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Detroit, 9:50 PM
Sat Nov 21
14 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #fordtaurus more →

    Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!

    Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO

    Ford Taurus, SHO Ad Campaign More About Toys, Less About Driving

    2010 Ford Taurus: First Drive

    New Taurus SHO's Torque-gasmic EcoBoost Engine, Exploded!

    Ford Designers Get Musically Inspired During 2010 Taurus Design Process

    Ford CEO Hits Today Show, Says Nothing

    Conan O'Brien's Ford Taurus SHO Makes Tonight Show Appearance

    2010 Lincoln MKS EcoBoost: First Drive

    Ford Taurus Simulates Parking Lot Carnage
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Blix Blix
    11/07/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    As undesirable as '93 Taurus may seem, the wagon is the shit. My family still owns ours, and despite looking like garbage and smelling like fish, it's too useful to let go. We've moved whole studio apartments in the back of that thing and it just won't quit. AND fully loaded with crap it gets at least 23 mpg. As embarrassing as it may look and sound (it has a distinctive whine at this point in its life), it's seriously an invaluable car. I hope these cheap, cavernous wagons make a comeback b/c I can't think of any family who wouldn't benefit from a car with its unbelievable utility and fuel economy. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    powermatic promoted this comment Blix was starred Blix was unstarred
    Image of danio3834 danio3834
    11/07/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    I lol'd hard. Well done. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    danio3834 was starred danio3834 was unstarred
    Image of powermatic powermatic
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Second only to 'Victim In Fatal Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck' as week's best Onion story. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    powermatic was starred powermatic was unstarred
    Image of that ain't the way to have fun, son that ain't the way to have fun, son
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    The Onion rocks.

    Not all of their 'articles' are humorous, and I don't like all of them, either, but I laugh a few times, typically quite-heartily, while peeling though the layers of one.

    I need to find a distribution point closeby. Unfortunately, I work in a part of town in which reading is probably an offense which results in gunshot wounds.
     Reply
    Edited by that ain't the way to have fun, son at 11/06/09 5:48 PM that ain't the way to have fun, son was starred that ain't the way to have fun, son was unstarred
    Image of Touched Touched
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: That is why the Onion is on the internets. Read as much as you like and no one is the wiser. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A promoted this comment Touched was starred Touched was unstarred
    Image of that ain't the way to have fun, son that ain't the way to have fun, son
    11/06/09

    @Touched: Yeah, but I like reading off paper many times. Jalopnik wouldn't work on paper, but that, and the local weekly free papers, do. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    that ain't the way to have fun, son was starred that ain't the way to have fun, son was unstarred
    Image of Shamoononon: I shave my legs. Shamoononon: I shave my legs.
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: So, you're looking for something to read in the restroom? I don't understand the paper thing. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    I was drivin' that Model A promoted this comment Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was starred Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was unstarred
    Image of that ain't the way to have fun, son that ain't the way to have fun, son
    11/06/09

    @Shamoononon: I shave my legs.:

    Nope, not for toilet use, but just for both portability and convenience.

    Plus, there is something about reading actual printed words. Tough to explain, but being more than 40 years old, it might be an age-related thing.

    I dig on TiVO, high-performance computers, and my V1, but there are some things which just embrace the "old". Reading for pleasure, wherein you don't have the ability to comment, is one. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    that ain't the way to have fun, son was starred that ain't the way to have fun, son was unstarred
    Image of Shamoononon: I shave my legs. Shamoononon: I shave my legs.
    11/06/09

    @I was drivin' that Model A: I was just giving you a hard time. I work with computers all day, by the time I get home my eyes can't handle the screen anymore. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was starred Shamoononon: I shave my legs. was unstarred
    Image of Tiberiuswise is all ate up with sarcasm Tiberiuswise is all ate up with sarcasm
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Normally I'm a big fan of the Onion. Jim Anchower is like a hero to me and I revel in Jean Teasdales torrents of lameness.

    This clip though.... I just don't get how it is supposed to be funny. All I see is a less than clever dig at a company made up of good peopole, fighting an only partially deserved bad rap, a horrible economy and doing it without government hand outs.

    Seriously, hasn't "The Big Three Suck" been played out (if it was ever "funny" to begin with)? Hasn't almost everyone finally admitted that there's some good cars coming from 'Merican companuies lately? What is the point of going back to this schlock?

