As undesirable as '93 Taurus may seem, the wagon is the shit. My family still owns ours, and despite looking like garbage and smelling like fish, it's too useful to let go. We've moved whole studio apartments in the back of that thing and it just won't quit. AND fully loaded with crap it gets at least 23 mpg. As embarrassing as it may look and sound (it has a distinctive whine at this point in its life), it's seriously an invaluable car. I hope these cheap, cavernous wagons make a comeback b/c I can't think of any family who wouldn't benefit from a car with its unbelievable utility and fuel economy. #fordtaurus
Not all of their 'articles' are humorous, and I don't like all of them, either, but I laugh a few times, typically quite-heartily, while peeling though the layers of one.
I need to find a distribution point closeby. Unfortunately, I work in a part of town in which reading is probably an offense which results in gunshot wounds.
Edited by that ain't the way to have fun, son at 11/06/09 5:48 PM
that ain't the way to have fun, son was starred
that ain't the way to have fun, son was unstarred
Nope, not for toilet use, but just for both portability and convenience.
Plus, there is something about reading actual printed words. Tough to explain, but being more than 40 years old, it might be an age-related thing.
I dig on TiVO, high-performance computers, and my V1, but there are some things which just embrace the "old". Reading for pleasure, wherein you don't have the ability to comment, is one. #fordtaurus
@I was drivin' that Model A: I was just giving you a hard time. I work with computers all day, by the time I get home my eyes can't handle the screen anymore. #fordtaurus
Normally I'm a big fan of the Onion. Jim Anchower is like a hero to me and I revel in Jean Teasdales torrents of lameness.
This clip though.... I just don't get how it is supposed to be funny. All I see is a less than clever dig at a company made up of good peopole, fighting an only partially deserved bad rap, a horrible economy and doing it without government hand outs.
Seriously, hasn't "The Big Three Suck" been played out (if it was ever "funny" to begin with)? Hasn't almost everyone finally admitted that there's some good cars coming from 'Merican companuies lately? What is the point of going back to this schlock?
Maybe I'm to close to this situation to be objective. I depend on a paycheck from an american company to support my family. Maybe those who think this is funny don't. #fordtaurus
Not really funny. Used cars make sense for people who can't afford new. If you didn't know that before hand, then there's a reason why your house and car are being repossessed. #fordtaurus
@günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: If you're ok with the standard 3.1L engine (and really, who wouldn't want that GM-derived powerhouse?), the base '93 Taurus has a "5-speed stick shift" (according to the ad). I mean, I'm sold. #fordtaurus
Like actual onions, I don't consider The Onion very funny.
Jalopnik does an excellent job of planting the tongue firmly in the cheek, raising the eyebrow, and glancing askant at the world in general and the vehicluar world in particular. Jalopnik need not sully itself with the broad, blunt strokes of The Onion.#fordtaurus
@Elhigh: Hear Hear! Also, I was rather disappointed when I realized this wasn't real. Ol' Jonny Lieberman already got me with this on Autoblog earlier. Don't get me wrong, I love Ol' Jonny, but what a douche move. Who wouldn't get excited over a $650 car?
@Paul Y. don't drive too fast.: Haha, bravo! Its hard to believe this piece of shit wouldn't qualify, isn't it? Maybe $650 if its the exact 1993 Taurus that Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity in, but thats pushing it. #fordtaurus
@Elhigh: Not sure of your definition of "blunt strokes", but I'm pretty sure that 'fat people on scooters' ain't exactly subtle. Not a knock on 'Jalopnik'-just sayin'. #fordtaurus
@egoods: Exactly... Sure the Evo's a real cracker of a car for some but with a transverse engine in the front sending torque through right angles more than once, it smells of econo box mediocrity.
I just don't feel it's right. It's a high-tech pig, a tough yet ugly wild boar!
@LandofMinos, Prediction, probability of procuring a poncy Prius for purchase. Piss off!: I will jump across this internet and smack you upside ya head! But seriously, have you driven the new SHO? I have, and I have to say, it's quite sporty. S'all I'm saying is don't knock it until you've tried it. Or at the very least if you're going to knock it go for the weight issue, not the drive train or engine. #mobsteel
@egoods: Unfortunately mate, I'm on the other side of the planet so driving a Taurus would be a little hard. I have driven the Australian spec Toyota TRD Aurion which was quite fast and enjoyable, but it's more expensive and more of a handful (torque steer) and slower than a RWD Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo. I once drove a Mitsubishi Magna (Diamante) AWD but was left wanting (also with torque steer issues).
