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Detroit, 4:36 AM
Sat Nov 7
21 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #ford more →

    Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!

    Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded

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    Ford Unveils Inflatable Seat Belt...You Know, For Kids!

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of powermatic powermatic
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Second only to 'Victim In Fatal Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck' as week's best Onion story. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    powermatic was starred powermatic was unstarred
    Image of vwminispeedster, pronounded Si-trow-in vwminispeedster, pronounded Si-trow-in
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    looking at how the belts inflate all i see is the "balloon" increasing in front of the belt. The rigid belt webbing is still again your chest ready to kill small children at will, not cushion the blow. (maybe it is slightly inflated on the human side but I'm not seeing it.) I think they should put a guy in the seat, test it with a regular belt then with the new "total your car in a small impact belt" and see how much better the later is. I'm gonna say not so much. #seatbelts
     Reply
    vwminispeedster, pronounded Si-trow-in was starred vwminispeedster, pronounded Si-trow-in was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    The Onion rocks.

    Not all of their 'articles' are humorous, and I don't like all of them, either, but I laugh a few times, typically quite-heartily, while peeling though the layers of one.

    I need to find a distribution point closeby. Unfortunately, I work in a part of town in which reading is probably an offense which results in gunshot wounds.
     Reply
    Edited by I was drivin' that Model A at 11/06/09 5:48 PM I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of Touched Touched
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: That is why the Onion is on the internets. Read as much as you like and no one is the wiser. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A promoted this comment Touched was starred Touched was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    @Touched: Yeah, but I like reading off paper many times. Jalopnik wouldn't work on paper, but that, and the local weekly free papers, do. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of Shamoononon: I shave my legs. Shamoononon: I shave my legs.
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: So, you're looking for something to read in the restroom? I don't understand the paper thing. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A promoted this comment Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was starred Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    @Shamoononon: I shave my legs.:

    Nope, not for toilet use, but just for both portability and convenience.

    Plus, there is something about reading actual printed words. Tough to explain, but being more than 40 years old, it might be an age-related thing.

    I dig on TiVO, high-performance computers, and my V1, but there are some things which just embrace the "old". Reading for pleasure, wherein you don't have the ability to comment, is one. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of Shamoononon: I shave my legs. Shamoononon: I shave my legs.
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: I was just giving you a hard time. I work with computers all day, by the time I get home my eyes can't handle the screen anymore. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was starred Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was unstarred
    Image of fuchikoma fuchikoma
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    Sounds like a great idea to me... we've all probably heard myths about people being cut in half by seatbelts, and certainly felt them when slamming on the brakes hard or actually being in an accident. Having the load of your weight being rapidly decelerated spread across a wider surface area would reduce the force on all parts the belt contacts. Why should it be left as just good enough to not kill you?

    I am curious though how it works when twisted. I've been in some cars where there just isn't a way to have it facing the right way all the way across. #seatbelts
     Reply
    fuchikoma was starred fuchikoma was unstarred
    Image of sos10 sos10
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    hilarious #fordtaurus
     Reply
    sos10 was starred sos10 was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    please god let this be true..... i will even shell out the extra 257 dollars i don't have to get the 5-speed sho model!!!

    aww crap... the onion leads me to false hopes......... #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Jeff Landy Jeff Landy
    11/06/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: did you say 257 less? Your wish is my command! (transmission not included)

    [oklahomacity.craigslist.org] #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi promoted this comment Jeff Landy was starred Jeff Landy was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/06/09

    @Jeff Landy: less, less? i have a new pch candidate! tip off the editors and this model will be snapped up quickly!

    we're always looking for moreLeMons candidates! #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Maymar Maymar
    11/06/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: If you're ok with the standard 3.1L engine (and really, who wouldn't want that GM-derived powerhouse?), the base '93 Taurus has a "5-speed stick shift" (according to the ad). I mean, I'm sold. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Maymar was starred Maymar was unstarred
    Image of Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    I laughed, I cried. Too true to be funny. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was starred Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was unstarred
    Image of Elhigh Elhigh
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Like actual onions, I don't consider The Onion very funny.

    Jalopnik does an excellent job of planting the tongue firmly in the cheek, raising the eyebrow, and glancing askant at the world in general and the vehicluar world in particular. Jalopnik need not sully itself with the broad, blunt strokes of The Onion. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @Elhigh: Hear Hear! Also, I was rather disappointed when I realized this wasn't real. Ol' Jonny Lieberman already got me with this on Autoblog earlier. Don't get me wrong, I love Ol' Jonny, but what a douche move. Who wouldn't get excited over a $650 car?
     Reply
    Edited by wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx at 11/06/09 4:41 PM wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of Paul Y. don't drive too fast. Paul Y. don't drive too fast.
    11/06/09

    @wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx: "Who wouldn't get excited over a $650 car?"