    Maybe I'm to close to this situation to be objective. I depend on a paycheck from an american company to support my family. Maybe those who think this is funny don't. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    bzr promoted this comment Tiberiuswise is all ate up with sarcasm was starred Tiberiuswise is all ate up with sarcasm was unstarred
    Image of Turboner Turboner
    11/06/09

    @Tiberiuswise: Hasn't "Primus sucks!" been played out, too? ;) #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Turboner was starred Turboner was unstarred
    Image of Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est
    11/06/09

    @Tiberiuswise: The Onion is usually funny 'cause it's sad and true. Ford shmord, this was a joke about the economy.

    Personally I'm a great fan of coffin humor, definitely the best way to deal with crisis and heartache. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was starred Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was unstarred
    Image of sos10 sos10
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    hilarious #fordtaurus
     Reply
    sos10 was starred sos10 was unstarred
    Image of maximum-sienna maximum-sienna
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Not really funny. Used cars make sense for people who can't afford new. If you didn't know that before hand, then there's a reason why your house and car are being repossessed. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    beercheck promoted this comment maximum-sienna was starred maximum-sienna was unstarred
    Image of beercheck beercheck
    11/06/09

    @maximum-sienna: Pull my finger. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    beercheck was starred beercheck was unstarred
    Image of Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est
    11/06/09

    @maximum-sienna: You're absolutely right. Would you also like to renew your subscription to Consumer Affairs? #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was starred Mr.choppers - Delenda Carthago Est was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    please god let this be true..... i will even shell out the extra 257 dollars i don't have to get the 5-speed sho model!!!

    aww crap... the onion leads me to false hopes......... #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Jeff Landy Jeff Landy
    11/06/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: did you say 257 less? Your wish is my command! (transmission not included)

    [oklahomacity.craigslist.org] #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi promoted this comment Jeff Landy was starred Jeff Landy was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/06/09

    @Jeff Landy: less, less? i have a new pch candidate! tip off the editors and this model will be snapped up quickly!

    we're always looking for moreLeMons candidates! #fordtaurus
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Maymar Maymar
    11/06/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: If you're ok with the standard 3.1L engine (and really, who wouldn't want that GM-derived powerhouse?), the base '93 Taurus has a "5-speed stick shift" (according to the ad). I mean, I'm sold. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Maymar was starred Maymar was unstarred
    Image of Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    I laughed, I cried. Too true to be funny. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was starred Van Sarockin, rogue trebuchet was unstarred
    Image of Elhigh Elhigh
    11/06/09

    In reply to Ford Unveils New 1993 Taurus For 2010 Model Year!
    Like actual onions, I don't consider The Onion very funny.

    Jalopnik does an excellent job of planting the tongue firmly in the cheek, raising the eyebrow, and glancing askant at the world in general and the vehicluar world in particular. Jalopnik need not sully itself with the broad, blunt strokes of The Onion. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Elhigh was starred Elhigh was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @Elhigh: Hear Hear! Also, I was rather disappointed when I realized this wasn't real. Ol' Jonny Lieberman already got me with this on Autoblog earlier. Don't get me wrong, I love Ol' Jonny, but what a douche move. Who wouldn't get excited over a $650 car?
     Reply
    Edited by wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx at 11/06/09 4:41 PM wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of Paul Y. don't drive too fast. Paul Y. don't drive too fast.
    11/06/09

    @wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx: "Who wouldn't get excited over a $650 car?"

    LeMons teams? #fordtaurus
     Reply
    Paul Y. don't drive too fast. was starred Paul Y. don't drive too fast. was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @Paul Y. don't drive too fast.: Haha, bravo! Its hard to believe this piece of shit wouldn't qualify, isn't it? Maybe $650 if its the exact 1993 Taurus that Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity in, but thats pushing it. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of dragon951 dragon951
    11/06/09

    @wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx: Yeah, but who wants to say they got the clap from a Taurus #fordtaurus
     Reply
    lilwillie promoted this comment dragon951 was starred dragon951 was unstarred
    Image of lilwillie lilwillie
    11/06/09

    @dragon951:

    excellent. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    lilwillie was starred lilwillie was unstarred
    Image of wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx
    11/06/09

    @dragon951: Ash Ketchum doesn't. I have low hope for any of you getting that joke. Old people. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was starred wrx-tyrannosaurusWrx was unstarred
    Image of powermatic powermatic
    11/07/09

    @Elhigh: Not sure of your definition of "blunt strokes", but I'm pretty sure that 'fat people on scooters' ain't exactly subtle. Not a knock on 'Jalopnik'-just sayin'. #fordtaurus
     Reply
    powermatic was starred powermatic was unstarred
    Image of LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard
    11/05/09

    In reply to Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO
    No, No, No.

