The SCHWING Corolla FX16 (that's a California-built NUMMI car, by the way) had a comfortable lead... right up to the point at which their engine suffered catastrophic overheating and probable internal damage with about 30 minutes to go in the day's session. They're going to thrash on the engine all night, get the car onto the track tomorrow, and hope to gain back the dozen or so laps they've lost. Meanwhile, the leader is the winner of the Laissez Les Crapheaps Roulez LeMons race, the GT$500 Toyota Celica.

At the same time, the Index Of Effluency competition remains hot; looks like the Fiat Brava just can't keep running, the VW Fastback took some nasty collision damage, and the longshot Ford Festiva just keeps going around and around. Who will it be? You'll find out tomorrow night!

The one that caught my eye first was the very clean, automatic-equipped 1976 BMW 2002. The odometer reads just over 4,000 miles, which means it's either a very well-maintained 104,000-mile car or a 4,000-mile car that spent several decades moldering in a driveway somewhere. When I mentioned this car to 24 Hours Of LeMons Assistant Perpetrator Nick Pon, he had to rush right over to the yard to pull some pieces for his '76 2002.

Right next to the 2002 sits a fairly complete 1970 Triumph Spitfire. The engine and front suspension look pretty nice; a Spitfire Hell Project owner could definitely feast on this junkyard find!

That's not enough? Hey, there's something for you lovers of vintage Japanese machinery as well: a California-built 1988 Toyota Corolla GT-S. It's an automatic car, and the underhood sticker identifies the engine as a 4A-LC… but that sure looks like a 16-valve 4A to me.

Now let's see what the Server Hamsters do when I present them with these photos in our new gallery style. Fasten your seatbelts!

I'm providing each car's best lap time (which should confirm once again that having a fast car isn't the most important thing for a LeMons team), as well as the number of BS Inspection penalty laps (if any), plus awards earned by the team. You racers in need of all my original, full-resolution shots of your car in action should email me and I'll get them to you. When you're done here, be sure to check out LeMons Supreme Court Justice Lieberman's coverage over on Speed:Sport:Life.

Thanks to Nick Pon and Ashley Freed for many of these photos. Here they are in finishing order, the Top Lemons Of The 24 Hours Of LeMons South Spring 2009:

SF '07	Arse Freeze '07	SF '08
Detroit '08	New England '08	South '08
Texas '08	Arse Freeze '08	Texas '09

Happily, nothing was hurt but pride. It turns out that Rnair of the Formula BMW team flew out all the way from California to drive for the team, but- thanks to his teammate's disregard for the laws of physics- he won't be driving any more this weekend. However, it wasn't a total loss; we made him a judge!

Thanks to Chris Pitts for the great video!

The SCHWING guys are very good; they're driving clean and drama-free, without a single penalty. But just one slipup by the SCHWINGs- a black flag, or a too-slow driver change, for example- and the 40-year-old BMW will blow past that California-built Toyota front-driver.


Meanwhile, the Fox Mustangs are really looking strong this weekend, with three of 'em in the top five. The Formula M For Mullet guys are just a single lap behind the BMW, with 208.


Then we've got a 4-banger Mustang in fourth place, with 204 laps for Team Shake & Bake 4 Cyl Mustang. That's right, folks, a Pinto engine gets the job done just as well as a 5.0!


In fifth place, with 202 laps, is the MusTANK.

So we've got five cars separated by just nine laps. Anything could happen! By the way, after our "bonus laps" experiment at Thunderhill caused so much whining consternation, we've trashed the whole idea. BS penalty laps are included in the Gator-O-Rama totals, but nobody is getting positive laps for having allegedly hopeless cars. Check in later for more LeMons action!

Yes, they've painted their car white and given it a Ghostbusters theme, but it's the same car and same drivers. How is it that Team SCHWING is so good at LeMons? Basically, they don't get black flags; unlike damn near everyone else in the race, we haven't seen them in the punishment area all day. And, speaking of punishments, the reason I haven't had a chance to do any live coverage is due to the endless series of miscreants we've had to discipline. We've got some new punishments, including the Habitat For Dogmanity, the Studs & Spurs, the Mime Your Crime, and the Bob Ross Hood Painting, and I'll be sharing those with you when things calm down later tonight. For now, here's a gallery of some of today's racing action:

For that matter, the Toyota Corolla FX16 is almost too reliable to show up here, but most of them spend their entire lives with the tach needle bouncing around the 8 grand mark and the body panels scraping telephone poles, with repairs performed by 19-year-old hoons with $9.98 Taiwanese socket sets and 12-packs of Steel Reserve to provide inspiration. They're not so easy to find, but if you're willing to make a few compromises you can find something like this '87 Corolla FX16, which has a selling price we're pretty sure will be far below the asking price of $350. It's got a rod knock (or worse), so you'll need to open up the engine and fix stuff. It's also got an automatic transmission, so you'll need to remove it and leave it on a shredded couch in your front yard- this sends a message to your neighbors that you're no one to be trifled with- and then head to your nearest junkyard and find a 5-speed to install. Sell off some interior parts and you might even have enough left to drop in a hot cam and buy some nice suspension goodies.

