy of boosting your anemic gas mileage. Those SUV's are big for a reason — they carry a crapload of crap. So if you're planning a trip, clean the junk out.

5) Air up those tires
Friction between the tires and the road are a healthy source of overall energy loss. The more contact between the tire and the road the more friction. Making sure tires are at the maximum recommended pressure is a good way to see easy improvements in both fuel economy and ride and handling.

4) Keep your car well maintained
Oil in the pan going on 10,000 miles? Wheel bearings all wobbly? Power steering pump groaning under the weight of an uncaring owner? These are all things which are not only dentrimental for the car but also have a negative impact on mileage. If you're mechanically-inclined, get down to your local parts depot and get to wrenching. If you're not, slide on over to your favorite grease monkey and let him fix it for you. Your car will love you for it.

3) Avoid high traffic areas
Idling wastes vast quantities of fuel every year, and running at low speeds in bumper to bumper traffic is just as bad. So if you have the choice, plan your travel times and routes to correspond to times when the roadway is free and clear of the destraction and fuel-wasting of others. Deciding to make the run out to the country from downtown at 4:30 in the afternoon is a sure fire way to waste a quarter tank.

2) Law of conservation of energy

My favorite pastime is getting into a huge SUV and racing all the other cars to the next stoplight. What can I say, I'm an idiot. If this sounds like you, congrats because you get terrible fuel economy. Try to work with — instead of against — stop lights. Most of the time lights are timed to match posted speed limits and if you work things right, you may never have to use your brakes. Brakes of course being the easiest way to transform the power derived from gasoline into heat, which, generally doesn't do any good for you. More importantly however will be the gas burned getting yourself back up to 75 MPH. What do you mean the speed limit on Woodward's only 45 MPH near 13 Mile?

1) Slow down, you maniac
Here's a better idea to those of us who are of obsessed with the cult of cars than tip #7, because at least you'll be driving. That shiny new car of yours may be fast as all get out, but mashing the gas and doing 80 MPH on the freeway will ensure cars are the only thing you're passing. Going posted speeds or below is boring and tiresome, but it pays dividends on the fuel mileage side. You know this and we know this, neither of us have to like it.

You should also check out Popular Mechanics top ten ways to save gas by hypermilling if you're looking for more tips — you know we're fans of that particular game. But above all, have a safe and enjoyable weekend everyone.

Oh, and did you see any gas price-related crimes like someone robbing a gas station to get money for gas? Kvetch away in the comments below.

[Source: AAA]

If you're really lucky, you've not started your car and can thus get it drained by a professional (or a trusted friend) for a decent price according to the lads at MotorTorque. This is the easiest solution and the best way to avoid serious damage.

If you've only put in a tiny amount it may be possible to dilute the gasoline with diesel, but this is highly risky and should only be attempted in older vehicles that don't use high-pressure injection systems. I.E., don't try this in your new Bluetec E-Series.

If you've put more than a sliver in and started the car you're running the risk of damaging the fuel pump, fuel-injection system and washing out all the lubricant in the car. And that's in an older car. If you're car/truck is using a common-rail diesel system you could be looking at major engine destruction (that may not be covered by your insurance).

In this case, an ounce of prevention is worth a gallon of cure/diesel. Make sure to clearly mark your gas gauge, the inside of the fuel door and the fuel cap with the words "DIESEL FUEL ONLY," especially if your ride gets borrowed frequently.

As always, consult a mechanic before you do anything stupid. [MotorTorque]

Given there's probably a limited number of gray-haired bandits running around Novi, Michigan, the police were on the scene before she finished filling up. Grandma's out on bail but could face what's left of her life in the clink. [Freep]

With the same gusto they mustered when legislating timelines for troop withdrawals, the House of Representatives today signed off on legislation that would severely punish gas-gougers. Not surprisingly, the White House has already threatened a veto claiming the law is a form of price controls. While we personally disagree with the White House (about everything) and think it is cute that Congress is trying to do something before $4 per gallon gas causes voter revolts, our reading of the bill is it was doomed to begin with. You want vague language? Read this:

The bill directs the Federal Trade Commission and Justice Department to go after oil companies, traders or retail operators if they take "unfair advantage" or charge "unconscionably excessive" prices for gasoline and other fuels.