    You can't put lipstick on a mid-size FWD pig and whore it out. That's just wrong.

    What are you going to do with 400HP though the front hoops, defy Isaac Newton?

    No, you'd drive everywhere constantly feathering the throttle less you mitigate the sidewalk of pedestrians, light poles and trees. #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was starred LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was unstarred
    Image of Daedalus454 Daedalus454
    11/05/09

    @LandofMinos: The new SHO is AWD. #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, Prediction, probability of procuring a poncy Prius for purchase. Piss off! promoted this comment Daedalus454 was starred Daedalus454 was unstarred
    Image of LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard
    11/05/09

    @Daedalus454: AWD, FWD, it still has a transversally mounted engine it's still a pig. #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was starred LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was unstarred
    Image of egoods egoods
    11/06/09

    @LandofMinos, Prediction, probability of procuring a poncy Prius for purchase. Piss off!: By your logic, EVOs are "Pigs" with there AWD and transversely mounted engines. #mobsteel
     Reply
    egoods was starred egoods was unstarred
    Image of LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard
    11/08/09

    @egoods: Exactly... Sure the Evo's a real cracker of a car for some but with a transverse engine in the front sending torque through right angles more than once, it smells of econo box mediocrity.

    I just don't feel it's right. It's a high-tech pig, a tough yet ugly wild boar!

    I make no apology. #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was starred LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was unstarred
    Image of egoods egoods
    11/09/09

    @LandofMinos, Prediction, probability of procuring a poncy Prius for purchase. Piss off!: I will jump across this internet and smack you upside ya head! But seriously, have you driven the new SHO? I have, and I have to say, it's quite sporty. S'all I'm saying is don't knock it until you've tried it. Or at the very least if you're going to knock it go for the weight issue, not the drive train or engine. #mobsteel
     Reply
    egoods was starred egoods was unstarred
    Image of LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard
    11/09/09

    @egoods: Unfortunately mate, I'm on the other side of the planet so driving a Taurus would be a little hard. I have driven the Australian spec Toyota TRD Aurion which was quite fast and enjoyable, but it's more expensive and more of a handful (torque steer) and slower than a RWD Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo. I once drove a Mitsubishi Magna (Diamante) AWD but was left wanting (also with torque steer issues).

    My distaste of FWD and transverse front engines comes from being an Australian where true Aussie cars are RWD and big six or eight spinning it's crank longitudinally. Actually back in the 90's, Ford US had the crazy idea to sell the Ford Taurus in Oz with the prediction that it'll eventually replace the Falcon. "It's a large car too, Australians won't know the difference" they cited.

    Well typical large American company execs who think the consumer needs to be told what they want, were a little confused as to why the Taurus flopped. They just didn't or wouldn't accept that the average Aussie consumer did not want a FWD econo-box, "how can you do burnouts and circle-work with that piece of shit?" we'd say while the American exec would just blink mindlessly somehow not taking in reality. #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was starred LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was unstarred
    Image of egoods egoods
    11/10/09

    @LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard: Alright, I'm coming there to smack you, just for the fact that you live in the land down under... and get to drive all the awesome muscle cars that WE CAN'T FREAKIN GET HERE WHY!?!?!?!??!? Anywho, expect to feel the sting of my pimp hand in the next 24 hours. #mobsteel
     Reply
    egoods was starred egoods was unstarred
    Image of LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard
    11/10/09

    @egoods: Now now no need to be like that...

    I'm being really sincere when I say I feel for my American brothers and sisters who have to put up with the kind of crap the the big three + 1 (Toyota) are force feeding you. Once upon a time Australian car makers were inspired by America's metal muscle.

    We fought every war along side her, she saved our arses when the Japs tried to invade in WW2 (while the British left us for dead) and we're damn sure we will follow in her footsteps, especially when it comes to building cars and car-culture. We are the southern Canada that Mexico never was, we are the surrogate 51st state.

    "America! We Want You" to have and drive proper cars!

