As you lose all your money, get kicked out of your house and have to commute between job fairs, gas will rapidly become one of your top expenses. And after sharing the six best ways to steal gas yesterday, we figure it's prudent to do the right thing by providing seven of the best ways to protect your gas investment from the shady characters out there wishing to make it their own.

7. Live In Your Car
Instructions: Now that your house has been repossessed, you not only need a place to sleep, but a place to store all your valuables too. Consolidate all your interests into one, small, easily defensible metal block.
Pros: You'll look too poor to afford gas in the first place. A room with a view. Short walk to the bathroom. Selling the furniture will pay for some gas.
Cons: Illegal in most areas. Uncomfortable for tall people. Hygiene problematic. Frowned upon in elite social circles.

6. Fit A Locking Gas Cap
Instructions: Drive an older vehicle with a gas cap and fuel door that don't lock? Aftermarket replacements that do lock are available from most car part stores. Make sure you select one that's designed for your vehicle; this is crucial for safety, security and emissions. Can't find one? Rivet a hasp and padlock onto the fuel door.
Pros: Cheap, simple and effective at making lazy gas thieves think twice about choosing your vehicle for fuel pilfering.
Cons: Doesn't protect you from a thief who isn't lazy and happens to be handy with a lock pick.

5. Swap Diesel And Gas Badges
Instructions: Drive a gasoline-powered car? Swap out all the exterior clues for diesel badges, and don't forget the sticker inside the fuel door. Some vehicles may require a different colored fuel filler. Own a diesel? Do the opposite.
Pros: Cost efficient. Could permanently disable thief's vehicle, encouraging them to go straight.
Cons: Bad for forgetful people. Lending your car to friends could prove expensive. You lose all the cache the original stickers brought. Getting the goo off can be a bitch when it comes time to sell.

4. Don't Use Gas At All; Buy An Alternative Energy Vehicle
Instructions: Segway, Tesla, bicycle: pick your poison. By choosing a means of transportation that doesn't use gas, not only do you become immune to fuel theft, but rising prices too.
Pros: Not having gas that can be stolen eliminates risk of fuel theft. Hippie chicks will dig you.
Cons: Thieves may just steal your vehicle instead. May lower street cred. Hippies don't shave.

3. Remove Your Gas At Night, Store Inside
Instructions: Simply siphon or drain your fuel into jerry cans every time you park. An empty tank means thieves will have no fuel to steal. Store in a safe — and preferably — well ventilated area.
Pros: Sleep safe in the knowledge that your gas is where it's safest: underneath your mattress.
Cons: Sleep may last a very long time due to fumes. Siphoning or draining each and every night can be time intensive. Thieves attempting to drill an empty tank may encounter an explosive surprise.

2. Booby Trap Your Car
Instructions: Mad Max got a lot of things right: First and foremost is a man's right to protect what's his by any means necessary. Wire dynamite to explode should your vehicle be tampered with, but don't forget to include a secret switch to disarm the explosives. Keeping a machete strapped near the switch can provide a way out should you be forced to disarm the booby trap at gunpoint. A "This vehicle is booby-trapped" sticker may be a good idea.
Pros: Really sticks it to the thieves. Street cred.
Cons: Total vehicle loss is an expensive theft deterrent. Risk of accidental detonation is high. Possible legal and liability concerns.

1. Up-Armor Your Vehicle
Instructions: Gather large amounts of thick metal plate (3/4" should do) and liberally weld it all over your vehicle. Don't forget to cover the underside, and leave slits for vision and/or chainsaws.
Pros: In addition to protecting your gas tank, you'll be protecting yourself from IEDs. Deters tailgaters.
Cons: The extra fuel needed to haul around all the armor plate may negate any savings. Negative impact on resale value.

There you have it. We've showed you how to take someone else's gas and how to protect it once you pour it into your tank. You'll probably be okay as long as you practice the basics: Park in a well-lit area at night. Don't drive around with the fuel door open and gas cap missing. And remember that no system, however ill-conceived, can stop a determined thief.

Come on, admit it. Since you've been laid off/had your pay reduced/lost all your savings/got caught running a Ponzi scheme, you've been thinking up ways to reduce your expenses. Like any other commodity, it's easier to steal gas than it is to pay for it. So if you're looking for a way — totally for informational purposes, of course — here's six of the best — and one really bad way — to do it:

6. Pirate An Oil Tanker
Pros: Results in enough fuel to supply entire failed state. Relatively low risk to reward ratio. Very easy, no special skills required beyond basic navigation, AK-47 firing. Illegal for tanker crews to carry firearms. More glamorous than other methods.
Cons: You'll need to steal a refinery too. If you accidentally steal an American tanker, snipers will shoot you in the face. Hopping on an already crowded bandwagon/dinghy.
Instructions: Obtain a small boat and an AK-47; crew and RPG-7 optional. Sail into the sea-lanes south and east of the Gulf of Aden. Look for an oil tanker; they're the big ones without shipping containers on the deck. Board the ship, tie up the crew and sail home. Bonus points for jaunty headwear.

5. Siphoning Fuel From Someone Else's Tank
Pros: Being able to pick the location, secluded is best. The ability to directly target your enemies. Relatively simple and cheap.
Cons: No way to check how much fuel is in the tank before you decide to steal it. Applying suction by mouth may result in severe vomiting, recurring nightmares, cancer, addiction.
Instructions: Insert a small, stiff pipe into a vehicle's gas tank. Apply suction. When fuel starts to flow, place pipe exit below tank height and fill jerry can.