My distaste of FWD and transverse front engines comes from being an Australian where true Aussie cars are RWD and big six or eight spinning it's crank longitudinally. Actually back in the 90's, Ford US had the crazy idea to sell the Ford Taurus in Oz with the prediction that it'll eventually replace the Falcon. "It's a large car too, Australians won't know the difference" they cited.
Well typical large American company execs who think the consumer needs to be told what they want, were a little confused as to why the Taurus flopped. They just didn't or wouldn't accept that the average Aussie consumer did not want a FWD econo-box, "how can you do burnouts and circle-work with that piece of shit?" we'd say while the American exec would just blink mindlessly somehow not taking in reality. #mobsteel
@LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard: Alright, I'm coming there to smack you, just for the fact that you live in the land down under... and get to drive all the awesome muscle cars that WE CAN'T FREAKIN GET HERE WHY!?!?!?!??!? Anywho, expect to feel the sting of my pimp hand in the next 24 hours. #mobsteel
I'm being really sincere when I say I feel for my American brothers and sisters who have to put up with the kind of crap the the big three + 1 (Toyota) are force feeding you. Once upon a time Australian car makers were inspired by America's metal muscle.
We fought every war along side her, she saved our arses when the Japs tried to invade in WW2 (while the British left us for dead) and we're damn sure we will follow in her footsteps, especially when it comes to building cars and car-culture. We are the southern Canada that Mexico never was, we are the surrogate 51st state.
"America! We Want You" to have and drive proper cars!
I'll meet you at Sydney airport and expect your pimp hand to slap around a set of FPV Pursuit Ute keys... #mobsteel
@LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard: I grew up rebuilding classic muscle cars, so you can see where I'm coming from (my highschool "project" is attached). It's just so frustrating to see American cars (Australian built but American car companies...) that harkin back to the good ole muscle car days, but never hit our shores (or rarely).
Also, I'm about to be the proud new owner of a 2006 GTO, which I believe you know as the 3rd Generation Holden Monaro.
@64deville: and you obviously have no children, or do not take "ridiculously" long road trips....
i, personally, love the sound of the road, open windows, no A/C, stops only for fuel, etc...... but come on... child entertainment makes things much easier now-a-days... we no longer have rear facing 'back-back' seats (the perfect platform for puppet shows)... you've got to give them something.... come on... #mobsteel
@günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: I agree, although if those headrests don't 'tilt', I'm not sure any kids will be able to see their Little Einsteins episode - unless they're 7' tall toddlers. #mobsteel
@Racin_G73 - dirt track legend (some day ... maybe): whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah.... you mis-understood me....... if the kids can watch dvds or play video games... then good for them. i think they can deal with a bit of screen glare or motion blur.... i'd rather them watch the landscape go by, learn to identify cars (the way i did), or entertain the other family trucksters as my brothers and i did.. out the windows w/puppets.... #mobsteel
@64deville: i'm in your passenger seat ... i have no kids... am not married... but i do depend on conversation and music (or NPR) to make the road trips 'fun'when i do have guest w/me on the trip... we entertain ourselves.... wheter it be music, audiobook, road-games, whatever the case may be...all of my road trip memories include my parents trying to discuss 'stuff'.. whether it was personal/family issues or NPR/political stuff....being able to entertain the kids seems to be a good thing... #mobsteelwow... i did horrible at my normal grammar standards..... not going to bother fixing it...
@günter macbeetle, codename: chrystlubitshi: I think I understood... I was just pointing out that the headrest screens were angled in such a way as to render them unviewable by anyone who is shorter than 6' tall. :) #mobsteel
11/07/09
11/07/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
Not all of their 'articles' are humorous, and I don't like all of them, either, but I laugh a few times, typically quite-heartily, while peeling though the layers of one.
I need to find a distribution point closeby. Unfortunately, I work in a part of town in which reading is probably an offense which results in gunshot wounds.
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
Nope, not for toilet use, but just for both portability and convenience.
Plus, there is something about reading actual printed words. Tough to explain, but being more than 40 years old, it might be an age-related thing.