    I'll meet you at Sydney airport and expect your pimp hand to slap around a set of FPV Pursuit Ute keys... #mobsteel
     Reply
    LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was starred LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard was unstarred
    Image of egoods egoods
    11/10/09


    @LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard: I grew up rebuilding classic muscle cars, so you can see where I'm coming from (my highschool "project" is attached). It's just so frustrating to see American cars (Australian built but American car companies...) that harkin back to the good ole muscle car days, but never hit our shores (or rarely).

    Also, I'm about to be the proud new owner of a 2006 GTO, which I believe you know as the 3rd Generation Holden Monaro.
     Reply
    Edited by egoods at 11/10/09 9:56 PM egoods was starred egoods was unstarred
    Image of 64deville 64deville
    11/05/09

    In reply to Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO
    Looks pretty good, then again the factory SHO looks pretty good too.

    tv screens in headrests are ridiculous. tv screens in cars are kind of stupid in general unless you're hauling one to a tailgate party. #mobsteel
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi promoted this comment 64deville was starred 64deville was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/05/09

    @64deville: and you obviously have no children, or do not take "ridiculously" long road trips....

    i, personally, love the sound of the road, open windows, no A/C, stops only for fuel, etc...... but come on... child entertainment makes things much easier now-a-days... we no longer have rear facing 'back-back' seats (the perfect platform for puppet shows)... you've got to give them something.... come on... #mobsteel
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe)
    11/05/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: I agree, although if those headrests don't 'tilt', I'm not sure any kids will be able to see their Little Einsteins episode - unless they're 7' tall toddlers. #mobsteel
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi promoted this comment Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) was starred Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) was unstarred
    Image of 64deville 64deville
    11/05/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: Clearly I'm in the minority on this one.

    I do take long road trips but the radio and conversation has been enough in the past.

    Maybe I'll understand when and if I ever have kids. #mobsteel
     Reply
    64deville was starred 64deville was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/05/09

    @Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe): whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah.... you mis-understood me....... if the kids can watch dvds or play video games... then good for them. i think they can deal with a bit of screen glare or motion blur.... i'd rather them watch the landscape go by, learn to identify cars (the way i did), or entertain the other family trucksters as my brothers and i did.. out the windows w/puppets.... #mobsteel
     Reply
    günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi
    11/05/09

    @64deville: i'm in your passenger seat ... i have no kids... am not married... but i do depend on conversation and music (or NPR) to make the road trips 'fun'when i do have guest w/me on the trip... we entertain ourselves.... wheter it be music, audiobook, road-games, whatever the case may be...all of my road trip memories include my parents trying to discuss 'stuff'.. whether it was personal/family issues or NPR/political stuff....being able to entertain the kids seems to be a good thing... #mobsteelwow... i did horrible at my normal grammar standards..... not going to bother fixing it...
     Reply
    Edited by günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi at 11/05/09 5:07 PM günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was starred günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi was unstarred
    Image of Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe)
    11/05/09

    @günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: I think I understood... I was just pointing out that the headrest screens were angled in such a way as to render them unviewable by anyone who is shorter than 6' tall. :) #mobsteel
     Reply
    Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) was starred Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe) was unstarred
    Image of brandegee brandegee
    11/05/09

    In reply to Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO
    Never noticed before that the new Taurus still had that good ol' e-brake pedal.

    Been driving foreign iron too long I guess.
     Reply
    Edited by brandegee at 11/05/09 1:29 PM brandegee was starred brandegee was unstarred
    Image of TR3-A TR3-A
    11/05/09

    In reply to Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO
    Now if they had just put that sweet mill in the back seat, driving the rear wheels, they'd have something. A 400 hp FWD car? Undrivable. #mobsteel
     Reply
    Ben Wojdyla promoted this comment TR3-A was starred TR3-A was unstarred
    Image of Ben Wojdyla Ben Wojdyla
    11/05/09

    @TR3-A: No, a 400HP AWD car. All SHO's are AWD. Try to keep up. #mobsteel
     Reply
    Ben Wojdyla was starred Ben Wojdyla was unstarred
    Image of TR3-A TR3-A
    11/05/09

    @Ben Wojdyla: Have mercy. I'm old. #mobsteel
     Reply
    TR3-A was starred TR3-A was unstarred
    Image of bmoreDLJ bmoreDLJ
    11/05/09

    In reply to Mobsteel Bags 400HP Taurus SHO
    I kinda like it. The grille is kinda boring, but better than the has-nothing-to-do-with-anything grille of the stock taurus. #mobsteel
     Reply
    bmoreDLJ was starred bmoreDLJ was unstarred
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