We saw a few outtakes from my deservedly brief stint as a filmmaker last week, and now I've dug up a 25-year-old VHS tape of the crypto-car-centric 1984 epic The Phone Police.

Maybe if Super 8 film hadn't been such a comprehensively terrible medium, I'd have kept making films; who knows, by now I might have become The King Of Eastern European Dental Fetish Porn!

Are you looking for a Q-ship? Something that's quick, but runs under the radar? Well, Nice Price or Crack Pipe has a potentially ferocious Ford that only your grandma might notice.