I dig on TiVO, high-performance computers, and my V1, but there are some things which just embrace the "old". Reading for pleasure, wherein you don't have the ability to comment, is one. #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
This clip though.... I just don't get how it is supposed to be funny. All I see is a less than clever dig at a company made up of good peopole, fighting an only partially deserved bad rap, a horrible economy and doing it without government hand outs.
Seriously, hasn't "The Big Three Suck" been played out (if it was ever "funny" to begin with)? Hasn't almost everyone finally admitted that there's some good cars coming from 'Merican companuies lately? What is the point of going back to this schlock?
Maybe I'm to close to this situation to be objective. I depend on a paycheck from an american company to support my family. Maybe those who think this is funny don't. #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
Personally I'm a great fan of coffin humor, definitely the best way to deal with crisis and heartache. #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
aww crap... the onion leads me to false hopes......... #fordtaurus
11/06/09
[oklahomacity.craigslist.org] #fordtaurus
11/06/09
we're always looking for moreLeMons candidates! #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
Jalopnik does an excellent job of planting the tongue firmly in the cheek, raising the eyebrow, and glancing askant at the world in general and the vehicluar world in particular. Jalopnik need not sully itself with the broad, blunt strokes of The Onion. #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
LeMons teams? #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/06/09
11/06/09
excellent. #fordtaurus
11/06/09
11/07/09
11/05/09
You can't put lipstick on a mid-size FWD pig and whore it out. That's just wrong.
What are you going to do with 400HP though the front hoops, defy Isaac Newton?
No, you'd drive everywhere constantly feathering the throttle less you mitigate the sidewalk of pedestrians, light poles and trees. #mobsteel
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/06/09
11/08/09
I just don't feel it's right. It's a high-tech pig, a tough yet ugly wild boar!
I make no apology. #mobsteel
11/09/09
11/09/09
My distaste of FWD and transverse front engines comes from being an Australian where true Aussie cars are RWD and big six or eight spinning it's crank longitudinally. Actually back in the 90's, Ford US had the crazy idea to sell the Ford Taurus in Oz with the prediction that it'll eventually replace the Falcon. "It's a large car too, Australians won't know the difference" they cited.
Well typical large American company execs who think the consumer needs to be told what they want, were a little confused as to why the Taurus flopped. They just didn't or wouldn't accept that the average Aussie consumer did not want a FWD econo-box, "how can you do burnouts and circle-work with that piece of shit?" we'd say while the American exec would just blink mindlessly somehow not taking in reality. #mobsteel
11/10/09
11/10/09
I'm being really sincere when I say I feel for my American brothers and sisters who have to put up with the kind of crap the the big three + 1 (Toyota) are force feeding you. Once upon a time Australian car makers were inspired by America's metal muscle.
We fought every war along side her, she saved our arses when the Japs tried to invade in WW2 (while the British left us for dead) and we're damn sure we will follow in her footsteps, especially when it comes to building cars and car-culture. We are the southern Canada that Mexico never was, we are the surrogate 51st state.
"America! We Want You" to have and drive proper cars!
I'll meet you at Sydney airport and expect your pimp hand to slap around a set of FPV Pursuit Ute keys... #mobsteel
11/10/09
@LandofMinos, cast thou evil bum dragger to thy scrapyard: I grew up rebuilding classic muscle cars, so you can see where I'm coming from (my highschool "project" is attached). It's just so frustrating to see American cars (Australian built but American car companies...) that harkin back to the good ole muscle car days, but never hit our shores (or rarely).
Also, I'm about to be the proud new owner of a 2006 GTO, which I believe you know as the 3rd Generation Holden Monaro.
11/05/09
tv screens in headrests are ridiculous. tv screens in cars are kind of stupid in general unless you're hauling one to a tailgate party. #mobsteel
11/05/09
i, personally, love the sound of the road, open windows, no A/C, stops only for fuel, etc...... but come on... child entertainment makes things much easier now-a-days... we no longer have rear facing 'back-back' seats (the perfect platform for puppet shows)... you've got to give them something.... come on... #mobsteel
11/05/09
11/05/09
I do take long road trips but the radio and conversation has been enough in the past.
Maybe I'll understand when and if I ever have kids. #mobsteel
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
11/05/09
Been driving foreign iron too long I guess.
11/05/09
11/05/09
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11/05/09