    LeMons teams? #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Paul Y. don't drive too fast. was starred Paul Y. don't drive too fast. was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @Paul Y. don't drive too fast.: Haha, bravo! Its hard to believe this piece of shit wouldn't qualify, isn't it? Maybe $650 if its the exact 1993 Taurus that Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity in, but thats pushing it. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of dragon951 dragon951
    11/06/09

    @wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx: Yeah, but who wants to say they got the clap from a Taurus #fordtaurus
     Reply
    lilwillie promoted this comment dragon951 was starred dragon951 was unstarred
    Image of lilwillie lilwillie
    11/06/09

    @dragon951:

    excellent. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    lilwillie was starred lilwillie was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @dragon951: Ash Ketchum doesn't. I have low hope for any of you getting that joke. Old people. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of powermatic powermatic
    01:24 AM

    @Elhigh: Not sure of your definition of "blunt strokes", but I'm pretty sure that 'fat people on scooters' ain't exactly subtle. Not a knock on 'Jalopnik'-just sayin'. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    powermatic was starred powermatic was unstarred
    Image of tempesjo tempesjo
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    If memory serves me correctly, this sounds like a reworking of the well-intentioned but ultimately unpopular "pillow of flames" technology from the Ford Pinto. Customers weren't willing to spend the extra $11 for that in the 1970s, and I'm not sure they'll be willing to pay the extra cost for this new technology. #seatbelts
     Reply
    tempesjo was starred tempesjo was unstarred
    Image of dolo54 blows minds and blows engines! dolo54 blows minds and blows engines!
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    Looks like a good idea to me, as long as the balloon doesn't cover little timmy's mouth. #seatbelts
     Reply
    dolo54 blows minds and blows engines! was starred dolo54 blows minds and blows engines! was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    I don't know why people are so quick to discredit this new technology. Everybody loves Sock 'Em Boppers. #seatbelts
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    Interesting, but why hasn't someone invented a delivery system for Great Stuff-like foam?

    Granted, you'll never get it off you, but if it solidified more quickly than it does out of the can, it's a viable cushion material.

    /will never forget getting it on my hands/arms 20+ years ago...took at least 4 weeks to get it off #seatbelts
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of bacon117 bacon117
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: Like in the Stallone/Bullock flick: Demolition Man? #seatbelts
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A promoted this comment bacon117 was starred bacon117 was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    @bacon117: Didn't see it, but okay.

    I avoid Sylvester Stallone movies, and I'm not real fan of Bullock, either, though at least she's easy on the eyes/ears. #seatbelts
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of Turboner Turboner
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: You'd see it if you knew it also had Wesley Snipes! #seatbelts
     Reply
    Turboner was starred Turboner was unstarred
    Image of I was drivin' that Model A I was drivin' that Model A
    11/06/09

    @Turboner: Snipes doesn't quite offset the Stallone effect. #seatbelts
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A was starred I was drivin' that Model A was unstarred
    Image of skaycog skaycog
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded

    Kudos to Ford on an inflatable seat belt! This will provide better protection, not only for our children, but for other things we hold dear to our hearts. #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog was starred skaycog was unstarred
    Image of Timtoolman, going ASH Timtoolman, going ASH
    11/06/09

    @skaycog: Shame! #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog promoted this comment Timtoolman, going ASH was starred Timtoolman, going ASH was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/06/09

    @skaycog: ahh yes... the well loved five pack.... favourite gift of many jalops! #seatbelts
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    11/06/09

    @skaycog: You're missing one! #seatbelts
     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of tempesjo tempesjo
    11/06/09

    @Novaload: And the cap apparently fell off another. #seatbelts
     Reply
    tempesjo was starred tempesjo was unstarred
    Image of skaycog skaycog
    11/06/09

    @Timtoolman, going ASH: Hey! Happy Friday! ;) #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog was starred skaycog was unstarred
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    11/06/09

    @tempesjo: Yes, yes, it must have "fallen off" so I guess we're just going to have to put it out of its misery.... #seatbelts
     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of skaycog skaycog
    11/06/09

    @tempesjo: @Novaload: @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: Yes, the caps fell off 2 bottles....I'm holding the other so it won't spill on my whale penis leather seats. #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog was starred skaycog was unstarred
    Image of tempesjo tempesjo
    11/06/09

    @Novaload: And after tragically losing two of their friends so suddenly, I fear the remaining four have lost their will to live as well.

    @skaycog: So that's what whale penis leather looks like. Your seats look a little dingy, but I know one of the drawbacks with that material is that it requires daily smegma removal to keep them looking good. #seatbelts
     Reply
    tempesjo was starred tempesjo was unstarred
    Image of Timtoolman, going ASH Timtoolman, going ASH
    11/06/09

    @skaycog: Hey! Same to you! Black Label. Haven't seen that in years. Used to be a sign crossing the Peace Bridge from Buffalo into Ft. Erie, Ontario that advertised Black Label, Old Vienna, and one other beer. The sign was pretty innovative because it had triangular panels that rotated showing each of the three ads. #seatbelts
     Reply
    Timtoolman, going ASH was starred Timtoolman, going ASH was unstarred
    Image of skaycog skaycog
    11/06/09

    @tempesjo: It was a dingy whale. #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog was starred skaycog was unstarred
    Image of skaycog skaycog
    11/06/09

    @Timtoolman, going ASH: That would be a neat sign for a garage wall. Good to visit with you again. #seatbelts
     Reply
    skaycog was starred skaycog was unstarred
    Image of Novaload Novaload
    11/06/09

    @tempesjo: Well, even if they haven't lost the will to live, they can't be very happy, so let's pull the plug on them too! #seatbelts
     Reply
    Novaload was starred Novaload was unstarred
    Image of OldeEnglishD OldeEnglishD
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford's Inflatable Seat Belt Explained, Exploded
    I am still waiting for the foam from Demolition Man... #seatbelts
     Reply
    OldeEnglishD was starred OldeEnglishD was unstarred
    Image of Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils Inflatable Seat Belt...You Know, For Kids!
    Seatbelts - now Totally Tubular #seatbelts
     Reply
    Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was starred Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was unstarred
    Earlier threads | All threads | Show hidden threads | Show featured threads only | Start a new discussion

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