4. The Old Switcheroo
Pros: No special tools or knowledge needed (except a midget or small child).
Cons: Requires a relatively advanced level of grifting, limited time means you probably won't get away with a full tank. Risk of confrontation is high.
Instructions: Simply create a distraction while your assistant swaps someone's paid-for pump into your own tank.

3. RFID Hacking
Pros: Non-confrontational. Little physical effort required. Perfect for nerds.
Cons: Requires a high-level tech know-how. It's a felony offense. High up-front equipment cost.
Instructions: Many gas stations offer SpeedPass-style pay-by-RFID. Unlike RFID cloning a credit card, the encryption ciphers in these cards are vulnerable to a brute force attack. Crack the code and give yourself free gas for life.

2. Siphoning On An Industrial Scale
Pros: The economies of scale. Relatively stealthy. High profit margins.
Cons: Requires the possession and subsequent modification of a large trailer. Penalties are commiserate with the scale of the theft.
Instructions: Pull a trailer fitted with a trap door, a large tank and a pump over a gas station's underground reservoir. While you pretend to make repairs under the hood, have an assistant open the trailer's trap door, insert a pipe down into the reservoir and then pump out the gas.

1. Pump Hacking
Pros: The ability to fill up multiple vehicles. Very stealthy. Once learned, this is a skill with near universal applicability.
Cons: Requires specialist knowledge and tools.
Instructions: Details are murky, but it appears that fuel pump service tools are making their way into thieves' hands. Get your hands on such a device, the technical know how to use it, exploit the system.

-1. Drilling Gas Tanks
Pros: Any idiot with a drill can do it.
Cons: Spark, fire, death, destruction. Permanently damages another person's vehicle, and that's just wrong.
Instructions: Climb under car with drill, make hole, slide container under cascade of highly flammable liquid. Best to avoid open flames, static electricity, cell phones, electric drills.

*Note: Gasoline is most flammable as a vapor. By drilling a tank, you're removing a liquid while leaving behind vapor. Vapor will also permeate the area around the vehicle. Even if you manage to avoid setting yourself on fire, there's always a chance the car may blow up when the owner tries to start it. Killing people is bad.

6. Fit A Locking Gas Cap

Instructions: Drive an older vehicle with a gas cap and fuel door that don't lock? Aftermarket replacements that do lock are available from most car part stores. Make sure you select one that's designed for your vehicle; this is crucial for safety, security and emissions. Can't find one? Rivet a hasp and padlock onto the fuel door.
Pros: Cheap, simple and effective at making lazy gas thieves think twice about choosing your vehicle for fuel pilfering.
Cons: Doesn't protect you from a thief who isn't lazy and happens to be handy with a lock pick.

5. Swap Diesel And Gas Badges

Instructions: Drive a gasoline-powered car? Swap out all the exterior clues for diesel badges, and don't forget the sticker inside the fuel door. Some vehicles may require a different colored fuel filler. Own a diesel? Do the opposite.
Pros: Cost efficient. Could permanently disable thief's vehicle, encouraging them to go straight.
Cons: Bad for forgetful people. Lending your car to friends could prove expensive. You lose all the cache the original stickers brought. Getting the goo off can be a bitch when it comes time to sell.

4. Don't Use Gas At All; Buy An Alternative Energy Vehicle
Instructions: Segway, Tesla, bicycle: pick your poison. By choosing a means of transportation that doesn't use gas, not only do you become immune to fuel theft, but rising prices too.
Pros: Not having gas that can be stolen eliminates risk of fuel theft. Hippie chicks will dig you.
Cons: Thieves may just steal your vehicle instead. May lower street cred. Hippies don't shave.

3. Remove Your Gas At Night, Store Inside
Instructions: Simply siphon or drain your fuel into jerry cans every time you park. An empty tank means thieves will have no fuel to steal. Store in a safe — and preferably — well ventilated area.
Pros: Sleep safe in the knowledge that your gas is where it's safest: underneath your mattress.
Cons: Sleep may last a very long time due to fumes. Siphoning or draining each and every night can be time intensive. Thieves attempting to drill an empty tank may encounter an explosive surprise.

2. Booby Trap Your Car
Instructions: Mad Max got a lot of things right: First and foremost is a man's right to protect what's his by any means necessary. Wire dynamite to explode should your vehicle be tampered with, but don't forget to include a secret switch to disarm the explosives. Keeping a machete strapped near the switch can provide a way out should you be forced to disarm the booby trap at gunpoint. A "This vehicle is booby-trapped" sticker may be a good idea.
Pros: Really sticks it to the thieves. Street cred.
Cons: Total vehicle loss is an expensive theft deterrent. Risk of accidental detonation is high. Possible legal and liability concerns.

1. Up-Armor Your Vehicle
Instructions: Gather large amounts of thick metal plate (3/4" should do) and liberally weld it all over your vehicle. Don't forget to cover the underside, and leave slits for vision and/or chainsaws.
Pros: In addition to protecting your gas tank, you'll be protecting yourself from IEDs. Deters tailgaters.
Cons: The extra fuel needed to haul around all the armor plate may negate any savings. Negative impact on resale value.

There you have it. We've showed you how to take someone else's gas and how to protect it once you pour it into your tank. You'll probably be okay as long as you practice the basics: Park in a well-lit area at night. Don't drive around with the fuel door open and gas cap missing. And remember that no system, however ill-conceived, can stop a determined thief.