House approves stiff gas-gouging penalties [via msnbc.com]

Related:
Americans Spend $20 Billion Extra On Gas So Far In 2007; Guess What Yesterday Was? Record High Gas Prices Day! [Internal]

Per vehicle, Americans are spending $146 more on fuel this year than last. And it is not even June yet. If prices stabilize we are talking more than $300 additional by year's end. Hey, that's basically the same as Bush's tax cut from a few years back. Just sayin'. The bad news is that prices are going to go up come mid-summer. Meaning that figure might be an extra $400 – or worse. Luckily, the Federal Trade Commission is all over it. You will be happy to know that even though the GAO reported to Congress yesterday that, "Spending billions more on gasoline constrains consumers' budgets, leaving less money available for other purchases," Federal Trade Commission member William Kovacic reports that price spikes, "typically have a business-related cause." Whew. We were worried there for a second. For their part the oil companies want you to know that, "more than 30 prior government investigations into alleged gasoline profiteering has proven the industry did nothing illegal." You heard 'em, boys. Nothing to see here. – Jonny Lieberman

Gas price hikes' cost: $146 a car so far this year [via msnbc.com]

Related:
Guess What Yesterday Was? Record High Gas Prices Day! [Internal]

Zen and the art of dealing with high gas prices [msnbc.com]

Related:
Four Bucks a Gallon? | Question of the Day: How Much Are You Paying For Gas? [Internal]

While we long ago accepted the fact that some animals are more equal than others, we hate this fat prick's face. And while a two-cent per gallon hike over two-weeks isn't double unplus-bad, every little bit hurts. Especially as higher gas prices (like everything else save the yacht tax) disproportionately hurts the poor. And as we're sliding closer and closer to "the poor" every time gas prices rise, we're double pre-pissed. –Jonny Lieberman

U.S. gasoline prices creep up [MSNBC.com]

Related:
Ca-Ching!: Exxon Mobil Posts Record Profits for 2005; More: ExxonMobil Releases Third Quarter Earnings, Down To Second-Largest Profit Ever [Internal]

Has anyone gone out and tried to fill up today? If you're in the Midwest, you're paying anywhere between $2.80 and $2.99. Even Michigan's auto-friendly Governor Granholm has launched an online petition to send to President Bush asking him WTF is going on. On the West Coast, we've heard prices are approaching $3.00 (or $4.00 in Beverly Hills...but that's mostly due to the TomKat family's fleet of Ford's used the other day). Out on the East Coast, prices hit $3.00 a gallon — that is if you can find any gas to fill up with — as reports of gas-less stations are sifting up from local media outlets. All of this gets us thinking maybe there is more we could be doing, especially with Earth Day tomorrow. Well, at least the Main Stream Media is all over this. CNN has the touching story above of a man pawning his watch for gas — to run his 1991 Jaguar.

Green Driving - Boost Your MPG [AOL Autos]
Gas Outage at Some Local Pumps [6abc.com]
Sign Now to Lower Gas Prices! [State of Michigan]

Related:
More on gas prices [internal]

Cheech and Chong taught us all about stealing gas in their 1980 sequel "Next Movie," in which they siphon gas into a trash can (full of garbage), then dump it all over the car and themselves as they try to fill the tank. Afterwards, they light a smoke and the car goes up in flames (though they're miraculously unkilled). Of course, compared to C&C's legendary "getting across the street" scene, one Washington State man's plot to steal more than a million gallons of gas from a distribution center on Harbor Island is completely unfunny. That's probably why it worked. For a while.

Fuel theft alleged at Harbor Island [The Seattle Times]

Related:
Strippers Work Deconstruction Magic on Stolen Cars [internal]