Revving the piss out of a really nervous naturally-aspirated engine sure is fun, but why limit yourself to mere atmospheric pressure when it comes to obtaining oxygen for the combustion process? You need turbocharging! Now, VW didn't make a MK3 GTI with a turbocharged gasoline engine, but that doesn't mean you can't reap the rewards of some "Golf tuner's" aftermarket turbo kit installation. Say, for example, this '91 GTI with "many upgrades" including a turbo kit. Sadly, the motor is "blown due to overheating. there was a problem with the thermostat," which your Gloomy Gus types out there might interpret as "every component under the hood is totally destroyed, from the burned valves to the spun bearings" but which we think indicates that everything will be just hunky-dory in a single afternoon of easy wrenching. The seller wants $700, which means you'll have no problem negotiating it close to LeMons-grade pricing and then selling the interior stuff for an extra few bucks for your budget. What could possibly go wrong?

Second place, is the Witchdoctor Motorsports Bikini Racer Camaro, also with 206 laps (and a 1.3 second slower best lap time). That's right, a big ol' third-gen F-body, driven by a female Supra drag racer, is giving the nimble imports a run for their money.


In third with 203 laps, we have the Bum Steers And The MooPoo Crew Mazda Miata, which is being driven by what a lot of disgruntled competitors describe as "the best Miata racers in the state, on their home track." We needed a lot of convincing to accept this car as a sub-$500 machine, but flood-damaged Miatas are dirt cheap in hurricane country lately.


Here's a familar green Neon: the Latch Key kids of Michigan, who now hold fourth place with 199 laps. This is the LKKs' fourth LeMons race, and they've finished in the top five in every single one. How? They're fast, they race clean, don't attract attention, don't break the car, and don't get penalties (while many of the other cars have been in for three or even four visits to the Crime Scene Parking Lot already). My money is on these guys to take the win tomorrow; they look so effortless, while the cars in front of them are being pushed much harder.


Another Neon! The Purple Pin Ball Righty- and, yes, those are indeed Truck Nuts on the rear bumper- has 193 laps and fifth place.

As we all know, the problem with Japanese PCH cars is that parts are too easy to find, the build quality is too high, and Japanese engineers- particularly those working for Nissan, Honda, and Toyota- tend to design them to be easy to work on. Where's the fun there? Send those guys to Europe for a crash course in complexity, then to Detroit for some lessons in bean-counter-driven corner-cutting! But it's still possible to get yourself an inexpensive Japanese project that scores pretty high on the Cool-O-Meter yet will drive you absolutely mad- you just need to find something fashionably fast-and-furious that's had years of dodgy mods and rod-bending abuse… like, say, this 1984 Toyota Corolla SR5 (go here if the ad disappears), which could be yours for an offer probably well below the $1,200 asking. I know what you're saying: why get the 8-valve SR5 when you could have a GT-S with the righteous 4AGE? Hey, this one "needs a piston ring," which is Craigslist-speak for "a terrible noise happens every time I try to start it," so you'll have the opportunity to build your own engine with all the valves and boost a suitcase full of money can buy! And hey, it already comes with the all-important "carbon fiber eyelids" (though you're on your own for the equally important carbon fiber shift knob).


Watch the video above (shot from the Schumacher Taxi Service Corolla) and then try to muster up the usual "wrong-wheel-drive" quips! What you need is a Hell Project that, if when finished, will be a squirming, torque-steering, axle-snapping beast that will require luck as well as skill to keep under any semblance of control! Yes, we mean the AE82 CorollaGT-S, which came with plenty of howling 4A power to go with its weird sketched-by-an-8-year-old 80s-hatchback profile. They're not as easy to find as they once were, but we've spotted this '87 Corolla FX16 GT-S (go here if the ad disappears) with the same asking price as the AE86: $1,200. It has a 20-valve silvertop engine and some quasi-trick parts, but the seller states that the "motor has a blown head gasket which is not much to fix." Now, we often find that "blown head gasket" is Craigslist-ese for "smoke and/or chunks of metal pouring out the tailpipe and/or holes in the oilpan," but maybe that diagnosis is accurate- hey, stranger things have happened! Besides, the seller has a turbocharger "which we can probably work a deal on," so you can see what the logical next step would be.

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Decal emblems? Plastic crypto-racy side trim? Paint the color of Cyndi Lauper's lipstick? Welcome to the 80s!


I spotted this car on the same East End block as the '82 Mercedes-Benz 380SL and a couple of DOTS cars I haven't posted yet, so we're talking about a DOTS gold mine second only to the block with the Morris Minor convertible, '69 Cutlass convertible, '47 Plymouth, and '54 Ford.


I've always thought this vent/window arrangement looked like something from a building rather than a vehicle. Which, of course, is cool.